Almost 4 Year Old Who Doesn't Play Independently Well

I didn't read all the responses, so I don't know if anyone suggested this yet, but I wanted to suggest audioboks The library has tons, with and without the accompanying book. My kids can focus on all sorts of things with one of those playing in the background--legos, crafts, art, cleaning, etc...

Hope that helps :)

Four is a great age! And certainly able to play, for short periods, independently. You may want to try a reward system. I'm sure he loves stickers. Get an egg timer, pull away from his toy selection his 2 - 3 favorite toys. Let him know that you need a few minutes to take care of something and you need him to play with his toys (the 2-3 favorites) until the timer goes off, at which time he will earn a sticker. Start with only 2 minutes and build as he tolerates. Most of all, do not give the sticker unless the egg timer exhausts and he truly stayed engaged without the need of your attention. You may also create a special sign that if he really needs you (bathroom, hurt, etc.) that he can feel safe that you are not abandoning him during this time. It can be a hand sign or an index card you decorate together that he can hand you when he feels a real need, which you clearly and simply define in advance what is acceptable and what is not.

This will take some time and a commitment to consistency.

Best wishes!
G.

K.-
I have three children, and each one was differnt, and played differently also. My daughter would sit and play with dolls and talk to them, etc. for HOURS. My son....well, if you can get him to play with something for 10 min you're doing good! Some people (grown ups also) are just like that - some prefer to be by themselves, and other need companionship. I would make sure he has toys that are stimulating and encourage creativity - play dough, legos, etc. Also - does he go to pre school yet? Interacting with others in a different setting might be good also.

My son is 3 1/2 and plays pretty well by himself. He does have a younger sister to play with, though. He is getting to an age where I can explain things to him so sometimes telling him why I need to pay the bills before the mailman comes allows me to accomplishes my goal.

I also use a timer. Sometimes I'll tell the kids I can play for an hour but then they have to play without me so I can make dinner. So I'll set the timer for an hour. Other times I'll tell them I need to work for 20 minutes then we can play a game together. So I'll set the timer for 20 minutes. They have come to trust that I'll stick to my word when the timer goes off.

Sometimes I pull out the playdoh (it keeps them busy for a long time) or enlist their help in doing some work. They love to dust and use the Swiffer vac and wet jet. It keeps them busy and they feel like we are doing something together.

I also praise them for playing well by themselves or I'll tell them they must have really enjoyed what they were doing to play at it so long. Sometimes I'll tell them that by playing so well by themselves they were being good helpers. They love to be "good helpers".

Since you work from home, I assume you may need to work on the computer, make phone calls etc. What if you set up a little office area for your son? He could "work" at the same time you do. Good luck!

Hi K.:

When my son was younger, he's now 12, I taught him to act out his favorite program. He really love Thomas the Tank Engine, so I bought the video and several of the train charaters, I began by asking him to tell me one of the story from Thomas. I let him tell me the story using the trains to act it out. Slowly he began acting out each new tape we brought, soon he was acting out the stroies and playing independently on his own. This will also help him with being creative and imaginative. By the way, my son is an only child also and to this day he still play well by himself.

Best of luck.
R. L. S.

Does he have play dates? preschool? you dont mention that.

If not, then start asap.

Else put him in a room with a few toys and you go to room next door and slowly leave him there for longer periods of time.

I would start by setting a timer, start with small amounts and work your way up, maybe give him a few suggestions at first. Have him draw a picture or a card for someone set the timer for 5 or 10 min. Explain to him that you need to do something and you both have to do something alone for 10min, set thet timer and tell him when it goes off then you will read a book together or something he likes to do, and then increase the time and see what happens, eventually he will want to do it on his own. I hope that helps a little.

