Bedtime Issues with 4 Year Old

My guess is that the grandparents don't let him get away with any nonsense. I agree with Dana, you need to be firm and to the point. Explain ahead of time that after you read him his bedtime story you will be leaving the room, and then it is time to go to sleep. If he throws a fit, just remind him it is time to go to sleep. If he comes out, send him right back in. Let him have a night light if it helps. It might take a few nights.

Hmmmm. Seems to me, if you read your post, you've answered your own question.

My guess is that when grandma and grandpa put him to bed it is put to him very firmly that it is now bedtime and time to go to sleep.

BE MEAN. DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO LEAVE HIS BEDROOM. You have to be very firm that things are changing tonight. I wouldn't even give him the "OK, I'll sit with you for 10 min. tonight and 8 min. tomorrow, etc. CUT HIM OFF, he is manipulating the situation. He is going to go to bed and go to sleep and if he gets up there will be a punishment of some sort, at our house that would be a spanking. I don't do everything right by any stretch of the imagination, but one thing we've done right is bed time. You get up once there better be a darn good reason, you get up twice and you are in trouble. My boys have always gone to bed without fuss.

After "Good night" my daughter gets 1 "potty/water" chance. After that she's not allowed out of her room until morning. No conversation, no fuss, she's turned right around and marched back to her room if she comes out. The only response she gets from us is "Go back to bed.". Stick to it and be firm. We also have a baby gate by her door, mostly now it's to keep our cats from "knocking" on it while she's trying to sleep. When she was younger it was to keep her in her room. Just a few things that worked for us.

I suggest you take your power back. Make a routine. Stick to the routine. Tell him to stay in bed/in his room. Is he scared or playing you? If you leave and he screams, can you ignore him? What about putting him back to bed without any comment? Give it no audience.

I suspect that if you talk to Grandma and Grandpa you will find that they do things a little differently and he knows they mean business. So see what tricks they use that you can bring home.

Be firm. The thing is...you have to be willing to tell him NO, and then back it up. Honestly, it sounds like he's running the show.

After his regular bedtime routine, put him in bed, tell him to stay there and go to sleep, and leave. It's okay to tell him "Mommy and Daddy need some time to talk, and you need to sleep now." You know nothing's wrong with him and he's safe there. Even if he falls asleep on the floor, you can put him into bed once he's asleep...but he needs to do it on his own.

He's old enough to go to sleep without anyone there...and he's NOT scared, he's manipulating you. Get rid of the lava lamp, because it's just light to play by when he should be asleep (and is bad for the sleep cycle!). No night lights in his room, no noise, no light up toys. Put the light in the bathroom.

When I was a single mom, I turned the doorknob around so the lock was on the outside...so I could go get a shower and not worry about toddlers in the kitchen. But I ended up using it to keep my kids in their room at bedtime. As soon as they figured out that they couldn't escape, they went right to sleep. I unlocked it once they were asleep so they could potty if needed (strangely, my kids never got up in the middle of the night...they waited until about 5 am...almost as bad). Perhaps this is something you could do too so he's not standing at the door looking out. :-)

Best of luck.

Hi Mama! This is a really common struggle for most parents. I am so glad that you are wanting to claim your evenings for you and your hubby. You guys need time as a couple. I would come up with a new bedtime routine and stick to it at all costs even if at first he fights it. Have you tried setting up a rewards chart for each night he follows the steps for going to bed and does not get out? What are some rewards he would strive for? For example, he can get a sticker each night he follows the routine and the a certain toy for collecting 5 stars. Also, I would get him a special flashlight or a Glowworm he can use. My daughter sleeps with a Glowworm she uses as a flashlight and then picks three books to read to herself in bed. If he keeps getting up, I would just quietly walk him back to bed, tell him you know he can do this, and quickly walk out. I would limit any communication because it will just reward his staying up. Best of luck!

Pop his hiney tell him to get in bed and dont take no for an answer.

Or do what most ppl do and continue to put him to bed. Dont sit there. Read a book, tuck in, kiss then leave. Tell him before the tuck in and kiss he is not to get out of bed. What punishment do you give for him not listening in other situations. If he needs something he is to call your name not get out of bed. If he has to potty he goes then right back to his bed.
I tell my son I have to potty and will be right back. I take my time then go check on him at his door. Not in his room. Then sternly tell him its bed time go to sleep. Then tell him I will check on him once he is asleep.

