Am I Potty Training Right?

STOP!! Just stop trying to train her.

Sorry to yell but I wish someone had told me to calm down and stop trying so hard with my son. He wasn't ready until he was 3 years and 4 months old. At that point he had two accidents that he really understood what they were and bam, done!

My daughter at three decided she was a big girl and wanted panties. Put them on and never looked back. (She wasn't night time dry until almost 7, but that is normal to have night wetting up to that point). She just put on a pull up at bedtime and undies in the morning.

Were I to have a third it is such a non-issue now...I wouldn't even worry about it.
Good luck and let her go for a while...its okay.

I only have boys, and I've been told that girls are different. Both of my boys were potty trained around 3 1/2.

My suggestion? Back off for a couple of months. Don't talk about. Put the potty away. Just don't even think about it ... at least, TRY not to think about it.

In a couple of months, try again.

I don't even know what suggestions or tips you might have read, but I can tell you what I did. I picked a time when I could just go nowhere for a few days. The first morning I announced that there would be no more diapers and that we would only use the potty. I had a box of rewards that were given out each time the potty was used, but the first day we mostly just cheered every time the child peed ... even if it was on the floor. I tried to have him sit on the potty ever 30 to 45 minutes (I think), but the first day that just didn't work. I found that first he had to understand what it felt like when he had to pee. Anyway, we spent one day cheering, then the next day we some accidents but also some successes. The 3rd day was much better with only a few accidents. After that it just got better and better.

There are so many different ways to approach potty training, but for now I would just take a break. You need to give her time to let go of the way she is feeling about it right now. Once that's done, you can try again.

Good luck!!!

I waited till our son was 3 1/2 and I let daycare take the lead on it.
Son came home one day eager to show me what he could do - use the potty!
And it was easy after that.
All I can say is - if you are getting frustrated - she is not ready - and you need to quit with the power struggle.
She won't be going off to college still wearing diapers.
Just relax, let your daughter see you use the toilet - let her flush after you do and get use to the sound - eventually she'll want to try it.
The one sign of readiness many forget about is - they got to WANT to - and you can't make her want to.

Don't be nervous and don't force it! Back off NOW. Forcing it will only make things worse. She'll do it when she's ready. My daughter didn't potty train until she was 3 years and 1 month old. She was just ready and was able to pee/poop in the potty within a day or two (during the day). A few months later, she was able to wake up to use the restroom at night. It was very quick and painless.

One thing I did before she actually potty trained was to read her books on potty training. I think I started when she was about 2.5 years old. Some of the books I read to her were "Everyone Poops," "Big Girls Use the Potty!," "Super Pooper," and "Potty Time." I also showed her a DVD called "Potty Power" with a catchy song.

I also bought thick Gerber training underwear and let her wear them when she wanted to, but only when SHE wanted to. Sometimes she wanted to wear them over her diaper and sometimes she wanted to wear them on their own.

Welcome to mamapedia, C.!!

I can tell you that if you have to force it? She's not ready. Stop trying. Let her figure it out.

She will get to the point where she HATES to be uncomfortable or have a diaper rash from NOT being changed. She will see you going to the bathroom and will want to mimic you.

Right now? She's rebelling and fighting you because you are forcing it on her. My daughter? Oh dear Lord. The trouble we had with her. She was ALMOST 4 when she was ready. My first son? One week - he was ready. My youngest son? months. Until I just said - let me know when you are ready. He was almost 3.

Don't use food or toys as a reward. Tell her she did a great job!
Don't chastise her having 'accidents'.

STOP with the "training". IF she is in a day care? She won't be moved to the next age group until she is potty trained - when she sees her friends moving on? And she asks why? You tell her the truth, because they potty in the toilet. Simple as that.

After potty training four boys? I can tell you that forcing it will only delay it. My first? I thought for sure he MUST be potty trained by 2. Oh my word. I pushed and he pushed back. He was 3 when he was ready. My second? I learned from the first and he wanted to be like his big brother and was potty trained at two.My third? He wasn't ready until he was 3.5 years. My last? He was 2.5 years old.

Please stop forcing it and just let it happen.

I think backing off is the right way to go too.

At 2 1/2 my oldest had seen a potty in the washroom, sat on it and he went. I was overjoyed - this was all by himself. Nope. It was a novelty and he had no interest again until he turned 3. I could have forced him but sensed it was pointless so put it away.

Mine were all 3 but it varies. You see signs of development - that's how you know. They can usually show you that they know they are about to go, can hold it a bit, and for me, there other development was there too - they could handle instructions and pulling down pants, etc.

I'd rather wait and have it go more easily than struggle.

We kept potties nearby our kids - that was the big thing with mine, especially boys. They wouldn't want to stop playing but if there was right there, they'd go. That phase was very short lived and I kept them in underpants. No pants.

We kept it fun and light. We didn't do a huge reward system. Our oldest, we tried M&M's - just one if he tried (whether or not he actually went). Big "yay" if he did. Just encouragement mostly. Our younger ones we didn't really need to motivate. They were ready and tired of the pull ups.

