Annoying Comment: 'So Easy for You.'

Replace the word "lucky" with "blessed". Replace the phrase "so easy for you" with "you are so good at it!". That's what these people mean to say :-)

I'm a little on the fence on this one.
On the one hand some people make it sound like they are "faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound".
On the other hand some people make it sound like crossing the street seemed like a herculean task.
If something was difficult for me, I want people to know it was difficult, but I overcame it.
I don't want to make it sound too easy, but I don't want to be bragging either - it's a fine line sometimes.

Breast feeding was so easy for me, compared to the experiences I saw other moms going through at the same time. So when someone says that to me, I just think, yes, I am lucky that it was so easy!

I don't think childbirth or breast-feeding are easy, but I do think many moms are lucky because they may have had it easier than me, and some moms are not lucky because they may have had it harder than me. It took 6 pregnancies to have my 1 son, it was a crazy pregnancy where he wasn't growing properly, lost a twin (you drop more eggs when you're old), started leaking at 16wks, ruptured at 26wks, gave birth after 54 hours of labor (51 without epidural) at 30wks.

During pregnancy, my breasts grew 5 sizes and the sinuses (pressure points) stayed back against my chest as if they never grew. This mean that not even a giant mouth, or the largest flange, could reach the necessary point to get milk to come out. My son ate every 60-90mins for 6 months. Each time, I started him nursing to teach him how to latch, then I'd feed him a bottle of what I'd pumped before, then I'd feed him a bottle of formula, then I'd wear him vertically (because he had hernias causing severe reflux) while double-pumping and using both of my hands to squeeze the sinuses while Medela pumped, only for him to projectile it out (at least 10x/day), leaving a few minutes to clean up before it started again. I was on a full dose of Reglan, taking 25+ capsules/day of Fenugreek. When he started eating every 2hrs, I still pumped every hour through the night. It took me 72hrs to get 2 ounces. My dreams of breastfeeding for 2+years, then also BF'ing adopted children went out the window. I cried for over a year about being a failure. Every time a mom hatefully commented to me "such a shame your son has to drink that STUFF!" (ref formula), I cried.

So, while some moms had to work at breastfeeding, they still had it easier and I consider them lucky. When I think of someone as being lucky, I don't mean it to be offensive, just glad that someone else didn't suffer as much.

So, maybe you could turn the lucky comments into something else, like "Yes, I'm lucky I'm a mom"???? HUGS :)

I think it might be a compliment!

:)

Maybe they don't really mean that it's " easy for you" but that it wasn't easy for them. I'm sure they mean no harm. Be proud of your accomplishments. Don't let a possible miscommunication bring you down.

This is the comparison trap that we, as humans, often fall into.
We say/think: Your life has been "easier". My life has been "harder". If only you knew how hard it was. You wouldn't be able to do it if you were in my boat. Your truth threatens my truth. You choosing/being able to make a choice means mine is less/more valid. If you are not struggling (and I am), it means *I am doing something wrong*. OR, vice versa.

And, of course, if we didn't struggle, it doesn't have value.

I don't think that is actually true. I DO think that often, when we struggle, there IS value.

It's as though our external experience is a good measuring stick for our internal process. (it can be, but it's not concrete, or certain)

---You know what? In certain ways I HAVE had things "easy". Easy, because I had OPTIONS. When we don't have/feel options, it's hard. Sometimes insurmountably so.---

When I started breastfeeding, I had a lot of support. My sister took my boob in her hand, made a breast-sandwich, and said, "Like THIS. Now, tickle her mouth on your nipple until she opens WIDE. Then, plop it in. No. Not like that, like THIS". First time my kid was on my tit, she latched on perfectly. I did not have mastitis. I did not have thrush. I did not have X,Y,Z.

Breastfeeding WAS challenging, and was a process of learning to negotiate my needs with another being who depended on me for her LIFE.
Whoa.
Also, my kid refused to drink from a bottle. I was attached to her. twenty. four. seven. And that was challenging. Not easier, not harder, just challenging. No, you know what, strike that. It WAS hard, because, I didn't have options.

Life IS challenging. Motherhood IS challenging. AND, I was physically/emotionally/culturally able to make a choice of how I wanted to feed/give birth to my baby.

It WAS an option.

I have friends who did not have that option. They didn't have a choice to make, or the choice was not what they deeply wanted. In my mind, having options is the definition of easier.

