B-day Parties-Is It Wrong to Make It a 'Family-party' and Offer Beer to Adults?

"I think my mom is just being a 'pain' with her uninvited comments....what do you think?"

I think you're right.

We've always had cans of beer and sometimes wine. No big deal was ever made about it. It just seemed normal to have it I guess because we made them family parties, not just for kids only. We focused attention on the birthday kid when the times were right. For the remaining time, it was eating and hanging out with family and friends.

I didn't read all the responses, but we offer alcoholic beverages at any party grown ups are invited too. They'll decide whether to drink them or not. Seeing beer is not going to harm anyone there. Sheesh.

I had to laugh a little bit at this question. And not because its a foolish one, by any means.

Let's face it-- birthday parties for one year olds ARE for the adults and the older kids. The kids don't really understand birthdays until they are perhaps three or so. (They might like to play 'happy birthday' at two and a half or so, but it just doesn't usually register for kids.)

Is there someone who is an alcoholic in your family that your mom is concerned about? You didn't mention it in your post... just wondering.
Is she concerned about DUI with the kids in the backseat, post party? Might be good to ask what her deeper anxieties are.

By all means, though, stick with the original plans, and serve good beer if you can. Life is way too short for lousy beer!

Best,
H.

I think a child's party should be alcohol-free. At this age, it is to be expected that parents will stay but it is not an adult party. Can they really not get through few hours without a beer? How do they work?

Additionally, any party where people then need to drive home should keep in mind the safety of the guests getting themselves and their children home.

First, I think your Mother has a right to her opinion, but you should do what you want and ask her to respect it. On another note, I might get some flack for this, but I think it is important for kids to see adults drink responsibly. Key word being responsibly. (Not that 1 year olds get it). When kids are older, moderate drinking, is a good example to set. My parents never drank around us, or in front of us, when we were kids, we were taught that it was bad, etc. So, it became something taboo when we were older (teens), something to get away with. They now will have the occasional cocktail around us, or wine, but I honestly think drinking as a teen would have been much less attractive to us had we had the occasional sip of wine with dinner, or just saw our parents drinking, and discussed it from the standpoint that alcohol consumption is harmful to kids (teens) bodies and growing brains, but that it is ok when you are full grown, and responsible enough to know when to stop. Just my 2 cents.

I say absolutely no alcohol at a child's birthday party. It's irresponsible. Don't these people have to drive themselves and their children home after a party? I like my cocktails, but not if I'm driving. And especially not if I'm driving my kids. To me, one beer is one too many if you're driving your children around. I'm sure you don't go around policing every one to make sure that they're only drinking a beer or two. IMO, it just has NO place at a child's birthday celebration.
The party is for the child. All of the attention should be on that child, not the drinks of the adults.

That said, it's not your mother's party. If you want to have beer (and it sounds like that's the norm for your family) then her opinion doesn't really matter.

I guess my real question is why do you need to have alcohol there at all?

I agree with your mom, I really feel like kid's parties should be alcohol free. But I agree with you in that with children that young, parents should be there too. Really though, there is no right or wrong answer, everyone has their own ideas.

Alchohol has its place but I dont think it is at an intended party FOR a child.
You dont see schools handing out beer at graduations, or dances, in fact it is highly discourages at all on campus. It is not responsible to encourage kids to drink. One needs to understand that alcohol is poisoning your body and your central nervous system.

If you want to get together and drink with friends, then have a bbq. If you truly want to celebrate YOUR CHILD, then you shouldn't offer mind altering substances. You wouldnt put out a a tray of pot either , even if it were legal right? I sure wouldn't want my party room filled with tobacco smoke like it were a bar either. Adult things like that encourage "adult ' mindset conversations as well. AND NO LITTLE EARS NEED HEAR half the stuff that comes out of the mouths of people who are drinking. Really, do you see you are trying to mix two different kids of mindsets here?

Perhaps you should consider the guest list and make it age appropriate for the child. Which means, one child invited for each year of the child's birth.

