Advice About What to Do About 10 Yr Old Classmates

I wouldn't make assumptions about what the boy might be exposed to. My son spent the night with a family in our neighborhood when he was 11 y/o. He had spent the night with that friend on other occassions without a problem, but this time he came home asking me about the name of a sexual toy. It turned out that his friend's older cousin had also spent the night and had snuck in an 'adult' video, which he shared with the boys after the parents were asleep. Apparently, he had gotten the video from a friend who was old enough to rent it. All it takes is one 18 y/o sharing something with a 16 y/o, who then shares it with a 13 y/o, etc. If the older adults are going to create these things, it is almost impossible to keep it away from our children. Where is there a school that is safe? I homeschooled my son and he still got exposed via a family I could trust.

In this ultra-free society we have created, we have lost the freedom to allow our children a healthy social climate in which they can grow up. We haven't seemed to catch on to the reality that complete liberty is just anarchy. So, when we protect freedom of speech and freedom of the media without any limits, our children are doomed to suffer from the tyrany of the media. It just isn't possible for everything to be free. Our young women are free to join the armed forces and be exposed to the horrors of war, but their future children are not free to develop inside a mother's body that is free from the nightmares of post traumatic stress disorders. We have a military that is sending mothers of pre-school aged children overseas and into combat zones. What freedoms have we chosen to protect?

If you are free to smoke wherever you wish, I am not free to avoid smoke wherever I wish. If you are free to get a flu vaccine which introduces unnaturally mutated viral contageons into the air around you, I am not free to avoid being exposed to those contageons which I understand to be unsafe in public places. If my neighbors are free to buy pornography and throw it out with the trash that the wind or a dog might knock over, our children are not free from being exposed to pornography on their way to catch their school bus.

We have to grow up and realize that we must consider these things intelligently. We must come together and decide which freedoms we wish to protect from other freedoms.

All that said, and thank you for letting me get these thoughts out there, I agree with a previous response that it is up to you to make sure your child feels secure enough to talk to you about all of this. At some point it is better to have them fully informed so they will be confident in how to handle themselves when certain subjects come up. At the age of 5, it is fine to simply answer the questions they are asking. At age 10, it is too dangerous for them to not know enough to prevent them from being tempted by curiosity to try things out and use words they don't really understand because they hear others use them on the playground. The more mysterious you keep the topic, the more curious children that age become. Don't underestimate a 10 y/o's ability to understand if they are given a chance. Make sure to ask your daughter questions as you explore this topic so you are sure about what she does understand or where she might be confused. Often, the way the topic is presented at school leaves children quite confused.

Today, I think we not only have to make sure they understand their own bodies, I think they need to understand that there is a lot of confusion and immaturity about the subject and that many people treat our reporductive organs as if they were toys that are simply played with for entertainment without regard for how it can change a person mentally and emotionally as well as how it can change their future and the lives of their friends and families. It is important to help a child find a comfortable area of dignity that is neither prudish nor crass. We need to help our children develop a real sensitivity so they can handle the subject with confidence, honor, dignity, and self respect. It isn't just about birth control and disease prevention. Today it is also about how easy it is to put your own nude image on a computer and how easy it is for people to download that picture and how once you do that there is no way to know whether or not your future children and grandchildren might find that picture floating around in cyber space or whether the pervert around the corner is thinking about you night and day because he recognized that picture. There are some things we really need to respect. A 10 y/o can grab your digital camera or cell phone, take a picture, put it on the web, delete it from your camera, and get on to some other activity while you are pulling weeds in your garden or talking to a neighbor.

No doubt, Family Guy and The Simpsons are crass, but that isn't even the whole tip of this iceberg! This is a reality about which we cannot afford to remain ignorant or leave our children ignorant. It is likely that most 12 y/os know more about what is going on than their parents do. If we keep our heads in the sand on this subject, who will protect our kids?

A., first of all it is very good that your daughter came to you and asked you about the subject. I teach my kids, even the little one, to ask me or tell me whatever they want to ask or tell, and especially ask about things that make them feel uncomfortable, ashamed of, or just odd like the topic of sex. Most of the time, when they are exposed to this topic in any way (classmates, TV, radio, friends, pictures, etc....) they really do not know exactly how to feel, how to explain, or how to react. So, it would be very good and healthier not freaking out or get anxious at all. With this kind of topic you have to explain terms, concepts in a simplest way, and not giving more information than she is looking for so she does not get confused. She will have many questions from now on, believe me ,and you will have to act normal and calm. Children in now days know a lot more than we knew at that age. Good and bad things. Sometimes, they do not ask everything they want to know because the feel afraid or feel ashamed of, and depending on how the parents react is the way children will understand things in a lifetime. We as parents teach our children to be confident and trustworthy based on what we do or act.
A., changing schools or homescholing your children will not avoid entirely what the children are exposed to (bad or good), and it is part of life, it is part of the world. I chose to homeschool my children for different reasons, but I do know that the topic of sex it is there homeschooling or not, public or private schools...It is just out there at any age. Homeschooling is not having your children in 4 walls, and not allowing them to see the world. But, I learned that homeschooling is another great option for my kids' education (spiritual and academical); another option for teaching them about life and values, people and boundaries. However, I have to confess that in my opinion public schools are going under a moral and academical crisis, still when many people do not want to realize about that. (I had experiences with different schools to actually say this) I think that INFORMATION at home is the key, let your children talk to you and come to you without fear or shame especially in this matter. Answer their questions the best you can. I understand how you feel, I really do. To solve the issue from the root is just your decision, but information at home, as I said, is very important.
Take care and be calm,

Alejandra

It is wonderful that she could and did come tell you; however, a complete shame that she had to be told about things like that from someone who is obviously exposed to things that are no good for an adult! Putting them in another school won't do too much because - they're out there. Times are changing but that doesn't mean we have to allow the world to swallow them up too! This is coming from a fellow mom of 5 - homeschooling mom of 5. If you are at home anyway - why not homeschool? I am not sure of your reasons for sending them to school but I firmly believe that we were trusted with these children (by God) to be the main voice that raises them up. We did try "schooling" with the first and became completely frustrated by the time that was NOT ours, the voice the was NOT ours. Then I realized what I was giving up by sending them to school. Not too long after I realized this and become completely frustrated, God openned a way for us to homeschool. There are children who come up through public education and keep their faith and morals in tact but it is not without struggle and a price - I've said a prayer for you. May God lead you in the best decisions for your wonderful family!!

no your not over-reacting - although usually in 5th grade the schools start discussing girl and boy growing up facts. So it is bound to happen. And the amount of parents that let their kids watch family guy and the Simpsons is pretty sad. So you should take this as an opportunity to let your daughter know that if she has any questions YOU are the one she should come too. You can't freak out now. I dont agree with sit down and spill it all. I did the "you ask" "I answer". Kids don't really want the sit down and give me a chart. They have questions that pop up sometimes and they want those answers. Usually they don't even know the questions. But eventually they will get around to asking you if you don't shut down the communication. Please try not to do that. I would call the principle and let them know whats going on and that you want this boy talked too. That should take care of it. Im sure your daughter isn't the only one he told. Ask the principle not to use your name or your daughters in this discussion. I wouldn't ask folks if your going overboard or not. This is the kind of thing that some mothers will differ on greatly. Have you watched Oprah lately??? It's crazy! Hang on tight... this parenting road can get a little bumpy at times. You'll do fine though.

God Bless,
L.