Baby #2? - Los Angeles,CA

The decision was made for me with failed birth control... I had my 2nd not too far from a year after my first. We also have no family and I suffer from PPD. Offsetting factors were we could afford some paid help and my mom did come for a month. And my husband wanted 4 kids so he was thrilled! Didn't mean he actually helped a lot though... And his attitude was still poor at times. But you're not too old at all! I was around 38 when #2 was born. I know plenty of 1st time moms at 40 too. re: PPD, you know this time. So if the medication works, you don't have to mess around. I wouldn't let that stop you. Wait a couple of months to start trying and then chances are you'll have been at this job well over a year by the time you deliver #2. Save like crazy now if you need to to be able to hire some help after the baby to lighten the load. And then - if it hadn't been decided for me, I wonder when I'd have gone for #2 also. I still wasn't sleeping bc #1 didn't, it was horrible, I cried when I found out I was pregnant again and to be honest, the first 2 years were rough. But then it got better so I'm thankful I was kind of forced into it. So all I can say is I'm glad now and you'll have a bigger age gap which will make it a bit easier.

I have a single child. I don't say "only" because that implies that something is missing. For us, this was right. I was 37 and my husband was 41, and he had 2 older kids. I went through a lot of infertility treatments but it was a decision to stop at 1, not something we got stuck with.

And I agree that the stigma about singletons is ridiculous. They aren't selfish and spoiled, they aren't lonely because they didn't have siblings. They can learn to share in other ways, they can make friends wherever they go (school, vacations, etc.) and so on. My son has tremendous leadership skills, is great with all kinds of people, is a terrific conversationalist, and so on - all from having to create social situations. And we were able to send him to a wonderful college (with some loans and some aid and some scholarships - a patchwork of help) and he had a phenomenal 4 years.

There are other things you can do to reduce the depression that mesh well with meds and therapy - I work with a lot of women who had terrible PPD who got great relief. Many are actually off their meds. I had depression before I had my child, so I had some PPD on top of the existing depression. I saw a therapist and took antidepressants for years. I'm medication-free now. I take a great women's product and I'm not only weaned off my meds, I'm never sick and I can work out 6 days a week (also great for my mood).

Are you working with your therapist on your job and pregnancy issues? It's important to get the point where you CHOOSE to have one child rather than feel it's chosen FOR you by outside pressures. There are a lot of women in their early 40s who have children successfully, so I don't think you should panic. There's nothing magic about "40" vs. 38 or 42. It's very individual.

Happy to talk more if you like.

I have one child. I was 40 when he was born - easy pregnancy, took us 2 weeks to get pregnant so I assume we could have done it again. I would NOT have another child so your daughter will have a sibling. They may or may not get along, they may be close, they may not. I honestly think of it like getting a dog as company for the dog you have. BAD idea. You get a dog because you want one - not because your dog might. Of course dogs and kids are different but you get the idea.

I truly think you should both 100% want another child before you decide to have one. Neither one of us did and we are very happy with one.

I always worry when parents say they want to have a child to give their infant a sibling. I think you are smart to consider age, income and your health. Many factors played into being a mom to an only daughter, I have never regretted it for one second.

You just do it. The second kid is so much easier. You know what to expect, youve adapted to your new life, and the PPD isn't usually as bad --in fact , my one friend skipped it the second time around.

You are still young. We didn't even start until I was 35!

I can tell you that I had a million fears about having a third, but this pregnancy has been my easiest, and I have no doubt the first year will be much easier than with the other two. I just feel it now that I swallowed my fears and decided to have my little blessing.

As the mom of a happy, well-adjusted, un-lonely only child, I'm always surprised when people feel like they need to "give" their child a sibling, or like they're missing out when they only have one.

Of course, if you and your husband decide, together, that you're ready to have another, more power to you, but I would also encourage you to think in terms of IF you should have a second, not just WHEN.

Growing up as an only child is different than growing up with siblings, but it's not lesser or worse. There are trade-offs both ways.

I can't tell you how I decided to have a second child (obviously), but as someone who decided to stick with one primarily (though not entirely) for financial reasons, it's not a decision I regret.

If your husband has that much of a negative reaction, it's probably not a good time.

I am sooo happy I decided for the second one! Not only I discovered that is possible to love so much as your first one but I love to see them playing together and how important they are to each other. Of course they fight all the time as all siblings do but they also protect each other and are so happy together. And to top it off she is a mommy's girl, she loves to,hug me and cuddle with me and say nice things all the time... How much I would have missed had I decided to have only one!!!

I did not decide as much as my body did of the timing, It took me more than 7 months and a miscarriage in between to get pregnant with my second one. The first one I stopped birth control and 10 days later I was pregnant.

Income was never a mayor decision maker for a baby, is more what my husband and I wanted and always envisioned as having our family complete.

You know, because it feels like someone is missing. For me, it was like they were there, but, almost like it might feel if some stole them. My heart ached.

This is odd for me, because I didn't want any children. Ever. I wasn't even sure I wanted to get married. I was happy with my career and had my own time and flexibility. I accidentally got pregnant 7 months into my marriage and I cried. I wasn't ready. I had our baby and it was better than I could have imagined. Then, I got pregnant with baby #2. I was terrified, but knew that my son needed a sibling and I was more open to the idea of having children than I was with the first one. Fast forward....I have 4 kids and once I got pregnant with #4....I KNEW I was done. I have NO desire for more children. I have a friend who just had her 8th baby and she finally feels done. People would tell that you know...and you do. You just know.

PS I had PPD, but was able to have it completely gone in 3 days. It came on fast and hard and BAD. I started taking Drenamin from Standard Process. My doc put me on 10 of them a day and within about 12 hours, I was perfect. It's for adrenal exhaustion, which can lead to anxiety, depression, etc. and it worked like a charm for me. It's completely natural AND the little that the baby got through breast milk made him super happy. I took it during my pregnancy with the stress I was under and then stopped and felt fine and then after the birth, I dove DEEP. It pulled me back out within 12 hours.

Good luck!

I am also 35. My second child is about to turn 1 year old, and he has been such a wonderful blessing to our whole family, and his big brother (4yrs old) loves him with all his heart. So far, you have gotten a lot of "pro's" on being an only child, so I will give you some "pro's" about having a sibling. Only you will know which is the right choice for your family. Siblings have a lifelong confidant that understands them and where they have come from. Someone to vent to when mad at mom and dad. Someone to confide in when you cant talk to mom and dad. Someone to look out for them and to have their back and give them advice. Someone to play with on vacations. Someone to help them learn how to share, how to wait, how to take turns, how to tell jokes, I could go on and on. Yes, you can get this from friends or close extended family too, but its not the same as having a sibling. Having a sibling also allows your future grandchildren to eventually have cousins & aunts/uncles. Lots of great things about siblings!

Maybe hubby just needs a little more time to process. It is hard to think about having a baby when you have a 15 month old because she is still a baby herself and not enough time has passed to help him forget the sleepless nights, etc. Maybe table it for 3 months and talk again. I was not ready when my son was 15 months, he was about 2.5 before I really thought I could do it again!

As far as the PPD, that may be different next time around, but even if you have it again, at least you are aware and know how to seek treatment if needed. Many women never ask for help, so good for you for getting help!

At the end of the day, you will have to listen to your heart. Do you want another child in your life? (I dont say baby b/c they arent babies for long!!) If the answer is yes, then you can work through any of these obsticals!

PS - Did I mention I am considering #3? Yikes!!!