Another Baby! - Meridian,ID

In May 2010 you said you were having a rocking marriage, and another post working through another issue April 2010. It has only been two months and you may still have other emotions let alone hormones that are not completely settled from previous events/issues (rocky marriage & recent birth).

You are young! I am Not saying you should not have another because you are young BUT you are young and have the time to wait. In the end only you and hubby can decide, you say you are doing alright BUT honestly I would wait till you are doing great (maybe by alright you mean great so disregard it). If you really wanted this, and 100% are on the same page with hubby, you WOULD NOT be on here asking this question... so that leads me to think that something else is going on with you and we do not have the full story to give you a proper opinion/answer.

I had two boys 13 months apart. It was hard when they were little but they are best friends now. It's kind of hard on the body. I have health problems anyway and after I had those two I wasn't able to have anymore. It's a personal Choice. I wouldn't have done it any different because the boys are so close. But there are some consequences, my second son's teeth didn't get enough calcium in the womb and are very poor now because the first Pregnancy depleted by calcium. But I think that if you can handle no sleep and two babies go for it.

I totally wasn't ready at that point-- Felt like I spent ALL my time taking care of the first baby and had no time for myself and how would I deal with TWO? I started to come out of that when my first was two years old and started to be a little more independent.

But I have friends who did have more kids soon after the first and are really happy with it.

The only thing I would consider would be whether you'd still be okay if baby #2 were a lot more difficult than baby #1. Colicky, special needs, or twins, for instance? But if you feel as ready as you'd ever be for whatever comes, I say go for it. There will be tough times when they're both racing around and not minding you, but you'll get through it, and they might be great friends with the smaller age separation.

Your enthusiasm is admirable – and perhaps not totally rooted in reality. How about giving yourself time to experience all the ups and downs with this one little guy, including dealing with illness and teething, sleep and feeding issues, the challenges of toddlerhood, etc., before you complicate things?

Every parent I've ever known has had times of being completely overwhelmed by exhaustion and non-stop responsibility. Every mom eventually wishes for more "me" time. Every parent who has had a second child reports that two are WAY harder than one, even if the second child is easy, and not all of them are. Almost every first child is upset by having to share their parents and their homes with a second child.

If and when you do go for a second baby, I strongly recommend a book called Siblings Without Rivalry by Faber and Mazlish. The families I know who have used this book found it practical and effective.

Based on your past posts and update...... I think you should hold off. How do you plan to keep going out and having fun with your husband if you have 2 INFANTS! (Your one post said that was the cause of your marital problems and once you started going out and having more fun all problems were fixed....) Because having them THIS close together is pretty much having 2 babies.

This baby needs your full attention for quite some time. What if you have severe morning sickness with the next one? That takes a huge toll on marriages! And what if you have another boy? Will that still be such a huge disappointment to you?

All in all, I say it is not a good idea at this time for you. I don't truly know you but by reading your previous posts, I can only agree with the ladies that say to wait.

we are young parents we had our first two at two years apart and now our third is three years younger and both ages are really good to have. I have seen lots of friends struggle with kids 15months apart and handling their needs. Anything younger then 2 years of age is a needy age. Not saying you can't handle it but if you do choose this close age difference remember you are looking to have a very challenging and rough first year after the second one is born. Now seeing your history of posts I don't feel you are really ready to have another child. You may have a great desire for another but I feel by the readings that is it for the wrong reason. But this is just my thoughts.

With my experience 2 years apart works out really well.However we can not always plan things like this.You could just let nature take it's course with the when it happens idea in mind.But I would talk to your doctor about it.I have heard some doctors say to wait a year before you take your body through another pregnancy,but that might depend on the individual.So I would ask your doc.

I had my kids 3.5 years apart and I can tell you that i absolutely *loved* being able to completely enjoy my first and all those little moments of baby and toddlerhood and the beginning of having a preschooler. And the timing was perfect. My daughter was tiny when my son started preschool 3 mornings a week so I had that same special time with my daughter just as I did with my son.

And it really is a great idea to give your body time to recover and replenish. Especially if you are nursing. Some moms can nurse while they are pregnant and for others the hormonal changes causes their milk to dry up.

