I just wanted some thoughts on whether Moms thought I was justified at feeling annoyed at this. I just recently had a daughter and her name is a family last name and very special to me. Before we had her we didn't know what we were having so we had a boys name picked out and have had the girls name decided for years and years since it's a family name. A few months after I got pregnant, my husband's brother and his wife announced they were pregnant. Upon discussions with my MIL, I found out that their boys name was almost exactly the same as our boys name, basically Colin and Cullen. Then I come to find out that their girls name Rhymes with my girls name, and they always knew what our girls name was going to be. Since we didn't know what we were going to have I had planned to change my boys name so in case they had a boy the names wouldn't be too similar, although I was annoyed that they didn't catch on to the fact that the names sounded too similar. But for the girls name, there was no way I was going to change b/c of the special meaning behind it. So,we had the girl and named her the family name hoping that if they found out they were having a girl too that they would change their name. But it doesn't seem like they are and I'm just pretty annoyed b/c I know that I would NEVER do that if their baby arrived first. I would just find another name. I think it sounds stupid and I know my husband won't say anything to his brother. I just don't see how they don't realize that MAYBE we'd be a little annoyed at that....I mean get your own name, don't just change the first letter of my daughter's name. Am I crazy for feeling this way????
Just to clarify to the first few responses the name I picked is my Maiden name, so that's why it's special and their name isn't honoring anyone. They've known this was our name since before our first son was born 4 years ago. And of course I'll welcome the baby with open arms, I love her already...it's her Mom and Dad I'm slightly annoyed at. :)
Hi, J.:
No, you are crazy for feeling this way. What is the
underlying thoughts on this issues?
Do you think the children will grow to be friends?
Good luck. D.
I don't think you're crazy... but you ARE upset enough that you're contradicting yourself.
What if their daughter had been born and named before yours? You say you would never change your daughter's name because you've had it picked out for years and it's special to you... and then later when you put yourself in their shoes, you say it wouldn't matter to you, you'd just name her something different.
We have a similar thing in our family (a LOT of old names), and we actually get duplicates of the same name in the SAME GENERATION. Not to mention multiple generations. In our fam, the naming of a child is a personal thing... but there is also a tradition of naming each child after the maternal and paternal grandparents for the first child, and then stepping back as many generations as desired for following children. Some do the 4 name thing (like we did, with grandparent names as middle names) and some do the 3 name thing.
You might not be able to appreciate it now, but your DH is showing good sense in not telling his brother his baby's name is stupid. Because while you might be annoyed... imagine if you BIL/SIL came to you or were telling others that YOUR daughter's name was stupid?
Sounds like a great compliment to me! The cousins will be close, your brother and his wife may be taking their lead from you without even realizing it. Sounds like a rich normal family life to me! Enjoy them all!
Let it go. It doesn't sound like they picked the name because of the name you picked. And from your own admission, there was no way you were going to change your girl's name because that particular name was special to you. Perhaps the name they picked was the only one they both liked. Should they change it because you happen to like a similar name? Maybe they feel like they picked THEIR name first and you swooped in and named YOUR daughter something similar! =) In our family, there are two cousins named Hayley and Shaylee. It hasn't caused any problems. The little girls like that they have similar names, actually.
I do understand, but I think you need to let it go. It would be different if they were planning on naming their daughter the exact same name as your daughter, but they are different (even though they may sound similar). My uncle and his wife liked some of the same names that my hubby and I liked. I was livid when I found out, but mostly because we had had our names picked out for years, and they were picking the EXACT same name. In the end, they chose different ones, so it didn't matter, but I say let it go. Enjoy your new niece and appreciate the fact that they didn't steal your name, just found one that was similar. Congratulations on your new little one!
You're not crazy. But the truth is that these kids will not be living with each other. Even if they go the same school, they DO have different names, and they will certainly have differing personalities. Who knows what nicknames they will end up having, etc? We have an Emma and Emily the same age, and 2 Mikes and a few Chris/Kris/Krissys in our family. It doesn't matter- all are loved, and all are individuals.
I suggest you take the high road, and welcome their new baby (whatever they name it) with open arms. Be grateful your daughter will have a cousin her own age- and don't let your resentment get in the way of having a supportive relationship with your SIL, MIL, etc.
I know it's hard for you, but, honestly, some people just don't see things the way other do, and, clearly, your BIL and his wife are those people. It's ok, it's not personal, and you wouldn't want someone else making you feel badly about the names YOU picked out, right? Let them enjoy their own baby experience, too.
You're not crazy. That's annoying. But naming a baby is so personal. Do they have reasons for choosing those names, as you do? Is there an uncle or someone they are trying to honor? Or could they maybe envy you and your husband? If they haven't caught on, maybe it's subconcious. I can't believe it would be meant to annoy you. Could you bring it up jokingly in a lighthearted conversation that "hey that's gonna be confusing for gramma to keep em straight." or "wow, the kids are gonna grow up best friends, they even have the same name." Planting a little seed may just do the trick without offending.
You're not crazy, but I wouldn't let it get to you. Honestly, if the girls are close in age (which it sounds as though they might be) they might really love it!
We gave my son the middle name of my husband's late father's name. His sister had an absolutely fit that we used the name and that we didn't "respect" their father enough to use it as a first name but relegated it to a middle name. She said that if we hadn't used the name first she was going to use it for her son's first name and that we should have consulted her first before "stealing" the name. We were absolutely stunned, mainly because she was not married and there was no indication that any kids would be in her future. Now, 8 years later still no husband and no kids but still mad at us for using the name :-)!
Good luck,
K.
Yes you have the right to be frustrated, but truely, you have nothing to defend. Your daughter was born first, so the ones defending the naming of their child, if need be, will be them. Not you.
As for the names being similar, perhaps she just likes the sound of the name and isn't bothered by the fact that its your daughter's with one letter different. I have 2 nephews, they are first cousins, born 6m apart. They are BOTH named Tyler. I think its a bit odd, but the mom of the youngest one doesn't care. She like the name and figures that the two boys aren't together very often so its not a problem. My son gets a bit confused, but again, they aren't together very often.
M.
If the name they chose isn't the exact same as yours, rhyming isn't such a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Just because their name isn't a family name doesn't mean it's not special to them. I would let it go.
This is why I keep my baby's name a secret until it is on the birth certificate. lol
You are not crazy, your feelings are your.
I know just how frustrated I would be if I were in your shoes but I'm also prone to keep things to myself. You have choices though because the situation is what it is. You can either choose to be frustrated, choose to be honored (imitation is the sincerest form of flattery) or you can choose to just let it go and focus on other things.
I would just consider it an honor instead of an offense.
This is all a very hormonal / emotional time for everyone involved! I do understand your being upset, but you have to let it go. This is one of those things that people can easily get worked up about and there is no point. Names are not "property" , your daughter does not "own" the name, even if it is a family name, and names cannot be "reserved." You picked the name you want, they picked they name they want. Just decide that it's great the two of you both have good taste in picking lovely names. Who knows, maybe the girls will be the best of friends and love having names that are so close. Twenty years from now, do you want to have wasted time being mad about this, or worse, ruined relationships over this? By the way, I just looked at your name.... probably when you were born every other baby girl was named Jennifer. It's OK to share the same or similar name!
