Am I Wrong? Caregivers/nannys

How bad were the bad days?

And if someone didn't want to watch my kids, I wouldn't want my kids there.

There sounds like a lot of bad history here.

It is what it is. Yes, it's odd. But it's water under the bridge now.

Better start looking around ASAP.

I think the professional thing to do is give 2 weeks notice. However, if she is "done" with your son, do you really want him going back there for 2 weeks? Good Luck!

You put your son with someone just starting up her business and went on vacation. She had some bad days and she's giving up. Aren't you glad that you won't be leaving your child with a woman who doesn't know what the heck she's doing? Talk about her business imploding - who does that so quick? It can't be your child - it's gotta be her!

So rather than being angry about it, look at it like you're dodging a bullet. She is totally not cut out to watch kids.

Dawn

It depends. Even though YOU believe the past behavior of your son isn't relevant, it actually might be relevant.

If you had a contact with her, this should have been stipulated in the contract; what reasons would result in immediate removal of care. Did your son / you violate one of those rules / policies? If so, then she is within the set guidelines, and you need to work with your son on following rules or whatever behavioral issues are going on.

If, however, she just decided that she no longer wants to care for your son... then yes, giving one week notice (especially when she knows you are gone for that week) is pretty unprofessional.

In any case, you need to be glad that your son will no longer be where he is not wanted.

I would try sitter.city or care.com for interim child care until you can get him with day care that better suits his needs.

Good luck.

So....what happened on those bad days?

ETA: I feel like you're leaving information out. From what I can tell, the common denominator is your son, not the providers who have asked your son to leave. They've dealt with hundreds, if not thousands of children. Even hyper ones. What, specifically, happened at the daycares where they asked you to leave? I've seen some pretty wild, out of control kids in daycare, so I know that it's not as simple as "he wouldn't settle down."

Both of my boys have ADHD. Perhaps it's time for you to consider actual treatment for your son so he can integrate into school.

i'd like to know just exactly what prompted this. yes, some notice is certainly preferable, and what one would expect from a professional. this gal would get no good recommendations from me.
but i'm curious as to what '2 bad days' actually means, especially since you are blaming her for it. was it really just 2 bad days, or 2 screaming awful days after a lot of warnings?
it's not like you could actually be comfortable taking him back there now, since she is clearly over both him and you.
i hope you're able to work out a new situation quickly. be prepared for the 'grapevine effect', though! i found out when i moved my baby from one home daycare to another that the caregiving moms have a tight network! fortunately for me, the 'report' on me was 'she's awesome, take her.'
khairete
S.

Usually a caregiver or nanny will provide two week's notice.
Unless, of course, there is an issue which is affecting the safety of the other children.

When I had a preschool, it was written into the contract that if there were incidents in which the child was putting the safety of the other children at risk, I had the option of sending the child home that day. I never had to use it, but had there been an overtly violent incident due to an out-of-control child, I would have done it in a heartbeat. I prefer to take a problem-solving approach with parents, however, a parent's right to two week's notice does not trump the safety of other children or the caregiver.

So, it may have been that there was a substantial incident OR it may be that she's very unprofessional OR it may be a bit of both.

Is this the same child that was taking a bus and unbuckled himself in traffic? Wasn't he at a different school? (Just trying to connect the dots)

In any case, this caregiver and your child aren't a good fit for each other. It's inconvenient, but consider this a good "now you know" for next time. Maybe there are discipline issues which need addressing or maybe now you know she just wasn't a pro.

As for is this crappy, or is this her right, you don't elaborate on the reason the caregiver was "done with him", so I really don't feel comfortable giving validation to either claim.

That said, I would say you are better off with someone else. A lot of people do open in-home daycares with the idea in mind that they can be their own boss, work from home and be with their kids. Many of them do not have a background in early childhood ed other than taking care of their own kids. It sounds like a person I wouldn't want to leave my kid with, personally.

