Baby Shower for 4Th Baby??

To be honest, I have always thought of showers being a one time thing, a "welcome to motherhood" celebration of sorts. I think it's great that your mom was able to throw more for you and that you have people around you who were up for it. I personally have never been to a shower for a second or third (or beyond) child. I have, however, sent small gifts along to friends for their additional children.

That said, I certainly sympathize with your situation of having passed along all of your baby things. Do you have a good friend or someone at church that can put the word out that you are accepting hand-me-downs?

It sounds as if you are just ion need of supplies- perhaps forgoing a formal shower is appropriate.

I would definitely register somewhere. People are going to want to buy stuff for the baby, and you might as well have a registry where they can see what you want. Your mother probably thought about throwing you another shower but then sat down with pen and paper and figured out how much she has spent over the years throwing all those showers and "had a cow"--nothing personal towards you. I would have been hurt by what she said, too, but I doubt she meant it to be hurtful.

If people ask if you are having a shower, I'd say, "I haven't heard that anyone's throwing one for me." This is truthful, and (somewhat) subtly leaves the door open for someone to do so if they choose.

Congratulations to you and your family!!!

WOW!! It is really hard to believe that an adult and parent of a young teenager is expecting her mommy to give her a 4th baby shower. I'm sorry, but at some point you have to take responsibilty for yourself.

Why would you wait until nearly your due date before you start to prepare for this child? It sounds like you are looking for sympathy. Grow Up !!!!

When my husband and I decided to have baby #3 we had nothing left from our other two children because there is such an age gap. But I learned to be frugal because babies grow out of things so quickly so it really is silly to buy new everything! We bought one of those cribs that converts first to a toddler bed then to a twin bed . . . this way we would get our money's worth. We bought a portable bassinet which was really inexpensive vs. regular bassinet because how silly to spend so much money when the baby would be out of it after 3 months. The bulk of her new clothing I got at Walmart because you just can't beat their prices!

BTW . . . we also had a little girl (now 2) and I wish I had stuff to give you but I've been giving it away as she outgrows it because she is definitely our last.

Craig's List is a great place to buy used stuff (www.craigslist.org). You can also try freecycle.org which is a site where local people can give and get free stuff from others who no longer need it vs. filling our landfills.

Congratulations! Each child is a blessing. I have six. I think they are each marvelous, wonderful little people. My church family, my friends and my family have been very generous with each new addition. I had an official "shower" with the firt and the last. But more about that later.
First, let's address your hurt feelings over the words and actions of your mother. As if you need a reminder: "well you didn't plan very well, I don't think I need to plan anything for you either." Granted I'm hearing this out of context, but that probably wasn't the best thing to say. As the poet said, the best laid plans of mice and men, oft go astray. There are countless children who come into our lives, despite what our 'plans' are. If you are hurt by your mother's actions and/or words, it's OK to acknowledge that. If you felt the need, you could even say,"Hey, Mom, I don't expect you to do anything, but that hurt a little bit." Or if it is not worth it just let it go. That's OK, too.

OK. Showers for 2nd, 3rd, etc babies. I have a friend that believes that every baby deserves a celebration. It has been my experience that people want to celebrate and want to give. My last baby we had a shower about a month after he was born. I really appreciated that, especially since a mouse family had moved into the box of baby clothes while it was in storage. The guests liked it because, they got to see and hold and coo over the baby. It was a nice way to celebrate his birth. I have another friend that had a shower that was a diaper and wipes shower. Don't feel obligated to register anywhere. If people ask what you need, just tell them. You may find that you get everything that is necessary and then some without the formality of a shower.

Congratulations on your new baby. I do think that the 4th baby shower would be a little much. Your mother may be embarrassed to invite people who have been to #1, #2, #3 and to those she held for your sisters and SIL's. I think it would be ok to register for some things you need because if people ask about a shower or what you need you could refer them to your wish list. I would also send out info through family and friends that you would sincerely appreciate any "hand me downs" if they know of someone that would like to pass them on to you. You better go shopping and plan to have some of the basics on hand. After the baby is born, close friends might want to stop by with a gift for the new baby, but I don't think you should count on family or friends to stock your baby supplies.

