OK so I have been having a debate with my guy friend. In the middle of an argument whenever I'm heated I always cant help but pounce on my bf...I've always been like this, and then we talk and then after I need to again. When all of the emotions rise I cant help it and generally it then calms me down and i can think level headed. I'm not a yeller, I ussually just get quiet and mad and then the more mad I get the more I want some. He says this is unheard of, I say its chemical that when you love someone and you're passionate about them when you're angry sometimes you just want to grab them and kiss them. He says this will lead to me getting walked all over b/c I am teaching him that even if hes mean he gets a reward. I disagree completely, sure if he was just in it to use me then that makes sense, ....but in an actual relationship the issues still there and gets dealt with after, so its not like if I'm upset I just let it go, but sometimes it gets postponed for a period. So does anyone else do this?
rachel exactly...thats what I felt it's about the passion, and honestly the little argument is never actually the issue so after the angry "fun" then ussually you can talk about the real issue and not just the silly thing that made you mad
i think i wrote it wrong...my bf isb't complaining although he does make me talk after....my guy friend is the one debating with me and saying its a bad idea
wow dawn...i'm all for opinions...i can help myself, its not every time, but ussualy when i get passonate in a fight my hormones rise and I want some and pounce
B I agree if its actually angry "fun" i don't mean its rough i mean when i'm upset i get passioante and pounce, i don;t yell or throw things or actually "fight" i'm more so talking about when i'm upset my hormones go crazy
tracy thats exactly how i feel! couldn't have said it better
No freaking way. When I'm upset with my husband (It happens so rarely) I don't want him to touch M.. I'm really passionate, too. I J. can't channel my passion that way when I'm mad.
Some of the best sex my SO and I have ever had was when we were getting a divorce. lol. When emotions are running high it adds to the intensity.
Sex is sex... Who cares WHY you're doing it?! Lol :)
Um, my grandmother would throw dishes at my grandfather.
He got good at ducking.
It's too easy to tip over into dysfunctional (and what happens if you get to the point where you HAVE to fight in order to get excited?).
Aggression/violence and sex can be very closely linked, it's not always a good thing.
Although some couples might work well this way, I've yet to see a long term relationship that did not have problems with behaving like that.
Depends on why I'm angry.
If it's frustration mostly, than yes, sex is a great way for us to break the frustration and the conversation afterwards is much more fruitful in terms of working it out than it would've been arguing witout having sex. I think that is totally healthy and helpful.
If I'm truly, deeply hurt, than there is nothing sexy about that and it is a real passion killer.
You said it: it's about passion. That's the keyword. I'm the same way! When I was pregnant this last time, my husband (in the middle of an arguement) yelled "I SWEAR YOU PICK FIGHTS FOR THE MAKE UP SEX!!!!' Yeah, I was busted, it was a little, teeny bit true ;) But then, uh, yeah, WE MADE UP!!
Usually I'm the one who gets turned on, I guess by the assertiveness my husband shows when he's trying to prove a point, but sometime's he gets mad that I'm not listening when I try to pounce on him... well, yeah, I'm not listening, you're yelling, let's J. do it and forget it!! ;)
It sounds like you pounce to get your way or out of fear that he might leave in the heat of a disagreement.
.
your Guy Friend is J. Jealous of your BF ;-)
If it works for you and your relationship ~ Why the hell not??
When were "fighting' I usually J. want to wrap my hands around his Neck not his 'member' LMAO but everyone is different !!!
Sounds like you are using sex as a coping mechanism to bury your real feelings. Coping mechanisms are never a healthy thing because they rob us of intimacy, the ability to talk about our feelings with other people. I have lots of my own- rage, codependency, and overeating. Everyone has them.
Get the book ''Intimate Encounters'' and read page 77-87 about emotional relationships. It changed my life and my relationship with my husband.
Im a yeller and my husband is a pouter. It gripes M. when he is pouring but if I want some, it can bring him out of the biggest pout! I love having sex with him but I dont like to fight. So ill have the sex, hold the fighting pls!
Hi, Jen:
The pouncing is a control activity. Using sex to control differences of opinion is something that needs looking into by a professional counselor who understands these issues.
Good luck.
D.
no. When I'm mad at my husband, I don't even want to be in the same room as him
"FUN" is a great stress reliever. i agree with momof2girls, your man shouldnt be complaining. my hubby would love if i would have more "fun". i dont think its a problem. i hate to admit this but before M. and hubby met and i was single i had a guy friend that i could call at any time and be like im really stressed can you help M. out? lol He wasnt complaining.
He should J. consider himself lucky! Most men would never complain and im sure they would get a lot more "fun"!
Most woman say no because they are tired or mad, that gives him %50 more "fun" time.....LOL
I do it too! Hahaha....I don't know what it is but whenever we get into a stupid argument about the dumbest thing's we end up "doing it" and it's great! But my husband has never complained about it though. Make up sex is the best! And besides, after that don't you J. drop it and forget about it?! We do! lol...P.s. When I say argument it's usually about him throwing his socks on the floor or something not too serious! And yes, we do talk things out after it all and we J. end up laughing about it!
Anger has never made M. horny. J. the opposite. If I'm angry, sex is the last thing I want.
my husband knows if he irks M. in the slightest he better not even try to go there. Although we don't really fight much and if it is its because im pissed that I worked all day came home to a trashed house while he was home all day, had to cook dinner tend to the kids get them bathed and in bed all while he sits on the couch thinking hmmm I wonder when she will be done so i can get some. Then I will say yeah right, then he gets all hurt that I turned him down and its a viscious circle but thats what we get upset about.
Used to!!! Until I quit respecting my husband at all... and since then, no nookie for a year now. Sigh.