My son will be 5 next month and I think this may be a common situation with "only kids"! He still really wants me to play with him most of the time. He loves having other kids over to our house to play with and that may help after he starts some sort of pre-school and meets more kids. For now try to get him involved in something (a puzzle, blocks, etc.) and then walk away for 5 minutes & go back...gradually increase the length of time you're away and he will feel more confident playing by himself. How about audio book CD's, musical keyboard toys, blocks, cars--all things he can do by himself? Good luck!

You may want to connect with other parents who have children within the same age group as your son and arrange play dates. Also you may want to involve him in community activities with children of the age group. Enrolling him in pre-school maybe one or two days a week so that he is able to socialize with his peers can be quite helpful.

Mother of three

You need to join the MOMS Club. You child needs chilren his age to play with. I understand you work from home but you son needs interaction on his level. The MOMS Club is an international non profit organization for stay at home moms. There is a monthly calendar of activities geared to you and your child. ie park days, tours, etc. You can find a chapter near you by going to MOMClub.org The greatest part of this club is the child makes friends and so do you. If there is not noe in your area they will help you start one. But they are everywhere. Give it a try.

Hi K.,
It sounds as though you have spent a great deal of time with your son but now he has come to depend on you for his entertainment and you have other interests like working on the house.
This transition will not be easy. You are the only playmate he knows.
You may want to try having him go to his room or a different area in the house within earshot but away from you for some "quiet time" to make a 'surprise' for you.

Tell him you want him to draw a very special story, to take his time and put all the characters in it. Then he can tell you about it. Be sure he has crayons and paper. When he returns in 60 seconds, tell him to add more detail but compliment the work. Stretch the time as long as you can without frustrating him. This way you are not pushing him away so you can do a project, but encouraging his creativity and still getting the time you need.

I provided a record player,( YEARS ago) childrens records and toys in his room, and insisted on quiet time a few times during the day for about 15 minutes leading up to 1/2 hour intervals, explaining that we BOTH needed some quiet time. Little by little he found things to do,play with his GI Joes, sang with the records, looked at books, did puzzles. Eventually he took his own quiet time.

I'm wondering why you have not considered pre school, perhaps two or three days a week for socialization with other children?

I think it is healthy for children and parents to have space. Wishing you well.
Justine

I have a three year old, also an only child, she is pretty good playing by herself. I didn't do anything on purpose to make that happen probably just lucky, but i did let her explore as much as possible in the kitchen as I did other things, she always played with the plastic bowls, pots and pans that were in the cabinets at her level. I also got her alot of crafts that she can do alone, she likes to paint, draw and read(look at the pictures). I make sure toys are accessible so she doesn't need me to access her toys. My problem is limiting the TV watching, sometimes I get caught up with dinner etc and the tv is on. You may try starting activities with him then remove yourself, ie "I need to run upstairs for something" and see if he will continue without you being around. Try different activities to see what catches his attention.

Good luck!

I hope you have found something that will work for your son, but I thought I would put my 2 cents in to.
We adopted 3 kids and none of them would play on there own. We found if we gave them toys that made noise (leapfrog), music, trucks, or even the splish splash of water in a tub out in the yard helped them stay focused and they found fun to play with. Also if there is a movie or show they watch we would get them a car, figurine, etc... from it and they would play with it. My oldest loves his Doodle he will take that everywhere with him. It took us alittle while to find the right things but it is worth it once you do.

Hi K.! I have a daughter who will be 4 next month. I am also a stay at home mom. When our son was born, our daughter was 3weeks shy of her 2nd bday and to get her to play independently we presented toys that were interactive. Plus she had limited TV time. There are great toys by Leap Frog that a child can do on their own. Now that she is older she loves to play with play doh, markers and loves to practice writing her name. Does your son go to preschool? Do you have time for playdates?
I do a lot with my kids but when I need to get work done these options usually keep my kids busy for at least an hour at a time. Another thing i do is play music for them! They love sing and dance. Kid music ofcourse. And that always keeps the mood lite.
I hope this helps somewhat.
Kind Regards,
S.