Advice for Easing Adjustment of 2-Year Old to New Baby

Hi L.!

I don't have a second one yet, but a lot of my friends do-they asked the really close relatives and friends to bring a small gift for the older child if they were bringing a gift for the baby. They also asked that we greet the older child first, and make a big deal out of them being the big sister/brother (before even really taking a look at the baby.

It seemed to work well, especially when the attention continued to be given to them after they were all at home.

Good Luck and Congratulations!!
M.

Hi L.
My daughter was 21 months or so when my youngest was born. The best advice I can give is to make sure visitors and guests give equal attention to your 2 yr old. Small gifts are nice for the older child if they bring one for the baby. This helps to ease the early transition. Also, I usually include my 2 yr old in daily tasks with the baby. She helps at diaper time by singing to the baby, or getting diapers or powder. I ask her to show the baby her toys and tell her about them (color shape type) this also helps with her own learning skills. I hope this helps and congrats!

L.,

My daughter was 2 1/2 when my second daughter was born. This is my best advice...

Let your older daughter help out as much as possible. She can do many things:

* Get you things for changing the baby: a diaper, a baby wipe, ointment, baby powder.

* Get you things to help with bath time: a towel, a wash cloth, baby bath, lotion, shampoo.

* If you put the babys outfits together on one hanger (pants, tops, tights/socks and onesie) and hang a bunch of outfits on a low hanger on the closet, your 2 yo can choose the babys outfit each day, and get it out of the closet and bring it to you.

* She can sit next to you while you feed the baby.

* She can make pictures for the baby.

* She can sing to the baby.

* She can tell the baby stories.

Three more good ideas:

* Have mommy/daughter time with just her once a week. make sure she feels important.

* It would also be great if she had some father/daughter time each week.

* If you keep her before bed/ wake=up routines intact, things will be easier on her.

Hope this helps.
S.

Hi L.

I am the mother of a 19 month old and a daughter who just turned 3. As my girls are only 18 months apart, I too worried about the adjustment. My oldest was a bit younger than yours, so in some sense it may have been easier for her as she probably did not remember life without the new baby very quickly. It sounds to me like you are doing everything really well to prepare your daughter. The only other thing we did was that my older daughter picked out a special present to give to the baby as well. You may find that after awhile your daughter might regress from time to time; but this too shall pass.I love having my 2 girls so close together and they have such an amazing bond at this point. Good luck and I bet you will be surprised at how smoothly the transisiton will go!!

-M.

L., have you thought about having your 2 year old 'help' you? This would be things like handing you a fresh diaper for the baby, a blanket for baby's naptime - simple interactions like these can help your 2 year old adjust to the new baby. You can also speak w/a nurse or the pediatrician - especially helpful if either are a parent of 2 or more children.

That is how old DS#1 was when we brought the twins home. I knew we'd be getting a ton of company -- so beforehand we bought several small "gifts" for him -- and when someone would come bringing a gift for the twins -- we would have one to give him also. We also lined up several play dates with friends and sleep overs with grandparents, so that we would have one on one time for the first couple weeks. And that way he felt like he was doing "big boy" things. I'm not sure it was the best way to do things -- but it definately made for a extremely smooth transition for everyone. If he didn't want to leave for a play date -- he stayed. But there were times when he was over whelmed and having friends lined up was a HUGE help for all of us. H. that helps -- and congrats on your pending arrival!!

Defintely tell your friends and family to pay attention to your oldest first when they come over. The only time I saw jealousy and sadness in my son's face (he was almost 2-1/2 when my daughter was born) was when a friend of mine and her family came over and made such a fuss over the new baby that I saw my son get very hurt. She realized what happened and quickly gave him attention and praise. He felt much better after. I hate to ask people to buy gifts for the older child but it does help if they get something small. Hope this helps.

I had my second baby 7 months ago and what i did was have my 2 year old be my helper. I also made sure to hold him while I held the baby so that he didn't feel like the baby was taking me away. Also I let him "hold" the baby or help change the diaper so the baby was not off limits. Since he could touch him, my son was pretty good. I actually find him more jealous now that his brother can play with toys.

One of the greatest pieces of advice that we got from a friend when our daughter (our second) was born was do not be holding the baby when she comes to visit you in the hospital. Have the baby be in the little bassinet. She is going to be very excited to see you and if you are hold new baby, she may not like that so much.

what we did with my son is we first were all settled in a room. my mom came in with him, and Annabelle was in her little bed. we said hi to him and then Daddy showed him where the baby was. then Daddy picked her up and nelt down at his level so he could see the baby. he loved her from the beginning. he pet her on the head, gave her a kiss and then was off playing with the toys we brought for him.

hope that helps!

:- )

Our second child will be arriving in September and the oldest will be 22 months when he is born. A mommy friend had her second about 3 months ago and her children are a little over 2 years apart. She said the biggest help with the adjustment was having her husband home for 3 weeks so both parents could provide adequate attention all around. I know that this isn't possible for all daddys but she recommended having a friend or family member come over each day if daddy couldn't take that much time off. She said that after 3 weeks her oldest really didn't remember being the 'only' child.

Good Luck!