Advice on 9 Year Old Daughters Attitude

my daughter is turning 8 this month.. and i know what you are feeling. i think at least for me, i am just trying to let her be herself within guidelines of course. she can cut her hair, she can wear shorts when she is warm... they can't be duplicates of us. :( my daughter use to love girlie stuff and dresses. and now she's cut her hair (after my wedding) wears pants all the time, and won't let me paint her nails anymore.. and she use to be such a girlie girl. but now she's her own person.. or at least trying to figure out what she wants. they will change so many times over the next few years.... just stay close to her, make sure she can talk to you openly... and it sounds like she is acting out to get your attention.. (as does my daughter). maybe set aside some special time with her... lunch.. just to have a one on one talk with her. see if something is bothering her. could just be hormones.. scary i know!

My daughter and I go on a date every other week. We go out to dinner or lunch - just the two of us - with no distractions (I don't answer my cell phone, etc). I also don't have an agenda for the meal. For example, I'm not talking to her about her behavior or school. Sometimes we just eat.

We've been doing this for nearly three years.

P.S. Her dad is supposed to take her for dates on the weeks I don't. He does usually manage to take her for breakfast once a week. It's been good for their relationship too.

Stay as close as you can. My daughter and I joke now about the whole year she was 9 years old. I really didn't like her that whole year. Don't get me wrong, I loved her very much, but like your daughter, mine was much the same. Come to find out that she was starting puberty that year, with the cycle coming the next year, so beware. Just know that you are not alone and that it's okay for the two of you to not like each other sometimes, but that you always love each other! Hang in there, there really are greater times ahead. I miss those days with my daughter who is now turning 22!

i have a daughter who is 7 and does the same thing. i have found that just sitting down and talking to her helps a lot. i try to get her to understand and see that she doesn't talk like that to others and she has chilled out on it a lot. i just tell her to check her attitude when she starts to push. it has worked for me. so far. my mom says it's a faze. hope it helps.

Hi S.,
I have a 16 year old daughter and a 3 year old. I will tell you my oldest daughter was a momma's girl until 12 when it was almost overnight she decided that she hated me and wanted to be with her dad. I have learned through the years that girls always want to be different from their mom. I went through the same phase when I was a teenager and it was not until I moved out on my own and became a mom that I understood. My daughter and I are not as close as we used to because I could not accept her independence time as I didn't understand it then. My best advise is to make sure you listen to her and show her its okay to have a different opinion than mom. Reassure her that you love her no matter what, but there will be guidlines she will have to follow. I agree with the other advice that they will change many times over the years. It will be a journey, but with the greatest reward at the end. Allow her to express her independence with the guidline of respect. You will find your releationship grow more when you allow her some freedom to express her differences. Good luck, the journey will prove to be a challenge, but love and understanding will build a relationship that will last you a lifetime.

My heart goes out to you, but to make it a little better most mother/daughter relationships go through this, I have 4 girls! My two older girls are 15 & 13 and went through what I like to call the competition years, They wanted to be everything but me.
I would advise to affirm her individuality, let her be as different as possible cause in all honesty when she realizes you are not fighting her on it she will become bored with it and become the little girl you know again, that age is so hard they are not little but they are not big. She is trying to find herself.

I have a 9 year old girl too. Let me tell you, I'm right there with you. I think they are the worst with who they are most comfortable with. My daughter is very emotional and that makes things hard for me. Hopefully it's just a phase they will grow out of. Maybe some more one on one time? Who knows. Good luck. It's nice to know I'm not alone in this.