Every party we have has beer and wine - Holidays, random picnics, Baptisms, kids b-day parties. I don't see why it is a problem. The people who come to our parties are adults and can drink responsibly. We aren't playing drinking games or doing keg stands, but I don't see why an adult can't enjoy a cocktail!!

The first birthday party is really all about mom and dad celebrating surviving the first year! We had a huge BBQ with extended family and served beer & wine. Everyone was responsible and there were no issues. It was a late afternoon party with families.

Having said that, when the focus of the party shifts towards the actual child and there are non-family children invited (preschool classmates, etc) I wouldn't serve alcohol. Just my opinion, but once the kids are actually the 'real guests', it should all be kid-friendly.

Hi, R.:

It is okay to invite adults but it is a child's party.
We are role models for children.
If you want to teach your children that you can't have fun
unless you have a few drinks in you, then go ahead, Whoop it up!.
D.

Well....I would say it is OK as long as the birthday child and his freinds are not being ignored. I have friends who have this kind of party and the kids are always left to fend for themselves while mom and dad socialize and have drinks with all of their friends. This is NOT what a children's party is about and it makes me so sad to see it go down like this. And the thing is...the birthday child has been to parties where the adults are NOT socializing and the fun DOES revolve around the birthday child so they know the difference. No adult host should kid themselves that it is OK. At least a game or 2 is necessary for it to be meaningful as a kid's party...and a pinata does not count as a game.

Sorry-this is a sore spot for me. I am all for hanging out and having a drink but not at the expense of the kids. I have actually taken over as 'party coordinator" at friends parties before to make it a little special for the kids.

I agree. I've always offered beer or wine at my daughters b-day parties. It's no big deal as long as you know the people you've invited aren't getting drunk. Like you said, adults can have 1 or 2 drinks with dinner. Plus I think it's good for my daughter to see alcohol being consumed responsibly by ADULTS. No biggie!!

I agree with Jen. C.... Go with it, We offered beer/wine at our 4 year daughters birthday party... No one looked at us like we were crazy when we offered, most politely accepted! Have a great time!!

Oh please...I see you've received plenty of responses but I just had to chime in. My husband and I are pretty conservative, but we've had beer or champagne at all our kid's birthday parties with one exception (so far we've only had one party somewhere besides our house and our oldest is only 5 so parents are always there). A party is a celebration and there has never been an instance where a parent consumes too much, that is just ridiculous to imagine. My question for all of those who are protesting is: who the heck are you associating with that would get drunk at a kid's party?!! A glass of champagne to toast a year, especially the first year of a child's life, well, I don't think that is so preposterous. Enjoy your party and don't listen to anyone else.

I'm with your mom on this. I wouldn't serve alcohol at a child's party. I don't think these people should be drinking and driving especially with kids in the car. If this was an adult party it would be different.

I don't see why people can't go to a party and not drink especially one for kids.

I think what would be important is for the beer to be in a completely separate cooler, so that no child could accidentally help himself to a beer while trying to get a can of soda. I would keep the beer cooler in a place where adults could access it (on a counter, or inside the house, or up out of children's reach) and be watchful as with any party.

I also think it's nice that you have family parties to celebrate your babies' birthdays. Tell your mom that when she hosts the party she is welcome to serve whatever she wants. Make sure she realizes you are being careful and that you have seen to it that no children will have access to a beer or the extra spicy chicken wings or the food that is for the adults for that matter. And then tell her that the party plans are in place and you hope she can have a nice time.

This is probably not a discussion that will have any sort of reasonable ending so don't make yourself nuts arguing this with your mother.

As long as it is responsible drinking I have no problem with it. We also have some wine and beer at my daughter's parties. The kids aren't drinking, lol I don't see a problem! Of course we are basically talking about parties at our home, I don't think you can bring beer to Chucky Cheese. I see nothing wrong with trying to accommodate all the guests, of course the main focus is your child, but that doesn't mean the adults can't relax with a beer or two. We are one of the only people in our circle of friends that has a child, but none of our single or childless friends have missed a bday party for our dd. They are all the best sports and come to all her birthdays---if they want to enjoy a glass of wine-who cares!