OK... you're upset. She has the right to do whatever is outlined in the contract. If you didn't sign a contract... lesson learned. It sounds like there may be an issue with your child's behavior as you are referring to many changes in your arrangements with him. That is completely relevant.

You would likely be better off in a center-based program with a challenging child. With a center, you will have a clearly outlined contract as well as a director to work with if there are issues with the teacher. You may also have placement options if your child has behavioral issues... if it doesn't work with one teacher, you can try another. A home provider is usually a solo act and they don't always have the training or resources to support a challenging child.

You can be mad, but chalk it up to a lesson learned and try to find a provider who will work with you.

MY now w13 yr old son was one of those kids who had a tough time "attending" (i had no idea what that meant) and he could be a handful if not propery directed. He was at his worst at age 2-3. At age 6 he was diagnosed with ADHD and it made perfect sense. He's a highly kinesthetic learner (meaning he does best by touching, handling, visualizing things) and had a tough time sitting still for things like story time. He was at a pre-school where the teacher knew exactly what to do with him (we followed her from one school to another since we adored her). He really did well with her and had a set-back in Kendergarten when his teacher was useless and would say to me at the end of the day "I don't know why he ________" whatever was her problem of the day. (he often would fidget with tiny holes in the knees of his pants until they were giant holes in his pants he was so BORED since he had to "sit still". As we walked to the car at the end of school each day he'd tell me how "Mrs. T hates me". What an awful thing for a 5 yr old to deal with !!!

Sounds like your child has his own issues - sensory / aspergers? / ADHD and a home-maker who is doing this with a handful of kids as a little start up just doesn't have the training, education and skills to work with a child who need individulized care. Did you tell her ahead of time that your child had these issues and did she accept him knowing he was not going to be like the typical kid? If so, then she's just wrong. On theother hand if she had no idea what she was getting into then she's making a decision based on her ability to properly care for the other kids too.

You should really consider a child care arrangment that includes caregivers who are educated in early childhood and know how to deal with a child like yours. I see from your previous questions that this is the 3rd childcare arrangment he's been in (one involving a bus, the nanny, etc.). Rather than half day in one situation and half day in another maybe he should be at a daycare that he'll be at all day long. Formal daycare centers generally have a consistant method of training & discipline (time out chair, progressive discipline) and stucture he is probably craving. The ones with the prettiest facilities are not always the best (some spend way too much money on expensibe maple blocks sets and museum quality dinosaurs and not on the staff). I toured 4 day care centers before I settled on one and it had an older building, but it was sparkling clean, and the shelves and toys were not the newest (but pre-schoolers don't know that!) but the staff was wonderful and they had all been there for years. Each teacher was college educated in early childhood, they were older ladies with long histories with kids and they had younger girls as helpers. My kids thrived. It wasn't cheap but it was sooooo worth the money.

Bottom line - this day care provider didn't do the right thing it seems but it all depends on the back story...

I think that her giving you no notice is unprofessional. I would ask for a refund for anything you paid for the week or month ahead. What's in the contract?

I do not know your son's specific needs well, but you might ask his pediatrician or school for care recommendations.

Depends on what happend you said there was two bad days. Depends on what happend in those two bad days. Yes she should have given you notice but if she can't handle your son you probably wouldn't want to send him back there.

ADD: I just read one of your previous posts about your old nanny. Sounds like he is a very hard child to handle and she may have decided it was not safe for him to stay there for her or for him and or the other children she's keeping. I am not trying to be mean but she probalby didn't have a clue what she was getting into.

I would look into staying home with my son if I could not find a really good, loving caregiver. Your son deserves the best or he will be miserable. Better that you are miserable than he is.

Its a rotten thing to do. She obviously can't be in the childcare business if she can't handle certain children she already agrees to take.

If you try another caretaker, make sure you hammer out an agreement that you both will need at least 2 weeks to find alternate care if it doesn't work out.

Our local elementary school has specialized preschool for special needs kids. Its free to any family who qualifies.

