Baptism - Religion Conflicts & Society Pressures - Anyone Been There Done That?

we are in the same sit... everyone wants me to baptize my DD in one religion or the other... I am not religious, nor is my hubby, so I flat out refuse to baptize her. Whenever anyone gives me grief, I just tell them that religion is a personal matter, and they need to mind their own. (im usually nice the first time, but if they keep harping on it, I get a little rude... after all, its even MORE rude of them to try to force their religious views on me...) Now, if my DD decides to explore religion on her own when she is older, I will stand behind her on whatever decisions SHE makes. :)

i am a catholic, who does not go to church. i baptized my children because i believe in baptism. my children were growing up with many questions about the world, people, creation, which i couldn't answer without giving a generic answer. i now send my kids to a catholic school. they have been asking about going to church. i am taking my time to decide on that one.
i am not against organized religion. i am against people who use 'i am a christian' to hurt people, be mean, yet hide behind a word, or use the word to justify their actions.
i am against forcing people to pay for 'membership' be a hypocrite about it, and not come out and say: you have to pay for us to be nice to you and allow you to come to our church. be truthful. until i see a change i don't see myself going.
baptism: it was my kids' right to be baptised. it will also be their right to choose what they believe in.

I am having this same issue. My daughter is 19 months and not baptized. My mother is on me about it all the time. Both my husband and I were raised catholic but also have been away from the church for many years and my husband has no intentions of stepping foot in a church. So theres no way I'm going by myself. I also do not want to going a church just to get my daughter baptized. It always creates an argument with my mom when we talk about it, she just thinks it something that should have been done and is quit upset that she still is not baptized. SO i just keep telling my mom that it shouldnt matter if she's baptized or not. WHO CARES! she's loved and happy and healthy!
But I feel your pain and frustrations! It is a heated subject and I'm just going to raise my daughter how my husband and I want to and try not to let the opinions of others filter in!
Good luck to you!

In the Catholic religion, baptism for babies was to cleanse them of Original Sin so that if they died as a baby they would not go to Purgatory. Then there is Confirmation (cleansing of sin), Communion (receiving the Holy Spirit), and finally Confirmation where a person confirms for themselves that Catholicism is the religion they chose. In a Catholic Baptism, a God Mother and God Father take the vow to help raise the child as a good Catholic. In Confirmation, the person takes that vow for themselves.

Not all Christian religions view baptism the same way, some see it as the same as the Catholic Confirmation, and therefore it is saved until they are older and able to decide for themselves. This is why some people will argue that baptizing a baby is not good since the baby cannot decide for themselves. It all comes down to what baptism means in each denomination.

I would see religious council in your church as to what baptism means in YOUR religion. Then decide based on that.

No matter what, It is YOUR decision.

Religion is ALWAYS going to be a touchy subject. You're going to have people on all sides telling you what you should and shouldn't do.
It's your child. Go by what YOU believe is the right thing to do.

Don't let anyone else dictate your actions.
Don't let people say you are a "bad mother" because you will/won't baptize, circumcise, or whatever else they can come up with.

Hi A.,

There is Biblical support for infant baptism. That being said, it is for the children of believing parents that have committed to belong to a body of believers (a specific church) that will also commit to be responsible for the Christian upbringing of your child. This is also a commitment for you and your husband TO God to bring up your child in a Christian way and put yourself in submission to the leaders of the church. If you don't feel that you can fulfill each of those things then you need to wait and let your child make a profession of faith on his own and then reevaluate Baptism. This is a big thing.

I know family can put a lot of pressure on you but if you are not ready for this step you simply need to tell them. If they are putting that much pressure on you they will obviously admit that it is a big deal. Tell them you have to do it right, in order to do it at all, and when that time comes you'll tell them.

Regards,

M.

I was baptized and went to church with my parents occasionally as a child. We were not a religious family though. My husband comes from a mixed faith family and he was not baptised because they couldn't agree on Christian or Jew. He and his sister resented not being baptised and especially not brought up in a home where there was a relationship with God. Later in life they both got baptised but expecially my husband felt a little silly doing it in his late 20's. He and I don't go to Church but our relationship with God is important and we pray all the time. We got our son baptised in my husband's religion when he was 8 months old. We don't belong to a church and some churches were not enthusiastic about doing it if we weren't members. I would say to get your child baptised and raise him in the way you think will equip him to face life's challenges. When things are hard, religion can be a great comfort. Don't feel pressured to join a church though, some churches and religions are more flexible than others these days.