I don't see the big deal with it and I don't understand why some people get all uptight over one or two alcoholic beverages. Of course you can have fun w/o alcohol and having one or two drinks is no big deal at all. To the parents who say it's irresponsible because you're driving your kids home; I'm sure if you have one or two drinks and are at a party for a few hours what little effect one or two beers would have on you anyway, would be worn off by the time you were ready to leave.

I think some people need to lighten up. Alcohol is not bad, it's the over consumption of it!

It is still a party for a child and alcohol should not be served.

We have always offered alcoholic drinks at parties where adults are also invited. Never had a problem with anyone getting so blasted they were not capable of driving. All my family and friends have one or two drinks when they arrive and then they drink soda. I feel we are teaching our children how to drink responsibly. My niece is now 21 and if she has one drink she will not drive home. I think offering alcoholic drinks is just fine.

I think is totally OK to have alcohol in a kids party as long as nobody gets drunk. If it's just a beer or two that you want to have while having a good conversation with friends, while the kids play and enjoy the party, why not? I would also invite adult friends to his party so you can have your adult time as well, I see no problem with that either.
Life is very short and a lot of people complicate about things that are not really a big deal, nobody is saying that you are going to have shots and a whole bar there, but a little beer is OK. You are celebrating too right?

I do not understand why people get so uptight about this!!! If the party is in the afternoon and a meal is being served, or if the party is in the evening after dinner, alcohol is just fine. Now if the party is in the AM that is different of course.

I second the margaritas idea!!! We have always served adult drinks at our kids parties.

I think you're missing the bigger point. It sounds like your mom is still trying to assert herself as an authority in your life. She thinks her morals should set the tone in your house, which is disrespectful to you and your husband. She raised you, and you make your own decisions now. Talk to her beforehand, tell her you love her and respect her, you understand her opinion and her right to do things her way in HER home. Now, you need her to do the same for you. You might also ask yourself if you've made this sniping at you too easy for her. If you've let it slide in the past, which you say you did, she has no reason to think that you resent her input. It sounds like this has been an ongoing thing, judging by the way you refer to her. You can ignore it, or put a stop to it by talking to her. If you chose to ignore it, at least don't let it bother you---she's not the boss of you anymore!

We have offered it as well. No big deal. And I agree that it is a "family" party until they are much older. I don't think I dropped my older one at a b-day party until 10.

I doubt anyone would be willing to drop off their 2-year old at a birthday party and you wouldn't want them too. At that age, parents have to stick around.

As long as the adults keep the focus on the children (especially the birthday child!) at the party and keep their drinking very, very moderate, then I don't think it is wrong to serve wine or beer to adults at the party. But, again, this is only if the adults can act responsibly and remember where they are at and why.

I wonder if your mom has had a bad experience with seeing people drunk at a birthday party. You may want to ask her about it so you can have a better understanding of where she is coming from and are better able to allay her concerns.

So now you have my 2-cents.

I don't see any problem with it what so ever - we always do "family" type birthday parties for our kids too. I just make a buffet of food, and plenty of all types of drinks. It's not like you are giving the beer to the kids.....I think your mom needs to relax! LOL ~ and you should tell your brother to throw the party however he sees fit. Seriously, the first birthday party is more for the parents than the kid anyways - they aren't going to remember it....

I have been to a lot of family and close friends' kids birthday party with beer and wine and without. I think it should be your choice. I don't see anything wrong with it. I honestly enjoy have a glass of wine at my neices or nephews party. I think your mom is just being a "pain" like you say. My mom does the same thing. If you were to have a kegger for your 2 year olds party with fifths of tequila, that would be different.
EDIT: You know, at our Chuck E Cheese here in town, they even serve beer - what does that tell you?

Hi,

No problem with the alcohol at your son's party. If it were kegs and all that-yes it would be a problem. But the way you have it sounds just fine-- ignore your MIL comments-- she means well, but just doesn't get it. Good luck!~
M

If your mom doesn't think beer should be served, make margaritas instead! Just kidding..

