Baby #2 - Johnson,VT

I felt like that too... when I was pregnant with my 2nd child.
My eldest at the time, was 3 years old.
It is a good age, to have a 2nd child.
It was for me, although it was not planned that way.

When I had my 2nd child, I STILL had all those great feelings about my eldest, and then with my 2nd child.
Don't worry.
There is plenty of love to go around.
A Mommy's love, is not finite or constricted.
It just grows.
And you will, do what you have to do... all over again with another baby.

My eldest, LOVED having a sibling.
They are very close.
2 peas in a pod.
And it is wonderful, to be a family of 4.

One thing though: when I was pregnant with my 2nd child, I spent 'my' pregnancy, as "prepping" my eldest, for having a sibling. SHE was having a baby too. I spent TONS of time on just her... so that she transitioned and adapted well, to having her baby brother.
So by the time I brought my 2nd child home, she was not all shocked about it and she still knew her place in the family. She was secure about the whole process. I explained to her, what will happen, what a baby does, that I nurse him, that he will cry and wake. That she is STILL, "my first baby, always." I spent lots of time, explaining things to her... and she had 'bonded' with her baby brother already, while he was still in my tummy.

I ALSO explained to my Eldest, that as Mommy's tummy grows, I will need to rest and nap. And we would do that TOGETHER. She understood. I also explained to her that as Mommy's tummy grows, I cannot carry her or might not be able to move fast or do things... and that going up the stairs, might be hard for me.
She then, really understood. She was a real trooper. Because, I explained things to her, in a way she could understand.

I also let her, express any feelings she had or any questions. I told her I am always there for her. I do NOT expect her, to suddenly act, all grown up... because I know, she is still a little girl, too. Even if she will be having a sibling.

We're currently expecting baby #3 after having twins. So, I can answer some of your questions. As for dividing your attention - yes, you have to do this, but it gets much easier. I think I struggled the most when they were newborns, but after a couple of months I realized that they could both sense my love and things would be okay.

You might want to think about starting to transition your daughter into her own room soon. That way when the baby comes she won't feel like the baby kicked her out of your room. Make the new room sound so exciting she can't wait to get in there. It's a big girls room! Have her help pick out the decor/bedding.

As for the energy while being pregnant, sorry, I'm still trying to figure that one out! My twins are two and sure do give me a run for my money. I've found that some days I just lay on the couch, turn on the TV, and will try to catch a mini-nap for a half-hour. Even though I never truly fall asleep, this gives me the rest I need after a full day of working (my husband and I work opposite shifts, too, so I can't rest at night as much as I need).

Congratulations to you! Good luck!

Hello K., First and most importantly, you need to realize that you are feeling very normal thoughts and apprehensions that most of us went through. I think it would really help you if you purposely tried to focus on that and balance it with trying to understand this: (speaking for myself & every Mom, sister & friend whom I have spoken with about this), each one of us loved our first child so incredibly deeply that, once we were happily (we all wanted to have another child) pregnant with our 2nd, we began to have all those thoughts that you are now experiencing. I remember looking into my 2 1/2 yr-old daughter's crib while she was sleeping and softly promising her that I would always love her as much and don't want to hurt her in any way by giving some of my love to her new sibling. I wasted many tears on this and prayed to God promising him that this new precious baby would never know that I loved our first so much more deeply, and that I would do everything in my power to give our new baby a happy home & love, etc. etc. Within a week of going through all this for a few weeks, my Mom came to me and quietly told me (I had not told her or anybody about what I was going through) a story of when she was nearing giving birth to me -- my older sister was just barely 2. I was totally shocked to hear that she went through the same agony! Then she hugged me and said she promised that I would love this new baby exactly the same as our first. She did this with such gentle conviction that I suddenly began to believe it (though I harbored some doubts). A few weeks after giving birth to our 2nd precious baby, all of this came flooding back one day while holding him -- I could not imagine life without him already and could not possibly love him more AND we harbored no feelings of "taking love away from our first to give to our 2nd" -- it just doesn't happen that way. Our hearts & bodies immediately enlarge so these same deep feelings extend to both - I guess God simply gave us this ability - thank goodness. Just as we never consider not having another baby because of the physical pain of childbirth, we never love each new baby any less than the first. Hope this helps. E. T

HI. First of all congrats!! I have a girl who just turned 4 in Dec. and our little boy was born Nov 12th. I wish I could calm your fears down but I have to be honest - with 2 its really hard!! My 4yo who was overall a very good kid has now turned into a monster since the baby was born - we try and give her "her time" but its really hard to deal with her crying when the baby is crying also. She is a real good helper with the baby though and I love to see her interact with him and she does really love him. I dont regret having a second kid (it took us a year to concieve him) but anyone who tells you its not harder having two is lying!!! I really admire those women out there that have more than 2 - I just dont have the energy or patience I guess. Good luck!!!

For me, transitioning from 1 to 2 was way easier than I ever thought it would be. Things just fell into place and worked out. :)

Don't beat yourself up for feeling like this. It is a life changing time and you are allowed to express your concerns!

Congratulations!

First of all congratulations on your growing family!!!

