Bad Habits Need Broken....

There is a lot of research supporting co-sleeping, especially when it comes to SIDS. SIDS usually strike younger children though. You can always do some research on co-sleeping and decide if it's right for you. Dr. Sears and his wife write a lot on the subject. Personally, I think it's perfectly normal and healthy to co-sleep. Every other mammal in the world does, why shouldn't we?

Hi a little help for the sleeping issue is to buy a cosleeper. My son slept with me for the first couple of months and he would not sleep without me even for a nap. I bought a co sleeper so that he could be close to me at night while I slept but he was not in the bed with me. He felt comforted by the fact that I could reach out and touch him and I felt better knowing he was still close. This worked well to finally transition him to the crib. I put him in the crib in my room and slowly moved the crib away from my bed until he was clear cross the room. He now sleeps in his own crib in his own room.

Hi T.,
Okay, new to group, and this is my first response, and it goes against most of the advice so far, but it's based on first (and second-hand) experience. As for the pacifier issue, my daughter started using one at 2 months because we were concerned about her having inner ear discomfort during an upcoming 3000 mile plane trip, and we just stuck with the "plug" after that. Then we switched peds (out of a huge university practice into a more personal private practice, and our doctor was great but adamant about giving up all artificial nipples by age 1. Daughter refused the sippy cup til my husband and I both sat down at dinner and drank from sippy cups, then she decided it was ok, and has been fine ever since. As for the pacifier, it was not so simple. I tried cold turkey, and as she only depended on it at sleep time, we spent a day of miserable crying with no sleeping, so I relented and gave it back. Then I took 2 of her spares, heated up a needle, and poked a hole directly in the end of the nipple of both. Washed well, and took a few experimental sucks of my own - blech! the inside tasted yucky and rubbery/plastic-y, so effective taste aversion as well as complete change of mouth feel. Every nap and sleep time after that, I gave her the modified pacifiers, all sweet and innocent-like, and she'd get pissed and throw it out of the crib. I kept returning them, playing dumb, and she kept tossing them, and decided for herself that it wasn't worth it, and never looked back. Just my own solution, not necessarily a cure-all, but after watching my baby sister use a pacifier until age 4, I was not keen on repeating that (I was a thumb sucker until age 8, for sleeping). She's now a secure and well adjusted 4 year old, and only marginally insists on her life-long tigger doll as a sleepy comfort object. My thumb sucking resulted in 5 years of braces and headgear (torture devices that just beg to be taunted) to undo the bugs-bunny overbite.
Good luck, and I offer only the advice I would give my first-time-pregnant baby sister (age 25, not a baby anymore, gosh am I old).
As for the co-sleeping issue, I can only offer a caution based on my good friend who still battles hours into the night to get her 3 year old to sleep in his bed, but once she drops from exhaustion, he's like velcro back in her bed (single mom). Nip it in the bud? Your twins seem to like using each other as co-sleeper, and they'll eventually want their own space as they mature. Be strong and confident! You will eventually want your own space and tire of 3 year olds pulling your eyelids open and poking at your face to pass the time (this from the victim mom's mouth).
Anyway, wing it, you'll do fine either way, babies adjust to anything.
Rock on T., you seem like a perceptive and caring mom, and that's really all your boys need.

Hi T.!

I have identical twin daughters that are almost 18 months. When we first brought them home, they slept in their crib no problem. (My girls also sleep in the crib together. They will not sleep unless they are touching each other.)When they were about 3 months old, they developed a short lived condition that they could not sleep flat on their backs, so for three long months, they slept in their infant carriers (although it was cute because we would out them right next to each other and they would hold hands while they slept.) Anyway, once we were able to put them back int heir crib, it was hard they first few days, and we found that we needed to start with naps in the crib first. Not make it a big change all at once, then we escalated to night time as well. It was a long, tough process, but now they love their crib, and prefer to play there instead of their giant playroom.

I was parnoid with my first daughter and she always slept with me. This became a huge problem when I got remarried and could not get her to sleep in her own bed, (she was 3 by then). I swore I would not do that with any more of my children. Finally we just told Brianna she was a big girl and needed to sleep in her big girl bed, and she did. However, I still have an ongoing issue with her that if she wakes up in the middle of the night, she automatically comes to lay in my bed with me.

It is a tough thing to make the transition from parent bed to their own bed. But it can be done, just watch for clues from your boys, they will tell you when they are ready!

I hope I have helped!

D.

