Advice on Rough Morning with My Daughter

We have the same problem
Try waking her earlier and gentler
Like this morning when I was waking my daughter this morning I pulled her blankets down and gave her a kiss and whispered that" when a sleeping princess was given a kiss she was supposed to wake up" she giggled and rolled over and said " I'm just a girl" then I changed it to girl not princess. and snuggled in with her told her it was time for her to get up and get ready for school and getting her out of bed is much easier when I do this than when I come in and yank the blankets off of her and tell her to get up.
When we have morning trouble my daughter usually ends up having to go to bed earlier , loosing her evening reading time.

ps
Having her get her stuff ready for school the night before REALLY helps

She was in a bad mood because she didn't get enough sleep.
She didn't get enough sleep because there aren't enough hours in the day to do what needs doing and get to bed early.

IMO, you should only punish for things that are the kid's fault. Her metabolism and the length of a day are not her fault.

Don't beat yourself up! I'm sure we've all had mornings like this, but truly I don't think punishing her is the answer. If you ask me the comments you made at the end of your post, she probably could have written too =

I literally feel like MY MOM slapped me in the face this morning (when you yelled at her). I can't explain how much MY MOM hurt my feelings (because you yelled at her last night too)!!

I agree that you should try talking with her about HOW both of you can make the evenings and mornings better. Instead ask her to write 3 sentences of what she would like to see happen in the morning and you do the same. Then compare notes.

Sorry this happened but rather than making her come home to a negative environment which is what both of you had this morning, put a positive spin on it and let her know you understand and love her very much!

Best of luck and let us know how things turned out =-)

sounds like the hurt is mutual.
rather than punishing her (and hurting her more, something you probably would not accept from her), how about loving her more?
obviously you adore her, i'm not talking about a lack of love, but in this case i think a warm demonstration of your love is called for. i would make a special tea-and-snuggle ceremony (or something along those lines) and during this time would bring up the subject of mutual respect and discuss WITH her (not talk at her!) how you can both improve on this.
let her be part of the solution.
khairete
S.

Have you tried bringing her some orange juice first thing in the morning? Maybe she needs some quick fuel to get herself in balance.

Also with the time change just on Sunday, I hate getting out of bed in the morning right now too.

Eight is kind of a rough year. Like a mini adolescence.

I remember when my stepdaughter used to cry for reasons she didn't even know. And she told her dad that she missed her mom, but when she was with her mom, she missed her dad, too. It's hard to be a kid sometimes. Each parent gave her something special so that she could always "have them near" when she was away. Maybe that could help your daughter.

You might also enlist her help. "So...what would help us have a better night and better morning? Picking out your clothes at night? Packing lunch at night?" Maybe she'll do it if she thinks of it.

I would try to address your child's concerns without getting irritated at the source. My stepdaughter got infected ears because her stepdad got her ears pierced without consulting anybody before she was responsible enough to care for them. Sure, we were annoyed, but what was done was done and we had a kid with sore ears so we just dealt with it. The infection was consequence enough. I would have tried to find the nail and put it back on, if possible, or help her take the rest off, if that was better. Or she could got to school with nine nails, lesson learned.

All our kids are such grumps in the morning. My husband used to turn on upbeat music before he woke them (when he was a single dad) and let them wake up a little to a fun song. When they were little we also used to say things like "Happy Pi Day" and "Happy Almost The Weekend Day" to get them motivated and positive. With our little one, I sneak in with goofy faces when I go to wake her up/get her up.

But if there was still a day where the grumps ruled, sometimes it's best just to focus on getting out of the house and try conversations later. Some mornings all we got/get from the teens was "bye" and out they go.

And you know, "I'm sorry" works for parents, too. We're only human. If you were hurt and you'd like to have a better morning, take a moment to say, "I'm sorry for.... I was hurt because....and I would like it if we could start fresh tomorrow morning and have a better day. I love you."

My dogs are even feeling the time change.
Let her get used to it, it takes longer for some people.

Some are not morning people. My daughter and I are not.

Get her an alarm clock or two, my daughter has had two since 3rd grade.

Make sure everything for school is completed and ready in it's spot for the morning, homework, notes signed, etc.

Have quick morning foods, we use the instant bacon, instant oatmeal, hot pockets, granola bars, bananas,

Do not say anything more than necessary to her. The last thing a non morning person wants is conversation, with anyone.

Dont' fuss at her to hurry up, say things like we have 15 minutes.

Non morning people are usually night owls. Nothing you can do will make her go to sleep faster, for longer or get up easier. This is her. You are fighting an uphill battle.
Teach her how to handle mornings with love and kindness. It's hard, believe me, but it can be done. Actions speak louder than words, show her.

Get her into a new evening routine, get backpack by the door, breakfast out, lunch packed except for sandwich and juice, clothes picked out. Make that a fun routine.

Punishing her by making her write 3 sentences as to why it's important to get up will only make her resent you more.