We had our 2nd child almost two years ago at this point (WOW!) and our oldest was 5. I figured "oh that is a great age because she will be so helpful and excited and understand what is happening." Boy was I wrong. While she was so very excited to have a baby sister and loved her to pieces from the time she was born she was also jealous at times. For almost 5 years she had been the only one in our lives getting attention etc. She was also transitioning from preschool to kindergarten. We watched ALOT of TV while daddy was working and I did the best I could. I was lucky enough to be able to lean on some family friends when it got tough. With each passing day it got easier and more routine. By the end of the summer I was actually venturing out with both girls by myself!! (And I survived, more importantly so did the girls!)

I often wondered myself how I would be able to love the second as much as I did but I don't really think it is that way. My girls are so different already that I love both of them just in different ways. When I look at the little one I can't imagine what life was like without her. She loves her sister. When her sister gets off the bus her whole face lights up and she gets to excited. I love it!!

My advice to you is that everything works out in the end. Don't be afraid to ask for and accept help when offered.

Good luck and again congratulations!!

You'll do it because you just kick into a new gear. It's definitely a lot of work having two, but you'll come up with your own system for managing it all. Your daughter definitely won't get the same level of attention, but honestly, that's not a bad thing. It will help her to grow and see herself now as the big sister.

I agree with the suggestion of moving rooms sooner rather than later. Completely separate it from the arrival of the sibling. Make it a special thing completely about her and not at all to do with the baby. I would start very soon with the move so she's well transitioned before you have two children.

As far as your health, it's definitely different second time around, eh? When I went into labor with our second, I honestly wasn't even convinced I was in labor. I was just so not in tune to what was going on with my body because my attention was devoted to our son and family needs. It's not like I had any quiet time to notice anything about myself. It wasn't until the contractions got strong I thought something was up and we packed the bags.

If your daughter is in preschool, I recommend sticking with the routine. She'll get a break from all of the baby attention and it's so helpful to have some bit of the old routine. It will also give you some one-on-one time with the baby.

My final tip is to take advantage of any and all offers to babysit. It's helpful just for practical reasons, as going to the market or Costco becomes far more complicated with two kids. And speak up when you really just need 1/2 hour to rest. No one will notice you need it unless you say something. Have someone babysit if that's what it takes to get the rest you need.

Best of luck to you! You can do this. :)

Just wanted to say that I am going through the same thing right now although the tiredness has eased a little as I'm in my second trimester. My son is almost 2 1/2 and #2 is due in august. I have the same worries as you exactly and am having the craziest dreams at night I know from my anxiousness and hormones. I'm trying to communicate well with my husband as best I can. When my son naps I nap or do a prenatal yoga DVD- this helps a lot. Just taking some time to breathe and quiet my racing mind. Also I have noticed I am really cherishing the time with my boy right now, maybe because I'm aware of how things will change soon, but it has made our days very sweet and keeps me from worrying when I'm so in the present with him. Congratulations on your good news- it will all work out and you will all grow as a family together.

It will come naturally to you. Long naps while daughter is napping is all you will be able to do. She seems old enough that she can walk on her own, and maybe help with baby. The funny thing about motherhood is that if you don't think about the what if's, everything else comes to you. Enjoy this time, and congrats to you and your family.

My son has been in his own room since he was 6 months old, so I can't help you there... But now he's 5 and we just had a new baby last year.

It's a struggle. I had a very different pregnancy this time around. I felt sick all the time, I was on bed rest for part of it, and I was very uncomfortable for the last month and a half. I had to let go of a lot of control I had to let my husband take care of our son for a lot of the time because I just couldn't. And most of my time with my son was laying in my bed because I couldn't do much else after I was done working for the day.

We ate a lot of unhealthy food, and missed out on a lot of activities I wanted to do. I remember it being such a royal disappointment.

You will over react to your husband and child, you'll snap at them, and you'll cry. You'll not be able to do what you want. You will be stressed. There's no way to avoid it completely, it's certain to happen some of the time. I had to just learn to be ok with that, and be ok with doing the best I could.

It's still an adjustment process. My daughter is 6 months old, and while things are returning to normal, they are not there... but I'm doing my best. That's all you can ask of yourself.

Good luck, and congratulations. Wishes for the happiest, healthiest pregnancy. :)

It's ok to feel this way, I did too! (my son and daughter are a little over 3.5 yrs apart) You will be surprised at how fast your daughter will grow up once the baby is born and you will be amazed at how much your heart can grow and love the baby and you daughter. Yes, you do have to adjust and so will your daughter to her not being the only child. Just a couple things we did that seemed to help my son when his sister was born... While I was at the hospital my mom took my son to pick out a toy for his sister, it wasn't anything big, just a small rattle that he brought to the hospital for her from him. Also, as soon as I was up to it we went to Build a Bear and let him make a bear for him and one for his sister (we limited it to the $10 bears and no accessories to keep the cost down:))
Yes, a lot of your nerves are hormones. Try to remember that. Sometimes if I knew it was my hormones were going nuts, I would try to calmly tell my hubby that I know my hormones are nuts right now, I'm going to fall apart for a few minutes, just hug me and don't freak out,
Nature helps out a lot and you are a super mama too!