Babies Close Together or Wait a Couple of Years?

Hi...My daughters are 18 months apart and while there are things that are nice about them being so close that first year was very hard. Taylor, the oldest, didnt understand why mommmy couldnt do everything the same as I did before. I had to have a c-section so I wasnt even able to pick Taylor up when I first got home. I do wish that we would have waited a little bit longer to have Abi so that there was more time to focus more on each of them individual those precious, important ages I think it would have been easier for me and for Taylor, even if we had waited another year. Good luck!

Dear S. S.,

I wanted to bring up a new idea you may not have thought of; I had my daughters 3 years and 8 months apart and they fought like cats and dogs all their lives. The oldest was accustomed to getting all my time and attention for quite a long time and then she had difficulty sharing me with a newborn baby. She was jealous of her little sister from birth on. I feel I was quite fair, though, because each daughter called the other one my special princess.
One good thing did come out of having them this far apart, though; the little one wanted to copy whatever the older one was doing so when it came time to potty train the second one, it was easier because she wanted to be a big girl like her sister and wear big girl panties like her, too.

L. C.
Zeeland, MI

My first two were born in the same year :) One Jan 13 one Dec 12 LOL I guess I would be a good person to ask! I LOVED IT!!! I Would do it again - in fact I have an 8 month old and we have been trying for months to no avail :)
The older two are 15 and 14 right now and VERY close. One boy one girl. They were INSEPERABLE as little ones - went on field trips together though they werent in the same preschool class and always invited each other to parties! My son would break through baby gates to get to my daughter when she was in her crib at nap I would find him in there playing with her... even now they are incredibly close and she is very protective of him! Not to say there werent a few arguments here and there, but hey life isnt perfect :)

As far as challenges in the very beginning I did find it a little but not to bad - I had always wished that they were twins so developmentally they would be the same - after a couple years it didnt matter though :)

S.,

Something that I would look into is how long it takes your body to remineralize after a baby is born. I know there is a certain amount of time that is good to wait to get PG again because your body needs time to revamp and get all the good stuff stored up for another baby so you can have the best possible pregnancy and baby possible.

Nursing is a natural birth control and I am guessing that God and nature kind of designed kids to be about 1-2 years apart at a minimum since that is about how long most kids nurse and how long it takes for a womans period to come back so you can get pregnant again. I know that is not the case for everyone, my friend got hers back 4 months after her baby, but I didn't get mind until my daughter was 13 months old.

Just something to think about and maybe read up on.

Well, I have 6 kids under 9, so that tells you they are all pretty close. The farthest apart are 2 years and 2 days apart. I like having them all close together although you do have to watch the older following the younger from time to time instead of viceversa. It *is* a challenge (especially since I've had up to 4 in diapers at the same time and had 3 wanting me to carry them everywhere at the same time!) :) BUT it will up your organization and multi-tasking skills quite a bit! Multiple kids in general do this I guess, but multiple getting-into-everythings or simply multiple toddlers tends to do this even more, IMO.

No one else has mentioned it, but will you be continuing to work after #2? Two babies waking up in the middle of the night can be a *real* sleep killer, and that might be something to consider if you plan on continuing to work full time. Now, I went back to work full time 6 weeks after #2 was born, so I'm not trying to talk you out of your career, just mentioning that it's worth considering the added cost of daycare, how you feel you'd be able to balance work/home, etc. Would famliy still be willing / able to watch two?

All in all, I enjoy having them close. They all play well together (most of the time) :) and have a lot of the same friends - though that does occasionallly lead to "he's my friend!(today)" fights. On bad days at our house, I let my happy thought be that if nothing else, they'll all be adults and able to move out sooner than if I had spaced them, lol! Only you and hubby can decide what is right for you, but I've dealt with the issue of close or not (obviously) more than once and close has won out every time. The only other thing I would caution is that close is truly *much* harder on your body your body doesn't have time to really truly replace it's lost minerals or get *totally* back to it's "ideal" state when the babys are close. Not that this will necessarily cause any problems with the pregnancy, just that it is capable of causing health issues later - so take extra good care of yourself during pregnancy to prevent as many stresses / depletions to your body as possible.

Good luck!

Only you can make this decision. If you feel you have the time and energy for another go for it!

Everybody's opinion on what's best for having babies is going to vary. But from my experience, I had my first two babies 13 months apart and then my second set of babies was 18 months apart. I wouldn't ever do it differently!! The "pairs" are very close friends, which is awesome and then my older children help look after the younger ones. I absolutely LOVED going through all the difficult stages at one time. We got through diapers, potty training, giving up the bottle, etc. at the same time with each pair. So it made it easier on us AND them because they figured they were going through it (whatever stage it was) as a team.

