How Do I Tell My Children I May Be Sick?

I wouldn't say anything, and I would try to stay positive and...most of all...I would not wait until the end of the month to see someone! Try another practice, another hospital, whatever, until you get an earlier appointment. Tell them how bad the situation is, how much pain you're in, etc. The end of the month is a long time from now. Good luck.

I wouldn't tell them anything right now - until you know if you are sick. What you are describing could be a number of things - and some that can be corrected and not life threatning. Until you know, try to calm down, and think positivley - instead of talking about dying, focus on getting this problem fixed so you can enjoy life fully again. I wish you the best.

Hi N.,
I understand your concern. My best friend had cancer, you don't know if you do yet so nothing should be said to the children. My girlfriend chose not to tell her daughter which was a good choice. However, once she became terminal she continued not to tell her how serious her condition was. Her daughter was 10. She was sick since she was 3. Initially she told her mommy wasn't feeling well and needed rest. That was good, because the child could understand that. Lori was well for a long time and then she had a recurrance about 5 years later. At firt it was ok, BUT when things changed she should have told her daughter at that point. She chose not too. Her daughter knew things weren't right but didn't have a label. 2 weeks before Lori died, after being rushed to the hospital unconscious, the doctor told them she was terminal. Dani finally had her label and was at peace. She now knew and understood what was going on. Lori never thought cancer would be her end, and expected to live til she was old, but that was not the case. On her part, she may have neglected to accept her reality, but she was stubborn and cancer wasn't going to get her. For you, there may be something to learn for you from Lori's story. Don't tell your kids details they won't understand. Honestly, answer qustions that may come up but keep them at their level. If the ultimate question comes from fear, are you going to die? Answer honestly, everyone dies at some point in life and no one knows when that time will be. Don't tell them what you don't know and don't tell them all that you do know. As time unfolds and their are more answers maybe you will have to give them more information but not before THEIR time. Don't make them deal with adult issues before their time. If it does turn out to be cancer, you may consider alternative therepies to complement any treatments you may undergo. Best of wishes!
L.

N.,
I am so sorry you are going through this right now. I know it's always harder when you have little ones. It magnifies all of the emotions you may be feeling.
When we are faced with hard challenges and difficult situations, I always feel that the "not knowing" stage is the worst part. For now, try to remain calm and focused.
See what the tests reveal and where you need to go from there. Information is POWER! Find out all you can about the medical situation you MAY find yourself in. Try not to pre-diagnos yourself. Leave that up to the professionals, and if need be, make sure you are getting the BEST care possible.
As far as what to tell your kids If or when you need to tell them anything, my advice would be to keep it as simple as possible. If you need to have any kind of treatment, surgery, etc., I would say "Mommy is sick and the doctors are giving me this medicine/doing an operation to make Mommy better." That's probably all they need to know. They will understand it better if you keep it very basic.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. God Bless. Please let us know how you are doing.

Inflammetory bowel diseases can present themselves in the same manner and with the same discomforts.

I had Ulcerative colitis and I bled and had cramping, fatigue and other symptoms -- but it was not cancer.

Have you researched symptoms of some of the bowel diseases?
www.ccfa.org - Chrons & Colitis Foundation may offer some information.

if it would be cancer and caught early -- you can live a long life with no colon. I do it every single day.

Have you had a coloscopy yet? They will look with a camera and biopsy if they find anything and go from there. The prep and getting someone to drive home is usually the worst part.

I hope you can get some solid answers quickly to give you a course of treatment and peace in your thinking.

I am cared for at the Allegheny General Hospital Cancer Center with Dr. Sandra Beck & Dr. Medich who are Colon and Rectal Surgeons. I am happy there. AGH is an excellent facility and worth the drive.

stay positive and hear the news!Then start really living either way!Make alot of memories!They are very young so i say and not from experience if you are sick keep it simple!

I could not have said it better than Denise P. Her advice is worth a thousand words. N., stay as strong and positive as you can. I say, say nothing at all until you know the facts. We as parents often try to protect our children from sadness and worry, and other unpleasent realities of life, but in all hoonesty it is best to be as honest, and simple as poss. Is is not necessary to tell a child more than they can comprehend. Stay in a routine. This will help the resiliency (bounce back) and allow you to get beyond the tough times if they are ahead, not just to survive, but tho thrive. Best of luck.

