Hey moms... driving to church last night my son says "hey mom why does that sign say adult"? The sign was huge, brand new and hit up like a christmas tree. Made the other area business signs look like they were missing alot of bulbs LOL. Anyway... so of course he wants to know what this is all about. I explained as best I could with his sisters in the car and on his level and he decided the sign should has "sin"... good for him but he is only 11. Anyway, does anyone know of anyway to stop this kind of business from opening that close to my home? I don't want to have to discuss this everytime we go to church or the store or eat in that area, etc. And my husband has had problems with this type of thing in the past and worked very hard to break this stronghold and I don't want something like this setting him back and destroying our marriage (which it almost did a few years ago). He doesn't know it is there yet... since he doesn't drive that way as often as the kids and I do but come sunday morning when we head to church... he will see it!
Any help? Thanks
Thanks everyone for your answers. My church is getting involved in this and although I don't know exactly what will be in this establishment we do have another adult store in town and yes my husband and I have been in there and it is not really intended for married christian couples. I also do not believe sex is a sin within marriage but what this store stands for is. It is right on the interstate and is obviously planning on making money on long distance truck drivers as most of them are. Not only is it on my way to church (which myself and kids go several times a week... not just sunday and wednesday... it is also by our favorite grocery store, restaurant, etc. So if I would find another route to church as well as my friends house (which would be much longer) I would also have to find another place to shop,etc. Although I do intend on using this as a way of talking to my son I don't want it to be brought up every time we drive by. The other one in town is not quite so obvious.... if you didn't know it was there you wouldn't find it but as I said it is not tasteful just more discreet so I don't have as much of a problem with this one. My middle daughter reads everything her eyes see and my youngest is starting to so they want to know why there is an "adult" sign right beside Taco bell and across from the grocery store. There are other states that have about 100 signs like these within a 100 miles along the highway luckily Ohio isn't like that but.... will it become that way? I do trust and respect my husband for how far he has come but we have gone through this more than once... he knows as he knew before how I fell about this and when he is stuck in this stronghold that doesn't seem to matter as much so hopefully he just doesn't go back there again. Anyway thanks for all your opinions and suggestions. You are all great.
This isn't just your problem, it's a problem for your whole community. You might want to bring it up at church and see if the congregation can get together to express their concerns to the zoning board.
I can only give you my presonal views as a married Chrisian woamn as well.
Personally, it would really depend on the type of "adult" store it was. I would object if it were a show of sorts, but just a store that sells certain items, I wouldn't have an issue with.
Perhaps you can explain the store to your son in the context of it being a special place for married couples. Also as for your husband, if you and he are open with each other about things you might be able to share it with him. You might also want to get in contact with the owners and see if you can get them to make their store more tasteful and less sleazy. I'm sure if they thought they would make more money by having a classier store they will be willing to clean things up.
In fact there is a store like that near my home, it's nicely lit and classy, I've actually gone in with my mother. I've found several things that have actually been very good for my marriage. Sex itself isn't a sin, it's what humanity has done to it that is. I believe that spice in a married couple's bedroom is a wonderful thing.
I do understand you concern about your husband. Let me tell you what has worked for me and my parents. My father had a collection when he started dating my mother. My mother told him how it made her feel, that she felt objectified and that he didn't truly care for her. She told him that she felt his collection meant she wasn't good enough for him and that it wasn't her he really wanted. He got rid of everything and to her knowledge has never been interested in outside influences since. If your husband's previous issue made you feel similarly, it might help to tell him that it hurts you and if he loves you he'll put it away. Now me, my husband looks at adult images and at first it hurt a bit because I'm a plus sized woman and we all know no one looks like those girls in those images, at least not without a LOT of surgery. The thing is he never hid it from me, he would call me over and ask me what I though about the things he looked at. I now feel that there was only a problem if he began hiding it from me and closing me out of his desires. I have found that by looking with him and learning what warms him, I can take that knowledge and make him even more passionate towards me. I think of it as a learning opportunity. I have even found that even when I'm not with him his focus is still on me and that those sorts of images make him think of me and want me more.
I don't believe that sex is a sin. I believe that it has a proper place. In a marriage it is perfectly acceptable to be sexual and a bit adventurous. God made it pleasant for a reason. It's a gift to share and enjoy with ones husband. Unfortunately, the world has taken Gods gift and made it into something shameful (like it has with so many things). You just have to take it back, make it yours and put it back where it belongs. If the world can take it and twist it into something ugly, then you can take it back and twist it back to the was it was meant to be.
I hope I haven't offended you and I hope I've made sense. I just feel very strongly about Christan married couples having strong long lasting loving bonds and I believe that being open and creative in the bedroom is a key.
Good luck!
Many municipalities have a process that requires these businesses to publicize the application for a license for "adult entertainment" type establishments, upon which there is a period for public input. If the signs are already lit up, you probably have missed your opportunity to speak up, but you can inquire with your city/town.
Now why this is such an issue, I do not understand. To me it sounds like the business isn't actually the problem, but rather the fact that you don't trust your husband... now fact is, if he wants to get back into things that you don't find acceptable, he probably won't go right next door, but across town. If he can't resist going in there just because it's next door, he may want to get back into therapy.
Your son is almost hitting puberty, so I would use this as an opportunity to teach him what kind of sexual behavior is acceptable in your belief system. And if it comes up every time you pass the place, think of yourself as lucky, because the more you talk about it, the better you will get your point across. He will be able to impregnate a teenage girlfriend in about 2-3 years, so it is definitely no too early to start talking.
Good luck!
.
I totally second what Dawn has said. Talk with your husband about this on his level, talk to your son on his level. And especially show your hubby affection, men want to be wanted, they need it. I've learned this from my hubby and had no idea how much it means to them as a whole.
Good luck.
D.
If the sign is already there, I'm not sure there is much you can do. I would for sure contact your local government representative, go to the mayor if you have one and talk to your neighbors about starting a petition to get it shut down. It seams like if a business like this was going to open close to homes it would of had to pass through some type of government or city approval. Good Luck! With or with out your husbands past issues this is no type of business to be in a neighborhood area.
Your son (and your husband) will be confronted with these issues throughout their lives, and removing it from your drive to church now is no guarantee that they will avoid this stuff later. I think a better bet would be to sit down with your son (and your husband, but separately) and have a serious talk about this, and your family's stance on it. At 11, he's more than ready for a little bit of information on this topic from you, or he'll be learning it from his friends.
I sugggest you get in touch with Citizens for Community Values at www.ccv.org
Depending on how close you live to that establishment, I believe you should have received a notice that it was going in prior to it being put there, and an opportunity to object. This sort of thing is not always easy to prevent, and requires a community effort. I would call your local police department and your city hall and ask a lot of questions regarding why that establishment was allowed in your area. Then you may want to start a neighborhood petition to get it moved away from your home. Meanwhile, why don't you look for an alternative route to get to your church and anywhere else you may go that would normally take you past that place of business?
There's a good chance the business will be opened and remain there.
Talk openly and honestly to your son about what it is (on his level) and why you do not care for it.
As for your husband's problem with pornography, it's never gonna be "over", he will have to deal with that addiction, like any addiction, for the rest of his life. It may be more handy now, but addicts are known to go to great lengths to obtain their drug of choice, so don;t assume it will trigger a relapse. You should also be in a group that teaches YOU how to react to and understand (not tolerate!) his addiction. Good luck!