The whole idea about baptizing shortly after birth is a holdover from high infant mortality rates + an excuse for a party. There has been CONSIDERABLE argument within all 3 major branches of christianity (catholic, orthodox, & protestant) over the centuries and millenia as to whether a child should be baptized AT birth in case the infant dies at or shortly after birth, or whether "x" amount of time should be waited, incase the infant dies at or shortly after (as in whether or not they have a soul, and if that soul should go to heaven, etc... many branches for hundreds of years believed that infants didn't have souls until 7 days after birth, of course anti-abortion has pendulumed that whole argument the other direction entirely). Then there is considerable infighting between all the different sects within those branches... each of which have come up with their own answer... and many of which "split the fence" by having baptism shortly after birth and then a dedication to the church which varies from age 6 to age 16 or even older.

I know that from a modern standpoint, baptizing brings a person INTO the church... it neither commits them, nor in any other way binds them (in other centuries the opposite has been true). But for parents who believe that they wouldn't see their baby in heaven UNLESS they were baptized... the sooner the better. Although many branches will baptize after death. From THAT standpoint.. there's no "bad" reason to baptize a child.

Confused yet?

It's all human debate.

And as such, I believe it's between each family to do what they feel best doing.

((Personally, my parents didn't believe in baptizing, so my grandmother would sneak her priest in "just in case" when they weren't aware. So all of my sibs and myself are nominally catholic, even though one of my sister's is Wiccan, another is Mormon, one of my brothers is Protestant, there are 2 practicing Catholics, several dual-buddhists -you can be buddhist AND another religion quite easily-, a couple agnostics, and then there's me... unaffiliated. My 99 year old grandmother just sits back with her beer and her cigar and winks at me... she doesn't care what religion my sibs practice, because she's confidant we'll all be together in the end. LOL... family.))

I will merely echo what workinmom said. I am somewhat in the same boat. I am Catholic, but not very observant for a number of reasons.

But, I baptized my kids as a gift to them. It is easy to follow these small rituals now. It gives them a base and church even if you don't go. It is actually a very moving ceremony about bringing babies into the adult world, celebrating their humanity, and an affirmation that the parents and community will protect them and teach them. Depending on your religion, this small step will ensure that your kid has a church home no matter whether you are or are not ever observant. Then, if as a young adult or adult, they decide to be observant, they do not have to start from square one and take 2 years of classes (or whatever that sect requires) to become a part of the community. Christian baptism is often recognized between many churches too, so it is not like you are tying them to a particular faith or church.

I commend you for not wanting to join just for this purpose, but perhaps if you looked at it from the childs' perspective 18 years from now, instead of your perspective now, it will look different. That is why I take my daughter to first communion classes every week. She has fun, she is doing it with her pals, it teaches good things, and it will make her life a whole lot easier when she is older, especially, for instance, if she wants to get married in the church. Or she can bag the whole thing. Her choice...but at least she will have an easier choice to make then.

When you are feeling pressured it is such a natural reflex to say no. But in a whole lot of ways it is good to get it done. Here's another way to look at it. I'm assuming that since you are away from the church it means that you are baptized and simply choose not to be observant. That is a great benefit to you because you can be observant if you want to...on holidays or if you decide you want to keep going. By baptizing the kids, you are just giving them the same options that your mom gave you.

Good luck either way!! Truly, I feel your pain on this one. Been there.

We went though that here. I was raised that when you had a baby, you dedicated him/her. However, I ended up in a huge argument with the preacher because he said that the denomination we belong to (we're Methodist) recognizes infant "dedications" as baptisms. They also state that once something is done with water, it doesn't "need" done again and will refuse to do an adult baptism if/when the child who was "dedicated" as an infant-even at the person's request- since they have already been "baptised". I was not happy when I found that out because we did go ahead and have our older daughter "dedicated"...and now...should she stay within the current church...will not be able to be "baptised" when she's old enough to comprehend the meaning of everything. Hope this helps.

My husband and I are atheist and we intend to raise our daughter that way. My family is fine with our non-beliefs, we were never church goers to begin with.
My husbands family on the other side is catholic. Every time we see them (which is not very often, since they live far away) they tell us how they pray for us and our daughter. There were plenty of questions if she would be christened as well. We just simply said NO as many times as the questions was asked. We do get comments about going to hell and all that good stuff on a regular basis (usually from extended family and all in "good fun") but honestly we are fortunate, since we do not believe in any higher (or lower) power, we just ignore them.
There are plenty of churches who don't even do infant baptism, and I personally know several people who were baptized as older kids (my sister's step daughter was 12) and adults (typically in healthcare professions, as it improves their marketability with religion based employers).
Good luck!

