Am I over Protective? - Cartersville,GA

It sounds to me like you were embarrassed. You tried to know/follow the rules but didn't know this one. I think if you think about this rule it makes sense and is good policy not to let parents on the bus. My advice would be just to let this go. It really isn't a big deal and I promise you, you are giving this way more thought than the bus driver. The bus driver probably hasn't given this a second thought.

The bus driver has a job to do and he is not permitted to let parents on bus. He did his job and now you know the rule. An apology is really not needed. He probably won't even know what you are talking about.

Edit...my daughter is 12 and I still go back with her to the exam room at the dentist office. It is a pediatric dentist and they've been telling me since she was 3 I could wait out in the waiting room but I prefer to go back.

I don't know a single mom who sent their child to school for the first time who didn't over-estimate something, or misjudge something, or make a little mistake. You're completely normal.

Bus drivers sometimes have difficult jobs. They get yelled at, cursed at, and disrespected. And that's just the kids. The bus driver doesn't know you, and didn't know if you were going to insist on riding, or ask to see the safety inspection certificates for the bus, or cry, or what. So he simply stated the rule.

I'd simply smile at the bus driver, in a polite way, letting him know in a very subtle way that you're not going to try to ride the bus or anything crazy, that you were simply seeing your child onto the bus on her first day, and that you respect the bus driver's authority. Just greet your daughter with a smile, and chalk this up to a first day misunderstanding. I think you're very normal. Your little girl is blessed to have a mom who cares about her and loves her.

It is against the rules to get on the bus. Maybe the bus driver could have handled it different and been nicer about it. However, I'm sure the driver doesn't want to lose his job or get in trouble. So, now you know, and it's all ok. Your feelings got a little hurt, but remember the driver is just trying to ensure the safety of the students on the bus and that's a good thing! I wouldn't even mention it again, or say anything about it to him. Just a friendly wave to the driver each day is all you need to do.
Try not to take these things so personally, and definitely don't let it bother you this way. Otherwise, it will be a long, painful haul for you as she goes through school.

ETA: We don't need every detail of your life but your post was interpreted as though your child has never had a sitter or social activity. It would have been helpful if you had clarified that or just left that part of your post out.

It is no biggie to just introduce yourself to the driver and let him/her know that you are all new this and the rules.

ALL moms transitioning into a new stage get nervous and that is normal. It is not as normal to be seething about something hours after it occurred. Just balance!!!! You'll be fine!

I have not seen one response on here that was harsh. Many people will claim someone is harsh if the opinion is not the same as the poster. We are all moms here, just trying to help each other along the way.
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In my personal opinion, you are helicoptering WAY too much and you are just now starting the process of school. You need to balance out your anxiety and helicoptering or you will be in for a long stressful road while your daughter is in school.

I have been involved with the school system for years and ONLY a teacher is allowed to go onto a school bus. This is for the safety of ALL of the children on the bus. Every teacher and volunteer in the school system is background checked and each time a volunteer comes into the school, they sign in and out so the whereabouts of all volunteers are will be known to the staff. It is for the safety of all of the children (YOUR child as well)

At the neighborhood bus stops, parents are welcome to step to the door to speak with the driver but they are not allowed on the bus.

Now on to the dentist... this is very normal. My daughter is 20 and she went to a pediatric dentist from the age of 2 until 16 and NO parent goes back with the children. Typically, the children do better without a nervous mom or dad sitting there watching, asking questions and potentially making the child more anxious. A conference is held with the parents by the dentist when the child is finished with the procedures and in the process of picking out something from the treasure chest.

Are you saying you have never had a babysitter and your child has not had play dates or social activities? PLEASE for your sanity and your child's well being, get a sitter and go on a regular date night with your hubby. Allow your daughter to play with friends and enjoy her childhood.. It goes by WAY too fast! If you can lighten up on some of the anxiety and helicopter, It will do you all some good. If not, please speak with a counselor.

You are starting a long road with preschool and on through college. If you stress out this much about how someone responded to you, etc, then you will have a long hard road. PLEASE allow your child some independence to think for herself and grow as an independent thinker!

Stop hovering. She will be fine.
You cannot and should not control her life.