Likewise, I was able to have my child at home. That's where *I* felt safe. My insurance covered an amazing/competent/kind/wonderful/experienced midwife duo. My mother acted as my doula. My girlfriends brought supplies, and meals, and love. My daughter was in OP, and back labor is long, hard, and can come with complications. We made it. And that's not something *I* made happen. I was lucky, and I was able to give birth to my child in the way I wanted to. It was dark, it was metal, it was beautiful. It was powerful.

Giving birth at home, without pain medication was for ME, the most emotionally/spiritually/physically safe option. It WAS an option, so that was easy. That's why I made the choice to have my 48hr labor at home. Was labor easy. Hell F-in No. I have NEVER been so humbled. Never felt so vulnerable. Never experienced the potential of my body to go through such transition.

For another mama, giving birth at home would have made her feel like a trapped animal. It wouldn't have been an option. In the same way that it wasn't "possible" for me to give birth in a place that terrifies me. For ME my choice was easiest. For another, it would be hell. And vice versa. My choice doesn't reflect on ANYone but myself. And that doesn't even bring into play the medical side of things.

My "birth plan" was an option. I had the CHOICE to MAKE the choice I most wanted to make. So yah, it was easy...as in possible.

When folks say, "must be easy", I say (with a big smile), "It was f-ing challenging, for ME. I had options. I had support. We got through, and I gained from the process...it could have been impossible, or much harder, and I am blessed." ;-)

We can be blessed AND challenged. It can be easy AND hard. And, we're not in competition. Things can look different but FEEL the same. Things can look the same, and feel different. And no one owns our experience, but ourselves.

The grass always looks greener on the other side.

I would like to say you are blessed that you had relatively uncomplicated births, I had a hellish delivery that ended in an emergancy c-section. I envy that you could breastfeed so long, I had a lactose sensitive baby & formula to deal with.

Being a mother is not easy but a blessing and an honor. I think women say "must be easy" when talking to other mothers because they think they have it harder or envy you for doing something they either gave up on or no longer could do. Or they are not sure what else to say so they stick with "must be easy" or "must be nice" just to say something.

You ROCK at delivering natural AND nursing. Don't let anyone tell you different. They just envy you and are energy vampires. :D

"Ha! Easy? Not one bit. I was just lucky it wasn't impossible for me, like it is with some women. Trust me, there was nothing easy about it."

Has always short stopped the 'easy' people in my life.

Those who have made such asinine comments are usually just having 'wording' or 'understanding' issues. AKA women for whom natural birth or nursing is IMPOSSIBLE, usually say "It was just too hard." (because it's no one else's business, unless they HAPPEN to feel like sharing) which translates in many people's minds as the inverse is that if anyone CAN do it, it must be easy. . Obviously it is easIER if it wasn't impossible.

Or sadly, the opposite is also what many people thing; that if they just "tried" harder, they could do it. Others have a feeling of inadequacy OR superiority attached to natural birth &/or nursing. As in "anyone who really CARED could do it", and that's simply not true. It actually is IMPOSSIBLE for many women (and that we have surgical techniques and formula are the number 1 &2 reasons we lose so few women in childbirth, and so few babies in their first weeks of life). Women used to die in childbirth on a regular basis. Babies used to fail to thrive and die on a regular basis because their moms were unable to nurse. Structural issues with either their breasts or their babies, low supply. It physically impossible for millions of mothers and babies to have natural births or to breast feed and LIVE.

But just because it's not impossible for the rest, doesn't mean its easy. Nor is 'living' any kind of failure.

So I correct people. I'm hands down lucky, but it wasn't easy.

Being a Mom, is never 'easy.'

I have never gotten that comment from any of my friends.

I never 'expect' anything/Motherhood, to be 'easy.'

Everything, takes work. But may 'appear' easy.

I expect that they were unable to do what you did for whatever reason, and it makes them feel better to think that you were successful because it "was easy." In reality, they mean it was "easier for you then it would have been for them." Does that even make sense? Don't let it bother you- you know what hard work and determination it took. If we all worried less about what others thought, we would be happier!

MIL, who is guilty of the "I'm lucky" phrase herself told me once that it's easier to accept that others have what she doesn't because they're lucky. Otherwise, the alternative is to admit to yourself that you've failed because you didn't work hard to accomplish your goal. Rather insightful.
OMG. I toted my breast pump to work daily for 6 months, twice! I'm lucky I have an office and can just close the door to pump at lunch. Yes, I'm lucky. I'm lucky I'm at good at working hard to get to where I am.

