Asking Friends to Be Legal Guardiens

Ask them now--why wait? It IS a separate document. My husband & I are legal guardians of my friend's son. Make it easy for them once they say yes--get the paperwork done and they'll just have to sign it.
p.s. no O. else needs to know you're even doing that. If they say no, simply choose someone else. It's a big responsibility, but O. they will never likely experience. :-)

I think now is the perfect time. Not only will it show how much you appreciate them and trust them with the life of your child, but it will re-affirm any feelings she may be having regarding becoming a new mom. Alot of women feel inadequate and never say anything, wondering if they will be the right person to raise a child, you honoring them by asking them to take over in the event of a tragedy could give her a good boost in the mother moral department.
Maybe your best bet is to sit and write a letter to your friends, explain the situation, and make sure they have all the information, what would be expected of them in that event, and give them some time to discuss it between themselves before giving you an answer. Of course tell them that although you prefer they are the ones you rely on, if they cannot make the commitment that there are others you could ask... that might releive the pressure of having to say yes right away.
Good luck! It is always wonderful when you make plans ahead of time, and even more wonderful that you already know how you would want things to play out and that you have good friends to trust in your life!

I would just tell your friends that your husband and you are preparing this will, and after much discussion you both agreed that if need be, you both feel they are the kind of parents and role models you'd want for your children if something happened to you. However it is a huge responsibility and you'd completely understand if it's not something they are comfortable with. And if they DO decline, dont take it personal. It doesnt mean they dont love you or your child. It just may be more then they can consider.

As far as your family goes, don't tell them! If they know you are making a will just tell them you arent going to name who you left as your childs legal guardian because you dont want hurt feelings. Unless this is something that needs to be signed by the potential guardians, I'd keep it quiet. Thats what we plan on doing. I've been named as potential guardian to my neice and didnt have to sign anything. Good luck

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I asked my friend when she was pregnant too. Although she had about 2 months, not 2 weeks. :) Anyway, I took her to lunch and just told ther that of all my friends and family, she (and her husband) were the only two I could really see taking good care of my children. I told her that I would 100% understand if this was something they couldn't do for us, as it would be a life changing event for them, and they were also expecting their own family to start shortly. She didn't say yes or no really at the lunch. She said that she was honored I asked, but that she needed to talk to her husband first. A few days later she called and told me they were happy to do it. So I would say just ask your friend now, but as soon as you get the question out, just say "I dont' expect an answer now. Please think it over. Its okay if you say no as I know its a huge obligation, and I'd know you are about to have a big life change in the next two weeks." I'm sure they'll say yes to you b/c you are that close with them. But give them the out, and give them the proper time to think about it.

As for family... no one knows who we picked. no one has asked either. if they did, I would just tell them that my husband and I picked the best people we knew who could do the job, and leave it at that.

I don't think it is necessary to wait to ask them, although I can see where your thinking comes on that. Whenever you decide to ask them, be sure that you preface it with "I don't want you to answer right now.". You don't want to put them on the spot. It is not a spur of the moment decision for you and I would think that you would not want them answering that way either. You want them to have time to consider whether they are up for the job. And how that might play out with their own family.

I would sort of "forewarn" them that you are doing your wills, and are considering whom to name as guardians for your kids in the event of your deaths. "You're on the list and we were wondering if you would be willing. Take some time to think about it, and you can let us know."

That's how we did it.

I'm single and adopting so I felt some pressure to get my will done, too.

What I did was to ask my friends if they would consider it and asked them not to answer right away but to take some time and get back to me when they had a decision. I also told them that finding someone that you trust to care for your child is not an easy decision but that agreeing to take on someone's child is also a very big decision. And because of these items, I am not offended if they choose to say "No".

As for the family, I don't know how to mitigate the hurt feelings. I watched the movie "Raising Helen" and that helped me to think about some of the components of considering guardians. So one of the things I've said to a couple people in my family is that I watched the movie and it really made me think. I really do want someone who is like me to raise my son if I can't so that he understands what Mom was really like. It's not an affront to them. To my parents generation (including aunts and uncles) and older, I've explained that while I love them, I think it's unfair to ask someone their age to try and keep up with a very active 12 year old. For my older brother, he and his wife are moving in to the empty nest stage and they are excited about time for the two of them so I won't ask them to raise another family. My younger brother has all he can do to keep up with his little ones. So, I basically did that kind of evaluation so that I would have something to tell each person about why I chose someone outside of the family. Just letting them know that I thought about them and that I'm trying to respect their stage in life. (The truth is that I wouldn't have chosen them anyway but I want them to know that they are still important.)