Its dangerous health wise to jump into another pregnancy, youre supposed to wait like 18 months before you get pregnant again. I would wait, enjoy the time you have with your newborn and then we he is walking and talking, decide.

When you are pregnant it can be exhausting, without even doing anything, then to have an infant on top of it, give it some time and maybe when you can put him in a mommy's day out program or something to give you some rest.

Miranda is right, based on your previous posts, you should wait. Enjoy your lil guy while he's young. Once you have a new one, so much time and energy will be focused on the new baby and taken from him. He's very young, wait at least a few more years and if things are going great, then go for it.

from your prior questions about a rocky marriage I would say wait. I am saying this from a single mom standpoint only. I raised one by my self and glad I hadn't had number 2. work out any problems in your marriage first. another child won't fix that. it may add to it. if that has passed maybe but don't get in a hurry single parenting is hard. make sure your marriage is solid first.

I have gotten a lot of flack over the years about how close my kids are. They aren't as close as yours would be if you got pg immediately-my closest are 16mo apart. SO many people ragged on me about "your body isn't ready" and "it takes 18mo-2yrs to really recover", so I finally nailed my dr down. He was a good friend of mine so I knew he'd give it to me straight. AFter 30yrs of obstetrics practice, he told me it was a load of garbage. He did qualify it with the fact that if you aren't taking optimal care of yourself both during and in between pregnancies that it will indeed take your body longer to recover from the whole process, but no, in general it does not take that long. He did say that it is best to wait 6 months after delivery before getting pregnant again, but gave examples of plenty of patients who didn't and were just fine. You just have to be more vigilant about making sure you really are taking care of yourself to provide your baby and body optimal care and nutrition during pregnancy. The other exception would of course be if you deliver by c-section, as that adds a whole new component of healing to the entire scenario.
I'm glad to have started young, and glad to be having them close together.
If you are ready, go for it!
But do know that as a couple of others have mentioned, it gets crazy! lol

Will you be happy if it is another boy? I think it is important that you settle your mind on wanting another child, regardless of the gender, before you start trying. I am glad you are having a good time with your newborn, but before you indicated that his arrival triggered feelings of sadness over giving up your daughter. Will another baby, boy or girl, resolve thois pain? Or should you work on coping with those feelings (which may never completely go away) first? I don't know any more than what you have posted so I am just trying to give you some ideas to contemplate, not be rude or judgemental. I hope it doesn't sound that way. I wish you happiness!

Hi--
I would say this: It takes at least a year, and longer if you are breast feeding, for your body to get back all the nutrients it lost during pregnancy. If you get pregnant right away the baby can sometimes be more prone to health problems because you didn't have the nutrients you needed--sometimes not. However, for sure it will be harder on your body. Also, with two in diapers it is a blur and you will miss the baby stage of your oldest. Going from one to two is much harder then just having one, especially if they are close together. And based on some of the other posts below it sounds as if it would be hard on your marriage.
Good luck in whatever you decide,
J.

As long as you're okay with it, no problem!!

I personally would not want my kids quite that close (mine are just shy of 3 years and that is close enough for me). Also, your body does need some time to recover from your recent pregnancy (a year is usually good). I'd wait to start trying again until at least 9-12 months and in the meantime try and keep up healthy habits (eat well, exercise, sleep as much as the baby lets you, keep taking the prenatal vitamins). My friend has 2 boys 18 months apart and is happy now that they are 7 and 5. But she did not feel prepared for the second baby and struggled in the first 2 years having 2. Even with mine 3 years apart the first year was pretty rough at times.

I got prego again when baby #1 was 5-6 months old.... Baby #2 is 9 months old now. Life has been crazy busy, but also wonderful. However some days all I want to do is cry when it all gets too much! Those days are bound to happen. But again there is also great joy.

I will say that you really need to think about this. Ours was a total accident! First off if you are breastfeeding more than likely you will have to stop! Feeding was so painful that I had to give it up and baby #1 must have known something was up and weened herself. Having to give your baby all his food needs AND a growing fetus is hard. I just could not eat enough and keep up!