I too have been having this problem. I have started w/rewards. I have a board that my lil one gets stickers if she goes to sleep by herself, dresses herself in the morning, etc. It seems to be working most nights but there are a few nights a month that she feels she needs me to lay down w/her till she falls asleep & I try real hard not to on those nights but then I remember she won't be this little for much longer. (she'll be 5 & in kindergarden next yr) So my advice would be try a sticker program & after he collects 25 stickers he can pick out whatever he would like from a store. My daugher LOVES it when she gets to pick what she wants. ;-)

I don't know what your routine is before bed. But I know when mine were little I would try to snuggle with them before it was bed time and then give them a bath to help wind them down then get them dressed for bed and maybe read a story in bed and snuggle a little bit more. My youngest has to have a certain amount of light still in his room or he will not sleep. We have to leave the door cracked about three inches with the bathroom light on which if right next to their room. So he may need more light.

Good luck and God Bless!!!!

To save time and make life easier go to his room and stay there until he falls asleep. It takes less time and he will eventually not need it. Take it as a time to share thoughts for the day, spend some time alone with your child. This is not going to get easier, only harder.

If he's truly not tired then you may need to push bedtime to a different time. You cannot order a child to conform to your ideal of when they should be out of your hair so you can have some time to yourselves. They may not need to go to bed so early anymore. He may not need to go to bed until 9 or 10pm now. It depends on what time he gets up in the morning.

The laws pertaining to children at pre-school and child care is pretty universal. Kids under 6 must have a scheduled rest/nap time. They are supposed to sleep but if they do not fall asleep naturally they can do something quiet on their cot. They may not get up and play or move around and not allow the other kids to have their nap time. So they must lay quietly and do something that won't disturb their neighbor.

This law is also why most kindergarten classes will do a nap time until after Christmas break. They are required to let those kids under 6 have that scheduled rest time. Most of the class will have had their 6th birthday buy January so the teacher can say most are 6 and wean them off the afternoon nap.

If you respond to him being scared by staying with him, you are teaching him that he does have something to be scared about and only you can protect him. You have also taught him that if he fusses enough, he will get his way. I'm sure you want it to stop because you feel like he is dictating the nighttime routine and you know that is not the way it is supposed to be.

Kids seem to respond to rewards more than punishment. Tell him that he is a big boy now and that you know he understands that you will not let anything happen to him, that you do not need to be with him to protect him. So sit down with him during the daytime and make a chart and a plan. Ask him what he thinks would be some good rewards. Line up the rewards with the value they are worth. 3 nights of going to bed without drama, a week, 4 weeks, 6 weeks, whatever. Do a lot of one-on-one time with him (free) for the shorter amounts of time - a day at the park, a trip to the library, a scavenger hunt in the neighborhood, a trip to look at the fish or whatever at the pet store, he gets to pick what is for dinner, etc.

Don't make an issue if he messes up one night. Just remind him that he can always earn a sticker the next night. But really praise him in the mornings that he was a big boy (not good or bad).

I have this issue w/ my now 6 year old! What has worked for us is that I do lay down with her after our night time routine of game and/or books. No TV. She fortunately goes to sleep within 5-10 minutes and I really do cherish this time :). So I may have a different perspective. Does he still nap? Maybe try to shorten his nap or cut it (if he does) to be sure he's tired at bedtime. Best of luck.

I went through the same thing with my first child. Did not repeat it with the next two. You are reinforcing that there is something to be afraid of. My child's Montessorri teacher recommended a book. Or what the nanny does altho I do not have that much patience. Our problem was the child getting up and coming in our bed and we had to talk it all out the night/day before and say you need your rest and mommy and daddy need theirs and you must stay in your bed. We locked our bedroom door and did not respond when the child came knocking. It was a huge crying scene and then the child turned around and went back in her room and peed all over her bed and then came back and screamed at our door again. She was old enough to go to the bathroom and had walked right by her bathroom to come to our room.
We were dying, but knew it was a power struggle and did not give in. It never happened again. She slept all night and stayed in her bed from then on.
The point is to NOT get into any kind of discussion with the child. If you do the nanny thing you turn them around and put them back with NO discussion. Talking reinforces them, even if it is negative talk or fussing they are getting your attention.
They are not doing it at grandmas and at school because there it does not work. Kids only do what they get reinforced for and your child is getting tons of attention for acting scared.
Lay it all out the night before and then follow thru. It will be rough at first, but if you do not give in it will be over soon and you will have a much better adjusted child that is not learning how to manipulate.
Never say there is nothing you can do. Everyday that you wake up there is another opportunity to improve the quality of your life and the life of your family. Have boundaries.
I agree with the people who say do not do all the light business. I put a night light in the bathroom too.
Be the parent. If you can not put boundaries now just wait until he is 12.