I'm sorry you are facing these health issues. I will pray for you. I understand why you are thinking of worst case scenarios, but there are many illnesses that have the symptoms you've described and they are treatable. Keep that in mind to give you something else to focus on. I would recommend not saying anything to your children until you know what you are dealing with. I agree about keeping the info basic and simple. I would also keep things in the present. Don't offer ideas about what could happen down the road. Stay postive and factual. For example, when I talk to my son about his leukemia (he is 4 1/2) I never talk about the possibility of death. He knows he takes meds everyday because he has bad blood cells that need to be fixed and that it takes a lot of medicine to fix them. He knows that if he doesn't take his meds and go to the doctor regularly he will get very sick. He knows that sometimes people's bodies get hurt or sick so badly that they don't work anymore and they die. However, he has never asked if he will die from leukemia so I don't offer that information. I also don't speculate about whether his current treatment will be successful. When he asks if he will always have to take "all these meds" I tell him that I don't know because each person is different.

If it turns out that you do have cancer contact a cancer agency, ask your health care provider to put you in touch with a social worker or cancer counselor, seek out support groups. I can help provide resource information - agencies, websites, support groups, etc. If the time comes and you feel the need, send me a message and I'll gather the info for you. Please be sure to keep us updated.

We had similar, yet very different, circumstances at the end of '08. My husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor and req'd brain surgery. I have a 5 1/2 yr. old, 2 1/2 yr. old and 9 mo. old. We talked primarily with the oldest, just talking about what we did know on things he could understand...daddy needs surgery, the dr. will look in daddy's head, he will be in the hospital. We also said we were scared (which gave him permission to be scared), and that we didn't know the outcome (that was his one ? for us...will you be okay), but hopefully God would make us and him okay. We also talked to his teacher so that she could give him extra love (unfortunately, she gave him a lot of leeway and he became a small behavior problem, but he's back under control now) and send him to guidance if she felt necessary or if he asked to talk about it more than she felt comfortable.

I would definitely wait until you have a definitive plan of care, whether that's a surgery where you'll be out of the house for a couple of days or the biopsy results (for us, we had to with the surgery since there's no way to biopsy a brain tumor without the full surgery access). I would give a minimum of info. and remind my child that he/she can ask questions and it's okay to be afraid. I would try to keep things as normal as possible while you are undergoing any treatments without putting your health at risk.

Please feel free to pm if you'd like to talk. All of this is very scary. Also, remember to take care of yourself, and if need be see a counselor. There's nothing wrong with needing to talk!
M.

Hi N., First of all i would not jump to conclusions, and even if it were cancer, there is so so much they can do for that. if i were you i would not tell them anything more than they could handle. Just by telling them you are sick is enough, you don't want to scare them. You are young and otherwise healthy you should have no problem beating this thing. I will pray for you and your family. good luck, and keep us posted.
D.

My heart goes out to you. You are in a horrible situation. I agree with the advice of others, get help sooner rather than later. Stay positive. Tell your children only as much as they need to hear. There is a great book about how to talk to your children about death and dying. You will not need it (staying positive!) but it may help to have it on hand. It is called, "How Do We Tell The Children" A step-by-step guide to helping children ages two to teen cope when someone dies. It is by Dan Schaeffer PhD and Christine Lyons. Best of luck, get help now! My thoughts and prayers are with you!

I would actually wait before I said anything. I am a child who knew who father was sick and later that her mother had problems too. My parents always told me what was going on but it was definitely after they had the results from the doctor. I am sorry and will be praying for you and hope that it you aren't sick. Just wait to tell them and if god forbid you do, you just be honest in a way that is appropriate for their ages. Good luck and I will keep your family in my prayers.

You mention that you are seeing a surgeon at the end of the month. Can you be seen sooner?
Have you had a colonoscopy? If you are in the Pittsburgh area, you could see Dr. Sashi Kumar. He has an office near Jefferson hospital. If you need more information about his practice, send me an email!
Hang in there!

I am so sorry you are dealing with an illness, but I would not assume that it is cancer until you have had a diagnosis from a doctor. Lots of things cause rectal bleeding, and not all of them are very serious. I agree with everyone else that you need to get some answers ASAP and not wait any longer. Is the reason you are waiting because you don't have insurance? No amount of money is worth your life-- please push for this ASAP.

As for what to tell your kids, I wouldn't tell them anything right now unless they are noticing that you are not feeling good. If you can't hide that from them, I would call your pediatrician and ask for some advice about how to talk to them about you being sick. Kids at that age have a lot of fears about catching things from you, or that they did something to make you sick. You will need to get some help to deal with their issues, but also to deal with the stress that you are going through.

Good luck. You have great health resources at Hershey and Lancaster, so USE THEM!!!!

N.,

First, I am so sorry that you are going through this. Stay strong as it might not be incurable or it could be manageable.