Also it is very hard on your body! You need at least a year to recover. Obvioulsy people survive like I did, but the effects my 2nd pregnancy had on my body was intense! Nothing like baby #1 did me me!

You also have to think of your baby now! I feel guilty many days that our time together was so short! Both babies kinda melt together in my mind and my husband says the same thing. That is truly sad. The fact that we can't remember one doing one thing over the other bothers me.

Be prepared for constant motion! No sleep at ALL and just crazy times! I suspect your current baby is a great baby and good eater and good sleeper, but you must be ready for getting a baby that is NOT! Every baby is SO different and you have to realize that you might get a really fussy needy baby that will pull you from your other child all the time! You also can't sleep during the day like you can with one child to regain strength. You are also up all night feeding the new little one and then have to be up for the toddler during the day!
And speaking of toddler! Oh brother... those years are harsh! I am just in the early stanges, but man is that a whole new level of work and then having a baby on top of that is just insanity.

It can be done and has many good things about having kids so close, but you do need to think of all the downsides first. Just make sure you go in with your eyes wide open and realize that is won't be all rainbows and unicorns! You will be SO tired while prego and that will take away from your toddler time and boy do they need your energy. I know right now at 4 months it is hard to see a toddler when you look at your baby, but if you got prego in a few months your baby will about 16 months old when you bring #2 home and trust me that is the early start of toddler world!

If you are both young, perhaps at least wait until your baby is a year and try... please enjoy this time. It goes SO fast and it will break your heart to miss any moment because you choose to add to the mix too soon.

Good luck

SIDE NOTE: I just read your other posts and from those I would say NO do not have another baby right now! You seem to be too focused on it right now and for all the wrong reasons! Two little ones is a tons of work and without a solid family and home life it will only go bad FAST! Just wait and enjoy what you have and work on keeping it together! Stop focusing on what could be and love what you already have!

My doctors and nurses told me that your body is what you need to wait for. It takes 18 months for your body to recover from giving birth. It takes that long for 100% of the nutrients to return to your uterus. I also want to have another baby right away but I want to make sure that the next one is as healthy as the first.

This is totally up to you. It happens this close together accidently all the time, people have twins and have two infants at once, or people simply let their children be spaced naturally. If you are in good health after your last delivery and you and your husband are okay with it, then whatever we have to say is irrelevant. As far as I'm concerned, however they make it here, babies are always a blessing. Enjoy your little one!

I would say that if you feel ready, go for it! We found out I got pregnant when my first son was just 6 1/2 mos old! Surprise! We were very excited even though we were surprised, and honestly the hardest part of it is that I didn't get much chance to enjoy fitting into all my normal clothes in between pregnancies. Oh well. My first and my second are just 15 mos appart, and I wont tell you that its all a breeze (I can barely remember my second's newborn days because I was so overtired and so busy running back and forth from one to the other all day long that its just a blur for the first 2-3 mos) there are things that are harder abot having them that close together, but there are other things that are just wonderful, that make it so that even though my second is only 6 mos old, I have already been thinking about when I want to have my third, LOL!

Some things that are hard are that the older one will still be very much dependant on your for everything, and will also be at the age where he is getting into ALOT more mischief. I can't tell you how many times I sat down to nurse my baby when I noticed that my toddler was about to fall down the stairs because I forgot to put a gate up, splashing in the toilet because I forgot to close the bathroom door, climbing on the table, or getting into a cabinet or the trash... LOL It's a learned skill to get up and run across the room with a baby attached to your boob! I feel kinda guilty because I never have too much time to just sit and enjoy my baby... that seems to only happen while my toddler is down for naps or already in bed for the night. Meanwhile, I would also feel guilty on days when my baby is so demanding (thankfully this was mostly in the first 6 weeks) that he had to be in my lap all day, and my toddler was having meltdowns because he wasnt getting any attention. Although, I think the last two things I just said probably happen regarless of what ages yoru children are. But, things were a bit more complicated as well because my older child could not talk yet to tell us what he wanted... he is better at it now but its still a work in progress.
So, yes, it can be hard because they are close in age, but it can also be easier in some ways too.
Ways that I have really enjoyed having two this close is that my older child has NEVER gotten jealous of his younger brother... yes, there was once or twice when he tried to push Ely out of my lap because he wanted my attention, but mostly, we have never had to deal with older sibling jealousy. He just LOVES his little brother and knew he was part of the family right away. We had to teach him what "gentle" meant when Ely first arrived, and yes, sometimes he hurts Ely without meaning too, but overall we were very surprised at how tough a tiny little newborn actually is! for the first three months, Gawyn smothered Ely in kisses and hugs and just loved him so much, and then finally Ely actually got old enough to start showing how much he ALSO adores Gawyn just as much... it is the MOST PRECIOUS thing to see them laughing at eachother and playing together. Gawyn can make Ely laugh out loud better than I can! Those are the moments when I just LOVE that I have two and not just one. And, it is so cute to see my older one get so concerned when his baby brother cries... he will run over and get his pacifier and put it in his mouth for me, get him a toy for me, and even put a blanket over him if I ask him too. Sometimes I am even able to get more done because Gawyn will go entertain his little brother for me when he is fussy and I am trying to finish dinner ect.

So, as I said, good and bad things about having them this close. I don't regret it, and I love that they have a sibling to play with. Gawyn will never remember life without a younger brother, so I hope that they always stay so close and continue getting along so well. Financially, two children isn't much more of a burden than one ($50 a month in diapers, none for formula since I breastfeed and Ely pretty much just wears hand-me-downs) My hubby and I are both students, it's still one more year til he graduates with his bachelors, and yes, things are TIGHT. I am a stay at home mom, and he works full time and goes to school full time to support our family. Sometimes we don't see too much of him, since he leaves before we get up and comes home after the kids are asleep a lot of nights, but we do it, and we are happy. I have noticed that having two kids is a little harder on our marriage than just one, and it think its just that there is less time you spend with eachother, since most of your time together is both of you running back and forth to whatever child needs something every few minutes. But, we make it work, and we are very happy, and I wouldn't change it for anything.

Good luck to you. We are pretty young as well, I'm 25 and hubby is 24. I just wanted to let you know that it can be done, and that there are positives and negatives to choosing to wait and to going forward with it!

***EDITED*** I just read a few of the other posts and wanted to mention a few other things:
I forgot to mention that one thing I do feel bad about with having two so close is that my first had to be weaned WAY before I or he was ready. My milk just dried up when I got pregnant again (it probably could have stopped it if I had know I was preggo and was eating better) but, by the time he was 9 mos he was fully weaned, and if I hadn't gotten pregnant I probably woudl have nursed him til he was over a year. We had some extra complications weaning him early because he was allergic to milk and we had to try to get him to have soy formula and drink soymilk instead of regular milk, which was PRICEY! He got really skinny durring the transistion from nursing to sippy cup because he wasn't getting enough food and he went from the 75th percentile in weight and height to the 20th in just 3 mos. thankfully once he figured out how to drink from the sippy he gained it back, but part of me wonders if his growth was stunted because of it. He is still tall for his age, but with my hubby being 6'5 I sometimes imagine that he would be taller than he is.

Also, a few of the other posters mentioned that you had asked some questions about marital trouble... I know I already mentioned that 2 kids is a lot harder than one on your marriage, but I just wanted to re-emphasize. My hubby and I have an awesome marriage and always have, but adding another child in the mix still made things harder for us while adjusting, and I can only imagine that it would have been a lot tougher than it was if our marriage wasn't stable to being with.

Also, I agree with what some moms are saying about toddler a lot more work than you are expecting. I think its totally doable, but I could not have imagined having another child when my first was between 10 and 14 mos old... they are very mobile but have NO SENSE of danger or even balance and you have to watch them like a HAWK! It's amazing they even make it through those months! Babies are really easy when they are young - they just eat, sleep and poop... It wasn't until my first got to be about 1 that I really started to feel like motherhood was really getting challenging.

If you both want another baby right away and you're financially and emotionally ready...I say go for it!! Why wait? Be prepared for a lot of comments from family, friends and strangers...Good Luck!

This is a decision only you can make, but let me offer a bit of experience!

I got pregnant again when my first boy was 9 months old. Had another boy! They are 1 1/2 years apart and are the BEST friends!

Got pregnant 15 months later. My youngest and middle are 2 years apart and it's PERFECT!!! There's 3 1/2 years between the oldest annd youngest and although I didn't plan it, I couldn't have planned it any better.

The only "but" I ha
ve is that it IS exhausting. Trips to the grocery store are not as easy as they once were. I went about 5 years without a regular full night's sleep, and it seemed I was never without a child on a bottle. I also, when my 3rd was born, had 3 in diapers! Whew!

But, I love the closeness of my boys and think it's awesome that they will all be in high school together.

Let me add, I had my first a week before I turned 29, so I'm "older" I guess, and it may have been more exhausting for me than it would be for you. I wasn't in the best of shape, didn't take care of myself very well... But they have inspired me! Now, at 34, I'm in better shape than I ever was in my 20's!

I got pregnant with my second when my first was 6 months. One nice thing is when you are super prego your other one is still pretty small and easy to carry (unlike now being pregnant with a 3 and 4 year old!). I would say the very hardest part is the first year, I think I survived on about 4-6 hours of sleep a night and felt like a walking zombie. My oldest was never jealous of the new baby, and they are best friends and get along great. Now I'm having another with a "big" age gap and it is cool because my boys are really excited to have a new baby brother. There are benefits to both ways, but I would say go for it if you want!

I am about to have my fourth baby and the first two are 6 years apart and the other three are 2 years apart. I can honestly say, I prefer the larger gap BY FAR!!! It gave me time to enjoy the first one before he went off to school, he now is a true help when I need it. Once I had the third one close to the second one, I found it nearly impossible to get anything done, to find one on one time with the little ones, and the fighting and competition began which wasn't there with the larger gap. It was just all over harder to manage to toddlers, two diapers, two of everything.

I am always in favor of waiting to be able to dedicate the special time to each one without the added frustration of being pulled in ALL directions due to the demands of the smaller ones.

Good luck to you, I am sure whatever you choose will be right for your family.

My daughter was 6 months old when I got pregnant again. I planned it that way... even told my Dr at my 6 week checkup after my first was born and he said "See you later this year!" . haha! my girls are 15 months apart and I absolutely LOVE it!!!! It definately had it's challenges, but it was what I wanted, and I didn't expect it to be easy... but it has been sooo worth it in every way.

my 1st daughter was 4 months old when we found out we were having another! They are so close and I love it!
Of course everyone has different opinions on this and if you do havve them close together you DO get weird looks from people when you go anywhere but it is so much fun! AND they will be best friends!

No. Don't do it. It is craziness beyond crazy (my kids are 13 months apart). I can think of 100 reasons for you NOT to do it while you're too young, and I'm sure you can, too. Don't get me wrong, but you seem to be in a little tiny bit of denial here, and maybe not as emotionally strong as you think (i.e. your past post about your rocky marriage). Especially when you can't see ANY hold-up. Come on, now.

Your age shouldn't be a factor- I'm one of the moms out there that wants to be done having kids early so I'm not pregnant for the rest of my life. However, your body needs time to recover! I would high tail it into your dr and talk to him/her about the risks associated with having another baby so soon. The other point is that your son is only 4 months...you've got a long way to go before stressing about all the growth phases and such. I'd let your son grow a bit before you consider yourself emotionally ready. As soon as your son is mobile it's a whole other ball game hunny. You don't want to be hugely pregnant when that's happening. promise. message me if you want to talk more- I'm 24, I've got two boys 26 months apart, and I'm 8 weeks pregnant.

Go for it!! My brother and I are 15 months apart and we were the best of buddies growing up. I have a soon to be 4 yo and a 5 month old, and will be planning #3 soon. I wish the baby and 4yo were closer in age. If you think you can handle it, why not!!

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Just read your other post. Don't do it until you fix your marriage!! It's not fair to another child if you willingly bring another child into this life, only to divorce and screw up his life!