Almost 18 Mo Old Daughter's Behavior

A.,

This is really typical 18 month old behavior. It is the beginning of pushing independence, and it will get worse before it gets better. The "we will get dressed in 5 minutes" works well for children over three, but with an 18 month old, it is just confusing. "Why can I be naked now, but not forever?" With my 18 month old, I get everything out ahead of time and just go as fast as I can to dress her.

Sometimes it helps to have her stand up, hold on to a favorite toy (they learn to switch hands while sweaters are put on pretty quickly) or find some other distraction. Sometimes we sing a song for dressing or diaper changes. After about 50 times, they get that at the end of the song, they are free to go and they learn to hold still and wait for the end of the song.

If you are looking for a reason, children that age are really realizing that they are separate from their mom and want to do things on their own, in their own way. My 18 month old is also more cooperative when she gets some limited power in the situation. She puts dirty clothes in the basket, diapers in the garbage. She can get a clean diaper, wipes and powder, but I wouldn't recommend letting her pick clothes at this point unless it is choosing between two shirts. Holding her up in front of a full closet will likely be overwhelming and trigger a meltdown.

Good luck,
S.

First of all, at 18 months, children are beginning to realize the first sense of independence, of being an individual. I think this is part of what is going on. I remember my own children and most of my grandchildren going through the naked phase. It is an experience of freedom for them. You will lose this battle if you make it a battle (choose your battles carefully) because she will remove her clothes of her own accord very soon. Secondly,the cool temperature of your house will not do her any harm. Japanese children are often exposed to very cool temperatures early in life because their homes and schools are not centrally heated and they are required to wear light weight clothing or only shorts in pre school. Their bodies adjust and generate plenty of heat. Your daughter might or might not ask for clothing if she gets chilly, but if you wait a while longer and ask her, she might be willing to have clothing on. There is an old joke that if a mother is cold, she will put a sweater on her baby. This is not so much a jole as truth. So this is not really something to worry about. Let her be naked. She'll grow out of it.
I am oldest sibling of 5, mother of 3, stepmother of 3, grandmother of 16, great-grandmother of 2.

Ah yes....the naked stage. I used to have several babysitting kids, plus one of my kids, that were between the ages of 18 mths and 3 yrs. All it would take was for ONE of them to get naked and they'd all follow suit. The next thing I know I've got a parade of streakers running thru my house! LoL!

Most kids love to be naked. Even now my 4 yr old would rather be naked. For kids, clothes are more of a hindrance than a fashion statement =) If it's an ok time (no company, not in the snow, etc.) let her run around nakey! When it is time for her to get dressed keep doing what you're doing by letting her know in 5 min (or whatever) it's time to get dressed, then let her pick between 2 outfits. Maybe if she feels like she has some power it'll be easier. If she keeps forcing you to wrestle her to get dressed, then so be it. Pretty soon she'll figure out that when mom says it's time to get dressed then it's time to get dressed. Good luck!

What is happening? She is 18 months old and is learning that she can do things. That is all! Prepare yourself for a least a few more years of this (or possibly 18 more years of this!) First of all, why can't she run around naked for long? If she is cold, she will put some clothes on. She isn't going to get frostbite or hypothermia from 65 degrees! And you can't get sick from being cold (contrary to what our parents thought!). That being said, are you telling her she has 5 minutes or giving her the choice if she wants to do it now or in 5 minutes? A great thing to say is "do you want to get dressed now or in 5 minutes?" Give her 2 choices of things that both make you blissfully happy. Then she is in control and 9 times out of 10 will do what you want without a meltdown (remember there is still 1 out of 10 where she will have a meltdown - that doesn't mean the technique makes a perfect child, but it delays or elminiates the meltdown for most times). It is a Love and Logic principle. Check out www.loveandlogic.com. My husband and I use it and LOVE IT!! The only thing we can control as a parent is our children's physical location. We cannot control if they scream or not, if they thrash and flail or not, if they are sassy, if they will go to sleep, if they will get dressed, if they will eat their food. The only thing we can control is the physical location we want them to be in (ie in their room, even if we have to do something so they can't get out of it; in a high chair even if it means they get strapped in, etc). So if the first thing doesn't work, they she can get some bedroom time until she chooses to get dressed. Bedroom time might be time in a crib or pack and play, or just her bedroom if she can get out of her crib, or someplace where she is safe and away from you until she does what you want her to do. Good luck! My daughter is very strong willed and energetic so we have had this fight on more than one occassion.

