Ahhhh

There are lots of kids afraid to poop on the potty or even poop at all. Have you tried reading him some children's books about it? There are some very clever authors out there who have a gift for helping children to be more comfortable with this topic. In the meantime, hang in there!

S.

Certainly he is old enough to tell you why he won't go in the potty. Is he afraid of something, does it hut to poop??? Just the fact that he holds it til it makes him sick is enough...take him to the doctor or a shrink. He needs help with whatever is causing this.

I feel your pain. My son didn't really use the potty for pooping until he was already 4 yr old. They say that there is something that scares little ones about a "piece" of their body being flushed down the toilet.

I don't know if your son is doing this, but mine would refuse to use the toilet to poop, but then go off someplace to hide and poop. So what I began doing was to shadow his every move and when he went to hide to poop, I would escort him straight to the toilet. For the first few days, he would still refuse to go and found hard to hold it in (and got a little bit of a belly ache from it). By about day three he couldn't hold it in any longer and finally went. Once he realized there wasn't really anything too traumatic about it, he never had a problem again.

Also, he has found that playing "video games" while trying to go helps him relax. By video games, I'm referrig to those little hand held solitare and yahtzee games.

Good luck. I know it can be very frustrating, especially when it seems like there is no end in sight.

Boys do develop later on this than girls. You sound frustrated, and I am not sure if you are letting your frustration show in his training?

You are controlling the process by taking things away instead of letting nature take it's course. However, vs. using pull-ups during the day... I would recommend trying underwear. Yes, it's messy but sometimes they do not want to get them dirty and they don't like the feeling. (This is best to wait for warmer weather as you DO HAVE TIME STILL).

Be calm, understanding and patient with him, try setting up a reward for him that he can pick. (this worked for my son, but he did not attain it until summertime. He too, is a summer birthday.).

Otherwise ~ let it go for a while. This is something you cannot force. It is his body, not yours.

EDIT:
Whoa~ I would NOT recommend an eneima unless a child is constipated and has been for a number of days and the doctor requires it. This is NOT a good practice to fall into as this can cause serious complications in itself.
As a parent that also had a 'late bloomer' with a boy that did not fully train until late summer before starting school, it is not uncommon for this to occur. Talk with your pediatrician with any concerns, but do not resort to an eneima or any thing else to make your child have a bm.

If you want to help them eliminate if they are constipated, I can help you privately by giving instructions with a tummy massage~ just email me (too many can do this incorrectly and block the child more.). My son loves a tummy massage when his belly hurts, and it helps him to use the potty easier.

I'd recommend a book called "Mommy I have to use the Potty" (I'm pretty sure that's the title.)... I have it here and I'm planning to donate it to my local library. It helped me to understand what a child goes thru during training. You have to get down on THEIR level and in the child's MIND SET, not yours...

My son is about to be 4 and we finally have it under control. He was pee trained at 2 1/2, so we have been dealing with the poop issure for a while now. He has always had hard poop, so it hurt to go. I think that he was just afraid to go. I would use the mirolax, but then he would go in his pants about 6 times a day. He would always tell me he went just a little bit! It was so frustration. I did not want to use the mirolax for that reason. Finally I could not take seeing him in pain when he did go, that I just stuck through the mirolax. I did not get mad at him anymore. Everytime he went that little tiny bit in his pants or if I saw him holding it, I would make him sit on the potty (he cried everytime I made him). I think he hated the amount of times a day he would sit there and wanted that to end. And after a month or so with the mirolax I think he realized it did not hurt anymore. He has not had an accident in a couple months now. But he has always and still prefers to go poop on the potty chair not the big toilet.
I hope this helps a little.

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I also know what you mean about the body image, I had a hysterectomy so I have no control over what happened to my body! My youngest is 9 my oldest is 24!

Sounds like something is going on with him and this is a control issue for him.

If the intestine/colon area is full of bacteria (since the stool does not come out and bacteria is building up), it makes sense he is sick and has a fever.

Have you spoke with your pediatrician? If he continues to do this, you may have to take him to the doctors where they will remove the stool physically. Not pleasant. Maybe if you tell him this, he will go. But too you may have to have this done anyway.

A similar situation happened to my son around the same age. The pediatrician had to do just that.

Is he drinking water and getting roughage in his diet? What about magnesium? If he isn't getting enough magnesium, this will constipate him and make matters worse.

Hopefully something works for him and soon!

I would seriously take him to the dr and have an xray done especially if he is vomitting. One of my daycare kids age 5 now has done the same thing since age 2 and finally we persisted an xray be completed. They showed it to us and she had poop all the way backed up into her rib cage. The parents had to give her daily enemas and said if she got sick to admit her to the hospital asap. I don't want to scare you but call the dr.