We see so much in the media today abut the dangers in life, but very little about the joys in life. Facebook and other social media have pictures of missing persons, the news reports mass shootings, etc. but really examine YOUR life and the people around YOU. Are you basically safe where you live? Can you take a walk in your neighborhood? Can you enjoy community events safely?
If the answer is yes, then stop worry over every little detail relax and let life happen. Focus on the joy.

You are allowed to have your feelings, so I won't label them normal or abnormal. They are your feelings.

However, the bus driver and the dental office were simply telling you the rules. Maybe they stated them bluntly and without kindness in their voices, which probably would have helped you. But if you say your daughter is independent, then there's nothing to worry about.

This won't be the last time you hear blunt rules regarding your child, so it would be helpful for you to learn to be less sensitive about it. A quick vent to your husband or your friends, and then you need to let it go. The main thing is that you never let your daughter hear your vent, because she is handling it just fine, and shouldn't be exposed to your worries, fear and anger.

What really matters is your child, and she's fine. No, don't call the bus depot; be proud that your daughter is fearless and independent.

I would take a deep breath. Your driver is not warm and fuzzy and was brusque. I would not let it ruin my day. You tried to be friendly and he didn't reciprocate. Please try to let it go. If you have ongoing problems with the driver, then call the depot to discuss it with them but "I tried to say hi and he told me I couldn't be on the bus" doesn't sound like something that would be addressed, especially if he then heard your DH call him anything derogatory. If I said anything to him, I would say thank you, but the likelyhood is your child will just get off with everyone else and your going to the door will not be needed and may even cause a traffic jam of kids getting off the bus. I'd just collect my kid and move on.

For the dental office, I'd find a new one. My child is 6 and other than the cavities we had filled in an OR, we've ALWAYS been there. They are not the same incidents. Find a pediatric dentist that will allow you to be with her.

Michelle, FWIW, many schools ask parents to allow children to ride the bus the first day so they know what children will be on that bus and get the kids used to the routine. At my DD's school, the first week the kids wear color coded necklaces so they remember what bus they came off and which they need to go back on.

I don't think You were over stepping the boundaries.

But I think there are a number of parents who do, and that makes it harder for both the kids and the people trying to serve them (teacher, doctors, and yes even bus drivers). So now we are stuck with rules that are over zealous in the other direction.

Let it go. You were doing your duty as a parent to meet the bus driver, no apology needed. If the bus driver continues to be curt or if your daughter complains of his attitude, call and complain. But don't judge a person based on one (possibly bad) day.

Parents can not walk their children onto the bus. The bus would never get anywhere on time if parents were walking the kids to their seats. Also, once the children get on the bus they are the responsibility of the school division, so there can't be random parents getting on and off the bus, same as parents can't be walking into the school building without signing in and out. Maybe the bus driver could have been more polite, but I'm sure it's annoying to him that parents aren't told these things ahead of time and he has to tell parents himself. I think you are over reacting. You made a mistake, you were corrected and you are stewing over it.

Don't take it personally! If the bus driver had to meet and talk to every parent on his route, he wouldn't get to school until noon! The dentist thing is typical. Our dentist allows parents to go back, but I quickly learned the kids do better without the parents!

I totally get how you feel. It's hard to let our little ones go, especially on a bus. The bus driver could have been a lot more polite, but who knows what they are taught to say/do. In their defense, I do have to say that they get in trouble for being late on a route, and if they are delayed by every parent of a preschooler or kindergartener, they'll never get to their destination on time. I do think the school should have provided you with information - for example, our schools assign older kids on the bus to help guide the littlest kids, who sit in the first few seats closest to the driver. But that didn't happen in your case, so you were understandably nervous about putting a little one alone.

That said, it sounds like you've done a great job raising an independent child - she's happy to go back to the dentist's office and so on, and I think you might consider letting her have some of her regular pediatrician appointments on her own too. Yes, you're there for questions and filling in the doctor, but kids need to learn to be examined by a doctor/dentist without parents there. My stepdaughter's daughter was horrible at the dentist at age 8 - I had to hold her hand, and she really wanted to me to recline in the chair and have her able to recline on my lap. Yikes! So I think dentists may try to prevent that by getting the younger ones comfortable with solo exams when there's nothing much going on (just some gentle probing, some suction and squirting of water, and some cleaning). Then when they need more (like a filling), the kid is already a pro at the chair.

