H.T.
Hi L.,
You have a serious situation. And it sounds like you don't have a lot of family to help you out.
After have dealt a lot with living with mental disabilities, I would suggest a few things that might make the living situation bearable until you can see a clear path. One is, live the life of low drama. Make sure the things you are doing and saying aren't exasperating any situations. With Bi-Polar people, you can only offer them praise and they are usually not in the same level of reality to deal with outside problems. Unfortunatley that means the burden of dealing with problems lays all on you. But if you can manage this for the short term, the fights might lessen.
Sounds like seeing someone would help. You and your husband should see a counsoler seperately and as a married couple. I know it's time consuming and expensive, but there are people who can see you on a sliding scale... and the time you put into it will pay out ten fold.
If you feel you really need to leave, you need to start working out the legistics. Reality is, there is no prince on a white horse that will come and save you. You will need to rearrage your life, get a job and prepare yourself for work again... and do something to raise your self esteam, because from reading your post, you might have forgotten what a great and talented woman you are. If you leave, you will need to be more than just a mother and a wife... you will become Dad, counsoler, role model and provider. And if that's what you have to do, you can do it.
When we are fighting with our spouses, it's hard to tell them what they need to hear. It's hard to appreciate them for the people we love, and even harder to feel adored by them. If you can try to introduce just a little of this, it might help to lessen the fights and restore and remind you of what you of the life you are trying to make together.
My heart goes out to you.