Best of luck to you on your decision. For me, having my children close together is the only way to go.

Many Blessings!

Hi! First off, I would like to applaud your bravery!! :) My husband and I had our first two kids 17 months apart...but we didn't plan it that way. I'll tell you what I have said a thousand times. I can never say I planned it, since our daughter was a surprise, but I wouldn't change it for the world! The baby stage is VERY challenging (but my husband worked 2nd shift at the time, and I truly believe that made it 10 times harder). They are now 4 1/2 and almost 6 and they are the best of friends. We have several neighbors who have kids around their age who do not have siblings, and they are always bored. Their moms often steal our kids to play with theirs! LOL! In a nutshell, I think you should go for it -you will be a busy mama, but it will be so worth it! Good luck! :)

Hi S.,

Well i cant tell you much about having children close together, but I can tell you that I have 1 son who is going to be 4 in august and thats our only one for now. We want another, but we made the decision to wait until he was 3 to start trying and really had no luck for the first 6 months. then finally got pregnant and had a miscarriage. then i had to wait another 4 months to try again and hoping that it wont take another 6 months to get pregnant and not have another miscarriage. I totally regret waiting so long. I felt like you, that it would be insane to have them too close together, but i see my son now and he's always looking for play mates and buddies, and i cant help but think that it wouldn't be so hard if he just had a little bro/sis to play with. they'd always have each other. if i were you, i'd just go for it. yes it is easier when their older that they can help, but who knows maybe your first wont want to play with a baby too much if he's older. he wants to do big boy/girl things.

My kids are 2yrs apart. I wanted them to be 3yrs apart, but I guess my daughter decided differtly. Anyway, I love the spread. They are enough apart that the baby stage was not too bad, but they still play great together. It's also nice that they enjoy the same family outings at the same time and like the same movies etc. I would be scared to do any closer than 18mo and now I think that for me, 2yrs apart has been perfect.

We had our first two children 16 months apart and I have never regretted it!! I did not deal with any of the jealousy issues with the older sibling that I see many friends handle. They have always been very close, they are now 6 and almost 5. We waited a little longer for the third, he is almost 3. He is a lot of fun and cherished by both of his older siblings!!

Hi! My boys are 15 months a apart, we didn't plan it that way, it just happened. The first few years are crazy and very difficult. It became easier when they started attending school. They are now 10 and 12 and I am thankful for the close age difference. They look out for each other since one is in 5th grade and the other in 6th. I guess there are advantages for either way but be prepared for a long first four years!

S.,

It's a personal choice. My children are 28 months apart and actually a little closer in age than we wanted. But, the good Lord above knew when the time was right in my opinion.

With your daughter only 4 months old it's hard to realize how much extra work she will become as she gets older. If you add another child into the mix too soon it can really get crazy - especially if you're working outside the home. I worked full-time until my children were 4 & 2 years old. I seriously thought I was going to lose my mind when I returned to work after the second child. If my daughter (the oldest) didn't wake up at least once a night to be comforted by mommy and only mommy then my son was waking up to be nursed every three hours. I wasn't getting any sleep! This put alot of strain on my marriage because I felt I was stretched too thin (at this time we had been married for 12 years and have always gotten along well).

Now that they're older they (most of the time) play together really well and love each other alot. But, I have to say that first year was really hard and there were days I wondered how I was going to make it through.

No matter what you will never regret the birth of your children.

Good luck! I hope this gives you the "other side" of the story.

everyone spaces their family out different, but my personal opinion is that having kids so close in age you don't get to spend that time with the 1st baby, because you are sick and tired from the pregnacy with the second. plus the first baby still needs all your attention. i thought i wanted my girls close in age (2years differnt) but when it came to my daughters 2nd b day, we waited, it was fun with one child. now we have our second and they are 4 years apart, to some that might seem like a lot but my 1st daughter helps out so much, and she understands that sometimes i have to spend more time with the baby, and she is at the age where she can go off and play while iam with the baby. take time to enjoy the baby, they grow up too fast.

