Affairs

Have you seen his medical record that shows he doesn't have it? If he wasn't honest with you about the affair, why would he be honest with you about the std?

I suggest that your husband is continuing to lie to you. I suggest he has/had it and perhaps did get treatment and so doesn't have it now.

You are going thru the grief of a death; the death of your trust in your husband and your marriage. So allow yourself to grieve. Just like in a death you will go thru stages in your grief and eventually come out at the other end in time feeling better bit by bit.

I suggest reading the book What To Do After the Loss of a Loved One.

Later: I think the title is more likely How to Survive the Loss of a Loved One.

It's (trichmonas) harder to detect in men than in women (as in men are more likely to recieve a false neg), and it's another one that in men is largely symptom free. AND it's not an STD that is on the standard minimal panel. (Neither is herpes, btw... you have to specifically ask for a herpes test). Even if he's telling the truth about being tested... whether he got a FULL panel or "the usual suspects" is up in the air. Insurance enters into it as well. Even just the usual suspects runs about a grand out of pocket. Adding in the full range of other tests (which in men also includes a swab down their urethra, which most men pass on) bumps up the charge considerably, and many insurance companies don't pay out for it.

When a betrayed spouse goes into their doc and says "Check me for abso-flipping-lutely everything" they get the full panel the vast majority of the time. When someone just goes in and says they want an STD test (or many just ask for an HIV test), the don't usually get the full panel. But often those who have cheated a) lie about whether or not they actually had one, b) suffer some teenage brain injury that the person they cheated with was "clean", and c) did I mention the whole lying thing?

You won't like it but the stats on "getting over" an affair are typically between 2-5 years. Obviously, that's the median. Some sooner, some later.

the website www.survivinginfidelity.com would be a good place to check out. They have multiple boards on the site for "Just Found Out", General, Reconciling, Divorcing, New Beginnings, & Wayward (aka for those who were the ones who cheated) in addition to tons of articles and other info.

Well sorry to say but if your ex cheated on you why would you believe him when he said he doesn't have the disease? Just curious. Anyways as always men can have symptoms or not have them. If they have the symptoms and go to the doctor then it can be treated. However if they sit there and the symptoms eventually go away they can still infect others if left untreated.
According to the CDC in women the symptoms can appear within 5-28 days. Wow that is scary! I wouldn't believe a single thing he tells me. Also they say that a women who has this disease is more inclined to catch the HIV-virus so please be careful with your own ventures from this point forward. It can happen to anyone especially if you are married and in a supposed committed relationship but you can't control what others do. The biggest thing here is stop blaming yourself or allowing HIM to blame you-its not your fault. I don't care what others say about it. If you were laying in the bed dying from cancer your husband should still hold onto those vows he took with you.
Its never easy on the kids no matter what ages they are and it even effects the grandchildren as well which most people fail to realize. Time is the only thing that heals this just try to forgive. Forgiveness isn't for him anyways-its for you. You don't want to become bitter and cold-there are good people out there. They are just really hard to find and also remember that we are all human and we all make mistakes-its up to you whether or not you want to allow for second chances or not. I wouldn't judge you for that either because I understand where you would be coming from. Hang in there and it might be beneficial for you to go and see a counselor to get through this! Good luck and I am so sorry that you have to go through this awful experience the whole thing!

oh wow that just sucks-im sorry-divorce is just like a death-its a loss-as much as i couldnt stand my exhubby i still went thru the grief process.he gave you the std plain an simple.your grieving over the loss of your dreams being shattered-it will get better in time i promise-just be glad theres no kids involved-try some therapy-or grief groups...what a sleazy jerk...youll be ok...take care of yourself....

Hi I just want to share one more thought. We just attended a "marriage help" weekend a couple weeks ago designed to rebuild troubled marriages - the couples leading it were in troubled marriages themselves and came to the retrouvaille weekend and turned their marriages and are now helping others. 3 out of the four had had affairs and two of the four were in the throes of divorce Because of those affairs when they did it and saved their marriages! I highly recommend it and like they say, you put so much into your marriage already why not give it one more chance? The website is www.helpourmarriage.com. I think it's great for ALL couples. It's helped us a lot. It's a weekend followed by 6 post sessions and focused on real change and rebuilding your marriage from the ground up, and it runs successfully all over the world including Many US states and even south Africa and Cuba! Just a thought hope it helps you or someone else reading!

Trichomonas is an infection. Men can have it last from a couple of days to weeks, and women up to several years with out treatment. He may have been tested and thats probably why he came up negative.
Sorry about the divorce!
Prayers are with you!
Just hold your head up high and have faith.

http://www.cdc.gov/std/trichomonas/stdfact-trichomoniasis...

As a lab technician, I can tell you two things.

1) Trich is a parasite that can go undetected in men for YEARS. It's possible because men rarely have symptoms and when they do it is irritation that goes away.

2) While it can be diagnosed through a physical vaginal exam, it is mostly detected through a urine test where the lab tech can see the tricomonas 'swimming' (I know, gross--I am so sorry you are dealing with this!) There is no blood test or swab like there is for Gonorrhea or Chlamydia so if a specific microscopic urinalysis is not performed he may think he's clean but most likely not!

I wish I had some good advice for the affair portion of your question but I don't, so I'll just send you ((HUGS)).

The above website will tell you everything you need to know!

I'd seek out counseling - maybe even extended family counseling if he is willing to help you guys figure out how this grandparent relationship is going to work and to help you heal. Divorce is a terrible thing. I'm sorry you are going through this.

since your in the middle of a divorce, ask for a copy of his medical records, if they do not show anything, ask the court for him to go into the dr again (in case he didn't go) if he's all you've been with then he HAS to have it-he may not have known about it while transmitting it to you if the affair was fresh, that is a HUGE possibility, or like herpes, if a towel is used when an infection is there, whoever uses the towel after the infected can EASILY get it from the towel if wiped around the south side or the mouth (he let another girl come in that had the infection that got on the same fabric you used before it got sterilized)....it can take some time for an std to show up in a person but still be transmitted on to another

More than likely he is lying and gave it to you. As for it getting better, yes it will in time. Do you have any close friends or family to confide in and be with? If so then let them help you out.

Updated

More than likely he is lying and gave it to you. As for it getting better, yes it will in time. Do you have any close friends or family to confide in and be with? If so then let them help you out.