An Introverted Girl?

Your daughter's way too young for big labels like "introvert" to get stuck to her. How the teacher perceives her (and how the teacher then treats her, based on that perception and label) are all affected by the labels she's given at school. She's not even in kindergarten yet.

It's not clear to me what the teacher means by "she just plays with the children who are around her" at school. Does that mean she plays with kids who sit closest to her, who are in the closest physical proximity in her class? Or does it mean she sticks only to kids she she already knows from outside school? Either way, it makes sense: She's only four, and will go with what's familiar and/or most convenient. Not a lot of four-year-olds are socially ready to cross the whole room and ask a kid they don't know well, "Want to play?" Some are, but not all, and that's OK.

Does she actively resist when she has to interact (in a game or other class-wide activity) with certain children? That would be more of an issue. Find out in much more detail what the teacher has observed -- get specific examples. It might even be that your daughter just doesn't click with certain children in the class and prefers her free play time to be with other kids with whom she feels more comfortable. That's normal, to me. She's also at an age when having "best friends" starts to be important, so you might hear her talk mostly about a handful of kids she is really into right now -- the "several children who are around her that she often mentioned" as you put it. That list of kids will change eventually.

But in the meantime, other than keeping good communications open with the teacher and being sure your daughter stays active and has play dates at home with a variety of kids she plays well with -- other than those things I wouldn't worry about it, unless it becomes some issue of her resisting doing what the class as a whole is asked to do. If she's at the point of not speaking when spoken to, or really being withdrawn, that would be a problem, but from what you say about her home behavior, that doesn't seem to be the case at all.

My son was always more of an observer. Quiet, in the background...last in line most of the time! LOL
He was like that at 3, 4, 5...but now in 2nd grade, he's got a ton of friends, very popular, etc., BUT his basic personality is much the same. That's okay. Your daughter doesn't (obviously) feel the need to be the center of attention, loud, boisterous and/or controlling of those around her. The world is full of ALL kinds of people! Don't compare your child to other kids. She is herself.
Now, if the teacher feels it's a "problem" talk to her to see why....

Hi there.

I'm something of an introvert myself, and my son is too. I wouldn't have myself, or him, any other way. If your daughter really is an introvert (and I agree with others on this thread, 4 is too young to tell), I think it's very important for you to focus on the positive aspects of this personality type. Introverts tend to be thoughtful, observant, analytical -- all qualities we need in this world! Honestly, I'm surprised to hear a teacher describing this as a problem. Teachers, especially in grade school and middle school, often have more of a problem with extroverts -- the ones who talk to their friends when the teacher is talking.

I recommend following up with this teacher. It doesn't sound like you've got quite enough information to go on.

And depending on what s/he says, I also recommend asking if there's another little girl in her class who might be compatible. If so, call that girl's parents and set up a playdate. That's basically exactly what I did with my son, and the results were amazing. It was like this one playdate opened the floodgates of friendliness in my shy, withdrawn little boy. He now has a best friend (not the original playdate kid) with whom he does everything, and he's very, very happy in school.

Good luck!

Mira

I don't understand the question. She sounds just fine. Different personalities are what make the world go 'round.

Also, 4 is a tough age and I am not a fan of labels like "introvert." I guess they can be effective when describing a behavior, but I wouldn't place that on your daughter or make her feel like there is anything wrong with her.

I whole heartily agree with Leigh R. on this one!!

Being introverted is not a bad thing! Imagine a scale of 1-10... and on that scale is the "extreme" introverts (a 1) and the extreme "extraverts" (a 10). Everyone is somewhere on this scale, and will rarely in life ever change over from being one and then the other (it is part of our personality, and something that doesn't change much)... however, people can become more "balanced"... like between a 3-7 on the scale (depending on whether or not someone is intraverted or extraverted). The best way to think about it is that extraverted people are generally very social and talkative. They gain their "energy" when around other people and often share what they are thinking out loud as part of their thinking process. Intraverted people gain their "energy" when they have quiet or alone time (not in big crowds of people, etc.)... not that they can't do this, but it is not their idea of "relaxing" if you know what I mean. They do not share their thoughts out loud right away like an extravert... they tend to do a lot of thinking and analyzing to themselves or in a more private/quiet way... then once it is thought out, they may share it with others... so they may seem very quiet and shy, when really, their thought process is just done with their mouth shut instead of spewing everything at that very moment! The problems sometimes comes when parents of children are an extreme extravert and their child is an extreme intravert (or vice versa, which is the case with me and my daughter)... just be aware that all kids are different and celebrate the benefits of being an intravert and also work on the balance... which can take years to develop! She may be a child who will need more "down" time... and if she is energized enough with her "down" time, she will have the energy to work on socializing more (that can be very draining for an intraverted kid)!

I think my response would be "so?".
I'm an introvert. Made it through my whole life that way. :)
Have a few close friends, lots of acquiantances and I'm good.

Is she implying that there's a problem with her being interoverted? BTW, she's 4! That's a big label for a little kid who has a lot of social development to go through yet.