So glad to see your update/response. Reading some of the advice made me sad, people can be so tacky. Anywho, if you find the right time, I would let your mom know that her outlook or attitude about the whole thing hurts a little and that yes, you don't expect anything from her shower wise, but you do expect her love and support (take what you will from that, seeing that I don't know your mom at all :) But from a friend's point of view, I wouldn't think anything of a shower for your baby, I would be excited. So if someone offers, go for it. Those that have a problem won't come. But otherwise, people important to you and your family would probably love to support you. Even if it is a diaper party or hand me down party, maybe that takes big expectations away, but you KNOW people will be buying you girly stuff, it is what we women love to do! Congrats on your new addition! What a blessing. May God bless you and your family. HE WILL PROVIDE!

Hey Hi,
I'm sorry for the rude comments you recieved, just let them go. AND I think it's great if you want to throw yourself a shower. Send invitations, to your house, if you want, send husband and kids away. And then just make like brownies and a fruit plate or what ever you want, just snacks. It doesn't have to be a big meal. And ask a friend or 2 to help you. Don't overburden yourself, but it's ok to throw yourself a shower. You deserve it. I've been to one and it was great.

I truly don't know what to tell you. I hate showers. I especially hate them for myself. Didn't have wedding showers for my 2 weddings. Didn't have a baby shower for the first baby - I was 20 and it was an unplanned baby. I tried to NOT have a shower for the second baby 20 years later but some girlfriends surprised me even though I told them not to. just about 6 girls. I guess I always think if someone buys something for me or the baby that is great but I have a problem registering which is basically to me telling someone what to buy me. I KNOW I AM WEIRD all my friends tell me that. They actually like showers. I just felt it is my baby and up to me to get everything the baby needs. And if someone wants to bring something they can and I would be delighted but to plan a day for everyone to bring gifts I just can't bring myself to do it.

A hand me down shower is definitely a great idea though. If I had thought of that maybe I would have let my friends do it. Because I do know how much I hate getting rid of my daughters things and if I have someone to give them to it makes me feel better about getting rid of it and it helps someone else. I get to clean out drawers and closets and someone else benefits. So that being said - go for it on the hand me down shower. Sounds fun and helpful for everyone.

I think you should invite her. Let her be the judge if she comes to the shower or not. The last thing you want to do is hurt her feelings regardless if she hurt yours or not. Take the higher road and tell her she is more than welcome to come if she would like.

You have to understand on some level though why she is upset. She has thrown you 3 showers and asked friends and family to buy you things that you gave away. Regardless if you meant to or anything like that. I think if you try to understand it also from her side you will have a better understanding at her frustration.

I would see if someone would throw you a hand-me-down shower. That would be a great idea and it gets around the question of the appropriateness having a shower for the 4th baby. You could put on the invitations that you need everything for a baby girl except the crib, carseat and stroller. If I got an invitation like that, I would clean out my daughter's closet LOL! Best of luck to you!

Your mom is being a stinker- how rude. Anyway, yeah, get a girlfriend to throw you a hand-me-down shower- that is an awesome idea!! Don't feel bad for a second about having a 4th baby shower, if I was invited to someone having a 4th shower, I'd certainly go without thinking twice about it. I'd bring diapers and the invited hand-me-downs and be super excited for the mother-to-be! That's what nice people do!

It is lovely for friends and family to get together in support of a new mom. But I think the whole point of a shower is to support new moms.

Please don't have your feelings hurt about not having a fourth baby shower. I don't know any person who has had more than one. Then it is our turn, as experienced moms, to "shower" our friends who are first time moms with love and support.

And, if your mom is freed from the obligation of hosting a party, she might be more able to help you out financially when you do start shopping for necessities. As for your friends, your very close friends will get you a little something anyway or fix a dinner after you get home from the hospital.

Good luck and have a wonderful birth!

