I need some advice on how to go about this. So I've worked at my job for 5 1/2 yrs and there's some ladies I work with in my dept. that I want to invite to my baby shower. I see them on my regular work days (I work part-time) so I know them better and talk with them more than some of the other ones I only see in passing.
They are all nice, and inquire about my pregnancy regularly. So here's my question: Do I invite all of them and give each and every one an invitation? Or just the ones I know best and see every week? Or would you bring one invite and sort of post it on the bulletin board for anyone who wants to go? It might get missed that way is what I'm thinking.
I just want to go about it the right way without looking rude by not inviting certain people or being overly pushy by inviting everyone like I think they all wanna go. Also I'm thinking of inviting my hair stylist, we're the same age and she's been doing my hair for over 2 yrs and she also recently found out she's pregnant. She's very nice and always gives me a good deal is it wierd to invite her? Please help me with your opinion on both questions thanks.
ETA: I am not throwing my own shower, but even if I was that's not my question nor does it have anything to do with my question. I am just gathering names of who I want to invite. And yes I will be handing out the invitations to the women at work because i see them at work. My mom and MIL are throwing me one together and will send out the rest but I'm not gonna make anyone waste stamps when I can easily hand these out at work.
Thank you Mandy B!!! You said it best that's exactly what I was thinking!! Thanks to everyone with helpful suggestions also who actually answered the question and didn't get on the tacky train.
I think you should only invite the people that you want to be there. However, I think you should get their addresses and mail them the invitations to their homes, rather than pass them out at work.
Invite everyone-even if they are not able to attend, they will be happy for you and that they were thought of!
Dang ladies this isn't the 50's if she wants to hand out her own invites she can! If she wanted to throw her own shower who cares?! I think you should invite the ladies your closer to at work, and invite your stylist if your comfortable with her on a personal level. Don't let the "OMG your tacky" train get you, and congrats on your baby :)
Twenty-first century or not, basic rules of etiquette still apply. In my opinion, posting a mass invitation on a bulletin board feels impersonal and offhand. Guests should feel as though you truly desire their presence at your event, not as though they're free to come if they have nothing better to do.
There's nothing wrong with inviting only whom you want to invite, as long as you do it discreetly. That means no handing out invitations at work. I think it's in bad taste to distribute invitations for an event that is ultimately for your gain - the subtext is "Hey, here's a great chance to buy me a gift!" Your mom and MIL should be in charge of getting them to the guests, period.
Also, a mailed invitation is thoughtful and appropriate, not a waste of a stamp.
ETA after your SWH: I don't mean this to be rude, but why ask advice if you're going to pooh-pooh those of us who told you what you didn't want to hear?
Back when I had my shower I simply gave the names/addresses of the people I wanted to invite to my BFF who was in charge. I invited some coworkers, not all, just the ones I was closest to. I don't think there's anything strange about that. You invite the people you care about and who you think will enjoy and appreciate coming, coworkers, hairdressers, whoever.
Not sure why you need to hand invites out at work though, I mean a stamp is still only what, 39 cents? and an evite is free. Handing out invites seems a little awkward to me, and not very grown up.
AFTER READING YOUR "ETA": Waste the STAMPS....what your considering is tacky. You do not need to invite people in your office with whom you have NO relationship other then they are your co-workers. Sending a PRIVATE invitation (stamped) through the mail, is the correct thing to do and will help in preventing hard feelings.
Etiquette? Why would you be throwing yourself a baby shower?
The hostess (not you) should be the one sending the invitations.
You (the guest of honor) need to provide a list of people that you would like to attend because you have a relationship with them.
you should give the list of names to who ever is hosting the baby shower. It should not be you yourself. Yes I would invite all the women in your office that you are friendly with. Maybe someone in your office will host a little shower right there. That was done for me at an office I worked at. Yes invite your hair stylist and then be prepared to be invited to hers lol. But bottom line is someone else should be hosting this.
First, the folks at work will likely do something for you and the baby, so they will have the chance to celebrate the baby as a group, so no worries there.
Second, I would send an email ONLY to the ladies you are close to at work and ask their mailing address. Send the invites through the mail just as you would any other guest. You're talking about $3 worth of stamps and it's the more polite way of inviting someone to a non-group event.
Third, do not invite your stylist. She's friendly (that's part of her job), but she's not your friend. If you don't spend time with her socially, don't invite her to a social event especially one that involves giving you a gift. Yes, it's weird.
