Bedtime Struggles - Santa Monica,CA

Others may scoff, but this will work.
Run any and all errands in the morning after she has had a chance to play for 45 min to an hour. Give her some juice and a tiny snack, then errands.

Come home have lunch and down for nap by 12:00 or 12:30.. You need to get rid of the afternoon nap.Her nap should go no later than 1:00 or 1:30. Instead have her play outside for at least an hour or hour and a half, running, jumping, screaming, laughing, climbing, pushing, pulling..Make sure she has a trike, has a wagon. Go swimming.

Every thing you can think of.. She is growing and the more activity her body can get, the better her body will feel.

You need to make her room dark with black out curtains, we used quilts during the summer.

While you are preparing dinner maybe Dad and baby girl can go for a walk or he can also have her play outside.

During dinner make sure she eats really well. Turn off the TV and the cell phones. The more activity that is going on the more she will want to stay up and hang out with you guys.

Then give her a nice quiet bath. No wild activities, just calm. When you wash her, use strong wipes with the wash cloth. Like a massage.

Carry her to her darkened quiet room and dry her with strong slow strokes like a massage. Do your routine, but with the singing, it should not be boisterous. It needs to be a time that things get quiet and stay calm in her room.

Get a sound machine or play quite music while you read to her. Do not take phone calls or have the TV where she an hear it. You do not want any distractions that will make her think she is missing out on anything..

She should turn into a "limp noodle" and sleep great..
The more you stick to the routine, it will come naturally to her to start to relax and be tired.

I am sending you patience..

I suggest that the reason she went to bed and asleep is because the babysitter wasn't interested in "making her happy." She was probably very matter of fact about it's now time to be in bed and didn't play into your daughter's wanting to stay up. This would be easier for a baby sitter to do than for you.

You really need to get rid of the struggle. As long as you're playing into her wanting to be up she is the one in charge. You don't have to be mean. Justa be matter of fact. Go thru the bedtime routine. As Laurie A. has suggested, the routine needs to be predictable, quiet and without interruptions.

Spend some time with her, reading a story or some other activity. Then when it's time for lights out, turn lights out. She will object and try to get you to go back to what was previously happening. Each time she gets out of bed, calmly put her back in bed and repeat it's time for sleep. After the first time, do not say anything to her; just put her back in bed. Do this as many times as it takes. Do not give up. Do not talk to her. Do not get sucked into explaining. It's back to bed calmly, in a matter of fact way. Hugs and kisses before you turn the light out. None afterwards. You're focusing on teaching her that when you say, "lights out" you mean it. Because she has been able to do things to stay up she will not like this. She will fuss and cry. In essence, she will be telling you "change back!" but you're now in charge and you will not change back.

If you're consistent this should take only a few days for her to accept that you mean what you say and she will stay in bed. If you don't go in to her she will go to sleep.

I suggest that she is waking up during the night because their has been so much turmoil getting her to bed. Kids need to have a structure and to know that their parent is in charge and will be consistent in their expectations. As an adult, I don't sleep well when the time before bed is chaotic. A toddler is much less able to handle chaos than an adult.

Laurie's suggestion about the day time routine is good, too. Your daughter needs lots of exercise to use up the abundance of energy that toddlers have. Being outside, if you can manage it, is also relaxing. And at her age she may not even need one nap, tho I'd start out with providing one nap close to the middle of the day and see how that works.

Enforcing a lights out time is not an ultimatum by the way. You are not threatening her with any consequence if she doesn't do what you've told her to do. An ultimatum gives her a choice. She can choose to not do what you say and accept the ultimatum. When you consistently return her to her bed without comment you are letting her know that she doesn't have a choice. This is the way it is. By being as neutral as you can you are removing emotion from the issue. And because you start out at minute one you still have the energy to manage your own feelings and actions.

You can do this! Parenting is difficult. The most difficult job in the world in my opinion and I've had a difficult job. Good that you are taking parenting classes. Keep up the good work!