I was so exhausted after my second and just made a comment that I was having a tough time and a lady I know told me that when she had her kids she was able to do it and did not have nearly the help around her that I did!! I was so mad, what help?? I don't recall anyone else lending me a breast to feed my child with!!:P I have my babies medication free and I nurse them each for a year and I get comments all over the map. Some think that nursing a year is just amazing, others think I could do it longer. Some think that bc I make a ton of milk and don't have bleeding nipples that the physical strain of nursing does not affect me at all!! Some people think that bc I am ok to supplement with formula after six months when we are out I am a sell out breast feeder others think it's awesome. You know, judgment comes in all sizes!! I try to let it roll and when someone says oh you're so lucky.....about this or that I think it is they way they deal with the fact they may feel bad about their inability to do something I did or their choice not to, it really is about them and not you. Good luck!!! As far as "easy" natural birth, HELLO, they don't call it labor for nothin'!! You rock :D

I think those comments are often coming from people who are unsure if they made the right decisions.

My mom had me naturally, but it wasn't what she wanted, she thought I was NUTS to actually want to have my babies without pain meds from the beginning! She also thought I was a little crazed to not even consider formula unless it was absolutely necessary, and cloth diapering... I must be a psychopath! A lot of my decisions are drastically different from what my mom did... and the fact that I have not followed in her footsteps seems to make her second guess if what she did with me was "right". As a result, she makes comments that sometimes tick me off... like "it is so nice that you can be a stay at home mom... I never could, I HAD to work..."

Well this is my mom, and I actually know what kinds of expenses we had, and how much money (approx) my dad and mom brought in... and I happen to know what kinds of sacrifices must be made to be a stay at home mom, and what you must do to be a working mom. The bottom line is this- my mom COULD have stayed at home, or worked less, if she would have been willing to sacrifice some of our "extras"... so either she feels guilty that she didn't WANT to, or she didn't think of it, or she simply didn't. The same went for breastfeeding and a slew of other things my mom chose not to do...

I don't mind. She was an AWESOME mom, and just because some moms do things differently, that is NOT a reflection on everyone else's choices. Not all breastfeeding moms do it because it is "easy", just like not all moms stay at home AND eat bonbons all day! Plenty of working moms have their reasons for working, and it can be easier in some ways and harder in others...

Natural childbirth is freakin' hard! Both times I have done it I reached a point about 3/4 of the way through labor when I thought... "maybe I should have asked for an epidural... but it was too late" With both labors I had pitocin so I had hard and fast labors, which i have heard are actually harder pain wise than 100% natural labors. My choice, and I don't feel guilty or regret a moment of it. I have never been another mother though, and I don't know what I would have done in anyone else's shoes! But I don't think ANY birth, natural- epidural- c-section- big- small -etc... is "easy". Breastfeeding isn't "easy". Being a mom isn't "easy". But it is worth every minute, every bead of sweat, every tear, and every time you second guess yourself!

So pat yourself on the back for the harder things you have done, and find forgiveness for yourself if you have any regrets!

Good Luck!
-M.

I have 2 kids and a husband who is a civilian cop as well as a reservist for the military. The kids are a little older now & much more self-sufficient, but in the beginning when we were all very young & hubs was almost always either at work while we were awake, or somewhere on the other side of the world for months on end fighting bad guys, I was on my own with them almost all the time. People (co-workers, family, friends, etc.) would always act shocked that I 'made it look easy' which always made me wonder how they thought I was supposed to be acting when he was away. Should I be crying all day & pulling my hair out? Would that be the proper response? Didn't make sense to me at all.

Anyway, I found it empowering to be handed a situation not unlike what so many others go through & have the ability to 'make it look easy' to the people around me who, for the most part, had never been in my situation.

I'm wondering if that's what the people in your life actually mean when they say that to you. If it's not what they mean, maybe you should try saying that to them...? "It's actually NOT all that easy for me, I just MAKE IT LOOK THAT WAY because I believe it's all about your attitude & making choices about how to live your life. I believe there's no sense in complaining about difficult things that are not above & beyond the norm, just part of my life. You should try it sometime!"

