Anyone Else Reading "Bringing up Bebe"?

Updated on February 16, 2012
C.T. asks from Red River, NM
7 answers

For fun my husband ordered this book that just came out, "Bringing Up Bebe, One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting". It is a fun read. I think the author (Druckerman) generalizes WAY too much about American parents but there is definitely truth to what she says. I am really enjoying it and am wondering if any of you are reading it also and what do you think? I have noticed that I naturally have parented my 2nd child more in the French way than I did my first child. But I also think that my first child has a very temperamental and more needy personality so that made me do things a bit differently. Who knows! The book says that French parents never have problems with their babies sleeping through the night. The reason is that between 2-4 months is the crucial time for the baby to learn their own sleep rythms. They do not do cry it out with the baby. They just wait 5-10 minutes every time the baby awakes to see if the baby really is going to wake up or if he will fall asleep on his own. After 4 months they say the baby's sleep habits are made and if you did not do this then you are basically screwed (depending on your kid's personality). Ha ha! This was so true for my first child - because I had so little breast milk I was told to BF him around the clock every 2-3 hours. So I dutifully woke him up all night long to feed him. He never wanted to stop...he was waking up every 2 hours till the time he was 1 and a half and he needed me to help him go back to sleep. What a nightmare! The book says the French make their children wait for things...they have to wait for that sweet till after dinner or wait for another day to buy the toy. They must wait till mommy is done talking to the other adult. They must wait till their parent is off the phone. They must wait to get their bottle or nurse. They don't give in to their kids demands. They are teaching their children to delay gratification many times a day. This makes total sense. I seriously doubt most Americans don't do this but I know some that can never say no. This waiting is something I make my kids do, but I have to say I am now better at it with our 2nd child. The book also talks about letting your child be...letting them play alone and not going in and tryign to give them a snack or helping them to play. I have mastered this one. I love it when my kids play alone. My youngest has been really good at this since she was a baby and I love listening to her pretend in the livingroom while I am cooking dinner. Anyway, I was just wondering if any of you are reading this and how you like it.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

Well, I do think things depend on your child's personality too and I don't believe EVERY kid in France is so well behaved. There are outliers! My son (who is 8 now and sleeps just fine) was probably an outlier as a baby. He woke up SCREAMING. It was like he was in pain or ???. As a newborn just home from the hospital he did this...it was very jarring. I remember when he was about 1 thinking how sad, is he never going to wake up happy and play in his crib? He was typically up every hour. At around age 1 we did Cry it Out with him and he learned to sleep 3 hrs at a time. He NEVER stopped crying and learned to go to sleep on his own though. I know it is his personality bc his sister was so much easier as a baby. Anyway, I wonder now if there was anything I could do if I went back in time and started over again with him as a newborn. I am a much more confident parent now and I know to start setting limits right away. I think when my son was a toddler I was probably too sweet to him when he did something wrong. I still made him do the right thing or made him share when he did not want to. It was so long ago it's hard to remember the details of how I handled him, and I wonder if I could have been more strict (probably!). I think my husband and I have this parenting thing down now.

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.B.

answers from Detroit on

I saw a feature on The Today Show about it and I am intrigued. Have not read it yet but they interviewed the mother who wrote and many things she said rang true with me. My daughter slept through the night for the first time at 6 weeks and honestly has hardly ever given us any trouble about sleep. I don't know if was really anything we did, or we were just lucky - I just remember sometimes hearing her moving around in her bassinet (she was in it next to our bed until she was 4 months old) but not really fussing or making any noise, so I just let her be. I make her wait for things all the time because I don't want her to grow up thinking it is my job (and therefore everyone else's) to cater to her every whim in an instant. She is expected to wait until I am done eating dinner for her to get dessert, and to wait until I am finished doing whatever I am doing before I get her a snack or do something else for her. I am also teaching her not to interrupt when I am on the phone or talking with someone else. I think as a result, she is starting to learn to be more resourceful, and figure things out for herself, or not need my help all the time, if I can't get to her right away. It's really about respect.

She also talked about parents have very firm boundaries, but allowing the children a certain amount of freedom and liberty within those boundaries. And that's true to some degree with our daughter. I can tell her it is bedtime and she needs to stay in bed, but I can't make her sleep. If she wants to look at books until she falls asleep, that's fine...as long as she stays in bed. If it takes her an extra 15 or 20 minutes to fall asleep, that's perfectly okay - better than having her run out of the room over and over for 3 hours!

3 moms found this helpful

E.D.

answers from Seattle on

I haven't read the book but have read a few book reviews, as well as a few blogs/articles written by the same author.

My initial thoughts are:
- What she describes is not "French Parenting" so much as authoritative parenting. Examples of such can be found internationally, just as abusive/neglectful/authoritarian examples of parenting can be found in France.

- There was an under-emphasis on the difference between the social support typically provided to French parents and American parents. I believe a well supported parent is more likely to parent better than an unsupported parent. A well supported parent is also more likely to hold him/herself in high esteem and is more likely to have the energy to engage with his/her life and family more fully.

- It's difficult to parent outside of cultural norms.

- I'm a huge fan of snacks/I'm not a fan of hypoglycemic children having a blood sugar meltdown.

But, overall, the 'type' of parenting she describes is one that resonates with me.

2 moms found this helpful

K.M.

answers from Chicago on

I was considering looking it up next time I went to the library - currently sick, though I could use a good book or two to read! It may take a back seat to finishing The Hunger Games Trilogy but it is on my list of options!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.P.

answers from New York on

I've read reviews, not the book yet. I just have to respond though - my daughter slept through the night by 4 months. She started waking up at 6 months with teething, and has barely slept through the night since! So, maybe some kids, but I bet there are plenty of French parents who co-sleep or whose kids don't sleep well and just don't talk about it, like Americans did for years.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

I've read some articles about it. It looks interesting.

1 mom found this helpful

A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

I am so the French mom (OK, I wish, but I act like it) at the park sitting aloofly by while the kids go play. I don't chase after them and yell. And we did the early sleep-thru thing too by two or three months. I totally believe you train your kids to need you all night otherwise. It's so funny here how many people will say, it's IMPOSSIBLE for kids to sleep-thru before six months which is considered WAY late in other countries. I NEED to be a little more French about serving them adult food and offering no alternatives though. My husband and I spent time in Paris in 07 with our 18 month old at the time. There are NO high chairs in that city, and it's true, the kids are very civilized in restaurants (ours are too, it's all we allowed). We also do the "no interrupting mommy" on the phone or in a conversation thing, and delayed gratification for treats. But I was raised that way. I don't dig kids barging in and dominating all situations like seems to be so common now.

1 mom found this helpful
For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions