Another Wedding Gift Question

Maybe it's because I am poor.
Maybe it's because I don't judge.
Maybe it's because I LOVE my family and friends.

I would never....Ever...EVER...judge someone that gave me a GIFT!
I would have graciously taken the $30, sent out a thank you note, and bought myself something with my GIFT.
Bleh.
L.

I can not believe people that are suggesting you give hundreds of dollars to this bride. To be honest the only gift I really remember from my wedding is the hand made quilt from my grandmother. Just get her something simple off her registry, but no need to spend more then $50.

Spend what is comfortable for you, what you can afford and what you want to spend.

I must admit I am baffled by the idea that a gift MUST cost a certain amount and that amount is contingent on the perceived cost of the wedding. Where did this come from?

You thought someone's gift to you was "cheap"? Really?

My great aunt gave us $10 at our wedding 15 years ago. "Cheap" never crossed my mind.

Maybe $30 is all your friend can afford to chip in? It may not be about being CHEAP but about being genuinely STRAPPED and unwilling to go into debt.
Just a thought--you *could* collect the money, add mightily to it and select a group gift from the registry from all of you. That would be generous and selfless. A real opportunity to do an anonymous act of giving.
Personally, I think a "group" wedding gift is odd, if it's not, say you, hubs, your mom and dad if you grew up next door or something...right? Who does that?
Otherwise I'd tell her you already picked something up.

When people give me gifts, I don't care how much they paid for it. It matters not if it came from Bloomingdale's or Dollar Tree. What matters is that it's something I like and/or need.
A friend once gave me a lovely plant stand for my birthday. She spotted it in a dumpster, and I helped her pull it out. She cleaned it up and painted it. The only money she spent on it was the cost of a couple of cans of spray paint. Was I offended because she gave me a gift that was pulled out of the garbage? Not in the slightest.

Seriously someone suggested $30 a couple? I would be embarrassed to give a gift of that amount. A wedding these days especially in an expensive hotel is at least $50 per person for the reception. I would not go in on a gift with the other couples. Get your own card and give the gift you would like to give.

Sounds like the friend that wants to go in on a gift is thinking that one bigger gift from all of you would be better than five smaller gifts. Maybe she can't afford more or maybe you could suggest $40-$50 each. Or you could go in $30 each and you could add a separate little something since you could afford more.

it sounds as if you'd rather just give your own gift with your own pricepoint, so politely decline the group gift invitation.
i just don't know what to say to people who eyeball, estimate and judge gifts.
it's just so foreign to me.
khairete
S.

This is how weddings have gotten so darn out of hand - price-wise!

Whatever happened to inviting those you knew/are close to to your wedding/reception w/o trying to outdo someone/something else (or coming off as a money grab).

Not everyone may be able to afford the cost of dinner/drinks if those shows are anything like some weddings today. And how would anyone know what those items would cost as they are not in on the menu? (tho a cash bar would be fine - then those that wish to drink can cover their own bar bill)

Yeah - I'm likely in the minority here - don't care as it seems it has gotten way away from the reason for getting married.

I would spend $75-100. You can get a nice gift and it's a very reasonable price range considering the relationship you have with her.

I think that five couples spending only $150 total is pretty cheap. If five people went in on a gift, I would expect it to range from $300-600.

First of all, if $30 was all someone could afford for a gift 20 years ago, or even today, I wouldn't have thought it cheap. I would have been very appreciative they gave anything at all.

As for what you can give, that's up to you. If you don't want to go in on a gift with other couples because you think $30 is cheap, then just tell them you'll do something on your own.

You say you're only a casual friend, and it's only a step-daughter - personally, if this were me, I'd think it was very odd if I had been invited.

Bottom line.... do what you're comfortable with.

Good luck!!

I don't think it really matters, just do something within your budget. At my wedding, we received gifts at all different price points and they were all appreciated. I don't even remember giving much thought to how much someone spent aside from my own parents, who spent the most!

5 years ago I could afford a lot more on a gift for a friends wedding. Now, as a stay at home mom, much less. I'd do what I could afford and be offended if someone thought I was being cheap.

Do your own thing and spend no less than $125.

It's a nice wedding venue in a great spot and $30 per couple does come across as cheap to me., sorry :(

Spend what you can afford.

Get something off the registry or a nice Waterford piece of crystal.... Vase, frame, glassware

Honestly? $50. per person at least.. . So if you are a couple. $100.