I have 3 kids. My third was born right after my first turned 3. I love having them so close for many reasons.
First, my 2 older ones love to play with eachother and my midddle and youngest play well together too. If I didn't have the one in the middle and would have waited, they wouldn't be in the same playing stage as eachother. Also, I had three years of buying 2 sets of diapers, but the way I see it that just means within a year I won't buy diapers at all anymore. My youngest is still a little too young to do all the things I do with my older two, but becuase he is close in age, it won't be too long until he rides a bike with them or sits through the circus.
There are hard things too. My third was especially hard for me. Especailly now that I have 3 toddlers, I hear crying all the time. They all need a lot from me at the same time. One needs juice, the other fell down and the third needs a diaper change!
As stressful as things get, I wouldn't change having them so close.

I think they say that generally, you should wait at least a year after having a baby to get pregnant again! This gives your body time to get itself back together!! I wanted my kids two years apart, but they ended up being 4 years apart. I actually like it better this way i think! I get more individual time with each of them and my oldest can do lots on her own and help out!!! Good luck :)

Sounds like you have gotten lots of good advice but i just wanted to say that it really just comes down to what you feel is right for your family. I always wanted two close together but after my first, I was like, whoa--i need to wait! Mostly i think because i breastfeed for a long time and i was afraid to be pregnant because i was so sick in the beginning. Now we have two girls that are not quite three years apart (i didn't get pregnant till my fist turned two) and for us, it was perfect timing. However, i know many people that have two under two and for them, it is ideal. And i found many people telling me how perfect our spacing was because just as our older was becoming more independent and stuff, we added the baby and it felt like a natural transition. I truly treasured the months before the baby with my toddler--such a special time for us. I personally believe that either way you do it, there are great things about them being close and great things about waiting a bit. I do think it is just a crazy couple of years when you have young ones together, but i think perhaps it pays off down the road. the nice thing is that whatever you decide, there are people who have done it and been there so you know you can do it too!

I was also a first time Mom at 28 and still work 40-50 hours a week. I have three children 14, 12 and 10. Most of what I had to say would repeat the advantages of having them close in age. Things change so fast that if helps when they are older to know what programs are available, what projects in school are coming up, when does driver's training start, how much texting is normal, school policies, etc. I am busy every night of the week, but I love it! We go from dance, to soccer to the school play just today. Tomorrow is 4-H, archery and homework and we have track on Monday. I would recommend getting to know families of "only" children for carpool because they are not as busy. However their children are always at our house, becaused their "bored" with their mountain of toys. In my opinion this is simply because kids don't want stuff, they crave being with other kids.

Think beyond diapers when you make this decision. Plan out how two kids could go to college at the same time. Think how you will get two kids cars at the highest insurance rates at the same time. That can be tougher than two in diapers.

The choice for how close absolutely has to be done between you and your hubby.

My children are 16 months apart, and we don't regret it at all. Actually I love it. My son was born in june 95 and my daughter was born oct 96. Did I get tired at times, heavens yes, did I sometimes wonder if I would ever be able to be in the bathroom, the shower or anywhere by myself YES, but did I love it as well YES. Sure I got tired out at times, felt stresses, like feeling guilty for holding the baby girl when my boy wanted my attention, and vice versa , but I figured out how to "share" my lap with two "babies" because a 16 month old and a new born certainly are still babies in my eyes. While he was "only" 16 months he was still able to help me, he could get the baby powder (wow some messes there :-) ) or silly little things, like a rattle, but there were other things too, like he spent hours showing her how to crawl, so they could "race". She gave up her bottle earlier because her bother wasn't on one, and she kept wanting his cups, not her bottle. It was a little more cumbersome taking all the diapers, extra sets of clothes etc when we went places, and in cold weather or rain getting 2 kids in and out of a car...
but I always felt it wouldn't have been any different than if they were just a couple years older...

We are blessed that our children act almost as close as twins,right down to if one was offered something, like say a balloon or candy from the store, they would say can i get one for my brother/sister.

Of course at times they squabble, but they always have someone to do things with, and are close enough in age to not feel odd playing together. For us, it made things easier, I never have to hear even now, things like, why do i have to watch her(things my brother said to my parents-- he and I are 3 years apart)

I am also blessed that they are good friends. They genuinely enjoy doing things with the other, and I even hear Mom he wont play or Mom make her come outside... wonderful wonderful words...

To be honest with you, I had to really think to come up with some down sides. I guess besides the budget crunch of buying 2 different size diapers at the same time, the only other thing I can think of is that we took my son of the bottle a couple months before our daughter was born, and he wanted to revert back onto it for after she was born, he would grab her bottle, but then he would taste her bottle and give it to her, telling her ucky every time. (thank goodness he didn't like it...)

I never felt like I was driven insane by having them close together, I was and am still very thankful they aren't more than 16 months apart. Like today, they both had to watch some silly show and rushed outside so they can play basketball....
Heck, they even discuss their school work, friends, etc. with each other.