Hi S.,

Is it possible that your son is scared of falling in the toilet? My 4-1/2 year old son still will not poop in the potty unless he has his special Diego toilet sitting on top of the regular toilet seat and we also use a step stool so that my son has an easier time getting down from the toilet and getting on it. His special seat and step stool seem to give him that extra safe feeling when using the big potty. My son has just recently gotten over the fear of the sound of the toilet flushing. What really made it easier for my son was to let him pick out his own toilet seat, handsoap, big boy underwear and stickers (he had a training potty that he picked out himself and decorated it with stickers). Another thing, does he have any cousins or friends his age who are potty trained? Kids sometimes learn better from their peers than their parents. Maybe have one of them show him the ropes? If all else fails, I would talk to his pediatrician and see what they suggest.

Hang in there...kids don't go off to college with a pack of diapers:)

M.

I am not 25 but an experienced mom non the less and always looking for friends, I live in Shelby Twp, not sure if thats close to you though. As for your issue, I personally never had your problem with my boys (3) but a friend of mine had the same problem and thought what she did might help. Her daughter was just like that, they tried everything and this combination worked but it sounds weird. First to help the poop come out easier they would give her a stool softner in her food, they made special browines just for her with liquid senakot (a natural laxative) in them. Then when it had been awhile and they knew she was constipated they gave her a emenma (shooting water up the bottom end) as yes this was not easy, they HAD to hold her down and everything, quite tramatic (it does not hurt physically though and makes the actual event happen naturally). Needless to say the next time she needed to go poopy they got to use it as a bribe. "You sit on the toilet yourself and poop or you have to get an enema. At first she was still stubborn but it only took twice and she was pooping on her own. I assure you they had tried everything before they tried this because they knew it would be emotional for her. They had this problem with a their third child too and advise from the first nipped it in the bud even quicker. The girl is 15 now and doesn't remember a thing. Much more emotionally trying for parents (IF YOU DO IT BE PREPARED TO FOLLOW THROUGH) and her husband was a doctor so you know that medically it was nessasary to go to such drastic measures, but still did it naturally. GOOD LUCK!

My son is 5.5 and has accidents everyday. We will have 1 or 2 days a MONTH without accidents (both pee and poop). We are going to Dr. Kevin M. Feber, MD (2221 Livernois Road, Troy, MI 48083 ###-###-####‎). His specialty is Urology but he is working on fixing the poop first to fix the other.

We are homeschooling so he will not have to be at school with accidents -- you know how kids are!

It also sounds like enconpresis, or something like it (Google it, you will come up with a ton of stuff).

Dr. Feber's solution for us is as follows:
1. rule out physical issues (we had some test done and an MRI)
2. give 1/2 cap full of MiraLAX every morning to make the poop softer and easier to get out (then it will not hurt) -- BUT that means more accidents for us.
3. have scheduled "sits" 5-10 min. each time, scheduled for 30 min. after eating (breakfast, lunch, dinner). I read books while he is sitting on the potty for that long.
4. make him go potty every 2 hours, if he needs it or not.

We have been doing this for 6 months and are just now seeing the slightest hint of it working. Our issues are a bit different then yours (my son doesn't hold it at ALL) but it should work about the same.

It is a LONG term fix and you need to let go of the anger that his holding it causes and tell him you are a team (him and you) and that you will work together to fix it so he can go to school (or whatever). No punishment, but rewards are OK. He needs to know he will not get into trouble or he will hide it and it will get worse.

Look into home schooling since it might take a while to fix. There is a lot you can do and it is pretty easy for K (as I have found). Best of luck and I know you are frustrated but you can get through it (I think, since I'm not through it yet!! :).

Don't want to worry you but check out encopresis on webMD. It's extreme poop holding but the kid is unaware it is happening. My nephew has this - aged 6 and is still struggling with poop issues. Normal training methods won't work and laxatives are not necessarily the answer either. If you are worried take him to the Dr to get it checked out...

Have you tried a little psychology? Is he excited about the prospect of going to school? If so, use a little psych here. Explain that he won't be able to go to school, and make friends, and learn cool stuff, and go on field trips, etc if he isn't able to go potty. Explain it isn't your mandate, but the schools make it clear that kids who don't learn to go to the bathroom, don't go to school either.

Maybe that will motivate him. Tell him all about how much fun YOU had in school and all the cool places the teachers would take you or the cool things that the school got to do. I remember that it was the highlight of elementary school for the Ed Johnson marrionettes to visit and put on a story presentation. And wonderfully enough, when my 2 oldest were in elementary, the same marrionette family visited their school and did a presentation. I went down to watch it!

Anyway, the school/no school was what did it for my middle son. He wanted to go to school and I told him it wasn't possible if he didn't get toilet use down pat. Truthfully, he still had night time accidents till he was 11 or 12. But I figured out it was a combination of deep sound sleep and his bladder growth was a little behind in development. And he finally grew out of it.

Not sure if this program is still offered, but a friend of mine took her kid to the "Poop Group" at University of Michigan. Apparently they have some sort of program at the University that addresses this topic speciffically. Unfortunately I don't have the where and when info, but google it and ask around. Best Wishes.

I have been thru this with my daughter...honestly the only thing to do is just let it go. Let him go in a pull-up...my daughter held it forever, 10 days was the longest. She ended up getting a bladder infection which was horrible. I know it is hard to not say anything or react but we decided to ignore it and she eventually went on the potty. But I will tell you it took months and months and months...he will go one day!