Advice on 2Yr Old Telling Me No

Pop him on his butt next time he does it. LOL

I have had the same problem with the neices and nephews at this age. I was given an old book, Step Training for Effective Parenting when my middle boy became disruptive at school last year. You can find the information about behavior at http://www.lifematters.com/step.asp

In it they suggest you offer choices. You have a choice, (do what ever I told you to do) or you're going to have to sit in time out. give him 5 seconds to choose then give him a warning, if you don't choose to do (what ever you told him to do) then I'm going to choose for you and put you in time out. Wait another 5 seconds. Then when he gets up from time out he still has to go back and do what you told him to do, by asking are you ready to (do what ever you told him to do?) yes then tell him to do it and say thank you when it's done. If he says no then you tell him he can sit here for another few minutes until he's ready to get up and do what he was told to do. Just keep asking and yes he can sit in time out all day until he does what he was told to do.

Never give him an instruction that will take more than 30 seconds to do. While he's performing the asked task give him lots of praise by saying I like it when you say yes and (do what every you told him to do), reflect all the good things he says and describe every movement he makes that is good.

*I just copied everything my son was doing, repeating every thing he said that wasn't annoying little noises.
*I described everything he was doing
*I Praised everything he did. I like the way you did... (just don't say "that" say exactly what he does.)
*I'm as entusiastic as possible.

You took a yellow block (describing), I'll take a yellow block too (imitation) you said you wanted me to have a B. block (reflection) I like the B. block you chose for me (labeled Praise) I'm happy we're working together. (enthusiasm)

Always provide a consequence for obedience or disobedience. Following a consequence for disobeying, children should obey the original command (so don't clean up the mess while they are in time out) Otherwise they may choose time out to get out of following the command.

Here's the key you only do this when you have the time and energy to use it.

To stop behavior immediately avoid saying "DON'T run" cause then they'll break out in a skip or gallop and tick you off. Use a direct instruction. Walk in the house and lower that last word vocally so they know you mean business the first time.

So you don't have time for time out and you still need the child to put on his shoes, give him a choice, put on your shoes or you don't get such and such while you're out. Avoid things that they won't get to have until much later because they will have forgotten and they will just have a meltdown when reminded of the fact.

I hope this is all clear.

Here's what my paper work says:

Make commands direct not indirect
Direct: Sit down right here
Indirect: Would you like to sit down?
Direct: Pick up your toys:
Indirect: Let's pick up your toys, Okay?

Give one command at a time instead of a string of commands
~Brush your teeth
~instead of brush your teeth, comb your hair, wash your face

State commands positively
~Child runs away from parent
~ Parent says "hold my hand" instead of don't run away from me
~Child on the kitchen counter
~Parent says "Get down Please" instead of don't climb on the counter

Make commands specific, not vague.
~Make your bed
~instead of clean your room
~use your indoor voice
~instead of act nice

Use a neutral tone of voice instead of yelling or pleading
~come sit next to me
~instead of...Sit here now!! or It would make mommy happy if you would sit here please?

Be polite and respectful while still being direct and clear
~Please hand me the crayon or Sit next to me please
Okay I don't use this one yet because they have been taught you can say no to requests

Give Choices at the childs developement level when either of 2 behaviors are appropriate
~Please put on your white socks or your B. socks
~use your indoor voice or play in the backyard
( you can fall back on this one when you don't have time for all the other stuff, only insert a good choice "put your socks on" or a bad choice " or you don't get to go outside" Most often, it's you're going to lose [your favorite things~~tv, activities, toys, freedom])

Limit the use of explanations, when you give one do it before the command or after the child has obeyed
~our playtime is over and we need to get ready to go to the store. Please, put your crayons away
**child asks why parent ignores because explanation has already been given
~instead of "put the crayons away"
**child asks why
Parent says because we need to get ready to go.
Child says after I finish
Parent says I said put the crayons away NOW!!



Wait until you have all the others master before you worry about these:
Save direct commands for things you are sure your child can do. To encourage new behaviors, use a suggestion instead of a direct command.
~Would you like to try to sign it?
** instead of write your name here
~maybe you can make a picture
**instead of draw a horse

Save direct commands for times when it's important for the child to obey
~ when the child is crossing the street tell them "take my hand"
**instead of chew your food exactly 30 times


That's every tool I have for them here's a few for you
Don't take anything personally
Don't make assumptions
Be impeccable in your word
Do the best you can.

This is something that every child goes through...they are stretching their limits and testing their "power"...dont over react...just calmly move them towards ( or away from ) whatever you are wanting them to do ( or not do). The reason I say dont over- react is then they will continue the same thing...because your reaction re-enforces it. Just let him know that you are in charge, but dont be afraid to let him have some decision making power...just not in all circumstances.

I would talk to his parents and tell them that it's very rude and disrespectful for a child to talk to an adult like that. Maybe together you could come up with something that worked. Honestly, unless they are on board and back it up at home it's going to be hard to stop. I for sure would let them know that it is a problem.

Embed a choice in what you are telling him to do. For instance, if you are putting him down for a nap, say something like, "Do you want to take your teddy bear to bed or your blanky?" Work off what he likes. It's pretty normal for kids to hit defiant stages where they want to test boundaries. No can be a favorite word for 2 year olds (and every other age for that matter...), it's such a charged word for him right now.

hi my name is jackie when he says no you should let him know your in charge, and if that dont work pop his little behind.

When he tells you no, just redirect his attention to you and tell him not to tell you no and to listen and obey when you say to do something in a stern but controlled voice. Works for me and my two yr old.