I hear ya! I breastfed my twins for 15 months. TWINS! No formula needed. And I would get comments, "Oh, you're so lucky." Luck?! Luck had nothing to do with it! I worked my behind off to make it successful, and I work full-time, returning when they were only eight weeks old. It would make me crazy because my husband and I know how hard we worked together to be able to breastfeed like I did.

People say all sorts of stupid things - especially when they don't know what to say. Doesn't mean that they don't appreciate what you're doing or that they themselves are lazy because they chose another path.

Everyone is different.

I hate it when anyone makes a judgement about my life without knowing the FACTS!
When people learn we have no mortgage they think "Oh--they had money given to them..." WRONG. No O. has ever given us a dime. Well I had a small (7K) inheritance form a grandmother but hardly enough to BUY a house. We have worked hard for everything we have and are darn proud of it.
Also, because we have an only child--apparently my life is a breeze because I "only have the O." to deal with. Let me tell you, when my son has a friend here playing for 3 hours, it's like a week in the Bahamas for me! Hello, people--siblings have built in playmates!
But I digress...and ramble..and vent....but yeah--it's annoying.

I don't think you're over-reacting.

I just think that a lot of people seem to think that the grass is greener on the other side. Unfortunately, you still have to mow it. It doesn't look that good by accident; the behind-the-scenes hard work make it look so easy.

Oh my!! I laughed. My girls are easy going and a joy to be around. They seldom have meltdowns and they tend to listen to me. I get constant comments of "you're so lucky"....... Seriously? I'm lucky?! It's like they have no clue the amount of reading I do, and how AWARE of myself I have to be while I am parenting. I'm not lucky- I work very hard to keep my children happy and their behavior managable.

On the other side of the coin- some women may be lamenting their inability to have made the choices that you made. To give birth naturally is beautiful and hard- but other women may have made other choices out of fear or ignorance. To breast feed is hard- I tried and failed and ended up stuck to a pump for 5-6 months. It was torture- I would have given anything to be "so lucky" as to be able to feed my babies from my breasts.

I think the comments regarding birth choices and breast feeding are likely a result of ignorance, selfish personal choices, and simply a back-handed way to pat someone else on the back for their perseverence.

I get where you're coming from- ;^)

Best wishes!

I think you are over reacting because.. I do a ton of reading. For thousands of years people needed wet nurses because of nursing failures. Obviously, it is easier for some than for others. I would have needed a wet nurse.

When I nursed I had severe cramps. It felt like I was in labor every single time I nursed for the first few WEEKS after birth. It hurt so bad I wanted to throw my babies across the room. It took all of my effort to get through the let down and the pain until I was past it which was 2-3 minutes of severe pain. Considering that goes on several times per day I was doing all I could to last for weeks.

On top of that, I could not pump. Nothing would come out. I was told by a few doctors that some woman simply can not let go and relax enough to pump with plastic and suction because it's not natural.

Then add to those problems the fact that we all suffer the pain of cracked and bleeding nipples. On top of that I almost never sit for more than 5 minutes because it's not in me to do that.. It was HORRIBLE.

So yeah, I think that it must be a LOT easier for a LOT of people. As if that's not all bad enough... My kids didn't really gain weight while nursing and my last one ended up jaundiced because no one told me that her slow weight gain was caused by my lack of nursing skills and that she was suffering. She seemed happy enough. I thought she was just small.

I do understand the comments about childbirth. My labors were short and people always say it was easy for me. Yes it was seriously and horribly painful. But it was short and therefore...it WAS easier than so many people have to endure.

Personally, I would let the comments roll off your back - don't take it so personal. People are ignorant (those who can make comments like that) because they have no idea. I went through natural childbirth, nursing over a year - I did it because it was the best thing for my child - I don't need a pat on the back from anyone, no medal, nothing. Next time someone says to you, 'oh its so easy for you...' Say 'if you only knew...' and leave it it that. No one's business, and not worth the time to explain to anyone either. You know you did the right thing, and did a good job, that's all that matters.

As far as your other comment about mothers expecting things to be easy - that's a part of our culture. From fast food to our fast paced lives - we are all in a rush to accomplish everything - from making our kids dinner to losing weight - we want it to go FAST ! Many women nowadays don't want their bodies to experience pregnancy and the destruction it takes on our figures, so they get a surrogate. The American life has this mindset of Go Go Go.