Have you read the book, "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch? I thought it was very powerful, but also spoke to "telling the kids" that daddy was dying. I think the thing they pointed out was that kids don't understand what you mean until they see that you are sick. I remember that they said nothing to the kids until Randy was almost bedridden. I've never been in this situation, but I think that the book and watching his speak on youtube made both my husband and I feel more "ready" to handle that question should it need to be.
Best of luck. You and your family will be in my thoughts.
K.

I would not want to worry my children until I knew for sure anything was wrong. I do want to encourage you with this though. My very best friend in the world (I call her my sister) was diagnosed last August with Stage 4 Colon Cancer. It was totally by accident that they found it too because they thought that there was a growth on her appendix and went in to remove that when they found everything else. She is still with us and beating the cancer despite the grim news back in August. Make sure that you involve your family even though they are far away. If you do have Colon Cancer it is treatable and if you have to get chemotherapy, I would definitely see if your family can come help and get help from the support that you do have where you live. I will be praying for you and your family. If you ever just need a listening ear, I can be here for you like I was there for my "Sister". Please just contact me.

I think you're jumping ahead of yourself. You can tell them you're not feeling well & the doctors are trying to find out why. Because I'm sure they see u in some discomfort.
Seeing a surgeon at the end of the month... end of February?? I assume you've had tests already, (colonoscopy), seen your primary doc, specialists??? BLeeding every day?? You're going to wait til end of month to rectify this. Need to be proactive & push your docs. U can't wait til end of month. You're obviously bleeding from somewhere. Doc not worried about u becoming anemic (low blood supply)??? I could list bunch of other stuff.
Don't be telling your kids u have cancer. Get going & find out what to do next, TODAY!!!! Once u have a definitive diaganosis, treatment etc, then decide what to tell your children. Have faith, be positive!!!

Don't tell them anything until a doctor gives you a diagnosis. After that keep it as simple as possible & don't talk about death until absolutely necessary. Miracles happen everyday, so even if you get a bad prognosis, things may still turn out ok. Good luck. I hope its somehing simple.

N. -
First of all, my heart goes out to you. As a mom, the thought of not being there for our kids is our worst nightmare. That said, you must keep a positive attitude through this! Even you are diagnosed w/ cancer, it can be beat! But attitude is half the battle - show the kids that their mommy is a fighter! I would not tell your kids at this point.....no need for them to worry at their age. If you do come to a point that you need to disclose your possible illness, be straight w/ them. Best of luck, and you are in my prayers.
-J.

First you want to relax...there are a lot of things that can cause bleeding, hemorrhoids for example. Stay Calm.
I have 5 children the oldest is 33 and the youngest is 4. I am 52.
I have been using 2 product's to keep my bowels in great working order for 6 yrs, one is called Ruby Reds, www.newvitality.com. I take it with George's Aloe, www.georgesaloe.com, this aloe tastes like water. Really!

I mix the Ruby Reds into the aloe and keep it in the fridge I take 2 oz. in the morning on an empty stomach and 2 oz. before bed. You can add the Ruby Reds to yogurt or anything you like by adding 1 Tbls. per serving.

I am sharing this with you because the creator of the Ruby Reds product lost his fiance' to colon cancer. Please try taking it for a month or two and see if everything calms down. Nature is best.

"Always get 2nd and 3rd opinions from Doctors." Some are too quick with a diagnosis by looking at symptoms.

Are you having problems with yeast?
Also they are doing a lot of research about cancer actually being a fungus. Which we all know grows in damp, dark, warm places.
May God Bless you and give you wisdom.

I wish I could give you some kind of advice that could help, but I am at a loss...I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through, but I wanted to tell you that you are in my prayers. My babies are 3 1/2 yrs and 3 1/2 months old and your story brought me to tears. I just wanted to tell you that I will be praying for you and God Bless You and your family! R.

N.,
I am so sorry to hear of your sickness. Let me give you a child's point of view. I can clearly remember when I was 6 years old my grandfather (who was like a father to me) was diagnosed with cancer. My family told us children that he was very, very sick and that some days he may need our help more than others to get through the day. I remember everything about his struggle to survive, but most of all, I can remember spending all that extra time with him. Unfortunately that was many, many years ago and treatments were not as good, I lost my grandfather. I'm grateful that my family told me exactly what was happening.
I was actually less worried when they explained it to me than just wondering why he couldn't take me to the game anymore or on a walk or why he couldn't take me to my uncle's farm. I didn't tell you all this to bring you down, I just wanted to let you and others out there that children are much brighter than parents think sometimes, and they remember the important things. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

please stop freaking out... if you have colon cancer, often times it is curable with surgery, meaning you have PLENTY of life left to live.

good luck, and calm down!