Good luck :) You'll know when it's time

Your daughter will train when her body is mature enough to do so. Many kids are not ready at her age. I suggest she is acting this way because of your intensity. You are making this a big deal when it's not. Back off. Learn the signs that her body is ready to train and do nothing until she is willing to learn.

Everyone is correct. Take a break from potty "training" and let your little girl lead the way. I PROMISE she will use the toilet eventually.

But while that's happening, you also need to be strong and not feel pressure. Feeling nervous because your child hasn't reached some sort of perceived milestone isn't going to get you anywhere. You'll have other competitive moms saying things like "Oh, my Petunia was using the potty at 18 months!". And you'll feel bad. DON'T FEEL BAD. Each child is different and chances are little Petunia used the potty ONCE at 18months, then didn't look at it for another 1 1/2 years. Don't listen to other folks who might judge you. YOU do what's best for YOUR little girl.

And this goes for pretty much everything. "Oh, Petunia was reading at 3 1/2!" "She could name all the State Capitals at 4yrs old!". Seriously, you're going to get a lot of that. The correct response to those statements is : "Oh that's great!" and then leave it at that. No need to get defensive or find something that YOUR child does better, don't get sucked into the competition. Just be confident in your parenting skills. If your young child is happy, affectionate, kind and playful, you're doing a great job. If you don't let any pressure get to you, your child will sense that and will feel less anxiety about stuff too. That's the end goal: a well-adjusted member of society, regardless of when they started peeing in a potty.

stop being nervous, and stop niggling at her.
i'd fight you too if i were a little person being forced to 'learn' something i wasn't developmentally prepared to learn.
'trying everything' is a perfect recipe for failure.
get off the poor little girl's case for a few months, then pick ONE method that lines up with your temperament (and hers) and parenting philosophy and stick to that method, with patience and humor and realistic expectations, and let her take her time.
there is no need to force-feed potty training to tiny little people.
khairete
S.

She's just not ready. 2-1/2 is early for this, for most kids! Read more articles and you'll find that to be true - I think you're just reading the wrong ones.

It helps to stop thinking of it as "training" in the sense of something you can teach a child to do. You can show her where the potty is but you absolutely cannot teach her bladder to tell her brain that it is full and that she should make her way to the toilet, pull her pants down, sit, and release! That's just too much!

Also, in general, it doesn't work out well to try too many techniques for anything - the child gets confused because the "rules" are different every time and she can't figure out what she's supposed to do. This applies more to things you CAN control, like how you approach food choices, bed time, discipline and so on.

You cannot control potty usage any more than you can control when they learn to walk or speak. It's developmental. I have a cousin trying to potty train her child who was 3 in August. She's done everything from calling him a baby to telling him wet diapers are awful to bribing him with toys. It's awful. She's trying to use shame and of course it's not working. And it could cause more problems. (She still has him on a bottle at night and she's using the same technique there - it's just a mess!) He's very verbal for his age, and he finally said to her, "Mommy, how do you know when you have to go potty?" That's a huge tip-off that he "wants to" (if only to please her) but that he does not have the sensation of a full bladder telling him what's coming next.

If it helps, my son wasn't ready until close to 4 years of age, and long after that for night time dryness. I promise you, she will not go to kindergarten in diapers.

If you set up a battle zone in a battle you cannot win, it's just awful for everyone.

And it's a totally normal phase for a child to not notice when she's wet or dirty, or to not tell you if she does. And it's normal to fight you on it, especially if the whole idea of being clean and dry has already become a bone of contention, but most kids go through a phase like that regardless. I'd say to just get it done quickly with a minimum of discussion and talk of rewards. It's just something you do, like putting on a seatbelt or wearing a coat when it's freezing. No debate, just matter-of-fact.

Try to focus on all the amazing things she IS doing, and try not to think about the cost of diapers! Remember, once she uses the potty, your life will be spent finding bathrooms in every place you go, first thing: people's homes, supermarkets, Target, school, library, children's museum, and so on, and you will carry a change of clothes and a plastic bag everywhere, at all times. When she says she has to go, it means NOW and there will be no time to find a bathroom at the other end of the store. So the next stage is not exactly more fun than the one you're in!

She obviously is not ready. If a child is truly ready, it's done in a couple of days. Some are ready at 2 some st 3. I would stop trying now. Much easier in spring n summer.

In my experience they are ready when they are three. I have known many mothers who start training at 2 and spend a year training, and many mothers who start at 3 and spend a week training. At 2 1/2 I would read the potty books, watch the potty videos and have the potty out in the open to practice/play with, but I would wait until she is 3 to start training.

Stop and revisit later on. She isn't ready.. it needs to be a positive experience for her and you are making it a negative one..

every child potty trains differently. i would stop trying for now and restart again in a few months. there is no pressing need for a 2.5 yr old to potty train.
when she shows signs of readiness then try again.

if she continues to fight diaper changes, then try the no diaper method. let her run around bare bottom and have a childs potty in the middle of the room when she shows a sign that potty is on the way sit her on the potty in that room and praise her for going in it. (clean it and put it back in the middle of the play area. ) continue this and move the potty closer to the bathroom every day. eventually that potty will be in the bathroom and you can begin to work on having her use the big potty. (while still using pullups for outings, naps and bedtime)

if you don't have a childs potty take her to the store and have her pick one out. that will make going in it more fun since she will like the one shes got to use.