If you go to places in Asia or Europe its completely different. Things are not taken for granted. Relationships are treasured. The pace of life is slow. People mean more than things. Things are done the old fashioned way and it doesn't matter how long it takes. In the U.S.A. we have lost those things. So you either have to accept it or live somewhere else unfortunately....

I hear ya. I had relatively short "natural" labors at home, even other home-birth mamas have told me I had it "easy" because my labors were fast/short. Well, fast labors have their own challenges! And it certainly wasn't easy. But many people have suggested I would have gone to the hostpital/asked for drugs if the labors were longer. Sure, it's possible - there's one thing I tried not to do was to have huge expectations about how the births would go because something unexpected happened every time. I also got the breastfeeding comments, although it was hell getting my first child to breastfeed (a month of round-the-clock pumping and tube feeding). Then I had oversupply problems (too much of a good thing!?) and was constantly told to be thankful I had plenty of milk. Well I was thankful, but it didn't make it any easier!!!

Also I think you might be right that some people expect things to be easy, or wish it were easier. I think mothering is hard no matter which way you do it, no amount of drugs during labor is going to make it easy. Not even money and a nanny. There are always trade-offs and complications....

But maybe that's the way it's supposed to be, I think hard work makes us appreciate things a bit more.

You are understandably sensitive, having invested so much in the natural births and long breastfeeding.

And something I've had decades to learn is that nobody can know my experiences, good or bad. Nobody can feel the pain or elation, exhaustion or dedication, hopes and longings and sense of success, that I bring to my own work and play. Nobody will acknowledge how hard my life has been, or how rewarding. They can't. That's just for me to know.

On those few occasions when others make ignorant remarks about what they assume my experience must be like, I generally feel a little amused. They are surely not trying to be dismissive or insulting – they simply don't and can't know. And I realize I will never really know what their most difficult or joyous experiences are like for them, even if that might be a great disappointment to them. But that's just the nature of life. I don't need their acknowledgment for my choices to be worthwhile, just as I'm not really able to acknowledge things about their lives that I have never experienced.

My first labor lasted for 2 hours. I was only 22 and living away from home since my husband and I were at Bible School. Our school was next to the hospital so everyone was telling me how easy it was. I was *shocked*!!! It was not easy!!! Then I decided that they meant *quick.* Otherwise, I'd likely to have slapped someone which wouldn't go over too well. =) I breastfed 3 of mine for 2 years and I'm still nursing my youngest at 14 months. When people say it's easy for me I just translate it to mean that I'm persistent. =) Just do a translation switch in your mind...LOL Congrats on your family!!

I get these comments, but I really did have an "easy" natural child birth with my second compared to my first so it doesn't bother me. I also get the "you're so lucky" comment about my kids, they take naps easily, sleep through the night, are polite, eat healthy foods, etc. Yes, it is good parenting and takes works, but I do feel that my kids were also born with relatively easy going temperaments which not all kids are.

I don't think people are trying to offend you in the least by calling you "lucky" or saying something was "easy" for you, sure maybe they could phrase it differently but really I think it's meant to be taken as a complement. I wouldn't over think it.

I get what you're saying. We are all too quick to assume, and that can be irritating! My friend and I were just talking about that today. We are ALL entitled to our own opinions, and choices. And that doesn't make us worse or better mothers. And until you ARE me for a day or two, you have no idea what anything is like FOR ME.
My first son I had natural. And it was HARD. My second two I chose to have pain relief and have no regrets. I tried nursing, and it didn't work for me, anytime. No matter what I did. ANd believe me, I tried so hard that I was inconsolable at times with the last baby. I would nurse and nurse, and pump and pump, and increase my caloric intake, drank teas, took extra vitamins, drank tons of water you name it.......and nothing P*ssed me off more then to hear, "There's no such thing as it not working, everyone is capable of nursing" AAAAAHHHHHH
So it goes both ways I guess. Just try to brush it off. If YOU'RE happy and proud of your choices, don't worry about everyone else!

I totally agree with Lucy. I think you are reading into their comments, and they are articulating them as well as they could. Overreacting a little, in my opinion. With that said, I don't think anything makes a woman as emotional and defensive, as childbirth, parenting, and breastfeeding.

As a women who birthed a child naturally, then breastfed for 2 1/2 years i can definitely say there's nothing easy about it. Actually breastfeeding was extremely difficult I even posted a question on here about it over 2 years ago. Natural birth was the most pain ive ever endured.

Those two routes certainly are cheaper though!

