Almost 5 Year Old Talking Back -

Hi C., my name is D.. Well i have been around children, all of my life. Mom, doing foster care, i did day care, for 18 years. I have a grandaughter, 8 years old. Well when you give him time out, i would go into another room, and let him do his thing. He sounds like you had spoiled him. Your dicipline was not quite hard enough, when he needed it at an earlier age. It not to late to put your foot down. Did you try taking his favorite thing away, for around, 3-4 days and dont give in. He sounds like hes jealous, of your daughter. Have you tried, putting him on the bed tell him to stay there and dont get off. Till he can be a good boy. Id let him sit there, with no toys no books etc.,even if you have to bag everything up. When he takes his trrowing spells, do the same. When he screams and calls you names completly ignore him walk into another room. Hes getting the attention off you, by you telling him dont throw, dont scream.as mentioned, hes very jealous, of your daughter.

Uggg. I know how you feel. Going through these terrible phases can be so difficult. They bring you down, which brings everyone down! And it doesn't matter what you do for them, where you take them that is "special" they still retreat to that same behavior. Hopefully, he is just has to just work through this... Stick to your guns, however... it will pass. I don't think time outs work at this age anymore. Maybe take away priveleges (whatver will really get to him.) TV time, certain toy or whatever. But, I think it has to be an immediate response. Go over what is going to happen from now on when the behavior rears its ugly head (whatever you decide) and DO IT. This summer we have been trying 3 strikes and to bed early. It has been working with some success. There is always something! Best of luck with your son. We are working on ours as well. (Looking forward to school...)

My almost 5-year old has taken a very fresh turn, too. She is normally an angel and it has been a very difficult time for us. What has worked for us is, warning her that if she doesn't stop the negative behavior RIGHT NOW, her favorite toy is going to be in a 2-day time out. We have a time-out box that we keep in our laundry room (which is inaccessible to her) and she has to watch us take away her toy and put it in the time out box. At first, she acts like she doesn't care but boy, by the middle of that second day, she is really dying to get her toy back. This is not an instant fix; there have been times we've had to do 3 and 4-day time outs for entire sets of toys, but we have noticed a definite drop off in the negative behavior. This of course supplements all the usual time outs, etc. Just warning her of the 2-day time out for her toys has helped curb some behavior, and those times that we have to follow through have also improved her behavior, although more gradually.

I considered making a chart and keeping it on the fridge. One sticker for each day of not talking back, being fresh, or physically hurting me or other kids, and after so many stickers, some kind of reward, something small like going for ice cream or the movies, or a new book. But we haven't had to go there just yet, so I don't know if it works.

Good luck!

OMG .. watch the Super Nanny for sure! But you need to start the "take something away method" -- I have the same issues and I have to tell you they start building a respect for you when you do this .. so if he is screaming tell him if you don't stop screaming at me there will be no TV for the rest of the day .. or what ever his hot button is at the time. It really does help and if you can work on that over and over and get dad involved it helps. My son loves his video games, the computer, TV shows, special snacks, etc. Use this to your advantage and don't feel like your being a bad parent. You need to work on getting that respect. Hang on it will get better .. but certainly watch Supper Nanny .. she has some great tips!

HI C.,

I have a 5 year old boy too. He too just recently started becoming very fresh with mouthing off to me and my husband and not listening at all. I too was at my wits end to say the least. One day he just pushed me way over the edge. I had enough of his attitude and what he was doing. Nothing worked, time outs, taking toys away, etc. What worked for me was actually talking to him and punishing him literally. I let him know that he was hurting me and I didn't enjoy being around him anymore. He loves to go swimming so on those really hot days when he wanted to go swimming, we didn't let him. I let him know that if he wanted to do big boy things, then he needed to start behaving and listening or he would be punished every day. He didn't like that at all. He also wants an ATV he saw so the rules are he gets nothing until we know he is a big boy and can behave. Believe it or not, what we did worked. Not saying he is the perfect angel, however, he now listens and does as he is told.

I think honestly, he is testing you like crazy. Seeing how far he can push. You guys should think of something that he would seriously impact him in a way that he will think twice about what he is doing. Maybe he needs to be with kids his age more often. Is he playing with older kids by any chance? I would try to arrange more play dates, at someone elses home and yours. Give him a change of scenery. I am a stay at home mom too and I try to spend time with them, still keep up with the house, my home job etc. It's hard.

I know that what we have done may not necessarily work for your family, but I wish you all the luck. Just keep thinking summer is almost over and he will be going to school soon.

K.