Bedtime!! - Albertville,MN

Try letting him stay up if he stays in bed and spends the time looking at books. Sometimes I have to tell my daughter that she doesn't have to sleep but she has to stay in bed, and she can "read" books in bed as long as she stays in her room. I think the longest she's ever stayed up this way is 30 minutes, and she's done well with it (it's not every night either - maybe once in 2 to 3 weeks). The minute he decides to come out of his room, the deal is off - and it's lights out.

Get a piece of wood, paint it, and put stick-on letters or paint or use marker to write "Downstairs Pass." Explain to your son that he cannot come out of his room without the pass, he gives it to you, and he can only use it one time per night. (This isn't an off-the-wall thing, they use them in schools.) Explain that if he needs to use it that is fine, but he is not to leave his room any more times, so he has to take care of whatever he needs the one time. If he comes down don't engage him, tell him to go back to bed, don't listen to his reason for coming down and proceed to plant yourself in the hallway outside his door, point your finger to his bed when he gets up, don't engage, once you do he's won, do this for a month or however long it takes, so he learns this is the way it is. When he ignores what you've told him, basically disrespected you, you have to escalate your parental authority.

You've tried a lot, but it has to stay a routine, that's how children know what is going to happen and what is expected from them, so stop mixing it up. Even two weeks of something can be confusing if you change it up the next day. He has to know that this is the way it is, whatever that is, and that he is expected to follow the rules, bedtime is for settling down and going to sleep, he doesn't decide if he comes downstairs, you do.

I always told my kids that they didn't have to go to sleep if they weren't tired (although I knew they were) ... BUT ... they had to make ME think they were asleep. They could lay in bed and read or listen to music or do something QUIET and IN THE BED.

Usually within about 10 minutes they were out like a light.

They got to feel like they had some control over when they went to sleep, and I got kids who stayed in bed AND actually went to sleep at a reasonable hour.

Now the caveat was that if they DIDN'T fool me into thinking they were asleep, then everything got taken away and lights went OFF.

Good luck :) at one point we had to lock my daughter in her room to get her to go to bed :) Or she was down the stairs a gazillion times, even with the above LOL

My son is 6 and usually one of us has to stay in the room until he falls asleep (we have a chair). Usually it isn't too long. If it is more than 20 minutes we may leave and keep checking on him (no stairs at our place so it's easier). I have also been known to read a book in the hall outside his door if he keep trying to talk and won't settle down (he is a huge talker). It is a pain but it usually works pretty well.

How long did you try each tactic? Maybe you need to pick one for a week or two and really see how it goes. The other thing I do is I tell DD that she must stay in her bed and be quiet, even if she doesn't feel sleepy. Most nights she's asleep in 20 minutes or less.

I actually think 2 weeks is too short to establish a "routine." At this point (especially given your comment about how it works for about a month), it seems like he may be waiting to see how things "switch up" thus not creating a real incentive to stay in his room.

How long are you giving him to "wind down" before bed? You might have a routine that "signals" that it's bedtime, but if he's really active he may need a bit for his body/brain to "slow down" and get in "bedtime" mode. Is he still napping? Getting enough activity earlier in the day?

Also, my daughter is younger, but she's allowed to stay in bed and "read" books at bedtime, just so long as she's not yelling for mom/dad or being loud (sometimes she reads to her toys...it's so cute!). When she's cranky the next morning, we talk about why we need to get lots of sleep. Sometimes she stays up for 2 hours, sometimes she falls asleep in 10 minutes. Either way, she stays in her bed and doesn't bother mommy and daddy. :) good luck!

Scoot. And go back to my book.

My son's an extrovert. He NEEDS to be around other people. And any kind of attention is great for him. If I interact at all, he'll jump on it. Happy, angry... it doesn't matter. He's just as keen to get all lovey, or get into a rousing argument. As long as it's WITH someone, he could care less.

Then the NEXT day I'll talk with him about it/ etc. And start removing things comparable with how much he was breaking the rules the night before.

It's the only time I've found that delayed punishments or delayed discipline WORK. Nothing the night of helps (although a lot can make it worse), but the next day... he has the chance to remember that at bedtime that same day (and you better believe I reminded him! :) Because this was about CHOOSING to follow the rules.

Having our dog go to bed with him also helped.

LOL... of course... ALL of this is moot in my own house, currently!!! Gah. ((Steroids cause insomnia, so even though my son himself would love to be asleep in bed, he can't. So he's now up until 11pm-1am on a good night, and 4am-6am on a bad night. This is TOTALLY DIFFERENT. He can't choose to follow the bedtime rule right now (it would be like asking me to choose not to bleed once a month, or to choose to fly... it's not possible)... so we cope. And play a lot of chess / read a lot of books / do most of our schooling at night. ))

Which I bring up, because there are times when it's NOT a choice. When someone is sick or in pain, or traumatized, or on meds, or, or, or.... there are just times when one CANNOT do what one is supposed to do. When it's not a choice, the rule changes.

My son is 4 and since day 1 I have stayed with him until he falls asleep. Can one of you just stay in his room or cuddle him in his bed until he falls asleep? I really don't understand why you would punish a child for wanting to do something that is completely biologically normal!

Can you make sure he's more active during the day so he's more tired?

Also, maybe his bedtime is too early? I would make it 15 mins later.

Also, I would stay in his room until he falls asleep. It shouldn't take that long.

Just a few tactics to try or re-try.

I always stay in the kids room with them until they fall asleep. I enjoy the one on one time with them as they wind down. I find out all kinds of interesting things during our talks.

I also think it is just part of bedtime. Hubby actually will just fall asleep with them for a bit then get up and go do what ever.