Afriad to Go to Sleep!

Honey, she's terrified because she has a very scary disease that has a high mortality rate.

Does she have a counselor right now? Do you? I think you probably both need one to help you through this very difficult time.

I'm 32 and if I had a cancer diagnosis I would fear the same thing. Shoot, I fear going to sleep because I have nightmares and I don't have a legitimate reason for them other than being a mom. This is a 100% normal, justified feeling she's having. In her mind, dying is a real possibility. She needs professional help, not because there's anything "wrong" with her, but to help her sort out these feelings. This is a hard, confusing and complicated time for her to be going through. Not to mention the fact that she's 12 and perfectly healthy 12 year olds are confused and complicated! She needs counseling. Again, I can't stress enough that it isn't because she's not "right" and needs help. Anyone going through what she is would benefit from talking to a professional trained to help them through these issues. Good luck to you... I can only imagine how this must make you feel. :(

I'm seriously beginning to wonder if either you're HFA or your pregnancy has created a emotional disconnect... Or you're just in massive denial. If you can ordinarily empathize with others, get checked out medically. If you're an Aspie (or other form of HFA), please work with a counselor who can walk you through the very specialized field special needs + dealing with long term life threatening illness / aka death & dying.

If you're just in denial. Its time to woman up & pull yourself together.

Your daughter is dying.

Pretending everything is normal, is raking her over the coals.

Until she's treated & in remission... She. Is. Actively. Dying.

She's afraid of dying.
She's depressed about dying.
She's angry about dying
She's frustrated with having to do homework when she's probably not finishing the school year, and may. Be. Dead. Before. Next. Year.
She's never been kissed. (EXPECT her to act out sexually, preteens and teens are DESPERATE to "fall in love before they die"... Its not an "out of control thing, its part of being Afraid of Dying).
She's never chased her dreams.
She's never 1000 things

No "punishment", or "disciplining", or any of the other things yoube tossed out as ways to curb her NORMAL REACTION TO BEING AFRAID OF DYING is going to change this.

Again.

Your. Daughter. Is. DYING.
She is having to FIGHT for her life.
And you're BAFFLED???

Please.

Every pediatric oncology unit has family counseling.
The aim of these groups is to have EVERY family in counseling (not just those who aren't tough enough, but EVERY family).

Reach out.

Get help.

Your daughter needs you, and you're hurting her, instead of helping her.

Ok, I know what's wrong....she has leukemia!

I don't understand why her fears and behavior have baffled you with her recent diagnosis. Can you please, please seek out therapy to better understand this and help your daughter??

She has leukemia. Of course she's afraid she'll die in her sleep. Get her into counseling. Cancer centers have very good counselors for those dealing with cancer. She needs help knowing what to expect with her cancer. Falling asleep and not waking up is a common way to die.

FIND A COUNSELOR THAT DEALS WITH CANCER ISSUES AND MAKE AN APPOINTMENT FOR BOTH OF YOU!

This is the first time, I've ever typed in caps on this site. I'm doing so because you keep asking questions about serious issues for and with your daughter. It is extremely important that both of you get help dealing with the illness. Ask her doctor for names and phone numbers.

You've been living for years but you do not have cancer. I wonder, if, either you don't have a child with cancer and are saying you do or you don't have an understanding of the ways in which we all react in the sort of situations you ask about. Either way you need help to learn how to take care of yourself and your children.

When she comes into your room, bring her to bed with you and hold her. Empathize, let her know you love her and that you will always be there for her. If her cancer is terminal be honest with her. Tell her she will be alright even when she dies. Talk about death and what it means to your family. Let her talk about how she's feeling. Mostly just hold her.

I'm sorry, but I am starting to think we're being had. I would guess either Munchhausen by Internet (people faking a serious illness of themselves or a close relative online for the attention) or just simply a bad prank.
Get yourself some help or go troll somewhere else, please!