Typically, showers are given by friends, not family. It isn't your mother's responsibility to give you a shower....so please don't be offended that she isn't able to do it this time. I would register somewhere so that if people ask, they will have a selection of the things you want/need. God will provide....and I'm sure your friends and family will welcome the new baby with a gift.....so a shower won't even be necessary. Congratulations!!!!!

In the community I am raised in, a shower is only giving for the first baby, an never by the mother, or a sister. just our tradition. Having said that, have you tried going to a second hand store, good will etc. Sometimes you find excellent baby furniture there cheep, because it isn't wore out, maybe was only used a few months by one baby. you can disenfect it easy . Also baby clothes sometimes in those places still have the tags on them or are like new, because there again, maybe haven't been wore over once or twice. I know it is great to have all new things, but if you have friends asking if you have registered anywhere I'd do it, and then the ones that want to buy you something will know what you need most, and the hand me down shower sounds great, if someone wants to give you one.

congrats on your pregnancy! that is wonderful! regardless of if anyone decides to throw you a shower, i think registering would be a great idea. for me, it helped me remember what i needed to get. plus, at babies r us, after your baby is born, they will send you a 10% off coupon for everything that is left on your registry. and then you will be in their system and start getting their coupon packs in the mail, which is nice.
have you thought about a sip and see? a party after the baby is born to let everyone see your new addition? a lot of my friends who have 2nd, 3rd, or 4th babies have sip and sees instead of traditional showers. just an idea.
lastly, ask your friends if they have any of the big stuff you can borrow (bouncy seats, swings, exersaucers, etc). for me, that stuff isn't worth buying new because you only use it for a few months. even though you might feel like you can't function without it those months :) if you are going to have to buy anything new, i'd suggest a new carseat since it's a necessity and a safety precaution. it's no big if the swing your baby uses is a little dated, but the carseat should be as safe as possible (just my 2 cents).
good luck with your last few weeks!
~T.

Honestly, I think you have been quite blessed to have had 3 showers already. A lot of people have showers for the first baby only...I've heard of second showers for the other baby but it was a long gap in between (10 years). So I think you should keep that in mind.

If your sole purpose in having the shower is about getting things for your baby, then I think you should just put the word out that you are willing to accept hand me downs from those willing to give. I believe the baby shower should be a celebration of the baby. Yes, gifts are great and help out a lot but that shouldn't be the motivation. So maybe just a small gathering, letting people bring their hand me downs and not focusing on what you are getting is what you should do. But this is all my opinion--i do hope it helps though.

I personally don't think it's appropriate to have a shower that many times. Etiquette says it should only be for the first one but I understand on the others because of the time and the different sex. That is a lot to ask of your family and friends. You know they will give you gifts when you have the baby or come see you in the hospital, but it should not be something that is forced upon them by a shower. Giving is of the heart and those who want to give you something in congratulations will do so.

Hello,

Well I completely understand where you are coming from. I have 3 babies and all 3 years apart. I never asked for a shower either but I had one for each because I have a wonderful mother, mother-n-law and fabulous friends and family! You are never prepared for a baby unless you do plan. I would say if you have friends and family willing to throw you one thats awesome.When they ask you if anyone is throwing you one just honestly tell them that no one is but if they have any baby stuff they are trying to get rid of to let you know. I hope everything works out for you!!! Also congratulations!!

I didn't scroll down to read all 32 responses, so if somebody else has said this, please disregard. My church has a clothes closet and the items are free. It will be open this Saturday from 9-5. I am donating alot of baby girl clothes (0-6 months). It is at Cornerstone Baptist Church in Fort Worth, TX. www.cbcfamily.org

When a close friend asks if you are having a shower, tell her no but you would love it if one of your friends threw one for you. HINT, HINT. Your friends are assuming your mom will do it, so they haven't thought of doing it for you. Give them a chance to come through.

