Hi,
I'm a 35 year old mother of 2. My husband and I started discussing whether we should have a third child. I was having baby fever, and he liked the idea since our youngest (4 yo boy) just started half day preschool. We talked long and hard about it, and decided that I would have my Mirena removed and whatever would be, would be. That was a little over 3 months ago. I just took a pregnancy test two days ago and it was positive. I am shell-shocked. I never expected that after one month, we would be expecting. I have anxiety already and it has been horrible for the past two days. I keep trying to tell myself that this is part of God's plan and that if we weren't meant to have another, I wouldn't have started wanting one, my husband wouldn't have been open to the idea, and that we wouldn't have conceived so quickly, but that only seems to alleviate things for a bit. We discussed the financials (we're not well off, but we're doing okay), the other logistics, and we decided that it was all for the good BEFORE I even went to the doctor to have my IUD removed.. Why then can I not shake the feeling that I made a mistake? We've only told our two children, my mom, and my husband's best friend at this point. I am scared, and I guess I just need reassurances from other moms that what I am feeling is okay, that everything is going to work out, and that the feelings will pass (hopefully sooner rather than later).
It's normal.
My third will be a year in a few weeks. She is the greatest! Everything about her is easy. She is so loved by everyone. I am so glad we went for the third!
You will feel better about it around 15-16 weeks. I swear, part of the first trimester is a heavy dose of negative thinking and anxiety :-)
i can't help but giggle a little at your having discussed it at length with your husband, removed your birth control, done the Deed, and now saying 'it's god's plan.'
:)
it would be awesome if all our wants and yearnings are actually the gods manipulating us for our own good. it would totally mean that they wanted me to eat that half a bag of zebra popcornopolis the other night 2 days after running a personal record of 18 miles, making me the only woman in the world to run 18 miles and GAIN weight. there's a reason why i'm fat and it's not my fault, it's god's plan!
i mean, maybe it is. but it's more likely that it's hormones. and a touch of buyer's remorse, which will clear up even before the baby arrives, completely outfitted with all the love he'll ever need. even if you HAVE made a mistake (unlikely, since you actually planned and deliberately created this pregnancy, above and beyond the gods' plan thingummy), you won't regret the baby. some babies are a source of regret (despite what some advocate) but this one isn't.
laugh at yourself, make a cup of tea, and plan the nursery.
:) khairete
S.
None of ours were planned, but the third was the biggest surprise. I was on the birth control pill I could take while nursing my middle son. I can't imagine life without him for one second, he will be 7 in March.
You'll love having three and everything will work out. Congratulations!
NO going back now... :)
9 months is a long time, you have plenty of time to mentally prepare for your new addition. It's okay to feel shocked and scared now.
I am 3 weeks away from delivering #3 and I have gone all around the spectrum with my doubts/fears/expectations too.
Actually, with each of my 3 (planned) pregnancies, I have had that "yikes" feeling upon finding out. Like, the reality hits. There's no turning back. Disbelief that it actually happened "so quickly". Plus there are weirdo hormonal things that happen to affect your feelings throughout the whole pregnancy.
And you can enjoy your first pregnancy in a state of bliss, because you don't exactly know what's coming. The second one I enjoyed in a state of overconfidence of thinking I was an old pro. Third time going in I think we have our eyes WIDE open as to what EXACTLY we are in for, which adds more fear, trepidation, anxiety.
You sound normal to me. You'll be fine :)
ETA: Suz T, God's plan to eat the zebra popcornopolis!!!! You crack me up!
I completely agree with Julie G. I went through the same thing with my third. :)
To say my third was unplanned would be a huge understatement. I had a 2yo and a 4yo and was in the middle of nursing school. My friend was completely freaking out thinking she was pregnant, but was too scared to get a pregnancy test. She begged me to go with her and take the test as well. After we took the test the nurse came out with a goody bag of pregnancy items and my friend was in tears. She handed me the bag and said "well she isn't pregnant but you are."
I was shocked to day the least, but that little boy just turned 11 and I couldn't imagine my life or our family without him. Third babies are awesome! :)
Try this: get to a quite spot, relax and close your eyes, kind of like meditating.
