My son is 12. He has a bad attitiude about everything. He HATES to take a bath and to brush his teeth. His normal response is "Shut up you idiot! He has been diagnosed with Autism at age 7. His out burst get worse. He yells and screams and beats his chest when something isnt just rt. I punish him his dad does the same. We have been stern and we have taken things away from him. The prob. is He is bigger than I am and I cant manhandle him anymore. I dont intend to. It is out of hand, I am ready to pull my hair out most days. Not to mention we have a 4 yr son also and My 12 throws him around and wrestes with him. Everytime I go to leave the rm with the two of them in it they tangle up and one or both of them get hurt. My husband suggest spankings, but that makes my 12 yr old worse. I have a lot of input from my in laws. Im just curious as to what some of yall say. Idk if I should talk with the dr for advice. I am afraid if I do he will want to drug him. My son also has a Liver disease, he cant take just anything.
What should I do. And too,,, when we try to reason with our son he never listens he just pushes me away and say NO NO NO NO No!!! ~~~~ Rock in a hard place.
Thank you everyone for all the input. I know I am not helpling things at all. I am not coping out but i am also really bad codependant and very stubborn. I have made appts with a psychologist and never followed thru in fear of what I may hear. I understand that I and my younger son may be in danger. I simply dont know how to handle any of this. I alway think I can "fix" things and in reality I have made everything worse. I do feel quite helpless and useless rt now. I do know that splanking isnt the answer. We do live in the Bilbe Belt I was raised that way and I turned out fine. But now I do see that maybe he cant help himself and just makes it worse. WE have a SPARKS clinic here about and hr away. We have been directed there but its almost impossible to get in. It has also been suggested by outsiders that if his dad was more involved that our son would be better. ...... I am gonna call for an appt with a behavior specialist tomorrow. I will keep everyone updated. Thanks again
You need help. Professional help. NOW.
He WILL hurt someone else, or himself. You are seriously cheating him out of a good, productive life by swearing off the doctor.
This is not a "bad attitude." This is your child completely out of control. You need to protect him, your 4 year old, and yourself. Your post proves that you can't handle this on your own.
Time to consult a professional. Please talk to your doctor about this. You can't let this go on, and what you're trying isn't working, so it's necessary to connect with your Smart Network - that's your doctor, to start with.
please seek out therapists for your child. He needs occupational therapy, physical therapy, and possibly even speech therapy. Most kids who are on the autism spectrum have sensory integration dysfunction, and what would feel "normal" to you actually will hurt them. They cannot get the correct messages from their nerves to the brain, and the different therapies WILL help him. I would suggest that you seek out this service asap. Your son doesn't need discipline, he needs someone who understands his diagnoses, and who can help him function in HIS world in a more appropriate way. Good luck! I know that it is difficult and very frustrating, but I promise, it WILL get better. <3
At the very least, you need to deal with this before the 12 yr old hurts your 4 yr old or you.
How are you going to feel about medicating him if he breaks his brothers arm?
You think he's going to be any easier to handle at 16 or 25 or 50?
You need to be getting him help now and figuring out a path for his life for the long term.
Some of that help might include some medications.
Your 4 yr old could use some protection.
With Austism, your son needs different therapies. These therapies include you and your husband.
Yes, he may need medications because they help him to find some balance so that you can handle him.. There are quite a few, they will take into consideration what will help your son.
Soon he will begin throwing you around. And what are you going to do then? What is he hurts one of you or others outside of your family?
Be Pro Active about finding him professional help. He needs help.
If you do not like his doctor find another.
Every child is different and needs to be evaluated as such but it does sound as if some form of chemical intervention is needed. If he in fact is on the spectrum most of these children need some form of medication to co-exist in the world. Even with decreased liver function medication can be safe. Please go talk to your Childs developmental pediatrician or neurologist. Spanking a child with autism is not only cruel but counter productive. Please get a professional involved.
If your son has autism and has been diagnosed, how is he being treated? Are you using any meds? I would really talk with the doctor and see what they say. Your son shouldn't be punished for behavior that he can't control. You need to get yourself educated about what his issues are and what you can do to help him. I know it is frustrating and you don't know what to do, but please talk with the doctor. They can help you to help your son. Best wishes!
You are very overwhelmed and that's absolutely understandable. You son is 12 and has autism. So, it makes sense that he would be struggling at this age. It is a difficult, physical, acting out sort of age; even if you don't have a diagnosis! Visiting any Junior High school will verify such. You 4 year old son is in dangers way. He has to be protected.
I would not go off of anyone's advice other than a professional at this point. Your husband and in laws may mean well but spanking isn't the answer. It will make it all much worse! You son's doctor is hopefully a pediatrician and should have many resources for you and sound advice. If your son does not see a counselor and it is suggested, give it a try. Some are excellent with adolescent kids. It is just so helpful to the family dynamics if there is a person to talk to other than mom&dad. Be clear that you do not want a drugged out child to the doctor. Not all medication will do this, however. I do know this from experience with adolescent children.
I wish the best for you & your children. I hope you are able to get an appointment soon..be assertive!
Unless your in-laws are trained in the treatment of autism, they can't help much. And maybe he has a bad attitude, BUT sensory issues are HUGE for autistic children - he may not just "hate" brushing and bathing for "no reason", they may be physically uncomfortable to him. Would you like to brush your teeth if it felt like sand paper on your gums? That may be his physical experience.
Contact Autismspeaks.org and see if they can recommend resources for you. Discipline for an autistic child is fine, but their brains do NOT work like ours - think of the difference between Mac and Windows computers - they both work, BUT they don't work the same WAY. Both of you need to understand what is going on with him and work with that. This doesn't mean NOT disciplining, it means disciplining in a way that will work with him, and it probably won't be quite the same as what you or your husband grew up with. So you may end up telling family "thanks, but we've got it" in terms of their "input".
Spankings to "teach" your older child not to hurt your younger is not logical and will not make sense to him.
You need some professional help to deal with this to find the best ways to communicate with him AND help him communicate with you and process his world.
My son is very high up on the scale - when he has an outburst, he does the "NO" thing and you can't talk to him till he's processed everything and calmed down. THEN we can talk. Don't know if your son is the same, but you need to get help to figure out how his brain is working.
My first thought was you're punishing a child with a mental disability for actions that are part of that mental illness. You do realize that right? He has Autism. The symptoms of Autism might need to be reviewed by the whole family.
To me I feel like it's not all his fault. Pretend for a moment he has a seizure disorder. If he was having a seizure after you told him not to...would you punish him? No, you'd give him his seizure meds that make him better. Punishing him would not make any difference to the seizure activity whatsoever.
Some different behavior techniques definitely need to be used. Some of this he is not necessarily in control of.
If he had any other illness that a mental health one you would never miss a dose of medication.
That's what I got out of your post, please clarify if that's not what was intended.
The autism diagnosis makes it hard for me to give advice.
Are you part of an autism support group? I hope so, because I think you really need to deal with him in a way that most of us really don't understand.
I would say that most 12 year olds hate to bathe and brush their teeth, that's pretty normal (and why my kids always had a dental cleaning every 6 months!) I also know that wrestling to the point of tears is normal too. I don't understand it, but all kids seem to do it, even my 13 and 16 year old daughters, it drives me crazy!!!
As far as medication goes I would HOPE that the doctor suggests therapy first, but again, I don't know much about autism so I'm not sure how that works (?)
I would take my child to the dr. in this case to see if any medication would help. It might be that with his liver condition, there IS something that would help and just think if it worked how much nicer home life could be for your entire family.