Hi there,
I have a wonderful on-line book called "Sleep Solution Program". This book helped me figure out what I was doing wrong, and gave me the tools to change it. I read that you have a nightime routine, but maybe it's too "loose". Before I started sleep training my daughter, I was staying in her room until she fell asleep and doing whatever it took to help her fall asleep. That was my mistake, I realized that I never taught my daughter to fall asleep on her own. Once I learned how to accomplish that, she started putting herself to sleep and staying asleep all night. It started with an extreamly strict routine. I even went as far as reading her the same 3 books for weeks. I always said the same phrases to her, and left her room the same way. When she woke up in the middle of the night, I again used the same phrases to her, never picking her up, and never staying in the room for more then 30 seconds. I would let her cry for longer and longer periods of time. (5 min, then 10min, then 15 min, and so on) I would say, in about 4 days, the crying got shorter and shorter, until one day, she just said goodnight to me and just fell asleep without crying. Within a few days of that, she started sleeping through. What a miracle! I never stuck to anything so strongly in my life, and it payed off. That's my story, so I hope to hear from you soon (and anyone else who might need the book) Shoot me an email at ____@____.com and I'll forward it to you.
Take care,
M.

Since she went to bed on time and slept through the night with the sitter, that proves you don't have to skip naps. At this age one nap a day is still necessary. She is just being stubborn about bedtime. Bedtime is a rule like all others and must be obeyed.
I assume you've tried the 'mommy's not kidding voice' when putting her back to bed and she is still getting up and stalling. Using the same not kidding voice, tell her to lay down and close her eyes and that you are staying in her room to make sure she keeps them closed. If she opens them, firmly tell her to close her eyes. No yelling or threatening, just clear firm instruction. Stay there as long as you need until you see her relax and fall asleep. This time will be shorter and shorter each night, until she understands that bed time is bed time and you are not kidding about it. My youngest was very strong willed and needed one swat about four nights into this. She just sat up with her eyes as wide as she could make them, clearly defying me. I gave a warning to lay down and close her eyes or get a swat, and she didn't do it. After a single swat (on diapered bottom with my bare open hand, I'm not talking about beating kids here) she cried, but laid right down. She really needed to see that rules are rules and defying mommy was a losing proposition. After that we had no more problems with bedtime.
I know this approach is not for everyone, and frankly most kids will not need this. My older one rarely required more than just a firm voice, but some kids are testers. They will push and push if you let them. It may seem extreme, but if you don't get a handle on defiance at 2 years, what will it look like at 12 years? Personally I wouldn't want a teenager that thought that the rules didn't apply to her or that she didn't have to obey me. I always try to look at the long view. 'What will this behavior look like a few years down the road?' Kids are like rivers. Strong, powerful and beautiful when kept within their banks, but a huge mess when allowed to spill over the edges!

I have just gone through the same thing- time change and a cold hit at exactly the same time. Then bedtime was all messed up and she wouldn't go down for two hours or so and it was a struggle. Yes, I tried raised voices, going to bed with her etc. but the problem didn't go away. Then I decided i just had to be firm and stick to a plan. So it's a month later now, and things are just getting back to normal, she goes to bed almost as easily as she used to, she gets up a bit earlier and sometimes during the night but not as often as before. All I did at bedtime was keep up the same behaviour, tell her it's bedtime, quiet her down (after reading of course) and tuck her in. If she got out of bed, I would quietly but firmly put her back in bed (with a nice voice!), and if she got out of bed two times I would put the gate up at her door, she would scream and scream, which I think exhausted her. After about 10-20 mins or so I would go back in, she would be so happy to see me, cuddle and get back in bed. Then I was able to leave her room after about 5 mins of sitting with her and she went to sleep. I think she has "relearnt" to be OK on her own in her bed. I hope this may help in some way.

You have a lot of good suggestions. My three year old went thru the same thing last year after the time change. I don't know what your mornings are like or what you are able to do, but we decided to get our son up an hour earlier in the morning to start the day and soon he started going to bed at his normal time. We then gradually started to let him sleep in a little longer. Good luck to you.

You need to cut the naps out completely. I've known several children who didn't need naps at all by the time they were 2 1/2 and 3, so it isn't that unusual. The first day with no nap will be the worst, but don't let her go to sleep until bedtime.

If she starts sleeping through the night and is still crabby in the middle of the day you can let her have a short nap, like 30 minutes, but only after she goes to bed on time and sleeps through the night. If she isn't crabby and sleepy in the middle of the day then skip the nap.