It sounds like your daughter is just wanting to have more control over her daily routine. I do believe is a simple case of training yourself to ask the right questions. It is hard when they get more independent because we can't imagine them not needing us for the stuff they've needed us for since birth.

1. Pick out two outfits you'd like her to wear after bath time (or whenever she gets dressed for the day), and ask her which one she would like to wear ["please choose your clothes"]--or if you're brave, open up the closet/dresser and let her pick out her clothes from square one.

2. Instead of giving her a warning that naptime is coming up soon: ask her to pick out two books for you to read together before naptime ["I need you to choose books for naptime please"]....also make sure to give her a choice about what she gets to do after nap, so two years from now she'll still have incentive for taking a nap ["would you like to string popcorn for the birdies outside with me after nap, or after nap do you want to cut paper/OR/paint the wall with water/OR/match socks with mommy?"]

3. I don't think running around inside the home naked is a dangerous thing for a child that age...I do however think it is a very instinctive thing for a child that age to do, and she'll eventually grow out it if you let her get it out of her system now. If it's a tad chilly in the house, it won't hurt her--and if it does become uncomfortable I'm sure she'll let you know.

One thing that helped when my son went through this phase was to start letting him pick out his clothes. Then he was excited to get dressed because he was in control of what was going on. As for diaper changes - distraction! The moms that responded gave some good ideas for that. Another thing that worked with my son, was a snack, a cookie or milk or something for him to have during the process - can get messy, but it worked!

Good Luck and when she's running around naked, don't be frustrated that she's not cooperating - smile at her spunkiness and those cute little butt cheeks! It helps keep it from being a "battle" if you are giggling with her. (and maybe turn up the heat for nakey time?)

She is learning how to control her environment and seeing what she can get away with. For one thing I guess I'm surprised that your husband would want to house that chilly with a baby, ask him to turn up the heat...we have a older home and it is drafty but we turn the heat to compensate for it.
I've learned that sometimes if you just let them be they will eventually come around to doing what you would like them to do.
Good Luck

She is practicing for the two year old stage! She is indepentent now that she has figured out she can do a lot on her own... even running from you when you try to dress her. Next will come the undressing herself, you won't keep her clothes on her or she will start changing them every chance she gets. It is also a game to see who wins. When I was around her age (47years ago) I wouldn't keep my pants on (my mom tells me). My grandfather took care of it by threatening to paint my butt black. It is funny what works with different kids. The painting the butt black worked because one of my cousins was messing around while he was painting shelves or something and being silly he swiped her bottom with the paint brush or something like that. I don't know why that threat scared me but it worked. I am not suggesting you threaten your daughter, I was just letting you know this is a problem that has been around for generations and will be for many more generations. Take it all in stride and know this too shall pass.

A. -
I totally can feel your struggle, my well behaved and easy to handle bunde turned into a major challenge about that time too. We would go through everything from him yelling and screaming to kicking to the "wet noodle" routine. So here is my suggestion, got it from his Early ed teacher and his daycare does it too and it works for him! Have something (book, toy, whatever) that she only can have when it is time to get dressed or for diaper changes and that is it. When that time is done the item goes away until it is needed the next time. We have 2 McDonald toys that my son gets when it is time to get changed (one upstairs and one downstairs) and he knows that he can only have them when being changed and he has to give them up when he is done. It is like magic really! good luck!