Well said. I totally understand what you mean and why you feel the way you feel about the "easy" comments, and I 100% agree with you.

I agree, I hate when people make these comments, but then I compare to what I could have experienced and mine was easier when compared to some..

I guess I should use the word blessed..

I know what you mean. Even with the exact same things. i didn't choose natural birth because it was easy. It was determination. It was actually the worst experience of my life *physically* up to that point. It took a lot from me to do it. I had some complications and issues afterwards, not fun.

Then with nursing, it took eight weeks before my baby started nursing. She had had open heart surgery and had oral aversion issues, then she had submucous cleft palate (cleft only inside her mouth that the doctors had missed), so we didn't know we were dealing with the cleft. Nursing her was a fight. I see women give up, dealing with much less. I feel awesome to have stuck it out and succeeded.

BUT, I have learned that a big difference between people is that some things are more important to some than it is to others. And that's totally okay. Many people would have given up on the natural birth I had. I might give up if I had to go through it again...I probably would. Going through it once was enough! Luckily my other two natural births weren't as difficult (not that they were easy because they were more painful!). But I haven't had to choose it again. And I'm not sure I would. I definitely would with the nursing. I'd do anything to succeed at that. But other women simply don't find it as important to the same degree, and that is totally fine.

I don't think it's because they don't want to do things that require work, I think they try hard at things that are important to them...and having a natural birth/nursing their baby when it gets really hard, it's not a priority to them anymore. It's a priority up to a point for them. Making the "easy" comments definitely takes away from YOUR hard work! That is frustrating. I always make sure to clarify that it wasn't easy. I don't like those comments either. But then I hear lots of natural birthers who say it was super easy (why can't I birth like that?! I always have some issues...).

Anyway, I totally get what you're saying and have felt the same way before. I just try to remember that people have certain things that are important to them, and it can be different per person. So just because I think it's importnat doesn't make it important to them. But the "easy" comments can definitely be insulting!

I understand completely. I get told all the time that "Oh just because it was so easy for you doesn't mean it is for everyone" about breastfeeding when I offer experience and advice. No, it wasn't easy for me - I worked hard to get the successful and stable breastfeeding relationship I achieved.

I never saw Motherhood as easy - LOVING your child is easier than having to care for it, nurture it, deal with behavioral issues, etc... all things related to Motherhood has 2 sides to the coin, the great/good vs the hard/bad.

In one of the natural birthing movies I've seen recently - a professional stated something along the lines of:

If every woman who had a fabulous and wonderful natural or home birth shared their experiences, we'd have more home or natural births. But as American Mothers, we are conditioned to withhold our successes, triumphs and amazing stories so we don't hurt the feelings of the other women who didn't know it was possible, weren't able to let go to have a similar life altering experience, just so it isn't rude. Since when is sharing success and hard work experiences rude?

This is also the same for breastfeeding and co-sleeping.

I'm surprised you got any comments like that! I delivered my children naturally with no drugs and I always hear the opposite. In fact my second was "easy" compared to the first delivery, but no one has every said anything was easy about natural labor or breastfeeding. I didn't work aside from being a mom either, still no comments from anyone about my life being easy. That would be annoying and I would try to brush it off, but sure hard to not be defensive.

I look at it this way, everyone tries to one up each other on their lack of sleep or how hard they work. Shouldn't we be cheering each other on for seeking out a more peaceful life, not comparing notes on how difficult life is and wear that like a badge of honor? So, to those "friends" I would simply say that you work hard to do the best for your family in everything you do. Natural labor wasn't easy, just the right thing for you and you feel lucky that all went well.

I too get these comments. I have 3 children, two were born at home and I am currently still breastfeeding my 14 month old. All of my labors were extremely long. And natural birth is a lot of things but it is not easy. It is damn hard work. If I had wanted to do it the easy way I would have been at the hospital with an epidural needle in my back at the first signs of labor. Breastfeeding is not what I would consider easy. I am up at all hours of the night even now and she is 14 months old! My period is back and with it came extremely sore nipples at the time of ovulation. Yuck. But why did I give birth naturally and breastfeed? Because it was the best thing for my baby. When women make this comment to me I simply tell them it most surely was not easy. It was exhausting and painful and took a hell of a lot of strength.

Yes you are overreacting.

People can only base their perception off their own experiences. A lot of women go in with the idea they will do natural, they hit a point where for some reason or another they just can't take it anymore. They assume something made it easier for you. Doesn't make them a bad person.