Sorry I couldn't give you much negative, I really can't think of anything I regret about having them close together.

Best of luck with your decision.
Mary D

So my first two are 17 months apart. If you are nursing I would wait I nursed all the way thru the pregnancy and then tandem nursed it was hard on me emotionally. As for the kids they grew up and are 14 and 13 and let's just say wow. Fights happen my son has issues because we give more freedom to hos sister. She is more responsible in a lot of ways. My son is still a 10 year old trapped in a pre puberty body lol. Good luck o can tell youi 13 years later I am praying now to get pregnant again because I want to have more. Christy

Hello,
I have an 11 month old son and in five weeks will hopefully deliever a baby girl. They will be one year and one week apart. We did not plan to have them so close together and it took some time to adjust my thinking. Now I am excited that they will be so close. One con is that my body has experienced a lot more aches and pains this pregnancy than with the first, but that is to be expected.
I have heard from many people that they were glad they had their children close together.
Our son is walking which I am very thankful, because I wouldn't want to have to carry two children.
I also don't think there will be much of an adjustment for our son, because he won't know any better when we bring our little girl home. He will always remember her being there.

Hope this helps.

My girls are about 17 months apart, we planned them to be 18 months apart, but some complications dictated the youngest come earlier rather than later. One month doesn't make much difference anyway. They are great friends, for the most part share their toys and have a lot of fun together. Josephine, even at 17 months, was a huge help in areas and was at least able to walk to the car and into the stores without having to be carried (of course I still had to hold a hand). The one thing I would recommend is to make sure that if you don't want your oldest fighting for pacifiers or bottles to break her early - so they are seen as the babies items and she's a "big girl". We just now got both girls out of diapers, and the youngest turns 3 on Tuesday (although she still wears a diaper to bed). I wouldn't change it for the world.

I also have a co-worker who found out, when her daughter was 3 months old, that she was pregnant again. She was breast-feeding and thought that she couldn't get pregnant, obviously you can - as she did. Her girls are 12 months apart, with a couple weeks to spare. She loves it, because she did have both of them out of diapers really close together. At the same time, didn't like it so much when the second was first born as the oldest wasn't old enough to do a lot on her own and wasn't walking a lot either. She said that was the hardest.

My children are 2 years apart, which I think is just about perfect. My daughter was independent enough that she could play by herself while I nursed the baby, and yet she was young enough that she accepted him without realizing that he was the reason she didn't get all of our attention.

A friend of mine had her boys 15 months apart. I know that the first few months were really rough because her oldest still needed her a lot and so did the baby. Once her youngest was about 6 months old, things became a lot easier. When her youngest could play more (around 12 months), the boys were best friends!

Good luck with your decision!

We had both. Our four biological children are 14 months apart, 23 months apart and 11 months apart. Also, the youngest was quickly concieved because I firmly believe I had a period when my 3rd was 4 weeks old and I had been sleeping on the couch for the last 5 months of my pregnancy. The youngest was born 2 days before the oldest turned 4. It does create a bit of craziness while they are still small, but as they have grown - I've noticed it getting easier and easier. My first was born when I was 27. I say as long as you have a strong supporting family, go for it - have those babies and enjoy them while they are little, they grow up way to fast! :-)

Good Luck!

K.

MY kids are 18 month apart.. now my daughter is 28 months.. and my son is 10 months.. Now it is a breeze.. but the first months were very hard..

I think my daughter got cheated out of a lot of attention that she used to get (and still needed) wehn my son was born.

If I had it to do all over again.. I would get them 2 years apart..

Like I said the first month were very hard.. I was carrying 2 kids downthe stairs in the morning.. I remeber sitting on ou big bed nursing anewborn, with my toddler drinking her bottle and thinking that soon my nanny would come and help ( I hired help inthe beginning)

I spent the winter indoors.. cuase the baby slept in the morning and the toddler slept in the afternoon.. WE did not leave the house for many many weeks..

I still dont take both kids grocery shopping as where can I safely put the secon kid.. and where can I put the groceries..

It continues to get easeir.. My daughter is potty trained as of this week.. But it would have been so much easier to have a more independent toddler and a newborn and not a newborn and a older baby..

Your doctor would probabbly tell you to wait at least a year to let your body get fully recovered before trying again. I do have a friend who ended up pregnant when her first was 6 months old and she seems to have done alright with having 2 under 2 years old. Good luck though myself NO WAY!