We all have bad mornings. THe best thing you can do is greet her this afternoon with a hug. Set up some rules and let her know what's going on. Make her mornings easier.
And when she is in HS and skips breakfast let it be. When she gets up with 15 minutes to get out the door, so be it. My son would lie in bed and watch for the bus. When he saw it from his bedroom four stops away he knew he had enough time to get up, dressed and out the door before it hit his busstop. He never missed it. It just wasn't a battle I wanted to fight.

Have a better day. Give her a hug when she gets home.

Figure out how to make morning and bed time a little more fun. Let her plan her breakfast the night before as the winding down time for bed.
She probably gets "coddled" a little more at Dads on the wknd since they dont have her "full time" like you do and she likes being treated nicely rather than orders being shouted at her all the time..... that is pretty normal.
Ask her how she would like the night and morning ritual to work for her, maybe she can actually tell you what would work and you can run with it?

Hi L.,
OK time change and needing more hours in the day aside, I just wanted to share what helps with my (newly) 8 yo son.

I read about "pre-waking" and it has REALLY helped our mornings.
My son used to be VERY nasty and grumpy and pokey in the mornings.

Then I started going into his room about 15 mins early and turning on a small lamp or opening the blinds. It kind of "cues" them while they sleep that morning is here and they will be getting up soon. HTH. Good luck!

First off, yelling at a grumpy waker can set the tone for the rest of the day. As tough as it may be, let her know you understand how tired she is and let her know she can catch up on the sleep later. Be patient with her and smile, get silly whatever works for her to be distracted enough to forget she is grumpy. A routine may help her understand what is coming up next. A bed time routine and a wake up routine. Find an alarm clock, she can pick it out and she can pick the sound or music coming from it to wake her up. Teach her how to shut it off. It will get annoying after a while hearing it over and over again. Instead of putting it next to the bed, put on the dresser or far enough for her to have to get up from the bed to shut it off.
As for the situation this morning, feelings will be hurt again in the future and although she may have been disrespectful towards you, she does have the right to feel upset and angry, she was cranky! Think when this situation happens to you. Can you be jolly towards others when you are tired or cranky? Are you talkative as well? Discuss what happened in the morning and find a plan with her on how to avoid it next time. Let her know you don't like to fight with her in the mornings and how your feelings were hurt. Remind her the sooner she gets ready in the morning the longer breakfast she can have or the sooner she can have fun at school. Reward her with something special she like to eat when she does get up and get ready on time.Good luck! Communication is key and once that foundation has strengthened.....future issues will be easier to resolve.

Get those nails off. On an 8 yr old? Yikes.
YokaReeder is who we use- YokaReeder.com=she brings sanity to our life.
Before you do anything make sure that BOTH of you are well fed and well rested. No conversations w/o both well fed and rested- really really- very important.
best, k

I agree with asking her what she needs in the morning, and what you can do together to make it easier for her.

My SD often misses her mom at her dad's and her dad at her mom's. It's always hard for her to come over from the other house because it's just different.

My SD works best with two alarms. The first goes off and that's her "cue" to start waking up. She will flip on the light and turn on some music. She has to physically get out of bed when the 2nd alarm goes off 15 minutes later. Just that 15 minutes helps her a lot! We also lay out her clothes the night before and anything else she needs so she doesn't have to think about it.

Just know that your daughter was having a bad morning--we've all had that! And she didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

Now, I do the writing things with my SD. She would have to write or tell me why it's important to to go to bed on time, why it's important to get up early but ALSO what kind of solutions she can come up with to help her do that. That puts her at cause over it, and that's the part that makes her feel good about it. She loves coming up with solutions! And we accept all solutions, even the silly ones. We don't implement all of them, but we accept them when she tells us. She always finishes these writing/talking sessions feeling happy and excited to try out her solutions. So it works!

I'm not sure that writing an essay will get the message through. She's 8 and has probably completely moved-on. This is no longer a "punishment" in schools b/c it didn't work!

I would have a conversation with her this afternoon about how hurt you are by her behavior. Don't go overboard, but reiterate the fact that she is to respect you as her mother and as the person who makes sure that she has all of the things she needs. I would then have her be your "helper" around the house for the next day or so... help make dinner, help do and fold laundry, help with the dishes, etc. She needs to do something as a "helpful and genuine" apology, but a 5 minute essay isn't the solution!

I once had a student who was absolutely nasty to the school nurse for no reason. My first thought was have him apologize to her, but then quickly added... "and you will spend the next 3 recesses helping her in the office" b/c "sorry" just wasn't the most logical consequence for his behavior. After spending two days folding clean "emergency clothes", stapling, organizing and helping answer phones (9 yrs old) he got the message... this person is important to the school and deserves respect. Give it a try and see how she responds!

Hi L. - sorry I don't have anything to offer on what happened this morning, although I know how you feel because mornings can be tough. Just wanted to suggest you check out the Working Mother magazine from last month or the month before. There was good information on making evening and morning routines run more smoothly when everyone is trying to head out the door. The article may even be on their website.

I know this is off the beaten path but maybe she has some sensory modulation issues. Putting her on a sensory diet of activities to rev her up or calm her down will help modulate her emotions to the environment. A great book is The Out of Sync Child Has Fun. You can also have her seen by an OT experienced in SPD.