Sorry but if your story was actually true you would have other things to worry about than the questions you ask...

Attention "Cancermom"

You have asked a lot of questions about this daughter as though you are completely perplexed, clueless and surprised at her behaviors and her concerns.

Is Engish not your first language? I am wondering if there is some sort of communication problem going on here.

Do YOU understand she has cancer? Are YOU in any therapy or a member of a parents group for parents with children that have cancer?

How about your daughters father? Would it be possible for him to take over the care of your daughter? Maybe he would not be so confused by her behaviors right now..

What is the deal?
Update all of us. Is she under a doctors care?

Is she seeing a therapist?

Is she getting support from anyone in her life that has an understanding of her situation?

Would it help if we gave you the numbers and contact information of some people that could actually help your daughter?

I am afraid you are not capable of understanding, for some reason, what your child is going through and she really needs someone to take care of her right now..

Please listen to Riley. She knows what she's talking about with this one, especially since she spent the year of 2011 in the hospital with her son, who nearly died from a serious chronic condition.

An adult friend of mine was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma this winter. She's only a few years older than me. A single mom of two young kids. She was telling me that after her chemo, it feels like the wind goes strait through her. Like winter time is settling into her body. Like she's a dying flower. She has trouble going to sleep at night, and she's an adult. Me? I'm not dying. I'm not suffering from a chronic illness. Sometimes I still can't sleep because I'm too scared.

You're daughter needs you to be open your heart to her. Let her borrow compassion and hope, and be the rock she needs. She's a frightened little girl, who is going through one of the most intense life journeys a person can at ANY time in their life, let alone at 12 years old.

This one is on you mom. You've got to be big enough for this, 'cause if you aren't, who is?

I wish you all the best, and am sending prayers for her swift recovery.

Are you for real? Your daughter has cancer and has a very real fear of dying which is an actual possibility for her. And that is what you tell her? Your poor daughter. Sit with her every night. Hold her hand and rub her back. Tell her you love her and you don't want her to die. Tell her you are so so sorry she is afraid and that you are afraid too. Tell her you are there for her no matter what. Tell her the doctors are doing their very best for her and that you have to have hope. Tell her to try to think positive thoughts and that you love her very much. Ask her what she needs. Take her to a therapist who specializes in kids with cancer to let her talk to someone weekly. Give her tons of quality time. Cry with her if she needs to cry. Hold her. Don't say, you don't understand why she is scared...that you have been living for x years. !!! Holy cow. Are you unable to feel empathy for others at times?

God God. She has every reason to feel that way. She has cancer for crying out loud. Geez. Is there someone she could live with who will support her, cuddle her, love her, nurture her and just be there for her while undergoing treatment. She needs someone who will acknowledge her fears and help her with them along with a counselor.

You, Mama, just are not getting it!!!

I agree with all the answers....but also question this poster. Red flags are...calls herself cancer mom but cannot even grasp the fact that her daughter does have cancer and all that come along with it. It is a strange user name....why would you call yourself that. It doesn't define you. Also...maybe I'm off in left field here...but do people married to/in a relationship call their Partner a cop? Wouldn't she say a police officer? Maybe it's just me, but to show respect I would never use cop to describe a police officer?

I really hope if this is true that girl gets all the love and help she deserves.

Since she has leukemia I think her fear is not abnormal. Is she in counseling? Having cancer is overwhelming for anyone to deal with
let alone a 12yo.

Is this the 12 yr old that you've mentioned has cancer? If so, I would say it's pretty natural for a child suffering with cancer to worry about dying. Especially one that is 12 years old. By that age, they know what cancer can result in.

Surely you have access to social workers through the hospital? I would have her meet with a social worker or counselor to talk about her fears.

Best wishes!

If you don't get your poor 12 year old some help, I am going to hunt you down and get CPS on your butt. Seriously wake up!