We are in a similar situation as well. We have not asked the friends yet, but plan to.

As far as timing, I'd wait about 3-4 months, things should've settled down at that point. It is a BIG responsibility, so its very possible they'll say no. Just remember that it is probably NOT about you, but too much for them to handle, if they do say no. I'd approach it by talking about how you're doing your will and really struggling to decide who would be the best one to take care of your kids. Just be open and honest about the concerns with asking your family, and let them know that you really appreciate them as friends and respect their family values. Would they consider filling this need for you?

As far as family having hurt feelings, that will likely happen. In our case we would trust both of our parents to take care of our kids, as far as raising them as we'd want them to be raised. However it would be a huge financial burden for my in laws, and my parents are way too over committed already, I fear our kids would fall through the cracks. Our siblings do not share the same values, and two of them are single women, the married couple also struggles with drug addiction, so definitely NOT them. Anyway. I would not sit down and talk to my family about why they are not being chosen. Most likely this situation will not happen, so why bring up the drama. If your friends do agree to do this, then you would need to draw up some guidelines on visitation with your family, any limitations you might have or how often etc... Its super important for the kids to stay connected to their family as well, at least on the level that they are now, if not a bit more for their emotional needs.

If you do feel you'd like to talk to your family about why not, then really sit down and figure out why you don't want them. Will it be too much of a financial burden, or do their values not meet up with yours. No stable home life... Whatever it is. Focus on that being the reason, not that you don't like them. Try to pick something noninflammatory, if possible, even if it isn't your #1 reason. Like I wouldn't mention to my brother's family that I'm not picking them because of their struggles with drug addiction, I'd focus on it being too much of a financial burden for them (which is also a legitimate concern). Explain that you are not trying to keep your child from them, but put them into a home that is as similar to the one you set up for them as possible. Explain how the visitation would occur with the other family or any other thing you think would be helpful.

Anyway, I understand your need to get it done yesterday. I feel the same and I have a 3.5 year old and a 1 year old. I know in a situation like this social workers try to keep kids and families together, so your family members would need to step up and fill the need if something happened to you both before you had a chance to talk to your friends.

Actually I think this is an ideal time to ask them. They are becoming parents and will understand how important it is to have this in place for their child, in the near future.

Also, you don't need to tell anyone who you ask to be your children's guardian. If you feel they would raise your children the way you would, then their perfect to be your children's guardian. There is no need to tell your family. This is private and ask your friends to keep it between the four of you. If you would trust them with your children, I feel confident in saying they would keep your trust in this matter. Hopefully, they would never have to be your children's guardian.

If I may make a suggestion, have a Living Trust in place. That way it cannot be contested in a court. Wills can be contested.

I remember my husband and I creating our Living Trust. It was sad to think about it, but felt so much more at ease after all was said and done. We actually have "back up" guardians. So if something happens to the original guardians, we have another couple, just in case.

Many blessings.

no one else needs to know who you're asking or who you decide on. I don't know who any of my neice and nephew's guardians are.

i would the next ttime your with them try to make before the baby comes and ask them or bring it up in a conversation to kinda get an idea how they feel about and than that way it may be easier to ask them if you get an idea on how they feel about it.

I agree that now is a great time to ask them. Make sure they know that you will not be offended or upset if they want to say no. As far as your family, make sure some of them know that you have the will. But, as far as the details.....that is not something that you have to discuss with them.

I personally wouldn't wait to ask, there is no perfect time except to do it before something happens. No one knows what our future holds and if you wait, what if someting happens while you are waiting. If you ask now they can have that in their minds as they plan their future and the situation may never be necessary for them to take over. You do not need to worry about letting anyone know but the people you are setting it up with and the lawyer who is taking care of it. Good luck and a lot of the other posts have some great advice in them too.

I think now is okay. I would just say to them that you are making your wills and would like to ask them to consider the possibility of taking your children if something happens to you...then just leave it at that. If something does happen in the mean time your attorney will know your desires and he can make it know and they can decide if necessary. Even if they say no that doesn't mean they wouldn't want to in the future.