I'm a Grandma & hate to tell you but your daughter is showing early signs of "Terrible Two's". It is very common for some to start at 18 mo. and they are often mostly out of it by approx. 2 1/2, whereas, some don't start until they are nearly 3 yrs. & are nearly 4 when they are done. It usually lasts approx. 6-12 mo. & does eventually get better. Continue being firm & consistent, however, expect that she will increasingly throw more tantrums regardless of what you do. She is learning independence and this is good & normal, even though it doesn't feel good to you. It's a very trying time even for "perfect" Moms. There is a saying that "God gave us Terrible Two's so that we would be prepared to handle teenagers". This is so true. N.

Hello A.,

My daughter's behavior got like that too when she was about that age (she's 2 1/2 now). I was told "Welcome to the terrible 2's." LOL

Really what is happening here is your daughter is doing her first exertion or longing for more independence or control in her life. Although my daughter is better now, I still run into these issues from time to time, but this is what works for me with the issues you are having.

For problemsome diaper changes, I changed her diaper as quickly as possible while reassuring her that I understand she doesn't like getting her diaper changed, but it's not good for her to wear a wet diaper. Then when I was done changing her, I'd hug her and thank her for letting me change her diaper. You can also try changing her diaper while she's standing. Finally, I started looking for a potty chair.

When I found a store that had potty chairs in the price range I liked, I brought my daughter with when she was getting closer to 2 years and pick out her potty. I let her sit on the potty and move around in the house with her clothes on. As she got older, the potty started getting move to the bathroom on a regular basis so she got a better understanding of what it was used for.

As for bath times, I wrap my daughter up in towels and let her dry off for a couple minutes before putting on her diaper and then I let her warm up a little more before putting her clothes on. I recently bought her a robe to put on and wear so she can go without clothes for longer without having to lay down wrapped in towels. Another thing I do when she really puts up a protest about wearing clothes is I come back with two different outfits and ask her to choose the one she wants to wear. I let her think about it and keep repeating the choices even setting them up against my body so she can see what it looks like put together and wait until she points to one and goes, "That one!"

I usually have a much easier time after that point, and while it takes a couple minutes before she responds, it's because her face starts beaming that she is being given some control in her life. It's like watching her self-esteem blossom.

Finally, I also let her have some choice when it comes to movies and minor things by giving her a couple of options and letting her pick the winner. Once your daughter sees you being flexible and loosening the reigns a little, her rebellion should become more easy to manage.

Good luck!

Angie

Hi A.,
I have to say I am living the same life you are right now! My daughter is the same age, and it is also a MAJOR struggle to get her dressed, anytime, and to change her diaper. I am interested to see some of peoples responses!

I have chalked some of her behavior up to being "busy". I don't know about your daughter but mine doesn't sit still for two minutes--she is SO busy. Some times when she is tired she will page through her books--but that is usually right before bed time. Otherwise she is on the go from one room to the next! I hope this is a phase, and it too shall pass like the others have. We also keep our house chilly, so naked time doesn't work for us either. Good Luck!

Our son is a little older, but around 22 mo. we started using a timer. We tell him "10 mins until bedtime" and then let him push the timer. Then we remind him throughout the ten minutes that "when the timer beeps" it is bedtime (we use this for other transitions as well). This has helped cut down the battles.

We also reward with stickers for going down good at nap and bedtime. We just have a big piece of paper on his door and when he wakes up he gets a sticker. I purchased 400 stickers at Oriental trading for like $20.

One other suggestion is using a timeout chair. We've been doing this since our son was 1 years old and it works. If he is being REALLY difficult he goes in his crib until done whinning or he is willing to follow directions. At first this was a process -- now most days we only have to suggest "going to his crib".

Good luck!

It is just a phase, my youngest daughter is doing the same thing right now. Both of my boys did it at that age too. They are just figuring out that they have a say in some things and are trying to figure out exactly what they can control. Just be consistant. Maybe give her nakey time at a particular time of day, ours is after bath, b/c we never have to go anywhere at night. In the morning it is a little bit of a struggle to get her dressed but getting better. Be patient and soon this facination will be over.