Advice for Keeping My Son Away from Another Child at School

The only way to keep your son from learning about things you don't want him to know is to keep him away from anyone but you.
Or you could do what's best for your son, and instead of trying to keep him ignorant of all things not mama-approved, let him know that he can talk to YOU about things, and you can EXPLAIN to him WHY he shouldn't flip people off, why the f word is not considered appropriate for polite conversation, and what your own beliefs are about demons and other such nonsense.

Unless you are willing to teach your son how to deal with ugly/bad things as well as good (in other words, reality) I suggest you keep him by your side 24/7.
Though that's not really in his best interest, is it?
It's no different than teaching him not to go with strangers.
If he thinks the world is a perfect, happy place then he will be more than willing to get into that "nice" man's van...
Is that REALLY what you want?
Be a parent and teach him some coping skills. Pass on your values and remind him that not everyone shares them. Let him know that it's important to choose his friends wisely, and that he shouldn't emulate or believe everything he hears and/or sees.

Instead of trying to keep your son away from other kids I would make this into a learning opportunity. Your child will be exposed to all of these things in movies, on tv, in music, in advertising and on the playground. Your job as a parent isn't to shield him from the world, but to help him understand the world.

I have always been honest with my kids when they ask me something and I try to not shield them too much, so that they learn, hear, see a lot of things when they are with me or my husband. Then we can explain what things mean, answer any questions, and guide them in understanding things the way we want them too.

We have always told our children to be friends with people like them, not to follow others. Doing that will only get them in trouble, so they seek out friends who like what they do, enjoy doing what they do, and treat others like they do. My kids are not complete angels and they have bad days too, but they avoid the mean kids and the ones who overshare. They also know certain conversations are not for school/public.

So teach your son how to deal with situations like the one he is facing at school. He can tell this child he would rather not talk about that stuff and direct his friend to the Lego's or something. There is no way to prevent these conversations from occurring, even if you talk to the teacher. So it's best to teach your son how to handle them when they come up. And I would answer any questions he has about what this other child has told him - then you can guide him the way you want him to be.

I actually went through this with my son when he was about that age. I contacted the school and asked them to keep the kid away from my son and they did. They sat them at opposite ends of the classroom and the next year they were put in different classes. The teachers told BOTH boys to stay away from each other during lunch and recess and if the other kid approached my son, he would tell a teacher and they would talk to the other boy. Eventually he just stayed away on his own. Good luck.

If he didn't hear it from this kid, he'd hear it from someone else. If I drive down a busy road, there's always someone flipping the bird at another driver. Every kid learns to swear on the school bus or on the playground.

Who cares about 666 and pentagrams? There's nothing to be afraid of. They are symbols but they are meaningless if you aren't afraid of something else. Your son doesn't need the entire explanation of why you don't like these things. He only needs to know that sometimes they upset others.

I agree with much of what was said by other responders. I think Nervy Girl raised a great point about asking your son why he thinks this other boy has a need to share/teach things that are upsetting or rude. Why does your son think this boy needs so much attention? What does it mean to do rude things to others just to put the focus on yourself?

I don't know why you assume it's the "fault" of the other boy's father. There may well be other influences in this child's life, including friends, relatives, neighborhood kids, and bigger kids on the school bus. He may have been on the internet or watching TV.

Your son is not too young to know the very basics of sex (get "Where did I come from?" or another book recommended by the children's librarian at the public library), about basic swearing ("rude words" or words that hurt/upset), and he's not too young to know about demons and monsters (they are not real, they're in a zillion kids' movies) or pentagrams (they are a symbol of another legitimate religion that some people have twisted and used improperly to mean evil). He can also learn that a swastika is a bad symbol.

You teach him to tell someone else this stuff is boring, you teach him to say he's not interested. You teach him NOT to be afraid, and you teach him not to get excited about things that are forbidden. That just makes them more appealing.

But isolating him from a boy who wants attention? How exactly would you accomplish that? And what about all the kids he's hearing things from whose words never reach you? You can't go through life afraid.

i guess you could put him in a box.
but it might be more helpful to understand that whatever the other boy encourages your son to do, it's still your son's decision to do it. and it's appropriate that he then get punished. the 'bad kid' isn't the boy who promised not to tell (then rats out) but the boy who flipped the bird.
your son's old enough to learn the basics about sex, but more importantly to start learning how to say firmly 'no, i won't do that.'
practice it with him.
khairete
S.

The other child is totally inappropriate. I would be mad, too. Luckily, the school year is almost over. I would tell the teacher and meet with the assistant principal. Also, write a letter that states you do not want your son in the same class as ________ next year. Our school does not honor teacher requests, but would honor something like this.

I have to agree with the other posters. The only reason I would be adamant about my son staying away from someone is if one or the other were being physically harmed.

Kids are going to hear a bunch of nonsense at school. You just talk to him, let him know what your values are and continue to convey expectations. If your son asks any questions at all, this is your time to provide simple, correct answers and give applicable information.

One thing we also discuss is *what* might motivate friends to swear, talk about private parts, tell ghost/demon stories, etc. Sometimes, knowing why another kid is using foul language (because they want to feel cool and powerful) actually glamorizes it far less than avoidance. "Yeah, Johnny does talk about the school bathroom being haunted. We know that can't happen and those sorts of things are nonsense. What do you think is so interesting about it for Johnny?" Kids also love to scare each other at this age, so it's not just this one kid, I'm pretty sure.