For the record I had three with epidurals and one natural. Guess what, it wasn't any more or less harder. So from my perception you didn't have it any harder than those that choose drugs. Am I right, hell no! It is just based on my experience there is no difference between the two other than my son was real perky where the girls and other boy were not.

Well you know I get tired of moms who don't have any pain medications saying they gave "natural" birth. Giving birth is natural no matter how you do it. Yes nursing is hard and I believe it comes easier for some than others. I tried for 8 months just to be defeated and upset with myself. No mother needs to feel that their efforts are better or worse. So you have birth with no pain meds, I didn't and I enjoyed every minute of it and I was very relaxed. Why be in pain if you don't have to...

What do you expect from women who missed out on the greatest moment of their lives by being drugged during delivery. And those who don't breast feed for a year in today's social climate have missed the whole experience of getting very close to their baby.
It would be easier if we had no alternative like the poisoned formula to give babies and turn them into allergy ridden kids.
Your children are very fortunate that you had the guts to know what is right.
I had children in a different era and if I had not told the doctor " If you put me out I won't pay you." he would have done it. People did regard me as strange but I felt triumphant. And you should too.

I get comments like this as well - I am a homebirthin', babywearing', cloth diaperin', human milk feedin' kinda mama. So I have made choices that make more work for me (worthwhile work in my opinion). I have also been a working mama and an at home mama. I love the comments on stay at home VS working mamas from friends because many don't know I have done both and they end up sticking their foot in their mouths when I present the other side of the coin.

As far as I can see, being a mother is work. The majority of mothers love their children and are really trying to do what is best for their familys (I can't say all because their are plenty of crazy people in this world who do sick things to kids). Some people make decisions without educating themselves first and then get defensive or regretful. Some people make decisions based on educating themselves and still have regrets, and others are happy with the decisions they make.

When people make these loaded comments to me, my first though is that they are not happy with how their choices turned out and would prefer to beleive that you are lucky and they are unlucky than that they made a choice they are unhappy with and you made a choice you are happy with.

Specifically in regards to nursing and birth, I think these are sensitive subjects for those who care (like you) and I think an area where many people who honestly didn't/don't care feel compelled to make excuses.

For example, my first daughter had severe latch issues and after pumping for a year, every 2 to 3 hours around the clock, I decided I was going to give up on my goal of human milk for 2 years. I acknowledge that this was my decision. I have a co-worker who pumped 4 or 5 times (total) and said that she was unable to pump. I saw her first couple pumps, and like my first couple pumps, they were low yeild. She decided to give up on pumping, but she does not acknowledge this was a choice. She prefers to be a victim. She couldn't do it (the pump was a hospital grade pump provided by her insurance) according to her. Well, that is silly. Anyone with access to a pump can pump (even a man). You may not get much, so then you decide to stick with it or not. Then you embrace your decision. Many people fail to embrace/own their decision, play the victim card instead and then want to call your decision to stick it out "luck"

Quite frankly, it is not my buisness what anyone else decides to do in these areas of their life, but I do respond strongly when they make light of my ability to decide on where I will focus my hard work.

If I were you, my standard responce to all of these lucky/easy comments would be "de-valuing my efforts will not change the outcome of your choices" I say this in a neutral voice and people either get confused, angry or we end up having an amazing conversation about choices and expectations . . . I always hope for the latter of the 3 :)

I can relate. Both of my births were uncomplicated and unmedicated but that does not mean they were easy. They sure were painful! But many moms embrace medication and think that going without means that you didn't have a painful birth, because if they had much pain, they'd take medication. If someone doesn't understand that medication has a lot of risks or is willing to take them and can't understand why someone else wouldn't, they would think it must have been an easy birth. Same with breastfeeding. People would tell me all of their breastfeeding failure stories when they learned I was breastfeeding/breastfed til 13-14 months with my son - but I spent the first 9 weeks exclusively pumping around the clock because he was a no latch/no suck baby. This was not easy. I worked hard to continue giving my baby my milk til he was able to nurse at the breast. Some people do have an easy time! Others work hard for these things because we think that they are worth the effort! You are not alone.

Nah not over reacting. I have never told someone that I am glad it is "easy" for them. I have told people that I am really jealous about their situations over mine.

