Attack of the Bridezillas!

Tell her to find a replacement. Really, expecting everyone to watch her try on dresses for an entire afternoon!

Bridezillas behave this way because people put up with their behavior. I'd kindly tell her you just can't be in it anymore. Besides, you are a slave wife and your owner is already participating in the wedding, so you will have to be with the kids because your slave says so! :)

Isn't it wonderful when single people without children know it all about parenting? All of the best laid plans they have about what type of hardass parents they'll be (read that as "better than anyone else") will get shot to hell when life gets in their way and reality sets in. Right now she's just very naive. I wouldn't take it personally. She's going to get more and more demanding and emotional the closer she gets to the wedding because it's getting more stressful.

She doesn't realize that her expectations are unrealistic or ridiculous because right now she doesn't have familial expectations or anyone relying on her. She's just selfish enough to think that she'll actually WANT to just ditch her kids any chance she gets if/when she has kids, or that her husband will allow her to take off and leave them with him any old time she chooses.

But that doesn't help you now. "Nevaeh, we've been such good friends for such a long time. I'm so excited about your upcoming wedding and I know you're going to be happy for the rest of your life with Jaedohn. I hope you know that I've been participating the best I can in your plans considering my obligations to my babies and my husband. It's not always easy to balance. If you think that I should be dedicating more time to your wedding, I'm really not sure that I can do more than I am until the wedding is a couple of weeks away. If that's not enough for you, please let me know now before our friendship is damaged. I would be happy to take on some responsibilities that I can do in my free time, and I'd be happy to spend some time with you one on one so that it's easier to get together."

Then see what she says. If compromising isn't enough, then you've got your chance or she has a chance to back you out of the wedding party without hard feelings but keeping your relationship intact.

EDIT: I'm a little distressed at the "throw away" attitude about the friendship with the bride. Yes, she's being really unrealistic and selfish and rude. But you know what else? She's stressed out and she's super excited about getting married. She just wants everyone else to as excited as she is and she wants to share that with her closest friends (who presumably are the people in her bridal party). This is tricky territory, and you don't want to just say "screw the friendship, this bride is a beast" because the groom and your husband are still good friends. And very likely, maintaining your cool right now and being understanding while not allowing the bride to walk all over you will help maintain the relationship after the craziness is over. After the honeymoon the bride will come back to the Land of Normal and might even become the mayor. Lifelong friends don't come along very often, and they're usually lifelong for a good reason. BTDT on all of this.

I think you have matured way beyond this friend.

And any and all future time and money you invest into this women's narcissism is deemed a complete waist of personal resources - IMHO.

I think it will be GOOD for HER that you start saying no and start setting boundaries and start making her realize that she is not the center of everyone's lives, even if she is getting married.

She sounds just horribly self centered and I wonder what it is you saw in her when you started this friendship???? Really, she's not going to be a slave wife??? That means she'll just dump nursing babies to take care of her more important life? I would run, not walk, away from her until she comes to her senses.

She's very lucky to have a friend like you because I would have backed out a long time ago. Who wants or needs friends like that?!

I'm sorry you're going through this. It must be hard if she's a childhood friend, but she's not acting like a friend in the least. Who treats people that way?! Who demands that her bridesmaids watch her try on wedding gowns for FOUR hours? TWICE? She didn't care that you had a 3 week old?!

If she wants to kick you out of the wedding because you don't have your dress yet, I'd say let her. Have you explained to her that you can't afford it?
If she's unsympathetic to that, then she's really not worth wasting your energy on. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but really- you shouldn't let her treat you that way.

I think your DH's friend should run for the hills!!- seriously

These are the women that make OTHER women look bad. Get out of the wedding and POSSIBLY the relationship. Just because you've been friends for a long time doesn't mean you need to STAY friends.

She sounds horrible and I FEAR for her future husband. If she is carrying on like this with her "friends" I can just imagine what she's doing to HIM? I give their marriage a year at best.

She may get "her special day" and have nobody else around to share her LIFE with.

It sounds like you just need to make it clear to her what you can afford (both in terms of time and money). Honestly, nobody cares about weddings. At least that was what I figured since I could barely get anyone to go with me one time just to look at bridesmaids dresses. My husband went with me dress shopping once. I think I did everything else alone and again, nobody really seemed to care. I got over it.

