I have recently made my soon to be ex husband move out. He has moved in with his mom due to lack of planning on his part and they fight a lot around my son when my soon to be ex has him. Any advise?
I actually did talk to him and I think we are on the same page. Prayer seems to be helping immensly brfore I talk to him. thanks for the support ladies. :)
i would tell him if he is gonna keep fighting in front of your son then he will not be allowed to go there..it affects children for life..people need to put the kids before anything else
Pull your husband aside and let him know that the fighting with his mom is affecting your son, do it in away that doesn't seem like an attack, a good suggestion would be to say something like..." your sons name doesn't feel good going to daddy and grandmas house, he says the arguing hurts his feelings and scares him a little, after all he loves you both and is already having a hard time adjusting to our break-up, maybe this time/next time you guys could go to a park or the movies (something constructive) and talk with him about how it makes him feels".
Remember the hardest thing is going to be keeping the line of communication open with your husband, at times it is going to feel like you are giving more then you are recieving. And on those days take a look at your son and think of the amazing gift you'll be giving him, not just know but in the future, when one day he may find himself in the exact same place. It's all about him and less about the adults, he didn't choose your future divorce, but he will live with the affects of it. So the less painful it is for him the more relaxed and accepting of both his parents love. That is your greatest gifts as parents you can give him.Good luck!
Not really. Do you observe it or does your child tell you about it? Let your ex know how you know about the fighting.
Your 4 year old is being affected and will carry his feelings around all this for the rest of his life...if you don't get them out now. His whole world/life has changed. He needs to be surround with a lot of confident people to let him know the dicision you two made is for the best. About your ex and his mother...this is not helping your son.
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I know this sounds not very helpful, but maybe later down the road it will. DON'T GET A DIVORCE! My husband and I were close to the last day not only once, but twice! Crazy huh! Divorce is soooooo hard on the lil ones. My son still has problems with that time of all the chaos.
BUT if you must...(which it pains my heart so, for ur lil guy), the best thing I can suggest is to ask all family memebers (even daddy) to try ta not speak bad about the other family member and to try to go into another room (out of hearing range) to discuss DIVORCE matters or even in your case, have arguments. Sounds like the family in that house is all HOT tempered. Scary. If they don't abide your wishes perhaps ya might be able to talk someone like a family friend to mention how your son is being affected quite negatively towards the situation. I wish ya the best of luck & pray that you've thought long and hard about the DIVORCE. So many times I've come across others who'd wished that they hadn't for the sake of their children. It took my husband and myself a complete strangers sad story about Divorce to not go ahead with it. Perhaps the two of you might be able to reconsider?
If you are still on GOOD terms with your stbx, then provide him support and information about parenting. It is CRUCIAL that they STOP arguing when your son is around. The stress from the separation is a lot for a child to handle; he doesn't need to be put in the middle of their fighting... that's a lot of added stress for him.
Your son needs a lot of reassurance, nurturing and love.
If your stbx is not open to your suggestions, ask him to have an unbiased party talk to he and his mother. Would they be willing to attend a parenting class? Perhaps if they took the same class then they would hear it from someone else, and be more willing to follow the advice.
Other than that, as a LAST resort, is it possible to stipulate that they stop fighting around your son or he will not be staying there? If that were to happen, it would be a nice gesture to arrange visitation when you're around. It might be a hassle on your part, but you could at least ensure that your son is not in a bad situation. Caution! I think it's important to have your motivations pure... That you're looking out for the best interest of your son, as soon as their situation improves your son can go there again by himself (in other words, you're not just with holding your son to be nasty or spiteful).
-- If only remember one of these things, it is this:
Don't try to do these things by yourself. Divorce can get ugly very quickly, and you don't want weird power struggles and custody battles going on (I'm assuming). An agency or nonprofit or a lawyer or child counselor or mediator can help you address your concerns with your STBX and his mother.
I had to curtail my ex's visits with his mom. Wait until he has his own place to let your son visit with them. The fighting is definatly not good for him.