Invite the people whom you want to attend. Period. I don't believe in obligatory invitations. Why plan a special event if it's not going to actually be special?
For what it's worth, I think that your involvement beyond supplying contact info muddies the waters. You are really not supposed to be involved in the process. When you hand out invitations and tell people what to wear, etc., you open the door for them to RSVP directly to you and question you about other things involving the shower. You're looking for information on etiquette, and here you have it. By doing anything other than telling your host whom to invite, you are operating outside of that etiquette. The only reason that it's okay to supply your own guest list is that in this big world, your host doesn't necessarily know your full circle of friends. The baby shower is an old tradition meant to welcome you into motherhood (for the first time). Your mother/sister/best friend is supposed to rally the troops and help you transition from a life with NO children to a life with child/-ren. You're not even supposed to know about it, but today's schedules require that you put it on your calendar.
We have to be careful how we update our long-time traditions. So much can be lost in translation. For example, if you were to host your own shower, what would really be the point? You'd be planning your own buy-me-stuff party. It wouldn't be about the elders and other mothers bestowing their wisdom and sharing stories and items that you never even considered. It would be solely about you telling people what you want them to give you and then arranging a party for them to lay it all at your feet.
i'm not sure my advice is good, because i don't look at showers like most do.
that being said, i think it's perfectly fine to hand-deliver invitations only to the ones you have a closer friendship with and really want to be there.
i don't even think it's necessary to 'invite the whole class' with little kids. it's certainly not necessary for functioning adults.
no way would i post a general invite. not only would that encourage people i'd prefer NOT to see during a social function, it would dilute the specialness of the shower.
absolutely invite your stylist! just make sure that you keep it light and fun so that she won't feel awkward declining if she wants to.
khairete
S.
I don't think I would invite the hair stylist. If you had ever done anything as friends outside of her work, then it would be fine. But it doesn't sound like that is the case.
As for the co-workers, if you have a few that you are close to, then sure they can be invited. But I would get addresses for them and give that to the hostesses of your shower and let them mail them. That's how it is done. Not by hand delivery. If you do not have an address for them, and are uncomfortable asking and can't figure them out otherwise, then I would take that as a sign that you shouldn't invite them, personally. Maybe someone at the office will throw you a quickie shower in the break room or something, but if you don't know enough about a person to figure out their mailing address, I'm not sure I'd consider them close enough to invite to my baby shower. But that's just me.
I suggest that handing out invitations at work to just some women would open the door to hurt feelings. It's similar to kids handing out invitations to some kids at school. Schools discourage that. If you're just inviting certain women, mail their invitations.
I say that it would be OK to post one on the bulletin board for everyone. And then talk about the shower with those who cross your path. This has been the way it's been handled where I and my daughter have worked. If there are a few that you specifically want to come mail them individual invitations.
I wouldn't invite the hair sylist. She doesn't know anyone but you and it may appear to her to be a plea for a gift. A shower is a social event. How would it be social for her?
I would do everything I could to avoid hurt feelings. Invite everyone, those who want to come will and those who don't or can't won't. But those who don't go might send a gift. Be sure to let them know where you are registered.
The whole group might just pool their money and get one big gift such as a high chair, crib, or changing table or just a bunch of clothes. I would register for a few outfits in sizes larger than 6 months.
Congrats on the baby.
I would opt to send the co-worker invitations in the mail for peace of mind, knowing they will get the invite and that the other women won't feel left out. Hand the stylist her's instead of mailing. I suppose if you are discrete you can hand the others out as well, but it's a bummer for the other gals when they know they aren't included.
Why not just do an evite? Baby showers are not as formal as weddings so I think that would be the best way, no paper or stamps wasted and the host can easily track the rsvp's.
Putting up a flyer and/or handing out invites seems awkward and yes, a little tacky (sorry) to me.
I agree that handing out invitations at work is tacky and childish, sorry. Just get the info for the people you are friendly with and want to invite, pass that along to whoever is doing the invititations, and have them mailed. No need to invite people you don't really know that well and otherwise wouldn't socialize with. I'm sure your MIL or mom won't mind sacrificing an extra couple of dollars in stamps to ensure proper etiquette.
First, are you throwing your own shower? If you are, don't. Very tacky. Sorry. Would not invite hairdresser and only close co-workers.