If you can't take that much time out of your life (and it sounds like an insane amount of time--I've never heard of such a thing) and she requires it, then you can't do it. If you know you won't be able to afford the dress at all, not just early, then let her know that, too. If she decides that the level of "committment" you can offer is not enough, she can tell you not to bother. If she decides she cares enough that she wants you in anyway, she can start keeping her mouth shut about it. I think weddings are probably much more relaxing from the guest side, anyway.

I would not be able to put up with what she wants from you, but that is my personality.

If I were experiencing the stress that you seem to feel, I would tell the bride that I'm sure she wants attendants who are not disctracted by families of their own, and bow out as gracefully as possible.

I wouldn't be too surprised if, 2-5 years in the future, this friend awkwardly admits she was a bit self-centered. She'll have had a chance to see life from an entirely different perspective by then.

I would have an honest conversation w/ her about what you can do and contribute. Tell her you wish her the best and want to be there to support her, but give her what you can do time wise and financially. Simple tell her if that's not enough you can step out of the wedding and stop the stress. Set your boundaries and leave the decision to her... good luck. Also, she's being totally selfish and immature - but you can't change that.

I think that with her snarky comments, the demanding schedule that she has set up for all of the bridesmaids and inflexibility, I would be inclined to gently excuse myself as a bridesmaid. I would probably say something like, "I know that your wedding is your special day and you want to make all of the events leading up to it special and festive but I just don't feel that I can give you the time and attention that you are seeking right now. I think you should find someone else."

I hope that the Bridezilla spell that has been cast upon your friends is soon lifted and that she can be your friend once again. Good luck.

Eesh, there's just no reason to act like that during wedding planning. Can you imagine what she's going to be like when she's pregnant?? I would let her know that the dress she chose she planned for the bridesmaids is beautiful but out of your price budget. Tell her you are honored she asked you to stand in her wedding but you are going to have to decline.

don't feel bad for it and if she acts like a....well you know the word.....don't let it bother you. It's really her issue and not yours.

If she is really mad at you, just be blunt with her, "I've noticed you're really mad at me. Do you still want me to be in your wedding?" If she says no, I'd say well OK then, I'm sorry to have disappointed you. It honestly sounds like she just does not have a realistic grasp of how kids change your life. I wouldn't hesitate to tell her that it seems like she is asking for more time and commitment than you are able to give. On the dress, I think you should also be upfront with her. "X, I know you wanted us the have ordered the dresses 2 months ago, but I have to be honest and let you know that I cannot afford to buy mine until X date" If she is not completely understanding and kind to you when you tell her this, I would drop out of the wedding party. She isn't much of a friend if she's going to make you feel bad about that.

Yes-you should "kindly" (I wish I could do it for you) tell her you are out of the wedding and will not be able to attend because you don't have anyone to stay with the children and must be entrenched in the "slave/wife/mother role" as your husband will be at the wedding.

Wow. It's sounds like she's turning her wedding into a national holiday that lasts a whole year. What should be a happy DAY is turning into a much bigger time commitment than anyone should feel obligated to honor.

I had to pull out of a wedding years ago because I couldn't afford the dress and travel expenses. I made sure that I told my friend early on so that she wouldn't feel left in the lurch. She didn't make a big deal out of it, and she is still my friend.

It sounds like your friend will be mad at you either way. If you bow out, she will never forgive you. If you stay in, but can't show her the level of "enthusiasm" that she is expecting, then she'll never forgive you. You may as will choose the option that leaves you with the most time and money for yourself and your family.

Good luck to you. I'm sure it makes it harder since your husband is part of the wedding party too. You will feel so much better after the wedding is over....six long months from now. My guess is that your friend will have a lot fewer thank you cards to send out by the time this wedding comes around. Bridezillas tend to lose a lot of friends this way.

if you can't afford it, you can't afford it - and you should just tell her so, and kindly tell her that you won't be able to be in the wedding(a VERY tactful way of getting out of what sounds like a nightmare!). maybe she just REALLY likes the bridesmaid dress she has selected and wants to make sure everyone has it ordered before it gets discontinued or something? idk, she sounds a little on the selfish/immature side!