I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school. I was baptized, received reconciliation and was confirmed. Then it was up to me to choose what I believed in, my mom felt she had given me a base, but anything further was up to me. I have a lot of problems with the church and feel more spiritual than religious. I go occasionally - mainly holidays, but know that my politics are different.

Contradicting all that, I really wanted to marry in a church, and did, and I also baptized my son, and will my daughter. No, babies can't decide for themselves, but people change their minds all the time anyway. But I also feel that this gives them a base to grow from and am open to them choosing whichever path they choose.

If baptism is something that you want to do, for whatever reason you choose, I don't think that there is anything wrong with joining a church for that reason. (This depends what that entails though. For me, it was just giving them our information, it shouldn't cost anything.)

If baptism is something that you don't want, don't let your family pressure you to do it. This is your child and you need to do what you feel is right.

I was raised catholic, Husband was raised Jewish - we are now Unitarian. Luckily my family did not pressure me to baptise my child. I never considered it to be an issue. I don't believe that a child will go to hell for not having water poured on their heads. I'm pretty sure that some Christian faiths acutally wait until a child is 13 or so before baptising so the child can make the CHOICE to commit to Christ. That makes a LOT more sense to me. If you want to have a naming ceremony, then do that. Otherwise, it's your child and if it's not what you want, then don't do it.

I was born a Roman Catholic, went to Catholic school all the way up to university. My hubs is atheist but brought up 7th Day Adventist. I am not practicing Catholic but adopted a more non-denominational church through my 20's. So when my son was born my family asked me the date of the baptism. My sister was always going to be the God Mother and my best friend was always going to be the Godfather when we talked about kids and marriage when we were kids. I had my son baptized for many reasons, tradition, the importance to my family, security ( just in case I was wrong about the catholic church), a base to learn about religion and have some form of knowledge of the bible. My sis takes my son to church now as she is still a practicing catholic. He enjoys it , he says he likes how the voices of the priests echo in the church and that the music is comforting. He's 7. Mind you he took on some beliefs of buddhism from age of 4-6. Meditates and thinks people all have good in them and always gives people the benifit of the doubt. He has gone to Greek Orthodox services, Lutheran, Baptist and non-denom, for various occassions. All make him curious and I think an open mind is key for him to decide his path when he is older.

In my religion, baptism isn't even an option until 8 years old. We feel that someone must be able to make a choice before they take on the commitment of baptism. You are right about infant baptism not being in the bible. There was infant circumcision, but not baptism. Christ wasn't baptized until he was an adult.

I would go with your gut on this. Don't do something for your child just because you feel social pressure to do so. It is your job to raise your children the way you feel is right. If you want to baptize your baby, don't feel guilty about joining a church to do so. If you want to wait and let your child make a decision when he/she is older, don't feel guilty about that either.

Yes, i've been in a similar situation. Our families are "southern" Catholic... or "hardcore" Catholic. Neither my husband nor I are religious at all; in fact, he is an Atheist (after going to Catholic school for 12 years). His parents insisted that our children be baptized, but we didn't want to for a number of reasons. In Catholicism, baptism isn't just a "cleansing of sins" (and I don't believe that children are born sinners), but also a beginning of a life-long commitment to the church (okay, not), so it made no sense for us. I don't know that they EVER got over this, but they are OUR children, and we make these decisions.
We raise our children to be insightful, analytical, and intelligent; they can decide what they believe for themselves. We talk about the stories in the Bible, Science, and all sorts of related topics. The few times we've had to go to church for family events, they were completely bored (understandably, so was I). I don't see a future where my kids will be devoted to a particular church. Bottom line is that you are the parent, and you don't want to baptize them, and even if you did, it would be for the wrong reasons... so don't. Stand your ground as parents. They will get over it... or at least learn to accept it and cope.
We should teacher our kids to be independent free-thinkers and not to blindly follow "authority". But I know that people get overly sensitive about all of this...

It's an individual decision. You have to do what YOU feel is best. I chose to baptize my kids as babies. Probably b/c that's how I was raised. Mostly because I believed in the definition of baptism that says it's a acknowledgement that all life is made by God and that God loves this child (period). It's not conditional and based on what a child/person decides.... you can find as many beliefs as people.... do what your heart tells you.

I just don't think things like baptism and raising a child in a church/synagogue/place of religion is ANYONE'S business but the parents'. Tell people around you this and that whatever you decide will be your decision and you aren't leaving it up for debate with anyone else.