Oh how sad. I feel for your daughter. Is she allowed to have a dog or cat that can sleep with her and give her comfort? She is doing the best step by talking to you about it. Help her to talk about her fear so it will not have as strong of a hold on her.

When you say to her that you've been alive for a while and expect it to comfort her, I can tell you she is probably thinking something along the lines of "yea, but I have cancer, and just because you lived doesn't mean I will". When kids get sick (I am speaking from experience) they become hyper aware of their mortality in a way that other kids, and even most adults, are not. She's sick, and she's scared. I would suggest having her see a professional to help her during this hard time in her life, it might really help her deal with what she is going through.

I would say, "not on my watch". I would not leave her alone-not for one night until she got well.

I don't understand this. I just read Marda's post below. Your child has cancer and you don't why she's afraid to go to sleep. You don't what is wrong. How can this be?

If this is true, I'd suggest you immediately put yourself in her shoes!

Have you not worked with her, comforted her, helped her? You aren't talking about her guardian angel and giving her comforting words and stories and holding her tight.

If she doesn't have cancer than I'd find out what is wrong.

Wow, I just read the fact that your daughter has leukemia. I am so sorry to hear that. I was chattering on and on about when I was twelve and my anxiety and realized my note is definitely not on target. But I will still say I want to reiterate part of what I said earlier as I had cancer myself (three and a half year survivor!! woo ohoo but as an adult. So I will say it here anyway, that she needs to have her fears confirmed even if they don't seem true. I do not know how severe she is but everytime a person has a threatening illness I am sure they have that fear, too. I felt like that in the hospital laying there by myself. I was on a floor with people having new babies all around and they didn't have a room anywhere else. Here they took out my baby factory, while I listened to new life and wondered if I would stay alive. You can let her know that her fears are real (the actual fear) but no one has the a date when they know for sure they will die even those who appear to be healthy. But of course she has those fears and while counseling will help, as she goes through the course of her treatment she will realize that too has it's up and downs like life does. Hug for you, hug for her. And I believe in prayers (worked for me) so I got your back in those!!

Aaaw! Poor thing. And poor mom. Nightmares? Most likely, she's just afraid she'll lose her mommy, or afraid about the future. Normal for her age, unfortunately. Sending you hugs. Keep us posted.

Added: Just re-read and was reminded of her lukemia. She's just scared. I have no advice other than just be there and comfort her whenever possible. Sorry. ='(

She needs your reassurance, undivided attention to her fears and extra time for talking, cuddling whatever. Even if its in the middle of the night.

I'm a cancer survivor so i know the fear and uncertainty first hand. It is a surreal experience and at least I was an adult going thru it. Try to give her what she needs so she can relax and sleep. Even if its in the middle of the night.

Do you go to church? We all will die someday, and knowing we will be with God can take away some fear. This happens when we trust God with our lives and enter into a relationship with Him.

She needs to rest so her body can fight off illness. I'd sit there all night with her or put her in bed with me and just watch her sleep. So if she woke up she'd know I was there keeping watch over her. That will help her through this time and help her to forget about her anxiety.

When I am starting a bad anxiety cycle I often start by not being able to sleep. I worry about all sorts of stuff and end up staying up for hours and hours. I end up having to go get something to put me out for a night of two to get back on track. Once I start getting the sleep I need the better I am.

A couple of years ago I was congested and took some steroids to help me breath better. I got the wrong information on the bottle and was taking them at the wrong time of day...they were peaking during my sleep cycle and I could not sleep. I was starting to have hallucinations, sleep deprivation stuff, it was super stressful and scary.

I would try for hours to go to sleep but I was wide eyed. I finally asked my hubby to come lay by me on the couch and touch my leg so I'd know he was there. I slept about 4 hours. That day I went back to the ER and the doc on that shift was amazed that I had lasted that long taking them the wrong time of day.

So even the fact that I was in a drug induced hell I knew deep down that if I went to sleep and hubby was there where I could find him, well, I knew I'd be okay and not alone.