D. Kimbriel
Grandma to 2 beautiful boys

Dear D.,

Your mom sounds related to mine. YES, I'd be hurt by her words "you didn't plan very well" but at the same time, like you, I wouldn't expect something of her she couldn't afford. She just threw in something she thought that did not have to be said. I'm sure she will love the new grandchild just as much. Isn't it interesting how deeply we feel it when our mothers aren't supportive? We can take such a HUGE lesson from this and apply it when our own children are grown. It seems so far away right now but one day it might make a HUGE difference in our own child's life but for the positive.

Since you DO need things, then go ahead and register for what you need. You can tell people where you're registered at and you can also say hand-me-downs are welcome. I always leave the answer to the question-Are you having a baby shower? sort of open. In the case of my two girls, I didn't know who was doing it or when until two weeks before. I also didn't want to ask anyone to do it for me either. So I simlply said "Well, if I am I'll be sure to invite you." :) Or "I'm not sure who is planning it this time, if anyone but if there is one, I do hope you'll come."

Personally, I'm ready to have my third but may not be able to. I've had so much difficulty and have lost babies before, between and after both my girls and it's been 4 years since my last miracle pregnancy so I don't know.

Let me recommend you look at Once Upon A Child for furniture. The items are in good shape and MUCH cheaper than NEW!! I WILL go that route if I am blessed with the opportunity again.

I wanted 6 when I got married. I've lost 6 but do have my 2 so I am trying to be content with what I do have. Blessings to you and the new baby!

I am pregnant with my 3rd and since I have a boy and a girl thought it might be tacky of me to have another one. I just figured if anyone wanted to get the baby something great and if not no pressure. I got rid of all of my stuff just like you except the crib so I am anxious to read your responses because I'm not sure what we are going to do either. I'm sorry you found out so late that you weren't getting any help. I am still pretty early so was just going to buy a little here and there. The hand me down shower sounds pretty cool though.

Hi D., I think every baby deserves a baby shower! Can you have the shower at your house, moms house, or a friends house? If not, is there another location that is cheaper? Don't let money stand in the way of celebrating your new baby. You will want pictures and memories for this child just like all your other kids have.

I do love the idea of a hand me down shower, I've also been to a diaper shower that was loads of fun. Everyone brought a pack of diapers as a gift and all the games played had to do with diapers such as guessing what smell is in several diapers, putting a diaper on a baby doll while blindfolded, etc. Whatever you decide to do, have fun and enjoy the ride!

Congratulations. I agree there is nothing wrong with having a registry. When it comes to babies people love to shop and want to get things you can use.

D.,
Just an idea...my sister-in-law felt it was bad luck to celebrate the birth of her baby BEFORE the fact, so they had a party after the baby was born - for everyone to come meet him. I wouldn't put anything on the invitations about "Registered at...", but when people RSVP, some (if not all) will ask you where you're registered or what you need and you can tell them then.

Congratulations on your new little one! I'm sorry to hear about the comment from your mom about not planning. I know that had to sting just a little, even if she is happy about it.

Here is my thought. Register somewhere. If someone asks where you are registered, they have an interest in giving a gift to you and the new baby. So at least you'll have a list of the things you need-which looks like everything lol.

The hand-me-down shower is a great idea too if you're open to that. I just donated a lot of my daughters things that looked practically new! I just didn't know anyone who needed them. If I had, I would be more than happy to give it.

I would just put the word out to family and friends that you got rid of everything and I think you're spot-on when you say the Lord will provide. People who hear and know will most likely be willing to give or donate what they have.

Good Luck!

I'm not Mexican, but I do looooooooooove parties! My friends and I love to get together and celebrate life changes. It doesnt matter to us if it's the first, second, fifth, sixth, etc. Babies are fun. Pregnancy is a blessing. Celebrate it!
If someone offers to throw you a shower, go for it! Take lots of photos and have a great time. It will make it easier to fill in that "shower" spot in the baby book. =)

I'm going to have to disagree with all previous responses. Baby showers are only for the first baby. If you decide to get rid of your baby "stuff" without making absolutely certain there won't be another baby, then you'll have to buy everything again. Registering or expecting gifts would be very bad manners. Bringing someone a small gift or friends having a little diaper shower for other pregnancies is ok, but not big showers or registering. A person should never hint at or ask for a shower to be given to them. That is just rude. I'm sure your family will be of help by loaning or giving you things they no longer need for the baby or even splurging on some new items. Good luck and congratulations!!

do the hand me down shower. that would be fun!

if you live in the plano area, the junior league of plano is having a rummage sale at the plano centre (spring creek/jupiter) on saturday , 4/4/09 beginning at 8:00 am. good stuff!