One time my son had to fly alone from Florida to Massachusetts - my son and I were with my mother in Florida, and my husband was at home. My mother's brother died, and I had to send my son home without me so I could stay. He was about 7 and I started to lose it when he marched his little independent butt down the jetway, chatting away with the flight attendant escort. He was fine, I wasn't. Normally I'm pretty composed, but this was a lot. I wasn't worried about the plane crashing - just about him being nervous and about my husband not being able to connect with him. My mother (who is very critical 90% of the time) was very supportive and told me he was doing fine because I am such a good mom. So that helped a lot. That's why I'm telling you that you should be easier on yourself - if you have an independent and confident child already, you are way ahead of the game! This will serve her very well in the long run.

So I'd try to let this go. The driver has no control over the regulations (probably insurance stuff, and of course there have been news stories about parents getting on the bus to solve bullying problems themselves, and it never ends well). So the driver wasn't attacking you personally, just following the rules, and while he may lack a lot in personal skills for public relations, that doesn't mean he's a bad driver. If he makes the kids follow the rules too, staying in their seats and not throwing stuff and not swearing, that's what you want.

So your feelings are completely normal, but you will get through this. If your child is having fun and has mastered the skills necessary to get herself to school and back, that's great. If she has a tough day now and then, that's normal. That sometimes hits on the first day, and it sometimes hits after a month when the novelty has worn off and they figure out that they have to do this stuff every day! Welcome her home, don't tell her how much you missed her, but do say you hope she had a good day. If she can't tell you what she did all day ("We had snack" might be all you get), please know that this is completely normal and what you are likely to experience for the next 10 years! You'll learn more at school open houses and teacher conferences. Do go through her backpack and see what things she brings back, and you'll get an idea of activities.

well, he was a little short with you. i can see wanting to help your 4 year old on her first bus trip, and if that wasn't an option, i wish he'd had a more pleasant way to shoo you off.
but still stewing about it? wanting to report him over it?
yeah, i think that's overreacting, hon.
your daughter's fine, and that's really all that's important. and it sounds as if her independence is something you've instilled in her, so good for you.
but this pique is all about you. i know you're making it out to be about her in your mind, but it's not. you've done great by her. this guy was a little brusque with you. that's all.
let it go.
ETA i just read through the responses and just don't see the 'harshness' you describe. if you think people here were rough with you, then yeah, you might be a little over-sensitive.
khairete
S.

Cut the bus driver some slack - it's not an easy job.
He's seen it all and then some.
You can call and inform of the incident if you want to but also let them know you were just settling your child on her first bus ride ever - it's not going to happen again.

I'm very sure some kids want their parents to ride the bus with them.
He's just letting you know you can't do this (even though that hadn't crossed your mind).

As for the dentist - no, that would not be ok with me.
I'd have found another dentist rather than send a 3 yr old back alone.
I went back with my son all dentist appointments till he was in the 2nd or 3rd grade.

Over protective or social anxiety?
May be a tiny bit over protective but nothing out of the ordinary.
I'm not seeing anything that resembles social anxiety here.

Our pediatric dentist does not allow us to be in the room for exams or dental work unless a kid is showing a lot of anxiety. Even then, they try to have the child go alone. Partly it is because the space in the rooms is pretty tight. They also tend to see more anxiety from kids when the parents are there because the parents are anxious. The only time I've gone in with one of my kids was the very first time my son went. Personally, I don't want to go in with them. I can hardly stand to have the dentist work on my own teeth. I'd be one of the anxiety filled parents making the kid more anxious.

When my daughter started kindergarten she rode the bus to school. The first couple of days I followed the bus to school because I was so nervous about it. She didn't even think twice about it and when she found out I was following the bus she told me I didn't have to.

When my son was in pre-k, he rode the regular bus. The bus driver got off the bus to introduce himself to my husband and I on hte first day. My son started two weeks later than everyone else, so maybe that's why he had time, but we felt comfortable with it. He also gave us his personal cell if there were ever any issues. He could look at it when he was stopped.

With that being said, you should not have gotten on the bus. That driver doesn't know you from a bad person (yes, bad people can be parents too) and he is responsible for every child's safety once they are on that bus.

