People do things when they love people - she could just be happy with him and therefore going to Cali to be with him, eating when she wants, spending all her time with him and his family, etc...it is hard for families that miss the one in love, but try to be happy for her....he could be looking out for her best interest as well - like suggesting she sell her car for a good reason that they have agreed upon, etc.....However! Mother's intuition could be kicking in, and if you have a sixth sense that he is manipulating her in a destructive way (and it's not just your jealousy talking), unfortunately, there's not too much you can do about it except be there for her when she needs it - and pray. If he is manipulating her with family money, etc...then she will have to figure that out on her own - but in the meantime, you can keep in touch with her - even if it is not returned - send her cards, call her, plan outings with her, etc....let her know how much you love her and how much she is still a part of the family - but try not to manipulate her yourself - she is an adult and needs to make her own decisions....even if it is worrisome to you. Give her some credit - she will figure it out.
In my experience, I was the one in a bad relationship - I dated a VERY manipulative guy - he wasn't physically abusive, but definitely emotionally abusive (I never gained weight, but I lived at home and my mom could tell how stressed I was all the time). She never told me that I shouldn't be with him, etc...but she would be completely understanding to both of us and always welcomed him and talked to me when I needed her. The fact she didn't judge him allowed me to bring him around my family as well and she could keep a closer eye on me...very smart mom!! All my dad said was, "There's other fish out in the ocean." Haha...that was his way of telling me maybe this guy wasn't the one. I took his cue, but it was VERY difficult - if your daughter IS being manipulated, she may think there is no other guy in the world that would be as perfect or good for her as he is. She may think she can fix the relationship and doesn't want to give up on him or 'them.' It's a good trait to not want to quit or give up - but if she is unhappy, she will get to a point where it is obvious that he is not the one for her. For me, it was one night when he showed up at my workplace and I basically felt like he was stalking me and watching my every move - he would tell me what to do and follow me everywhere to make sure I was living up to his expectations, etc...he followed me into a dark parking lot after my shift and didn't let me leave because he felt like we had to work out our problems. Luckily, my mom called because she was worried about me and he let me answer the phone (which he had in his hands because he took it away from me) and that was the only way he would let me leave - my mom told me to get in the car, lock the door, leave, etc...and he knew he had to let me leave because she could hear everything going on. I felt totally helpless when he was forcing me to stay against my will - he took my keys, phone, etc...and even when I drove away finally, he followed me in his car - and I had to make an illegal turn in order to escape him...I called my mom back and she and my dad were waiting out on the back porch to make sure he wasn't lurking in the bushes so I could get in safely..all while he was calling my cell phone 100 times. That was the final straw - with everything else that had happened, it took that night for me to realize he was mentally imbalanced - and even after I had told him it was over, he would call incessantly- and I still felt love for him regardless and would cry and cry and cry because I had to force myself not to answer or get back with him because I knew I was susceptible to him manipulating me. Don't let this story worry you more - let it reassure you that your daughter is smart and she will realize when it is out of hand before it is too late - as long as you leave an open line of communication and don't judge her - just be understanding and there for her. I thank God for my mom and her worrying about me, but she let me make my own decisions and I think that's the only way I would have figured out for myself what I needed and wanted in the long run.