My 6 year old keeps having accidents (mostly poop) but not always. He is in 1st grade and it's starting to be a problem. I've gone through the routine of: if you have to go and you're outside playing, what will you do? If you're in the middle of your math lesson and you need to go, what will you do? If you're out at recess and you have to go, what door will you go in, which bathroom will you use? We were even outside at my mom's house and you could see him "doing it" and he wouldn't move. He said he didn't have to go . . . We can be eating dinner and he'll climb under the table and "go". If you insist that he should go to the bathroom, he'll "freak out", and if you force him into the bathroom, he'll "freak out". There doesn't seem to be any logic to it.
It happened twice in kindergarten and once at the beginning of the school year. Now it's April and it's been happening for three weeks. It just started happening at school this week. He is very strong willed. I am trying not to freak out but someone please tell me they've gone through something like this and that there's light at the end of the tunnel.
We took him too the doctor after he had four accidents in one day. She thinks that it is encopresis. Because he holds it, and doesn't like to use the bathroom his colon now has pockets that hold a lot of stuff, which made him go when he had to go no matter where he was. So over the weekend we cleaned him out, (I can't think of the medication--laxative) and now we are suppose to give him a half a cap full of Miralax mixed with a liquid to keep him constant twice a day. The whole medicine thing was a struggle to get it down him, but he finally did it with a little coercion. Today, he almost had an accident but I put him on the toilet and we had success. If he gets five stickers he's going to the zoo. We're at four!!! The doctor recommended the rewards be time with mom and dad and not things. I also found some chocolate that he really likes and he gets a piece of that for going in the potty. There has to be a little instant gratification with his personality and a bit of a long term reward. So far so good. Oh, the doctor said most parents wait a year before going to the doctor and then it takes longer for the colon to heal so if you're going through this don't wait. This is not an over night fix, it's going to take months. He also needs 10 grams of fiber a day. It is found in many things, bananas, almonds, tortillas, broccoli, raspberries, there's a whole list.
Could something have happened in the bathroom at school and now he's afraid of the bathroom? Maybe some older kid told him a story about something bad happening when you sit on the toilet.
M.
My 7 year old was doing this just a couple months ago, he's also in 1st grade. I thought he was being lazy and not taking time to go, after talking to some people I started wondering if maybe he had a problem. At various times we took away his DS, grounded him from the TV, grounded him from playing outside, all of which were things that he didn't want to take time out from to go to the bathroom. When it happened at school he would give us excuses like "I asked and the teacher said no", "there was no toilet paper", "I was outside at recess" the problem with these excuses was that he did it at home when he was 10 feet from the bathroom. I talked to the teacher and she has helped by reminding him to go before or after recess, she told me the other day he hardly asks to go during class time now. I had read something online about having him sit on the toilet for about 10 minutes in the evening and morning about 1/2 hour after eating dinner/breakfast to try and get him to go poop. Between doing this, the teacher reminding him, us reminding him, and him getting his privileges back he has done really well and has now gone a couple months without an accident. So he really was most likely just being lazy. My friend told me when her son was younger she heard it's harder for boys or they forget to go poop because they go to the bathroom standing up most of the time. I recently had him at the Dr's office and asked the Dr. about it and told him what we were doing seemed to be working and he said that's what he'd recommend. When I said, "he's 7" the Dr said, "tell that to my 8 yr old, if you find something that works better let me know" This made me feel a little better. One other thing, my son once said it was embarrassing and he didn’t want to do it at school. I explained to him it’s natural and everyone has to do it, but that it’s more embarrassing to have it in your pants and smell and that kids might make fun of him when they smell it. Good luck! I know how frustrating it is.
Consider looking into the possibility of encopresis. It is so common and rarely discussed and the symptoms don't seem like typical constipation.
There are specialists here in Utah who deal with all sorts of issues of the bowels and the emotions that sometimes come with them-- "poop psychologists," if you will.
We haven't dealt with the trouble you're describing, but our pediatrician, Carey Lloyd of Brigham Pediatrics/Farr West Pediatrics has mentioned to me there are specialists at Primary Children's who help with these issues. At an age when it is reasonable to expect continence, it may be time to consult such a spcialist.