I would stand outside the bus when your child gets home, apologize for getting on, and thank him for safely getting your kid to and from school.

I could never be a teacher, I've said that a million times - but I could be a teacher before a bus driver. It's a thankfless and hard job. Give him a little slack and just don't get on the bus anymore.

I think the bus issue would have more to do with insurance and safety reasons, plus if every parent put their kid on the bus they would be late to school. I understand why you wanted to, but I would also let it go at this point.

I would NEVER allow my child in the dentist or doctors office without me being with her. The doctor and dentist I use would not force a parent to not be there either. I think any doctor or dentist that does this should not be trusted.

Once my child is at least 16 she can go in alone if she wants, but not before that.

Hi,
i have lived Both.

my son was in first grade , i was waiting in the drive way for him and the bus driver opened the window to tell me he had puked. i walked around the front and on to the bus to help him carry his book bag and winter hat full of vomit, ( resourceful kid) and the driver had to tell me i wasnt' allowed on the bus. my poor kid could hardly stand. so it is a rule, and i can sort of see it protecting the other kids riding, if i had been a lunatic or something. You didnt' do anything wrong and he could have been more friendly explaining it to you, but he was also just doing his job. do your best to let it go and try again tomorrow to great him from the street with a smile.

as for the dentist. we went to one for a while that was very clear about their policy to not have parents go back with the kids. It was explained very clearly that the dentist got more cooperation from the child when the parents werent' there. it was a big office and doors separating a big room where the work was done on several kids at once so unless someone was screaming you couldn't even hear what was going on. if the staff had been friendlier we might have stayed but after a year i looked somewhere else. This place was much smaller and while children were encouraged to go with out parents i could tell that if my child had needed me there it would have been ok. plus the doors were open to the small exam rooms so i could hear everything and knew my kid was fine. We are much happier at the new place. Alot of it was just the vibe and attitude.

I used to to teach preschool. we always said that the best for the child was to greet the teacher with a nice hello, give the child a hug and tell them to have fun and you would be back to get them at the appointed time, and leave. even if they teared up or full on cried they settled every quickly and were having a ball by pick up time. One mother would come late, the child would be over whelmed that everyone was there, and fuss and the mom would stay and be part of the class for over 30 minutes. then she would tryt o leave and he would cry and she would stay for another 30 minutes. That must have been so hard on both of them. I wish that i could have recommended that he just wasnt' ready and given him another year to mature.

Its good your daughter is indpendent. and i agree that its a hard thing when the world starts shutting out the mama, it sounds like you just got a alot of that all at once when you were already a little vunerable to her being away from you. so totally normal feelings, but also something to get used to.

lol makes me think of when i was planning my wedding and expected everyone to be so pleased to have my business, since customer service should be the most important thing, nope most of the vendors didn't care if i chose them or not.and weren't about to make me feel special, very cut and dry, you can choose white or ivory linens, bam, next bride. so normal for me to feel slighted but something to get used to because the photographer didn't care, and the bakery didn't care. they do it all the time and it wasn't special to them. no one was going to spend 20 minutes telling me what a lovely choice i had made in selecting neon green and orange for my wedding colors or what a wonderful day it was going to be that i would remember for ever and ever.

Don't be afraid to softly & sweetly use your voice, you are allowed & responsible for setting your boundaries!

I can hear & feel you completely.
Next time use your words, trust they will come & they will!!

"Good Morning Mr. Bus driver, this is A, it's her very first day & she's never ridden a school bus before, where shall she sit"?

"I'm sorry Mr. Dentist, I accompany my child anywhere there are drugs & needles administered"!

*Feel free to find a new dentist! Parents CAN & DO & SHOULD accompany small children back to be seen at the dentists & doctors EVERYWHERE!

Now what's done is done. You've learned. Let it Go!!!

Your doing just fine❤️

Bus drivers don't want to meet the parents. They want to stay on schedule so the kids on the bus can get to breakfast before it's all gone or they've closed the cafeteria. It's not normal for a 4 year old to ride the bus to pre-K though. Most states do not allow kids younger than Kindergarten to ride the bus. Other kids attending have to be given a ride by their parents.

