Stop expecting her to keep you up to date with her life. And, STOP criticizing her. When you tell her she's rude she will only withdraw more. Even if you don't use the word rude, your attitude will come thru as demanding and judgmental.
If you want her to be more involved with you, you have to back off and accept her and what she does as the way it is. Her not calling has nothing to do with respecting or liking you. She is an adult with her own life and needs to know that you accept that. When you continue to berate her and express your hurt and anger, I would expect that she would not call, text, or in any way get in touch with you. I'm 70 years old and I wouldn't continue to be a friend of anyone who treated me the way you're treating her.
You are being rude and disrespectful of her. You say you know she needs space and then you don't give her space. I don't understand why you don't see the unreasonableness of your attitude.
If I were her friend, I would suggest to her that she not spend the month of June with you. I would suggest that she not contact you until you were willing to acknowledge that she is an adult with her own needs.
She is not responsible for making you happy. Have you even tried to hang back and give her space? Like, not called or texted for a week? I suggest that if you could allow her to not hear from you for the week she's in San Francisco, you would've taken a big step in patching it up with her.
I urge you to get counseling so that you can learn to deal with your anxiety and your issues without trying to change your daughter. She is 28, good heavens!
No one can change anyone else. We can only change ourselves. If you want to have a good relationship with your daughter you need to stop expecting her to keep in contact with you.
I was recently reminded of the saying that goes; when you point one finger at someone else there are three fingers pointing back at you. Focus on your feelings and how to deal with them without expecting your daughter to take care of you. She's having enough difficulty taking care of herself. You have to let go or you will continue with this hurtful and angry relationship with her.
You said you know you shouldn't have contacted her. So why did you? You are also an adult and should be able by now to control what you do. You know you shouldn't do something, then don't do it. That's a good beginning to changing this relationship.
It's a slap in your face and a kick in your stomach because she doesn't do as you ask; doesn't acknowledge your feelings and try to be kind to you. So, you aren't doing as she asks and you're definitely not being kind to her. I'm guessing she feels the same way you do.
Find a way to take care of yourself and let her take care of herself. Get a life separate from her.
After your SWH: Yes, you need to stop telling her this bothers you. She knows. Hasn't she told you the way you're acting bothers her? Why do you expect her to take care of your feelings when you're not taking care of hers? Each person has to take care of their own feelings.
The two of you are in a toxic relationship. I strongly believe that you both need to take a break from each other until both of you heal and can start over.