Afraid of the Dark

My nephew started being afraid of the dark/ going anywhere alone around that age. (his brother was the cause and feeds the problem when he thinks his mom isnt listening) my sister has him take the dog everywhere with him and it works so if you dont have a dog just let him know there is nothing to fear and help him through it. you can try getting him his own flashlight to carry around and use at night.

I was extremely afraid of the dark, and slept with a light on until I was 15. It was torture. What I learned from the experience is that more than anything, it was a habit to start thinking scary thoughts whenever I was faced with a dark place. I would look at a black nighttime window and imagine someone or something out there watching me, or as soon as I hit the sheets I would picture an animal peering at me at eye level beside my bed. It was a downward spiral once I started thinking those thoughts, and I had to learn to stop it before it got out of hand. This is a difficult skill to master for a child, though, so you will have to help him.
One way that you can help him is to never trivialize his fears. My parents used to tell me that there was nothing to be afraid of, which seems to be the natural thing to do, but to me there really was something to be afraid of. The fear was very real. When someone tells you that your fears are imaginary, it leaves you feeling alone and helpless. I heard an expert on fear of the dark say that you should try and get them to tell you what they are afraid of, and then recognize yourself that it is something that is indeed scary. Then you can try and help them to overcome that fear.
I hope this is helpful. It's a tricky issue, but there is good info out there if you look around for it.

C.,

Kids develop all sorts of fears at different age groups. Your son's fear of the dark is normal. Have you thought about something as simple as a flashlight...or one of those small battery operated lanterns? The ability to have his own small hand held "lighting" device will empower him and give him some control over his fear. It may be that there are more fears that lurk underneath...monsters, witches, goblins?The more calm and pragmatic you stay, the better. Reassure him once...don't continually remind him he is safe...or that can feed the fear. I have found that the BEST way to help a child is to ask HIM what he thinks might help!!!

Good luck!

W., LMSW, BCD...mom of three
www.kidlutions.com

C.~
I don't mean to accuse anyone, but are you sure that your older son isn't helping your youngest be afraid of the dark? I only ask out of experience...my oldest did this to my middle son...and all of a sudden he was scared of the dark for no apparent reason also.

My first thought was, have you had any teen babysitters lately. I have 4 children and we had a regular neighbor girl sit for us on occasion. She always brought a friend because of the ratio. We had all of the sudden discovered our kids were afraid of the dark. It didn't take long for one of the kids to tell us the babysitter was watching scary movies and her friend would scare the kids as well. It only happened once, but it took a bit of time for them to get over it. I demonstrated turning the lights on and off on several different occasions to let them know there is nothing different there when the lights are off, and that when its dark, its gods blanket to help us to sleep. It helped, but our youngest still has every light on in the house if she is home alone in the evening. She's 14 now, I think she and her friends have a thing about scary movies now, lol.

I don't know when it started, but I also developed a horrible fear of the dark as a child. If the light burnt out in the hall at the top of the stairs, I would be absolutely terrified to go up the stairs alone. (I was actually still scared even if someone came with me, but at least with someone else there, I could do it, and not just be stuck at the bottom of the stairs, unable to make myself move).

I want to echo what a few other moms have said: validate his fear. He really IS scared. It seems like being afraid of the dark is silly, but it can just be truly frightening for some kids.

I felt like if my family had actually understood that I was terrified, I might have felt a little better.

I developed my own solution: singing. Whenever I had to be somewhere dark, I sang or hummed, usually out loud, but sometimes just in my head. I picked happy boisterous tunes. You may be able to teach your son to sing a song when he's scared of the dark. Doesn't matter what song, just so he is concentrating on something other than the darkness.

Also, ask him what about the dark is the scariest, and ask him what would help make him less scared of the dark. He may come up with his own solution.

You could get him his own flashlight to carry around.

Does your son have a light in the closet? If so, turn it on and leave the door a jar so it gives out more light then a night light. If the closet doesn't have a light, leave the hall light on until he falls asleep. My youngest was afraid of the dark and that is what helped him.

Maybe one night light isn't enough. My kids have one in the bathroom, one in the hallway, and two or three in their room. It's almost like having a dim light in their room -lol. I don't mind though. As a child I too was afraid of the dark. It gives my kids comfort to go to sleep on their own... and mommy gets some sleep too :)

Good luck to you. I know what you're going through and know how you're feeling. I hope you get something figured out soon.
~SR

My daughter is going through the same phase right now. Something funny that you may never have thought of... My daughter finally told me that she is afraid of the shadows...her own included. So, the night light may be hurting more than you think.
Also, my daughter too would not go anywhere by herself. I played a game with her, made her go get things all over the house...in the basement, her room etc... after five things I let her pick out of my prize jar..(little...sticker, pencil..etc... (I would do this through out a couple of days and it wasn't quite so scary to do things by herself.
good luck!

My kids were afraid of the dark as well. When we had new windows put in the house, we told them that they were ghost and monster proof windows (that's what they were afraid of, monsters and ghosts). That helped quite a bit! We also bought them thier own flashlights through Discovery Toys (though I think other companies now sell flashlights like this). These flashlights were in the shape of a lion or tiger. When you turn them on, they roar while opening their mouth. Inside the mouth is the light part of the flashlight. They felt so much better knowing that they not only had a light with them, but that the light would growl at anything that might be out there in the dark. Be sure to operate it at the store with your child present first as my friends children were scared of the roaring flashlight! I read a spray mentioned as well...could try getting them a water bottle and letting them use that as a keep away spray too....I have even heard of a woman who sold her sons 'ghost' on E-bay! lol I'm sure you'll find something creative that will help your son through a normal childhood phase. Good luck hun! :)

I would guess there is something in the dark he is afraid of. My daughter's therapist told my daughter and I about "monster spray" (lysol spray). We sprayed it in her room before bed because monsters didn't like the smell. You could use any room deoderant spray and call it anything - get rid of scary things in the dark spray. The smell calmed my daughter.

Good Luck!

The dark is very scary, especially after watching cartoons or movies that have ghosts or stuff like that in them (even scooby doo). We gave our son two flashlights to sleep with. We also during the evenings we started turning off the lights, for instance when we would watch tv instead of having a light on he would sit in my lap and the only light would be the tv. Or some nights I would just sit in his room with him, talking to him, holding him with just his night light on. That way he could be in the dark and feel safe in the dark. We would talk about the dark and how scary it seems but we would identify what we saw in his room and the shadows and the sounds he heard in dark (ie the furnace). Sometimes we would get silly with it and make the sounds be animal sounds and the shadows to be something fun but comforting. On some nights we would just talk about his day and what he was thinking. It actually started a wonderful thing cause now he'll be 8 at the end of the month and he still asks me to snuggle him and he tells me all of his secrets in the dark and we play silly games. I find out all of his worries and joys. The dark became our little world