My daughter and son are a year and one month apart. The first 3 years were very difficult for me. They were both in diapers at the same time. I had to watch my daughter very carefully around the baby because she didn't understand anything about him. It was difficult when taking them places, and I would say it felt like I had twins much of the time. But, the older they got, the easier it became. They are now 4 and 5. I could not ask them to be better siblings! They shared a room until 4 months ago, which was dangerous at times being toddlers. They used to raid the kitchen together early in the morning and would climb on anything and everything. They are very well behaved now and sleep much better in their own rooms. They always want to be together, and I have to make them have their own time once in a while. They almost never fight and are very expressive of how they love each other. My son, just turning 4 can spell his own name, recognize most letters, some numbers, do 64 piece puzzles, count into teens, and many other things that is unusual for 3 year olds. My daughter helped teach him all these things and she is constantly explaining ideas to him so I don't have to do it twice as much! I used to get real frustrated when he didn't understand me, and she would step in and calmly explain things in a way that he would understand. If I could go back and have them further apart, I would not! I believe they will be great support to each other when they get older. I was two years apart from my brother and he has no interest in keeping in touch. I'm now having an unexpected third baby and my kids are very excited about helping take care of her. I'm glad I had them so close together. Hope this helps!

you should wait at least a year so your body can heal from haveing your daughter. That way you can give your daughter the attention she needs. I have two daughters and after haveing my second daughter it felt like i wasnt giving either of them enough attention.

Hi S.,

I now this is late and sorry. I have had 4 kids in the past 4 years and it is a lot. I have 5 kids all together my oldest daughter is 8 and then my next is almost 4. They are close by far apart :o( I do wish they were closer in age, but my twins are 2 years and 3 days younger then the 4 year old. That seems like a good age, but then sometimes it's not becuase the older one needs more one on one attention and I don't always feel like I can give it to her, but with twins they get into twice as much twince as fast. Then I have a 7 month old baby. I do feel like the twins are not old enough to have a baby sister, they still are babies themselves and I don't always feel like I have time to just watch them grow up like I did with my first child. I enjoyed every second of her life and still do. I wish I would have waited and done my all 3 years apart. That way they are still close in age, but you can enjoy them as well as the older one can be excited about getting a baby, not just like here you go. Hope my experance was helpfull to you. Also one other thing, my doctor told me (after my LAST baby) that you should wait at least 18 months before you get pregnant again so your body has a chance to heal.
Good luck!

Hi S.,

If you are in a situation where you can manage financially and are mutually willing (M. & Dad both) to manage the tasks & challenges of more little ones in close succession... and you have a secure support network around you, then my advice to you would be to have those babies closer together, rather than farther apart.

We had four...Bing, Bang & Boom; eight years later, we had Oopsie! There were 17 mo. & 22 mo. between the first three. A lot of work and little rest at the time, but the "trio" filled their days with laughter, chatter and each other and we sure had a lot of fun. Through the years, all the kids have been very close in their relationships...only thing separating them now are "miles" due to jobs taking them away. Our youngest had the benefit of growing up in a large family...then, as an only child when her three siblings married. The latter proved to be hardest on her. There were 8 years between her and the first litter. Today, the bond between them, especially among our three girls, remains strong and true.

Another perk of having them closer, while you're still a young filly yourself is that you'll be young when your children are young and start having families of their own. You'll be able to enjoy them more and have the energy & enthusiasm to keep up with those busy grandbabies. My husband and I are 58 now...the kids have blessed us with 6 beautiful grandbabies and we sure do love being able to fully enjoy them and keep up with them when we go home to visit.

The fewer years apart, the more they have in common with each other. Yes, it's hard and expensive when they all graduate in a "cluster"...but, then the door opens up for you and your hubby a little bit earlier in life to start dating and whooing each other again.

We have no regrets...those kids were the best investment we ever made and having three close together and one far apart, taught us the best and worst of both worlds. Being young when your kids are is a real treat & joy in this life...we're glad we did it!

Sincerely,

M. F.
San Luis Potosi

My daughter is 19 months older than my son. I think that the most challenging part of two children close together was the first couple of months, when you're trying to get into the groove of having 2 children while operating on less than a full night's sleep. My daughter still needed a lot from me because of her age when he was born. Now though, as they are growing together, it is neat to see them interacting with each other. And I think as they get older they will be terrific playmates. It definetly takes patience to have kids close together in age. We are already pregnant again with our 3rd child (another girl) who is due in August when my son will be 18 mo. old. I'm ready for this and can't wait for my son to be a big brother! I'm so glad that they are close in age.