Just relax. And consider the end reward of using the toilet correctly, which is not getting a toy or a treat or a reward. The actual intended point is that a potty-trained child is clean, dry and comfortable. So make sure not to confuse her by encouraging her to use the potty and then rewarding her with toys or candy or an extra tv show or whatever. When the time comes, reward her with a high five, a sticker on a chart, and let the child choose cool underwear with the favorite superhero or design on it.

I do think that when the child is ready, and demonstrates that he or she is capable of using the potty, but is perhaps lazy or unwilling to be consistent there can be some rewards, but they have to make sense. For example, you can tell your child that he or she can't wear that favorite outfit (the ballet tutu, the cowboy pants, the pjs with Sponge Bob on them, etc) because the outfit has to be laundered since the child was too slow to get to the potty (note: this is ONLY for a kid who's perfectly able to get to the toilet but just refused to come inside from playing in order to get to the bathroom, not for an unavoidable accident, which will inevitably happen on occasion). Or you can tell a child that now that he or she is able to use the potty well, you can go on a fun outing, since you don't have to pack diapers, wipes, changing pads, etc.

I would just stop for now, as they get older, they can hold it longer which makes the process much easier. When my dd turned 3, she would go pee but not poop in the potty. Since she was old enough, I put a stack of pull ups in the bathroom, she had to put them on herself and I would help her take off the soiled ones. I kept a bunch of little toys wrapped up in the bathroom and I kept telling her that when she pooped in the potty, she'd get the toys (one per time). It took a while, but eventually, she went in the potty and loved getting rewarded. Most kids get it all figured out before preschool. I would back off...it's not that big of a deal especially now that I have the benefit of hindsight.

Why are you doing any of this? She's too young! She's not ready! Leave her be. You will not succeed. She will fight you tooth and nail.

Remember that children have almost NO control in their little lives. Adults tell them what to do about everything. The only things she can control is pottying and eating. Don't allow these two things to become battlefields. You will lose everytime.

First, she is NOT too young, all my kids were completely (day & night) trained right at or around 2 so don't listen to those that say she's too young. Every kid is different and mine were just too easy & basically did it themselves! They also quit taking naps at that age...so there's that too. My biggest clue was when they started waking up dry I knew they were ready...then it was consistency, just throw away the diapers and put the panties on and then you have to be the one to know when to have her try & then big praise & reward after, we all clapped, shared the news to everyone in the house... I went with dumdum suckers, perfect size treat for after, but the child has to be interested, if she's not you are correct in just backing off in forcing it but you should be able to start watching for her tells that she has to go potty...and getting her excited about no more baby diapers, big girl stuff like school, etc, etc...

What i would suggest is a different way of looking at it. Potty training/ changing/ toileting should be part of a ROUTINE. just a regular part of your day. Every morning you wake up, use the bathroom, get dressed have breakfast, etc. end of day go potty, take a bath, put on jammies, brush teeth, read stories, kiss goodnight lights out.

There is some flexibility maybe on the weekends you sleep later, or maybe some nights you skip a bath. but for the most part families should have some structure to their day.

those are the times when you are changing your child that you introduce the potty, with no pressure. Here i'll take off your diaper, wipe your bum, you can sit on the little potty for a minute, just like mommy and daddy and big brother do. no pressure

then you put them in real Underwear Not pullups. they need to feel the wet. use plastic undie covers, or let them run around on tile floors instead of carpets. ( this also might mean you don't spend a ton of time outside of the house for a week or so)

Give lots and lots of liquids so they actually HAVE to go.

again make it part of your routine, ok before we eat lunch, mommy needs to go potty and you can sit on your little potty too., nothing came out, ok not biggie, we will sit on the potty after lunch too.

giving kids books to look at or letting them blow (soap) bubbles while sitting on the potty helps relax them.

and be soo soo happy when they do .. do. something.

to me expecting your child to tell you she needs to poop is like her saying, oh darling mommy it is 7 pm and i'm sleepy I'd like to stop playing now and go in a dark room while you and daddy keep playing.

in general that doesn't happen,, most kids start yawning, or rubbing their eyes or yawning, or getting crazy or whiny.

SHe will give you clues she needs to go potty too. like freezing, or hopping around. just like with bed time if you have a routine and can start bed time or a potty trip before they show those signs you'll have better success.

but i will say, it won't be very convenient to YOUR schedule to potty train for a few weeks,
so decide if YOU are ready to invest the time and energy. personally i was happy to not pay for or deal with diapers any more.

oh and guess what just like learning to walk, when she would make a mistake and fall down, you wouldn't yell at her or be mad right?
She is going to have some accidents.. Show her how to get a towel and wipe it up ( you can sanitize later) how her were to put her wet underpants, and how to wipe herself up. and put on her dry underpants. no shame, no anger. just learning how to be a big girl.

Good luck to both of you

She's just not ready yet. Some kids don't train until much later.

One suggestion, wait until spring to work on it again. When it warms up kids just train a lot quicker.