Your son will always be learning 'a little more than he needs to'... start that ongoing conversation now. Let him know, in your manner and your simple, honest answers, that you are approachable and that you do trust him to do the right thing, period, regardless of what his friends are doing. Ultimately, it is your family culture and your expectations which will have the most profound effect on your child and how they behave.

After the incident you mentioned in your SWH, I would think your son learned a good lesson on why it's not a good idea to follow this boy's lead. It's a good time to have a talk about the difference between good friends, school friends, and classmates. Sometimes classmates become school friends or good friends, but many do not. They are just others we share a community with. And isn't it interesting that sometimes people can be outgoing, exciting, interesting, charismatic, popular or "fun" and yet that doesn't always mean that person will be kind, or really be a friend.

I would ask to talk to the teacher and principal about this. I hate the phrase "boys will be boys". My son is not like this and neither are the three boys that my daughter is good friends with. I am a teacher and talk like that would not be acceptable in our school building. Ask that they be in different classes next year. Be specific about your reasons. If they brush it off, ask them who you should talk to next because you want a solution. If they don't respond, talk to the superintendent or a school board member. That may sound extreme, but if the school is allowing this to go on, it will only get worse.

The school year is nearly over. I hope you aren't just now finding out about this. Yes, make it a learning opportunity-- but also be sure they aren't together next year.

I would let this go with so little of school left, but I would at the same time write to the principal now and say you want to ensure your son and this boy are not put in the same class together when the school assigns students to classes for next year. The schools often start forming class lists in late spring and during the summer, so write the letter now.

You have every right as a parent to do this; I know several parents who have written to principals asking that their kid be separated from another kid when being assigned for the next school year (and sometimes the parents want the kids separated not because of some problem but because the kids are such good buddies that they distract each other). This is really fine to do. Schools see it all the time. Most of these requests get honored.

However, do not go into details about what the boy draws or says or does. Just state that you are asking formally that your son and the boy not be placed in the same class next year. Then hand-deliver the letter to the school; also e-mail a copy to the principal; and follow up the next day to ensure the principal received and has seen the letter and/or e-mail version.

If your school posts class lists a few days before school starts, be sure you go to school to see the list and if the boys are put together despite your request, go to the office and show them a copy of your letter and say that you want one of them moved. This happened to my close friend -- she had requested in writing that her son and another boy not be placed in the same class, but when the lists were posted a few days before school began, there they were in the same class. She went right in and calmly but firmly told them that she had made a request months earlier. They fixed it before school began.

I do agree with others that it's very important that you equip your son with things to say and do so that HE can deal with kids who are just being jerky. He also needs to start learning that friends do not do things that make you uncomfortable and friends do not tell you to say stuff that gets you in trouble. That's a tough lesson that can take many years for a kid to learn but this is the time to start.

Role-play with him where he says the things that this boy says (modified of course so he isn't using obscenities outright) and then you model how he can react-- "Stop that, I don't like that kind of word" and walking away, or "I have to leave right now" and then doing so. Then reverse roles -- you be this boy, and he shows how he might better react to the boy.

Yes, kids need to learn to navigate stuff on their own, but at seven he is likely not yet ready to do so entirely alone. So role-play with him, and ensure that the school separates them next year. School is too important to be OK with letting a kid be around another kid if that friend is a real distraction; the focus has to be on the classes and the work. They might end up in gym together, or music class, etc. depending on how the school structures classes. That's fine. But I wouldn't let fate decide whether they'll be together in their main classroom.

Your son might actually see this "forbidden naughty knowledge" as kind of cool and might even think his friend is so interesting and tough. That's attractive to a kid and hard to fight. So don't tell your son you're asking that his friend be in another class next year. That will only make his friend more interesting as forbidden fruit.

One great thing here, mom: Your son told you what was going on. Keep those lines of communication open and thank him and praise him for telling you what this boy was saying. Then drop it and move into summer.

my first thought was to talk to the school -these are ALSO inappropriate topics for school and the teacher can help keep an eye on them. that would be a very big tool in nipping this in the bud, at least at our school, the teachers are really good about keeping an eye out for the kiddos. it's unfortunate that they're in the same class, but the seating can be rearranged, they can be forbidden to eat lunch together, etc - NOT because you have to "protect" your kid specifically - but because conversations like the two of them have when they're together, shouldn't be going on. When kids are disruptive or disrespectful when they're together, they SHOULD be separated. make the teacher aware and see if you can work together to help.

then, with your coaching at home, and the teacher's help, hopefully your son will learn better. first graders are little. it's very hard. we still do need to intervene. Good luck!

Twofold. One talk to the teacher or the school and express your concern for this child. They can follow up (perhaps via the guidance office) to see if this child needs some attention from them.

Secondly, I agree that you need to teach him how to deal with these topics. For example, give him permission to walk away when something about demons comes up, or to say he doesn't want to hear about it, or he knows that's a bad word and if the boy wants to use it, he'll go play with someone else. It's hard to stand up to peers, so start teaching him how now.

However, I disagree with those who say that concerns should only be concerning if physical violence is involved. It should not GET TO violence. It is a wise parent who listens to issues with friends and school and tries to do something about it before your kid winds up in the principal's office for retaliating or in the nurse's office for being attacked. This is especially true for bullying. It can be subtle and often not involve fists at all. Don't overlook "just words".