Ok I honestly dont see anything wrong with letting your twins in bed with you. My son will be two years old next month and he occassionally sleeps in my bed with me. Although its usually when he's not feeling well and keeps waking up throughout the night. I still worry about him and SIDS, I sometimes wonder if I'm being paranoid. Like yesterday he took a three hour nap at 1230 usually he's up by 230. I kept checking on him to make sure he was still breathing.

Binki....I've been trying to get rid of it for the past 6 months. And I had him weened off of it to the point where he was only using it when he was napping or in bed for the night. Then he got really sick and his binki was the only soother he had and wanted. I started taking at away again about a month ago. I hide it during the day, when he gets up in the morning and goes to eat breakfast I take his binki and I put it in a drawer that he cant reach and he doesnt see me put it there so he has no clue where it went. He even naps without it. My advice would be to give it time and patience. When you take their binki's away hide them and only give it back if they absolutely need it or wont stop crying.

I hope this helps.

Hi T.!
I'm in the same boat as your are regarding the pacifiers. My son is 19 months as is very attached to his as well. We try our very best just to allow him to only have one during nap and bed time, but its SO hard. It's the one and only thing that settles him down, especially now that he's getting his eye teeth--Yuck!
If it makes you feel any better, I read an article in Parents magazine that said to wait until they are 2 before weaning them from the pacifier. Unfortunately, the clock is ticking for us and I'm dreading the day!
Best of luck with the boys and your pregnancy!
~E.

T.,
Hi Just wanted to tell you that i feel for your little ones.
Most one year olds are strong enough to pull them selves up in a crib I hope that i am right in assuming yoours are as well, If they are then u really dont have to worry about sids, because if i remember my parenting classes correctly usually it happends between birth and 3-6 months. I dont blame you for worring its natural to be afraid.

As for binki's I wouldnt worry too much about them unless they keep them over the age of 2. I lucked out with my 2 daughters one got sick at 9 months and gave hers up on her own, and the other one just wasnt to attached and gave hers up around6 months on her own as well. It is right for you to want to snatch them away,I couldnt help giggling at your description of one in the mouth and one in the hand to pop in after u take the others away and then stealing each others. Soon they will give them up if not then like you said Take them Cold turkey and either toss them hide them tell them the binki bunny came and took them away. Thats how i got my kids off bottles.

Good luck to you.

Ok.. so far everything sounds normal.. im trying to figure out what the problem you are experiencing is.. the main question i would ask.. is are the twins happy.. are they healthy.. co-sleeping is something i would research.. perhaps gradually taking them from the bed to the crib.. maybe sleeping in the same room.. (moving the crib into the same bedroom as you if possible.. perhaps moving the crib right next to your bed if possible.. ) when it comes to binkeys.. i wouldnt worry too much .. that is a comfort device.. both of my girls (now 4 and almost 2) use them.. and are fine.. the 4 year old stoped using the pacifier around age 2 when me and her mom explained that it was time for the pacifier fairy to take it and give it to another little baby that needed it.. she was a little hesitant .. but than saw a baby that was using one.. and saw some peers that werent and came to be ok with it...
i think things sound fine.. a little inconvienient.. but fine... i would work on just loving your twins.. careing for them.. and most of that will work out on its own... have you looked at the YMCA or www.meetup.com for other groups that you could socialize them and yourself with like peers.. that helps too.. not knowing if your isolated or not.. and assuming that you might.. knowing myself that children tend to want to stay home alot.. i would try getting out and meeting some other mothers and children at about that age..

all in all i woulndt say any of these things are bad habbits.. just habbits.. and things that children do to comfort them selves.. so what if your twins sleep together.. they shared at once the same egg.. the same womb and sharing that life.. is all they have known to this point.. and with the binkey.. if you think about it as they shared most of their life with you inside your womb.. it makes sence that they still need a little comfort out side of that enviroment.. they will adjust just fine.. just make sure they are well loved...
good luck to you and god bless you

Hi T.. I'm a mother of 5 1/2 month old Jaden Elizabeth, and I was having the same paranoid thoughts you were, especially about SIDS (I am very sorry for your friend). I wanted to constantly sleep with her, never leaving her alone...until she started becoming ATTACHED! Not a bad thing, I thought, but I asked my doctor about it. He kept saying crib, crib, crib!! Now she sleeps in her crib at nights, and for all her naps (even plays there before "getting up for the day") It is just a bad habit that you yourself need to break. You need to figure that they are old enough if they flip over they can fix themselves to breathe (or in Jaden's way, she pulls the blanket over her head all the time, but moves it when she needs to), they'll be fine. If anything, get a body pillow with one of their blankets (ahh the sweet baby smell), that's what I did to get over sleeping with Jaden. It was wonderful when she started sleeping on her own in her own room. It was a slow transformation, and rough hearing her cry, but they'll sleep when they're tired!!