Like my cousins little bitty wife had a seven hour labor to delivery and only had to push for like five minutes. Me? Noooo 32 hours of labor and pushed for an hour and a half. Jealous!

My best friends sister produced milk like it was going out of style. Seriously, she could breast feed then still pump out 6 - 10 ounces. Me? Nooo I worked my butt off for every ounce I got. Jealous!

I know it's not easy for anyone. It might be little easier for some than others. They don't mean it as you don't work hard, really they don't. Some might just have struggles that you haven't (thankfully) had to encounter. I would totally take it as a compliment. Girl, you make it look easy! :)

I believe you are correct in feeling that way.

I am proud of your hard work, perseverance and determination!! :)

I feel the same way, for sure. I think the difference is that I was very intentional about preparing myself in advance for the challenges of these things - physically, emotionally, and mentally - so I knew what to expect and would be able to push through knowing it would be worth it. Not all women do this, so yes, it IS harder for them. In the moment, it's impossible, so they think something must be wrong with them or their baby and give it up. It is frustrating to hear people say that. I feel the same way about weight comments. I work REALLY hard, it's not luck! When I get those comments, that's what I say - "there was no 'easy' about it, it was very hard - but worth it!"

Well I hear ya re the breastfeeding, I was determined to do it and it was a lot of work, but yes, I enjoyed it and all three kids went well beyond a year :)
Childbirth? Not so much. I have a low tolerance for pain, and was not at all interested in going through that (though if you look at some of my answers on this site you'll see I was given no choice in two out of three :)
Maybe they are just saying you are lucky that it's easy for you to put up with? deal with?
I had a friend who told me she didn't think childbirth was "that big of a deal." She gave birth to big babies twice on limited meds. She said, oh it didn't really hurt.
Yes, LUCKY her!!!

Well, we all make our own luck to some extent don't we. You are so right that hard work, perseverance and determination are the main contributing factors to successfully BF, having natural birth and raising nice kids though.

I had natural childbirth with both of my boys too. I was determined not to miss any of it by being drugged or numbed or whatever. Was it painful, hell yeah, but I didnt scream or cry or any of that. I just stayed focused on delivering my kid.
It is something that doesnt get acknowledged much.
With autism and all the other weird things out there these days I just feel maybe doing natural deliveries might be the better way to go. I realize an emergency c section is a whole different thing tho.

I relate to an extent as well. I usually get the "your so lucky" comments when it comes to my children going to bed on time without putting up a fight and basically being nice children (most of the time, anyway!!;) I get irked too b/c I have the same reaction as you...Um, hello??? They didn't just magically come out that way...I had to teach them and have expectations! I wouldn't say you're overreacing, but there's no real sense in getting worked up about it, but you can be secretly annoyed all you want! :)

I have the same experience. What the commenters (people who say its easy) do not understand is the amount of work and sacrifice and perserverance that goes into this things. They figure it must be easy if its to be accomplished. Go us for powering through!

J.,

I totally relate to you! It is very annoying to have people make assumptions and not really know the facts. Especially those who haven't had kids--but they of course are the "expert parenters" and know everything about everything. My usuall response when someone would say wow, you had it so easy-- I would say" I guess I did have it easy, if you call 26 hours of labor and pushing unmedicated to finally push out a 9lb baby! Thats easy to you? Throw it back at them and give them a taste of their own medicine. NOTHING is easy about LABOR. Thats why they call it LABOR! I don't care if its your 1st child or your 20th child. Either way, labor and delivery is hard work!

M

I agree with you. It is annoying. What I often remind myself of though is if I'm doing something self sacrificing for my children and it's my decision, I can't complain if other people don't acknowledge it unless I'm deep down not doing it for my children but just want recognition. I'm sure you did do these things for the health of your children so remind yourself that no one needs to give you credit really. I know it'd be nice! And they shouldn't diminish it for sure. But it doesn't seem to work like that. I'd just look at people and tilt my head in a quizzical way and say "easy? huh, no, it wasn't easy..." and say nothing else. Then if they want to pursue it, you can go into detail how hard it was. Otherwise, maybe they got the point.

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I think you may be taking it too personally. I had an easy c-section but I also tell people that it was easy and I would do it again in the same manner, however breastfeeding was more difficult. I agree with the other poster that said the "grass is greener" I think it's a bit of that going on with them too. No one ever knows the full extent of a situation except those who were immediately involved. My man struggles with things that I find easy and vice versa, it is what it is.