To be invited to a Wedding is considered an honor. Most people are very careful and particular as to who should be invited, because weddings are expensive, especially " Friday night in June at a very expensive hotel downtown in chicago."

Nice place in downtown Chicago? At least 75 per person, or 150 a couple. And this will probably be seen as cheap. I think it's more than enough though, and it's what I'd give. But for a wedding in Chicago? Others can chime in here, but 75 per person is what I'd see at typical. 50 per person the lowest.

$30 is not cheap if that is what your friend's budget is. But if you can afford more, I would just do something separate. If it were me, I would probably do at least $100. Not because of the venue, but because that seems to be the going rate for middle class families around here, and they are not close friends of yours.

DON'T go in with the other couples for a gift. $30 is NOT enough from you, who can afford more, to give towards a gift when you're going to such a nice venue for a wedding/reception.

Your gift should be more around $50 to $100. I would look at their wedding registry and choose from it.

I'm sorry, but the friend who suggested this is being cheap. Honestly.

I agree with you that $30 is quite cheap. I know there are a lot of variables (income, relationship to family etc.) that help decide how much to spend.

I like the idea of suggesting a higher $ amount per person or doing your own thing.

I just re-read. If you are only her casual friend, I wonder why you are invited. I only invited close friends and family. I guess everyone is different. i wrote this last part, because it might be why your friend thought $30 was a reasonable amount.

Yes, tell her you are doing something on your own. A group gift from couples seems an odd thing to do to me anyway.

Some may call me a snob but if I could only afford to give $30 I would not attend the wedding for a distance acquaintance. If it was for a close family member and that is all I could afford then I would go however. Personally, I like to cover my plate, so around here that means giving a gift of $200 at a minimum.

If you think $30 was cheap for your own wedding then I imagine you think $30 is cheap now. Tell them your husband has already picked something out and he doesn't want to change his mind.

$30/couple is an extremely cheap wedding gift regardless of where the wedding is at. I would give no less than $125-$150/couple. I've been married for 14 years and the going rate at that time was $100/couple in our area!

I'd tell your friend that you are planning on bringing your own gift to the wedding =)

I agree with covering the cost of your plate, if possible. It seems if though that is not your issue.

I think it is perfectly fine to tell the friend you and your husband had something in mind for the couple already.

I agree with you that a $150 wedding gift for 8 people is not enough for those who can afford more. The minimum gift I give is $100 per couple, $150 if it's a closer relative or friend.

Do something on your own...
** Your gift should always at LEAST cover the price of your dinner + drinks.
Considering the venue, 75 to 100 would be more appropriate... at least...

$150.00 here ($100.00 minimum per couple these days)

Probably $200 check from you would be great, $100-150 if it fits your budget better. Sorry!

I would spend about $100 on a gift. When I was a poor, starving graduate student I would spend $50...so $30 seems like very little. If that is all someone can afford though...then call it good bc it is the thought that counts!

I would do something on your own. Do what you can afford and your comfortable with

I think that you should do something on your own. Think about who they are and what you would like for them to have. I would not put the cost so high on my list of considerations.

The exact dollars are less important than the support you provide by showing up to this special occasion.
Having recently hosted two weddings, it depends on what you can afford. I'd suggest asking for the bridal registry information and picking something from their registry. If you can afford it, I'd suggest $100 per couple and less for the people who need a different level of participation. Having a pool of contributions allows you to pick a bigger item from the wedding registry...and the registry will deliver the gift to the bridal couple...you can simply bring a card to the reception signed by your group that mentions the gift being delivered directly to them via their registry...it is so NICE not to be lugging things around at the wedding reception or wondering what is happening to envelopes with cash in them...This way the new couple receives something that they want/need as they start their new life together...and they don't get four toasters or some item that they already have...they might get something in the color that they want and listed in their registry. When somebody buys outside the registry, the couple risks getting two of the same item...But the primary thing is that you are supporting your friend in the celebration of her step daughter's new life with her partner...YOU are there to give your support and joy in this celebration:-)

I can't tell you how much a wedding gift ought to cost without knowing more about the situation - and even then I might not want to venture a guess.

A cash gift is practical, and it's easy for the giver, but it brings problems with it, like the problem you mentioned yourself ("How cheap!").

Thirty dollars times five, however, adds up to a lot. Then all of you have to decide what the gift will be. Will you be able to do that and still remain friends? (You know what sometimes happens!)

If you're not sure, tell your friend that you've made other arrangements for a wedding gift.

Check out the registry-and try to spend $100 or so-you have a year to get the wedding gift.