Attitudes. Really?

My daughter is turning 5 middle of August... Right there with ya! My daughter is a great girl but she will pull that attitude out of nowhere. It is part of them growing up and seeing what they can get or how much they have to follow what you have said.

We use to do timeouts, but have not used them for 6 or so months now. I will just speak to what I do, try what you would like.

No siblings for my daughter so can not speak of that, but what my mom did was tell use share or toy gets taken away for a few days OR she would say "alone time everyone." Alone time ment we could not play with each other, if possible in each kid in a different room... or she would pull out workbooks/coloring/reading books and she would sit two in the kitchen and two in the dining/living room for some silent time.

Wanting something but not able to have it.
That dessert or snack, testing the boundries to see if you really will stick to your guns. If my daughter asks a say no and remind her why, if she starts to whine or throw a fit I tell her I do not listen to this so go to room till you are done whining. I do not do the walking away, to me that shows they have the "power" to push our buttons, instead stand firm have him leave the space/area.
The toy, activity that can not be had or done right at that time. I give a simple reason why and if my daughter keeps pushing it I say "I said no, if you are going to throw a fit do it in your room because no one here wants to hear it."

I do not say sorry you feel that way, I say "I understand that you feel frustrated/mad/sad/angery/whatever this is the reason why you can not play/do/have this." Then if the attitude keeps going then I follow up with "if you are going to act like this do so in your room, I do not listen to this type of behavior. Once you act respecfully and nice you may come back and talk to me."

When my kids respond with unnecessary rudeness or sarcasm, I just look at them and say, 'Excuse me. I don't speak to you like that. Try again.' and then I wait for them to reask the question.

As far as the sibling stuff goes, it's a pretty normal byproduct of them being so close in age and space. I would break them up by sending to their own spaces until they can play together.

For attitude, this certainly isn't the end -all solution, but take a look at what (or who) he's watching. I think many of the shows geared toward kids - even young ones - model some attitude, sarcasm and disrespect even to adults. I would watch the shows with him and point it out every time you see it: "That wasn't a very nice thing to say, was it? How do we say that nicely?" or "some people talk to each other this way, but we don't here, right?"

The book Have A New Kid By Friday (by Dr. Kevin Lehman) is FANTASTIC and would work very well for your boys at this age.

It's a short read - the first part lays out the premise and the whole rest of the book is Q&A and application by situation. When I found out about it, I bought it before I was even pregnant! It's easy and will save you a lot of emotional energy. Not that I welcome these challenges, but I'm almost looking forward to the chance to use what I learned in this book.

Good luck!

All right - I feel some long-windedness coming on, so I apologize in advance. I don't have the time to make this short.

Well... yes. Children will test the boundaries. Actually, it's part of their job descriptions. They will copy each other or be totally opposite of each other, whatever it is they're trying out. And they aren't necessarily old enough to talk intelligently about whatever is inside them, so they're melting down instead.

Do you remember back when you had nothing but feelings to live your life by? The other day at a store I saw a young brother and sister sitting next to each other in a shopping cart (the kind with the bench seat for two as well as the basket seat) and she was applying her feet to his feet, though there was room for both. Why? Because it was hot, they were (or looked) tired, they were bored, and she was just going on her feelings. Yes, it's enough to make a mama pull her hair.

Sometimes, when it comes to explanations, less is more. Sometimes Mama explains so much that it lets Billy off the hook. He doesn't learn anything except that when he acts up Mama will start jabbering. So choose your words carefully, back them up with actions, and make them mean something. Disclaimer: I haven't read any of the books that are out, so I could be contradicted by the experts.

Remember that you are the boundary-setter. That's your job. Your boys will go through this behavior on and off for years. You decide what they will eat and when (and you decide whether and when to let them decide). You decide what toys will be out and what won't be.

When either of them wants to run the house, you can say, with good humor, "When you buy your own house and pay the taxes on it, you can start making house rules. But that Daddy's and my job right now." (Some time later, when they're older, you can elaborate on that, and let them know that, when they're that old, they will hopefully have gained the wisdom not to make too many mistakes about rules. But you don't need to do that much explaining at this age.)

When there's a meltdown over a toy, say, "It's too bad that you're making this toy feel awful. It need to take a rest and get over your anger." Then put it away and tell them what to play with instead.

These are just so you'll have some comebacks that may or may not make a dent in their attitudes but will give you responses without your getting angry. Keeping sane - keeping your sense of humor - can really help in these situations.

Another important thing: while your boys are going through these spells, look for *everything* good they do and give bits of praise. I don't know who said, long ago, that for every time you correct a child, balance it with ten praises, but it's great to keep in mind. No lectures... just, "I saw you two playing together out back, and I really liked what I saw and heard. Happy noise is the kind of noise I like best." Or "Billy, thank you for giving Benny first choice of snack. That's the way Daddy does it with me." Praise, short and sweet.

Arrange times when they *must* play separately, so they don't get bored with each other's company. If there are occasional times you can take one boy to one park/wherever and your husband can take the other to a different one, do it. If you can get an afternoon off by yourself once in a while, take it!