Best wishes.
As he knows what he is doing and hopefully knows it's wrong, I see this as a control issue. I have 4 children, 3 of which are potty-trained. From what I understand, your son knows when he needs to go but he doesn't like being told where to go.
There are some things you can let your children control but this is an issue that you need to control. He is definitely old enough to understand it's wrong so punishment is absolutely necessary when he soils his pants. Create a punishment (needs to be harsh enough) and explain it to him. Follow through with that punishment EVERY time he does this. Good luck!
Enjoy the day!
~S.
I would have him checked out by your doctor. My son went through this in K and a little bit in first grade. He was not always able to go to the bathroom when he needed to in school (they would not let him) he developed severe constipation and then he was not able to control the movements that came "around" the blockage. He even was hiding his underwear in the bathroom at home. He went on Miralax fo so many weeks and it cleared up. They can also do x-ray to check for blockages.
Hi K.,
I had the same problem when my boy got into the 1st grade. He started holding poop in and wouldn't go at school. Then of course it has to come out sometime and he usually ended up messy and stinky. For him I think this started because he was being bullied at school and being stinky kept the bully away. Problem was that it kept everyone away. It turned into a big problem that now almost 4 years later is finally ending. (Knock on wood). He's been to counseling, dr.s and I tried everything I could think of. One of the things that helped and I wished I'd done it earlier is that I put him back in pull ups. He found this to be embarassing, which I think helped motivate him to end the problem. Plus it saved me a lot of laundry. With your son, try to find out if there is something going on at school, usually this kind of problem comes from them feeling that they have no control over their life. This is the one thing no one can make them do, no matter what. It gives them a feeling that they at least have control over that, even though it might be on a level that they really can't express. It will end, It will get better. Hang in there!
My son has the same issue...I am noticing a male trend with all of these responses...He is 5.5 and he knows when he has to go. I will catch him "holding his poo in." He will tell me that is what he is doing/did but that the feeling has come and gone. I will then put him on the toilet and set the timer for 5 minutes. I try to explain that the body keeps what it needs and poos all the stuff it doesn't need. If he holds the poo in he will get very sick because that is the bad stuff the body doesn't need. I notice that he goes through spurts of this behavior, stressful times. He went through a change in teachers, now we are moving and it has surfaced again. I try not to punish, just educate. My other son (4, has never had any bowel issues, but his pooty training experience was easy from the start). I hope this help, just to know you are not alone. Believe me, I was comforted just reading that other moms are having these issues. I hope all of us make it through!!! I did used to have him give me $1 out of his piggy bank for each pair of undies he poo'd in...i was so tired of washing so I would throw them out....but it got expensive so HE started to pay for them.....That didnt work, so I changed my tactic to education.
Is he generally constipated? Could it be encopresis?
You could always try going back to 'bribery' and see if that helps. If it's controllable for him, and you find something that he likes - e.g. money, small toys, video game time, etc. you should see an impact. If not, well... try something else. ;) sorry, that's all I have. My oldest - 8 - has occasional problems with this. He's like me - 'when you've gotta go, you've gotta go NOW!' Fortunately, I've learned how to turn the urge off, but I recall having occasional accidents when I was a kid. My youngest has been peeing the bed at night, and I know he can control it, because if I give him $1 for saying dry, suddenly he's dry all the time. hmmmm...
I know this can be very difficult. My 5 year old son starting having accidents the summer before he entered kindergarten. I basically started "potty training" over again. About 20 minuets after he ate I had him go sit on the toilet for about 5 minutes, no more or he would get too frusterated. If he did not go potty I would have him try again after lunch, then again after dinner. I tried very hard not to get angry or blame him when he had accidents. He too would say he did not feel like he had to go when he had an accident. I think sitting on the toilet at the same times every day helped his body to regulate his bowel movements. Also if he goes before school he should not have to worry about going again at school. I would also reccomend having him clean himself up and do his laundry when he does have an accident. This will make him take responsibility. If he refuses to sit on the toilet I would began taking away privledges. While it may not be his "fault" he is having accidents he still needs to follow your rules. I hope this helps. I really do understand how frusterating and embarssing this can be for you and your son. Good Luck!