1st: think about how you would feel if the baby was completely unplanned and a complete surprise. Would you be happy? Would you be scared? Would you think "why me"?
2nd: think about how you would are feeling now. Are you sad? Are you happy? Are you scared about what the future will bring?
3rd: think about how you would feel if you were not pregnant. Would you be happy? Would you be sad? Would you be relieved?
Congratulations, You have been blessed. I think your feelings are completely normal.
M.
Not sure baby fever is "God's plan," but it sure is Nature's plan (which some people would call the same thing). Nature just creates the longing – we are designed to procreate, and we've been generously provided with the hormonal prompts to make sure we do. It's up to us to do the planning; it's why God gave us brains.
It sounds like you planned, and it worked! Congratulations!!! I'll bet it all works out fine.
Fear of the unknown is always lurking when something big and different happens, like a move, a new job, or a new family member.
What would you tell a friend who was in your position? If it's good advice, take it yourself. Maybe you'll write down what's GOOD about having a new baby. Think of everything, even silly things. Write it all out, so you can look at it often.
Or you'll talk to your doctor, and find out that almost every mother has times like this. (I did with my first... and my second... and my third... and my fourth.)
Or you'll start taking more walks in the fresh air whenever you can. Believe me, that can clear the brain of anxiety for a while!
Or other things. Or all of the above.
I believe it was Robert E. Lee who wrote, "Never take the counsel of your fears." I'm sure he wasn't the only one, either. You're going to be delighted with this baby soon. Congratulations!
It will work out. I would not talk it up with the kids. It is soooooo early. Nine months is a long time for a kid. You planned it and it worked. Relax and enjoy.
Take a deep breath and chaulk your reaction up to hormones. I was so excited to get pregnant with my third and once I did I was so sick and had major sleep issues. I knew I wanted the third, but the sleep deprivation and sickness was just killing me emotionally. Alas, the second trimester came, I started feeling better and loving being pregnant again. Now my third is 21 months and the love of my life! He is a blast, a great addition and my girls love him to death! He is the funniest little guy. We are broke most of the time which is immensely frustrating and by no means can really afford the brood we have but I would never, ever trade what we have for anything! Trust me, this little person will come and you'll wonder how life ever existed without him/her. I had weird anxiety issues at the beginning with baby 2 and 3 and then they just went away once I was able to process the upcoming change! Embrace it, seriously, you have made no mistake, this person is meant to be and will probably enhance your life in ways you just simply can't imagine right now!! congrats!
Two kids is a no brainer. But that third baby, man, its a tough call. I vacillated constantly with excitement, anxiety, regret and fear with third baby pregnancy. Well here he is and he's 6 mo old. The truth is we still joke, "we shouldn't have had that third baby!" Welcome to sweat chaos, and yes, you are not the only one who wondered if you bit off more than you could chew taking the plunge for #3.
Its going to be just fine!! I promise. I went through the same thing both with my second AND my third (esp my 3rd though) and they were all planned. My 3rd child is a firecracker and was a harder baby than the first two. However, she is the funniest, silliest, coolest 5 year old I know. If you hadn't gotten prego or decided to make it "final" to not have any more than you would have forever regretted it and wondered if you were meant to have another. The best advice I ever got from anyone on this site was when I was contemplating the third kiddo… she said that she was once in my boat and decided NOT to have another, she had a tubal and it was the biggest mistake she ever made. She said she still feels like someone is missing from her family at almost 50 years old. There is a reason you decided to get your mirena out, you know in your heart that your family is not complete. In about 9 months, it will be and you will be just as in love as you were with your first two little ones. :) Congrats, I love the dynamic of 3, I think it is perfect!!
Seems normal to me. I was having anxiety and jitters with each of my planned pregnancies. I remember asking my husband several times 'we planned this, right?!?!? and that makes us sane?!?!?' It's natural. Congratulations and good luck.
Just a word of encouragement! I too was afraid when I found out that I was pregnant and a bit nervous for various reasons. But trust me it will work out especially if your husband is supportive and behind you100%. You guys will be fine and congratulations on your new bundle of joy!!