Horrible way to handle things. At the very least, she could have called, since this is a very urgent situation.

Consider it a lucky thing, though. If she really doesn't want your son there, you're so much better off finding a place that does. Also, if this is how she handles her business, it raises red flags about how she handles the kids. She doesn't sound very responsible.

ETA: When our son was kicked out of preschool due to his ADHD years ago, they at least called us in as parents to tell us the news personally.

Are you saying you left him with her overnight?
I don't know what the rules are -- if you choose to use an in-home service, I don't feel like they are required to keep looking after a child who is causing problems with other children or with the caregivers.
Your post doesn't give enough information -- what were the problems she saw? Did she have him overnight? Was that part of the arrangement? Did you have an understanding that things weren't going well? Had she mentioned previously that the relationship might have to end if things didn't improve?
On the face of it, without knowing your agreements (what your contract said) and problems, I have to side with the caregiver. Sorry.

Totally crappy... but what can you do? Good luck finding someone new and hopefully more stable.

I don't blame you for being upset but I don't think there's anything you can do (unless you have a written agreement that she's in violation of - at that point you may need some legal advice if you want to pursue anything further).

There are a couple of things to consider;
1. Did you sign a contract?
A generic one that most caregivers have states that the parents have to give 30 days before removing their child, and so true of the caregiver. If she has had you sign one, she has to keep the child until such time or until you have found other care. (not that you want him to stay now)
2. What has he done?
If he has cause physical harm to other children, or has conducted himself in a way that has resulted in any harm or ill will of another child. She does not have to give notice. It is then her right to refuse childcare.

She is wrong. She should have not waited. What she did was passive, in that she waited until you were too far to pop up, and emailed you rather than being a woman and telling you to your face. If she is a young girl, it was probably the advice of someone who thinks they know best. If I were you, and you signed a contract, I would see where it covers me, and I would give her a nice phone call about my position. If you know she will not harm your child, I would make her abide by that contract until I found adequate care, or such time passed.

I had a caregiver who kept my girls. I have had really bad luck with getting women who think they can keep my kids when they feel like it, and not when I worked. One in particular, I took my girls from. She was upset and so refused the care for them, THE DAY I WORKED! Because she was angry I was going to remove them.

Her contract stated, I had 30 days. And I threw it at her. She then tried to say that I would owe her 19,000 and she would take me to court to get it. Well, per her contract, I was within my right, and technically did not have to give her notice on my end, because she had not followed her own contract, and provided adequate care to my children, and being available per our agreed set times and days.

The law is beautiful, and as soon as people are aware that you know it where the situation is concerned, they straighten right up. So read up, and get to work on other childcare. If you have a child that is a little work, next time you look find someone who is good at what they do, and love children, not just the pay check. Older women are best. Don't put yourself in this situation again. You need someone you can count on. Interview.

It was pretty unprofessional of her, definitely. You have every right to be angry and upset. I do wonder what provoked her to do such a thing. If she's blaming you or your child and there's a "situation" that's been ongoing, that would actually matter in just how unprofessional I think it is and just how "no notice" it really is.

I do feel it's unprofessional and leaves you in a bad situation for having no notice. I however would be happy as a parent that rather than my child be abused or harmed in any way at all, she ended it before it became that. She didn't abandon him, hurt him...she quit. It's hard for you but nothing you can't get past. Wish my(as in from my childhood) sitter had quit rather than leave me and my brother in the playpen in front of her home and she took off, unknown how long before my Mom got off work and found us. So regroup, ask a friend or family member to help for a week or two and search for a new caregiver with references, contract and full disclosure of your childs issues.

Unless there was something really offensive - and that'd have to be by you guys in a way as he's just a child - seems very crappy. I'd let her know it's not a good way to start a business and all the other moms you know will be hearing about her lack of professionalism... Is there any kind of contract? Not that you'd want to send your son back anyway but curious if there's something in the contract and therefore you can get some money refunded. Did you just pay for a week while you were on vacation and THEN she cuts you off?