Have you come right out and told her you can't afford to buy the dress right now? Also that you can appreciate that her expectations of marriage and motherhood are different from yours, but there are things you simply cannot or will not do, or do not have the time to do? Tell her plainly that you love her, but you can't meet all of her expectations, and that if she wants you to withdraw as a bridesmaid, you won't be offended at all. Bridezilla or not, tell her you will help as much as you can and love her tons, and then have her decide whether she will compromise with you or not. It's not your problem but hers, so give her a chance to decide.

She's definitely being demanding. A wedding doesn't give you the right to act any which way you want without any consequences. I will say that the Bridesmaid dresses are different than the tux as they take more time. That being said, if I were you I would welcome, dare I say PRAY, that I was asked to no longer be a part of the wedding party. She's certainly taking the joy and fun out of being part of the wedding party I will say that.

Therefore I would take my destiny in my own hands and say that you think it best if you step aside.

blick.
i know that bride insanity is common and she'll probably at some point become a person you might want to be friends with again. but this would have done me in.
i love the suggestions to tell her that your slave duties are overwhelming and you are unable to drag your chains around and serve her demands too. maybe in a couple of years when she sees the humor you can have a laugh and a beer over it.
but no way would my valuable time and non-existent money go to pampering this poodle.
khairete
S.

Oh, wow! She is being so inconsiderate of your feelings!

I would tell her that her wedding is becoming your nightmare (but in nicer words!) and that you politely decline to be in the wedding. I fear that if you continue on this path, your friendship will be over by wedding time!

It is apalling to me when anyone acts this way. Many brides have grown up being told that this is THEIR day and it is all about them. While I agree they want it to be meaningful and special, the wedding is the celebration of their union, and you have done them the honor of accepting their invitation to stand up for them.

Obviously, this puts you in the position of needing to spend a little more time on this than your average guest, but there is no reason you are expected to work like this. Not at all. This is not a part-time job. She is way off base here in her expectations. No one can ask you to spend one day a month away from your family like that! Crazy!

You might nicely tell her: "I am so excited for you and thrilled to be a part of your celebration. You are one of the reasons I met _______blank and found my own partner. Once your wedding is over, you will have a marriage and your family to focus on. That is the situation I am in right now, and it will always be my first priority. I love you and want to help you, but my own marriage comes first, as will yours, I hope. If I am not living up to your expectations, I understand and have no hard feelings. I hope you have the wedding of your dreams!"

Wow you have a heck of a lot more patience than I do, I probably would have taken my baby and left. I think if she mentions you not being there for a "Wedding Planning Bash" I would tell her, "Look I know this wedding is important to you, but my kids come first. Always have, always will." Try and decide if you are going to be able to afford the dress, if you don't think you can then NOW is the time to tell her, so she can find a replacement for you. Next time she brings up how different of a mom she is going to be I would laugh, then say,"Just you wait, when it actually is you, you will feel differently." I did this with my sister. My daughter has some digestion issues, and my mom, sister and I were talking about how my daughter hadn't gone poop for three days. As the conversation went on my sister got this look on her face, I asked her what? and she said, "Well I am sorry but conversations about poop just don't interest me." She was pregnant at the time and I just laughed and laughed, "Don't worry, it will soon." Fast forward to when her son was three months old and she was talking to me about his BM and I reminded her about, "How conversations about poop didn't interest her." She laughed and then told me to shut up. Don't worry she will get hers!

What does your husband say?

She has WAAY WAAY WAAY too high of expectations from her bridesmaids. Are you the maid of honor? Even a maid of honor shouldn't be expected to spend that much time preparing/planning for someone else's wedding!

