Hello. I'm a psychiatrist, so I can definately address this one. If Paxil worked well for you, but you had side effects, I think it makes sense that you stay within the same class of medicine (SSRI). Paxil is the most likely of these to cause weight gain, but there are plenty of others. I would start with Prozac (generic fluoxetine)which works very well and is pretty "weight neutral". That would also be a good choice if you are planning to get pregnant again as Paxil is no longer used in pregnancy, but Prozac has been okay. Other options are Celexa, Zoloft or Lexapro (Lexapro is brand, others come in generic).
If you're still taking Paxil, it's very important that you work with your doctor on coming off. Paxil can cause a lot of issues coming off of it, so you want to do it very slowly (like 5-10 mg every two weeks). You should start the other medicine before you're off of the Paxil as it will take several weeks to have an effect.
I haven't used Valerian root much, but some people find it helpful. I think that St. John's Wort can be helpful. If you do any of these, just let your doctor know because they can interact with other medicines.
And, of course, is psychotherapy. I don't know if you tried this - sometimes it really depends on if you "click" with your therapist. Also, some books are really helpful - especially for anxiety as so much of panic is related to the worry that you'll have another one. I'd recommend "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" or "Feeling Good Handbook" (David Burns). You could also try meditation (which takes practice, so don't get discouraged) and/or yoga.
If this is getting in the way of being able to function, work, take care of the kids and yourself, etc. then don't count out medication. While not a panacea, it can be pretty life-changing.
Good luck.
M.