As for the binkie thing...it should be ok. It's like a "security thing" for babies. Jaden ONLY wants hers before nap times. I asked my doctor about that odd behavior and if it would be ok. He said it would be like any child cuddling with their favorite stuffed animal before bed (until the binkie is replaced for another object). Binkies don't do any harm as long as you have the right size. I used to work in a daycare center before I had Jaden, and thankfully everyone had their own binkies...they work as a great mute button!!!

Hope this may help a little! Just don;t sweat the small things...you may be thankful for binkies when the terrible twos kick in! Just hit mute! Good luck, D.

try one night at a time of them in the crib,and see what happen

Hi T.,
I don't know if this will make you feel any better but the chance of SIDS happening to 1yr. olds is very rare. I was always so paranoid of this when my children were babies that I have asked around to many medical professionals and the oldest one nurse had ever seen was 10 months and she said that was VERY rare. If knowing that doesn't ease your mind, I would let them sleep with you. If my kids are sick or if I'm worried about anything with their health I always keep them near me when sleeping but usually they are in their beds, I have 5 so they can't all sleep with me or I wouldn't have room...lol.
About pacifiers, taking it now or later isn't going to be easy. All of my kids love or loved the pacifier. Every person will tell you something different so I think you have to decide if you are ready for that battle or not. Just know waiting won't make it easier but doing it now won't be easy either. The only concern I would have is that when my one daughter went to the dentist he said she had to come off soon because you could tell by her teeth she took the pacifier and alot of damage wasn't done but if she stayed on it there would be cuz you could already see it starting. Anyway, good luck...follow your heart, you're their mom and know them best. Good luck

Hi T.,
I can't really help you out w/the sleeping issue but as for the binky, this is what we did. Our son was 13 months old at the time and I was out shopping, when I came home, my husband informed me that our son hadn't had his binky all day. He went to bed that night w/out it and since then, we have hidden everyone we had in the house. He quit "cold turkey". It was tough for a few days but when he would get cranky for his bink, we would just divert his attention to something else and he's been binky free ever since. Good luck!

I say keep them in the bed. The only time I think that is a problem is if one or both of the parents is not comfortable with it. Keep their crib next to the bed for when you and your husband want some space. When they get older they will be ready to sleep alone. Enjoy your time with your babies. As for the binky's, I always hated them but as I read more parents talk about the attachment their babies have to them, I think they are ok. It just drives me crazy when I 3 year old is walking around with one and cant talk because of it. but if it gets them to sleep then it is worth it. Let them have it at bedtime and when they are sick, etc.

T. I have twins. i wanted to tell you that so it goes without saying i understand things cannot be easy for you
as for sids, i think they're pass the chances of something happening to them while they sleep.
therefore i would get if you don't have one, a baby monitor and have it in the room with you. you can always go and check on them during the night to ease your mind but i think they will be fine.
as for binky's, i so understand you. my girls got binkys first few months of their life but boy was it so difficult to deal with those. two at the same time, mixing their binkies, lose binky in the middle of the night, try and find it. i stopped cold turkey, but i stopped before they even turned 3 months i think, so they never missed the binkys.
longer you wait more difficult it will become. i say this based on other things. when they enter toddlerhood my god i don't know how i would have dealt with if they still had those things in their mouth. so i would definitely suggest you consdier taking those now.
but replace them with something else. i mean take the binky but introduce something new. like a plush toy, nothing big just something that will provide them with comfort at nights. also, if you don't have one, those music boxes that go in their cribs. i had two different kids but the one they loved best was ocean wonders. teach them how to press the on button, it's in front of the toy so if they wake up they know how to turn it on.
just a few ideas. but i would definitely especially address the co-sleeping. it will get difficult to teach them to sleep in their bed the longer you wait
good luck
vlora

How about a compromise for now: Put the cribs in your room. You need to get some sleep. If you're up and down all night long you're not getting good sleep. Once you've gotten some sleep you can address the crib thing. If they cry, hold them and cuddle them, and put them back in their cribs. If it doesn't work, and you're okay with sleeping them with you, then sleep them with you all night. Seriously, who cares if you co-sleep at that age? If they're twelve months old, though, I think technically they're past the age of SIDS.

The binky thing -- some battles are not meant to be fought. Those things drive some people crazy, but they're so young. Try not to let it bother you. Or you could try to give them something else to do.

I have three kids and have never had them sleep with me..my youngest 4 months sleeps in her crib..but that is me i am up constantly checking on her and her 5 year old brother and 3 year old sister i just always done that so i am used to only sleeping 5 hours a night...but anyway you are there mother and as long as your fine with it and it isn't bothering your marriage or anything do what you want they are your kids as for the binkie thing i hate them too i would let my kids have them until 12 month then take a month to ween them off of them and they are gone....
C.

Hi T.. I am a stay at home mom of a 6 yr old and twin girls that are 2 1/2 yrs old. My advice about the sleeping issue is just do what you feel is right. I was totally against children sleeping with the parents until my oldest got sick and could not breathe good so I let her sleep with us that night and she was about 2 yrs old and she just stop sleeping with us about 6 mos ago. She is in a room with her twin sister which helped me get her out of my bed. She still sometimes comes in by us in the middle of the night and we don't care. My husband too, was working nights and sometimes he had a problem with her sleeping with us, but I didn't care because it was my security and because I did let her sleep with me she did become more affectionate.

The second issue with the Binkis. For all 3 of them on their first birthday I only let them have it in the crib and in the car if it was a long trip. They were okay with that and about 2 months went by and they weren't really using it during nap time or at night I just took them out of the crib and they never asked for it. My oldest was 17 mos and she gave it up by herself. The twins were about 14 or 15 mos old when I took it out of the crib. My twins were full term, so I don't know if that makes a difference with the need for sucking. I would wait until their first birthday and tell them they can have it when they take their naps and at bed time.

Just enjoy them being little and if they want to sleep with you go for it. If they want to be in their bed let them. My oldest wouldn't even sleep in her bed at all. It was a huge fight to try and get her to lay down in her bed. I would love to talk with you again since I have been looking for other moms that have twins also. Here is my email address: ____@____.com Good luck. T.

SIDS worries me as well and transitioning to put my babies into the nursery is always difficult on me too. I have 2 little ones (3years & 23months) and kept them close in my room when they were newborns. We had intentions of putting them in a bassinet, but they always ended up in bed with us most of the night. Usually they started in the bassinet and when they woke to nurse, both the baby and I would fall asleep nursing and just stay that way. There is lots of literature that says it's not the best and potentially dangerous for SIDS as well. I felt better with them close though. I moved them when they were sleeping through most nights - usually around 4 months.

As others commented, SIDS typically affects younger infants. Did your friend's baby pass when he/she was 4 days younger than your sons are now or was the baby born 4 days before your twins? I am assuming your boys can scoot around and can move to be sure that they can breathe. I've also read some literature that shows babies that use pacifiers are LESS likely to be affected by SIDS. (Neither of mine would take a pacifier.) You just need to follow your heart and do what you feel comfortable with. Your boys will adjust either way.

After I my son was born I went back to work full time for a while and he was going to a friend of our's during the day. When he was at home with me he was a binki addict. However, I found out that she was only giving him his binki at nap times. That made it so much easier for me to ween him off. I started just giving it to him for naps, bedtime, and when he was super upset. My brother was a thumb sucker. I didn't want my son to start doing that when the binki wasn't there. It was kind of akward in the beginning, but eventually they learn to use other things to soothe themselves. Twins may be a tad harder, but I wouldn't stress too much. Just gradually take it away during play and only make them available at sleep times or when they're upset. Eventually.. you'll be able to get rid of them all together. Good luck!!

Smiles,
E. Marie

Hello T.,

If you feel more comfortable with your babies sleeping with you, I would say do it. I'm single, but I have had all my three babies in bed with me. I could not get a wink of sleep when they were in their crib and neither could they. For them it was comforting for me, I could check on them and/or nurse them if I needed to. I know that there are a lot of people who frown at the fact that some parents sleep with their babies, but they adjusted fine, once I put them in their own beds.

As for the pacifiers, let them keep them for a while longer. It's comforting to them and they are still young enough that they are not going to harm them. I've seen other requests about this and many moms with different advise on how to ween them. I hope they can be of more help than I am. My kids never took to them. They used me as a pacifier, so that ended pretty quickly!!

Best of luck to you!

P.

Good job on acknowledging the error of your ways. Yes! you have to put an end to this problem asap. Remember, infants feel a lot better and are indeed happier when they are in a routine, they need the routine at their young age. Start by letting them sleep in their own cribs. If they wake up at night, firstly, try shoo-ing them back to sleep, or rocking them back in their room, put them down, and leave the room. If this re-occurs, so the same thing. If they are still fretful and only your bed will help, take them to your room, and return them to their cribs once you see they have dozed off and are in a deep sleep. You have to be persistent, especially since you have another baby due soon. If u are persistent, they will see you mean business - they are much sharper than you think. As for the binkies, my 23 mnth old girls can't sleep without them. I only let them have it at bedtime. Give that time.