Age Appropriate Book on Dying

The Forever Dog by Bill Cochran is great. It is about a child who has grown up with a dog and his dog gets sick and dies. The boy and his dog had made a promise to each other to be together "forever" and the boy is upset because he feels like his dog broke his promise when he died. The boy is very sad but finally realizes his dog didn't break his promise afterall as he lives on forever in the boy's heart.

Love You Forever by Robert Munsch. Although not specifically about death, a wonderful story about the life cycle of a family that touches the heart and speaks to parental love.

Lifetimes, a beautiful way to explain death to children, by Byron Mellonie and Robert Ingpen, is the one that I, as a children's librarian, recommend. It is written very simply, with lovely illustrations, and explains that every living creature has a lifetime--some are short, some are long, and some are cut short. It's non-fiction, with no discussion of religious reliefs, and works well to lead into discussion.

It's available at libraries in the Santa Clara County Library. The county system also has a booklist on death and dying at http://www.santaclaracountylib.org/kids/lists/death_dying..., which includes both stories and non-fiction titles that librarians recommended.

My prayers are with you and your family--it's hard for you to deal with your own loss as well as helping your son through this difficult time.

Laura,

My thoughts are with you and your family.

A good book I have hd for several years is-
"When Dinosaurs Die- A Guide to Understanding Death" by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown. It may be just a little old for a 3.5 year old but wouldbe a geat place for you to start and get ideas on how to word things in an age appropriate way. The Picures in the book might also help.

M.

My heart goes out to you and your family at this difficult time. My son was about the same age when he lost a grandparent. I found the book "Lifetimes" helpful to explain the whole process of life and death. Surprisingly, my son was able to relate the movie, "The Lion King" to the death on his own - I didn't even think of it.

Also, I just wanted to let you know that it took my son several months to process everything, even though we explained things right away. He didn't talk about it really at all, until 3-4 months later. All of a sudden he started asking all kinds of questions about death and I was somewhat unprepared for his delayed response. Apparently, he had been thinking about it and processing it all along. So, just keep the lines of communication open and know that explaining it is a process that goes on over time and needs to be revisited as they mature developmentally.

Hi Laura,

First I would like to say I'm sorry that your son has to face this difficult time. My husband who was only 29 had to face the same thing-Cancer- and he recently passed away on December 11th 2009. He left behind our 3 year old daughter. I know it must be hard to explain to a child none the less about death and what happens. For the most part my daughter now knows that daddy is no longer sick and that he is underground with the flowers. I had been lucky enough to have her see the movie The princess and the frog, well needless to say a character does die in the film and is later revived as a star, which now my daughter believes her father is now, and at night he watches over her. I still tell her that he loved her dearly so she would never forget but when we are out late she looks to the sky and sometimes says hi to daddy our i love you. Right now she is handeling better than most had thought she would. she loved her daddy but never really got hte chance to really know him other than he was really sick since she was born.but if you explain to some children about heaven and angels or for that matter God- if you are religious- then explain in the best you know how by letting them know that sometimes god decides when it is time for their loved ones to return home. in time their hearts will heal from the pain and they will understand. Just hope that some of these ideas would work for your son. Take care <3 M.

"The Fall of Freddie the Leaf" by leo buscalia (sp?) is a wonderful book for children on death.

So sorry to hear about your son's grandfather. I wish you and your family peace.

Michele/cat

My son was a Papa's boy big time and was 2 when his Papa also dyed of terminal Brain Cancer that had spread through his body. My mom got me this book called 'A Time For Remembering' by Chuck Thurman. It is a wonderful book. Good Luck and I am so sorry for you. It will get better. We lost both my father and my husbands father to cancer 5 and 7 years ago.

I'm sorry to hear of this, Laura. My daughter's preschool teacher recommended a book to us called "The Purple Balloon" when my daughter's great grandmother died but we never needed to use it. However, I've kept it in the back of my head just in case there is another need.

Maybe take a look on Amazon and see what you think.

Good luck.

My mom and I use to run a daycare from our home. She got real sick from cancer and towards the end, we needed hospice. Well, one of the ladys told me about a really good book for kids to help them explain and understand death. It's called "The Fall of Freddie the Leaf" by Loe Buscaglia, PhD.

From my experience, the most important things to know about children dealing with death (which I learned from books) are that,
1)young children cannot comprehend the concept of death (the idea of permanent absence) and often expect the person to return, and
2) there is often a long delay in reacting to the loss/absence of someone (one of my sons didn't talk about or cry about missing his grandpa until 18 months later) and reactions can show up as irritability/irrational behavior as well as sadness.

I was also very surprised that my 6 year old, who wanted to see Grandpa in hospice at the end--- even though we told him Grandpa was so sick that he couldn't talk to him, wouldn't recognize him, and looked pretty scary---saw him anyway, and didn't seem disturbed by it (But I sure was disturbed, myself). My son just wanted to see what was happening, and how it all worked...

Sympathy to your family.

Have you considered maybe asking grandpa if he would like to talk to your son about this? If they are close, it may help both of them. You do need to address the subject with your son, and help him to understand it yourself, but it may be a good thing for his grandpa to also talk with him.
The books I can think of have already been recommended.
My own experiences with death came early in my life, and because my parents always were up front with me about it, I think I have a healthier view of people dying than many people have. Be gentle, but honest with him. I agree with the person who said not to call it sleep, because of him maybe being afraid to go to sleep. Whatever your personal beliefs are regarding any afterlife should be expressed to him as well. Children are resiliant and deal with sadness, grief and getting on with life much better than we adults do most of the time. Keep some sort of memory book and get pictures of him and grandpa together now so you will have plenty of memories for him to keep and for him to share later with his sister, who will not even remember her grandfather. Get pictures of her with grandpa too, so she will know that she did have time with him, even though she doesn't remember him. Most of all keep on helping your son and daughter know and love their grandpa as long as they have him.

I am so sorry to hear about the current situation. My heart really goes out to you. Mahalo e Grandpa is a book that comes to mind when saying goodbye to a Grandfather and realizing how much he has touched your life. It was a Hawaiian book given to my son and it touches even the hearts of adults. It is truly amazing what little ones will come away with. My oldest was 2 1/2 and still remembers the bell rung at the bedside service. He also remembered buring a frog with my grandfather when he was 5. Even I had forgotten these little details in my own grief but it was nice to know he remembered them. I hope life is remembered in an appreciative sense and the good memories of all live long and strong for everyone. Please take care.

Hi Laura,
I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this difficult time with your family. I hope you will find peace in many happy memories. I think that Jamie Lee Curtis wrote a book about death. I don't know what it's called but it could be worth checking out. All the best to you and your family.

He might not understand any of it no matter what you tell him. My father in law passed away suddenly from a heart attack and my son (3 yr and a few months old at the time) just wanted to play hide and seek at the funeral home. Just tell him people are sad and it's not his fault. Don't tell him Grandpa went to sleep. He might be afraid he'll go to sleep and never wake up.

We lost one of my parents last year.
My youngest said
" that is good, 'cause now you will be home with me more"... They truely see only what changes they will see around them. That after all the sadness, you will be there for them.