As long as you all are paying attention to the kids, I do not see a problem..

Growing up I was Catholic and we always invited the Priest and Sisters.. They drank beer and margaritas at the kids bday parties and Confirmation parties.. We did not think anything about it..

As long as there is no one invited that has a drinking problem and everyone is responsible drinkers, I don't see anything wrong with it.

You post and the updates you added to it sound very reasonable. Having a reasonable approach to alcohol (or food or caffeine or dieting or LOTS of things) can only help a parent pass this lesson of reason and moderation onto their children.

Your mom is your mom and whether it is this topic or another, she will often have a different opinion than you do. Thank her for her input and then kindly tell her how things are going to go down. But do not defend your decisions. That sort of approach is only necessary when you are a child or when you are brought before a judge. = )

I would definitely offer beer/wine for the parents if the party is in the afternoon or evening. And, I wouldn't have a party for anyone under the age of 5 without EXPECTING at least one parent to stay.

I think for kids age three and under the party is more of an excuse for friends or family of the parents to get together than it is a party for the kid. You'll have a few good photos the kids will remember, but they will be pretty fuzzy on the rest.

Either your mom still has issues stemming from your step-dad's alcoholism, in which case she should probably attend al-anon meetings, or she just has very different opinions than you and your brother (and most of America) on what the "proper" way to celebrate a 1 yr-old's birthday is.

I always have beer and other drinks at my son's birthday parties and I am sure we will continue to do so. All of my friends have kids and are all friends with my son, so it is another way for everyone to get together and have a nice time. Not a drunk fest but a nice fun time. His birthday is in July so it is nice to have a cold beer or 2 while we are grilling out and watching all the kids play on the slip n slide, pool, or swingset. Most parents (all of my friends) are responsible enough to only have a few drinks. It is a celebration really what is the difference if you have a party for your adult family member and kids come to that and you serve drinks. Nothing!

Tons of opinions already, but I had to add that we teach our children by example. IMO: If they see adults having a healthy attitude toward alcohol - a drink or two with a meal - then they learn that attitude. If we keep it a secret or completely off limits, they think that they need to sneak drinks in secret too. Although the birthday boy or girl is too young to observe adult behavior, the older children at the party can see that beer, wine or coolers are just one of the choices that adults make (and we can start to have conversations about how we treat "grown up drinks" both at home and at social occasions). Now that I've preached to the choir, I'll get down from my pulpit. I think your mother is entitled to her opinion, but she can't expect everyone to conform to it...

Hi R.,

Yes. I do feel it is inappropriate to serve alcohol at a childrens birthday party for a couple reasons. Does the child drink? No. So why provide alcohol to adults who have to later drive themselves and their child home to drink. The complete focus from food, decorations, to games should be centered around the child. Do you think that if alcohol was not served these adults would not come? Highly unlikely. Ultimately they are there to celebrate the child and not themselves.

You made an interesting statement in regards to not providing alcohol when the child is older. So is it acceptable because the child is 2 but unacceptable when he/she is 12? Why is that? What is in the best interest of the child/children?

You will in the end make the decisions for your household but it seems that it's more about pleasing others since you yourself don't drink. And as for the parents staying with the children...Absolutely! Most parents may not feel comfortable leaving their child at that age anyway! Hope this helps! Take care and God Bless!

That's how we party at my house!
Seriously, responsible adults are free to have a beer whenever they want, and in my back yard when the grill is on, there are usually a few beers floating around. I would definitely speak to someone if there behavior was inappropriate in front of my children. But then again, at this point in my life the people and friends we have around are never inappropriate or irresponsible in regards to this topic.
Children learn moderation and responsibility from example and discussion. You can't just tell them, they need to see it for real too.
It's my party to, darn it, I made it through ANOTHER YEAR!!!

I think that beer or alchol at any childs birthday party is wrong.You are celebrating your CHILDS BIRTHDAY not a drinking party.It does not matter if there is no keg or not you want to have good memories not oh remember at that one birthday when so n so was so drunk it is nothing to laugh at think of your child not yourself.