If your husband is okay with it, and would be okay with ALSO being asked to "step down" from being part of the bridal party (one less bridesmaid usually translates to one less groomsman as well), then I would quietly take her to the side, or invite her over for lunch or something, and just tell her that you didn't realize when you accepted the honor of being a bridesmaid, that it was going to take up so much time. Let her know UP FRONT that you just cannot devote the amount of time that she is demanding and that maybe it would be best if you just stepped down. Assure her that it won't hurt your feelings to do so. 2 children under the age of 3 is a huge responsibility and she doesn't understand it. Until she's walked a mile in a mom's shoes she WON'T either.
If she insists that she wants you in it, tell her that you will NOT be at each and every "Wedding Planning Bash!" and may only make a few of them. That you WILL have at least one of your kids with you at each bridal gown shopping trip as long as you are breastfeeding, unless she plans to keep them to under 2 hours. If she can't be okay with that, then it would be better if you just went ahead and stepped down.
IF she agrees to backing off the demands, and if she continues to say how SHE would do things when SHE has kids, chime right back in that you "think that's great! I love spending time with my family/kids, though, so don't expect ME to do it that way... Ha Ha Ha" (yes... laugh at her.. make it all in fun... she should still "get" it that you are NOT kidding).

But talk to your husband first.

My SIL demoted me from maid of honor to bridesmaid (she initially kicked me out altogether, then a few months later when we were speaking begged me to be a bridesmaid). One of her other bridesmaids asked to be off the hook because she couldn't afford the dress, grant it it was only a month prior to the wedding, not 5, but they don't speak anymore. She is also the one that told me what a wimp I was for having an epidural and how she would do things differently, until her first labor pain hit, now she is apologizing over and over. unfortuantely, this is the main event in her life right now and she doesn't understand that in a few months it will be a distant memory and she won't know why she acted like this for something that played a small role in the grand scheme of things. I think you should just be honest and say that although you love her, you don't think you are giving her the time that she needs of a bridesmaid and you don't have the finances in order for the dress and how does she want to handle it and leave it in her court. I'm guessing she wants the dress ordered so far in advance because she is afraid that they will not be available by the wedding or of a differet dye lot. I helped 2 of my bridesmaids with affording the hotel and part of the dress. Maybe if she understands she will do the same.

She's nuts! Yes, she has a ton of opinions on parenting etc... but things will change once she has kids. It's difficult, SO DIFFICULT, but you should try to turn a deaf ear. Has she always been this way? If so, maybe you should bow out of the wedding. If she isn't usually like this and she's a good friend let her have her months of being a wack job and things will hopefully go back to normal after the wedding. One weekend a month for wedding planning??? Are you kidding me?? That's A LOT to ask someone and then to complain when you oblige but must bring your kid(s). She's being unreasonable on those things. With regard to the dress, you may be in the wrong. In all the weddings I've ever been in all the dresses needed to be ordered at the same time and the shop would not order any other way. I don't know if it's true but the shops always say that the dresses must be ordered at the same time to be sure that the dye lot of fabric matches perfectly. If you wait there can be inconsistencies with the color. Have the other girls ordered their dresses? If they have I'm gonna say that you have to get yours ASAP. I know that there's LOTS of time but she 's the bride and this is her day. If it makes her feel better for all the dresses to be ordered then just do it. Dresses typically take a few months to come in so it's not that outlandish to do it so early but she is still early. Try to remember what it felt like when you were the bride. Good luck!

It always makes me chuckle that when people don't have kids they know how it will be. She'll find out and I'm betting she'll be a helicopter mom who won't let her kids out of her sight. Anyway, I would suck it up. It's her "special day" as much of a pain in the butt as she's being. I would explain to her in a nice way that you are planning to get the dress and that you want to be a part of her day, but want to make sure that the finances are not burdened by it either. If she needs it I would come up with a date by which you can get the money/dress so she doesn't freak out. She sounds like she needs dates and timelines. Also, men are almost always more lax, they're great in that way, but I'm sure her fiancee is hearing the craziness from her too so I would be comforted by that fact ;)

quite frankly, if this woman claims to be your friend at yet goes out of her to be nasty to you because she expects or rather demands that you have the same ultra casual attitude about being a mother that she has, she is no friend, she is merely using you as her supposed "bad example". tell her, i am sorry, but i cant be in your wedding. spend the money that you would have spent on a brides maids dress on your kids
K. h.

Well, she has obviously lost sense of all reality for sure. However, she might have wanted to order all of the dresses at the same time so that they came from the same dye lot. There is no way that I would be able to be as available as she expects you to be...not with 2 small children. If she is truly going to expect this level of committment and time away from your family, then you should just tell her that you are unable to do this.