D., I really don't think that you can expect your mom to give you another shower. I agree that God has blessed you again, children are a precious gift that God has put into our lives. The hand me down shower sounds great. Things that you want to start out with new, would probably be fairly inexpensive. And a lot of used things can be sterialized and used. In these tough economic times, this is a good way for your friends to bless you. I think that a diaper shower would be nice. How about a money tree in addition to a hand me down shower. Trust your friends to step in, I know that my church friends are awesome. Remember that God has promised to take care of the birds of the air and he will take care of you, even more so.
God Bless,
J. W.

You can't throw a shower for yourself, and if your mom doesn't want to throw you one, then you are out of luck. If one of those friends who asks if you are having a shower offers to have one for you, then I'd say OK...if not, then you are just out. Like you said, friends that know you gave everything away and know that you will be in need will give you things...

if someone offers to do something then great, that's why there's registries. but otherwise you might want to buy some basics just in case. i hated the shower i had with my first, so i'm glad i got to skip that with my second, even if i had to buy most of the stuff myself.

Hey -
I totally understand your feelings. And, I totally understand your mom's feelings. So, I think you just need to prepare for your baby on your own. When I had my 2nd baby, I was not expecting a baby shower at all because she was my 2nd baby. However, I had gotten rid of all my baby stuff as well and so I needed almost everything. I went to a consignment sell here in Tyler and bought almost everything I needed at a fraction of the cost. The next consignment sell is April 9,10,11. You seriously would not believe the bargains at this sell. Maybe you could plan a shopping trip WITH your mom to come to this sell?

The sell is best on Thursday. By Saturday, most of the "good" stuff is gone. But, they sell everything - furniture, clothes, toys. They accept cash and credit cards. www.cccsale.com

Good luck!
L.

I would absolutely go register. I am having my 2nd girl 9 years apart. I actually still had a lot of clothes left from my daughter packed away that I never got around to getting rid of. But all the other stuff I needed was gone. We are not expecting much to be purchased off of it, but it was a great organizational tool for me to remember what I needed. They gave check lists! Also, Babies R Us gives a discount to the expecting parents on the items not purchased within a week of the delivery date. That alone is reason enough to register for me. Both of our parents live in Europe and we will be buying the big items ourselves, any discount is welcome! I would tell anyone on here who tells me that I should not have another baby shower to bite me. We are all individuals with separate circumstances, different friends etc. My friends were more than happy to come to my baby shower even though it wasn't my first. Some "etiquette rules" are for the uptight and miserable in my opinion. I prefer to live and let live. You can also throw a diaper party for yourself and invite your close friends who you know won't get caught up in etiquette, and will want to celebrate a new life. Blessings from God trump etiquette every single time!

Hi D.! I don't think there's a thing wrong w/having another shower! It's not like you planned for any of this to go the way it did! And I don't think it's very nice to say that you didn't plan very well! Stuff happens! Here's an idea though. I know alot of places like Target, for example,have a wish list. It's for stuff you'd like to have. It can be just for your own, or if people ask if you're having a shower, you can just say, "not that I know of, but I DO happen to have a wish list @ Target (or wherever else)because I donated all of my baby stuff just a couple of weeks ago & I need to get everything all over again!" It's the truth & ya never know...you may still get a baby shower!? I hope everything works out for you! Oh Yea, I think you go about a wish list like you do when you register for a wedding or a shower. You might even be able to do it online. I'm not sure! I hope all goes wll! Take care! S.