As for the dentist. Find one that allows parents back with you. If it matters. She might not be as good with you back there. In our dance classes the ones where parents are not allowed run much smoother and there are very very few crying or misbehaving kids. As soon as parents are there they're whiny and trying to get attention in wrong ways and worse.

Not sure about the bus. Some anxiety is normal, but getting stuck on it for hours may be crossing into over-anxious.

My 5 year old had an appointment with a new dentist and the only thing I was NOT in the room for was the x-ray. I'm a calm mom, so me being there didn't upset things. Perhaps if a parent is anxious in an obvious way, they prefer the child be alone because kids DO pick up their parents' emotional states.

The bus driver sounds like a jerk. Of course you would want to get her settled for her first ride. Curious why you didn't drive her yourself on the first day?

As for the dentist, I would find a new one. Ours encouraged me to be there. They used to have my son sit on my lap at cleanings while they counted his teeth. They have a small couch with some books in one exam room for parents/kids to sit while the other is in the chair.

I think you just have a bit of Mama Bear coming out with the bus situation. She's your baby, it's her first time, you're worried, etc. It's all normal. The bus probably does have a rule that you can get on it, you probably can't even step inside, that's the rule around here. He should have been kinder, but he wasn't. Don't stew. Tomorrow, you can maybe just ask him name from the street and say nice to meet you. Don't apologize, trust me, he's over it!

As far as the dentist…eh, not so normal, but not crazy. I know that some offices have that policy and it's not a great one. You should be allowed to go back if you want to, especially with a first time kiddo. That being said, I do allow my kids to go back without me and then the desk directs me back when the dentist comes in. I like this. They always give me the option but I want my kids to do some things on their own. If you feel like the office and staff are kind, trustworthy, etc. then it's probably fine. If you feel uneasy then find a new office.

Hi JLN,

don't you dare apologize. I agree that you should cut him some slack because it is a damanding and stressful job. BUT he has no reason to speak to you that way, especially in front of your daughter.

i would meet the bus this afternoon, once the kids are off, simply step up and address the misunderstanding. "Hi my name is J and I was simply transitioning my 4 year old to a new place for the first time. Have a nice day."

Less is more and his response, in my opinion, is moot, as he had absolutely no call for his behavior. once you've had your say, simply take your daughter home....chapter closed.

those are my 2cents. I hope they find you well. :-) S.

i would of wanted to meet the driver too. and i am opting out of bus services due to lack of trust in others.
i think its odd that the dental office didn't allow mom to go back too. i had many dental visits and my mom held my hand for every one till i was over the age of 16.
when my kids went back for their first appts they let me go with them and even made sure they were in rooms close enough i could stand in the hallway and see both kids.

I would call the bus company supervisor and go over the rules. Write down the supervisor's name. I would ask WHERE in the manual the rule is if the supervisor says you can't get on the bus. Pin them down. And when they CAN'T point to the rule, get him or her to admit that they are making this up.

If they agree that you are perfectly within your rights to get on the bus and help your child into the seat, tell them that you expect them to relay this information to the driver. Tell them that you will send a letter of complaint if you get rude behavior from the driver after this. And DO IT. That driver and supervisor don't want letters of complaint in their personnel file.

I wouldn't put up with this. Your child is FOUR. I sure hope there is a seatbelt on that bus.

My children's bus driver called my phone a few days before school started and introduced herself and what time she was coming for pickup/drop off and where at. She told me this number that she called me from was her personal cell phone to keep if I had any concerns. I was worried also about them riding the bus since it was new to me. I waited for them to get on the bus before I walked away from it. She did want a parent waiting for the kids to get off since we had a kindergarten last year or she wouldn't let him get off for safety reasons. Now, the dentist I always went in the back with them. They had a time or two where they had to do a X ray on the teeth and called them back alone to do that and brought them back to the waiting room where I waiting til they had a chair open and room before they called us all back there.

oh and last year my son started kindergarten and my husband and I brought our kids to school and walked them in to find out where they belong and my two daughters found where they were supposed to go and we didn't know where our son's teacher was at, til another lady who works there asked if he's kindergarten and I said yes and said he belongs over here and grabbed his hand and walked off before I could to tell him I love or anything. In a way I was hurt but knew the bell rang and these teachers was trying to get kids in lines and classes and I don't think she did it in a mean way.