You have had 3 baby showers, where really only one is necessary. You should feel lucky that you were given that many. The purpose of a shower is typically to get all the stuff for NEW mothers. If it is a matter of finances, as you know since you have had 3 children, you don't NEED as much as the stores and books tell you you need. The basics are all you need. If someone offers to get you a gift, that's fine, but you shouldn't be pouting because of this.

I have many clients who have "sprinkles" for there 3/4 babies or if you need the stuff then have a shower. each baby should be showered with love and gifts just like the first.

a cute way to word the invitation is

Pins, Diapers, Bottles Galore
Jack and Jill are having one more!
Big siblings have plenty to share
This is only a "sprinkle" to show that we care.

If you need invitations, thank yous, annoucements or party favors give me a call.

A. J
www.celebritypartyfavors.com

Since people are being kind enough to ask about a shower for this new baby, perhaps you could get the word out that hand-me-downs would be very welcome! Everyone has a high chair or bouncy seat or gently-used crib sheets just taking up space, and I bet they'd love to find a good new home for their perfectly good baby things. People can get the things to you without having a party, which makes it easier on everyone's schedule.

As for the etiquette, I agree with others--only one baby shower (unless you are having twins or there's been a long gap between babies) and never should they be hosted by a close family member.

I hope that what I say I will not hurt your feelings but I think that you should in no way expect your mother (nor be hurt that she does not want) to throw you another shower. It is customary (and everyone I know has followed this) to get one shower (the first baby) and MAYBE a second or additional(s) if the sex is different or the baby is a late addition. And it sounds, and is very likely with the bad economy, that your mom may be money strapped or would at least rather spend that "shower" money somehow else on your child instead of another (and possibly considered extravagant and un-needed in her mind) party.

You said you weren't too concerned about providing for the baby. And a shower, from whomever and however, is a gift. Gifts should never be expected nor should they be asked for. My suggestions: go ahead and register for necessities. I don't see that as an out of the ordinary thing (I know others that registered for babies beyond the first or second or even third and that were not expecting a shower) and you are not asking for those things; you need them and if not provided to you, you will have to buy them yourself. If someone wants to buy you something, they can, and the registry will give them a guide. If they ask, you can tell them where you are registered but I would not advertise the registry. I would not register for anything outside of needs (if the item is a bit of a cost but needed, that is ok but don't go over-board and register for the most expensive of the necessity selection) as that may be seen to some as tacky. If someone wants to get you something extravagant, they can choose it on their own.
As for someone giving you a shower, well if someone really wants to, LET THEM. BUT that said, I would in no way expect it or ask for it and If thrown, I would let it up to the host to decide what type of shower and how extravagant (or simple) it should be and what type of gifts to expect. In my opinion, the hand-me-down shower sounds the best in your situation but I would not ask someone to throw it for you and sure as heck would not suggest you throwing it for yourself. And, if someone volunteers to throw you a shower, you could suggest the hand-me-down shower but I would not expect them to have to follow that idea if the host does not want to either, as the host is giving you a gift and what that gift entails should be the host's choice, possibly guided by you if she asks. I've also seen diaper showers for showers of subsequent children.
If you end up having to buy things, well you sold your previous at re-sale shops so I would take that money you received from your re-sale sales of your other children's items and re-invest in back into what you need for your next child at re-sale shops therefore hopefully not loosing much money. That way, you are taking what you made from your kids items and re-investing it for your next kid's items in the same type of business scene (re-sale shop) for the same type of quality and getting more for your buck than if you would buy new.

Like I said, these are just my suggestions and I hope not to offend.
Best of luck with your new addition. And yes, God will provide! Only the first two years or so do you go through supplies, toys, and clothes like mad. After that, your new one will fit right in with the general expenses as the other 3, not much more for one addition.

Well, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but immediate family members should never give you a shower.

In your situation now---why don't you ask some of your friends with older babies, if they have things you can borrow or have clothing items to hand-me-down. As you said many babies have more clothes that they can possibly wear out.

Also, garage sale are a great place to pick up baby items. And lets face it--just how much does a baby really need anyhow?

God bless and congratulations on the new baby.