ADHD Help!!! - Joplin,MO

You need to make sure you are getting his prescriptions from a psychiatrist that specializes in child psychiatry so they are up to date and know all the new research so they can put this little one of different meds.

When we take meds over a length of time our body gets used to them. It builds up a tolerance. So when we start seeing the return of behaviors and it's almost like the meds aren't working any more it's often a tolerance to the meds that has happened.

If he did respond to the med at first then his behaviors have returned he either needs his meds increased or changed to another ADHD med.

Also call the local health department and ask if they have PCIT (Parent Child Interaction Therapy). This play therapy is very good for helping the parents and children bond. This therapy is one of the best therapy they use when a child is diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. It also works with kids that have other issues. It helps the parents and child bond.

This little boy is having compulsions and he's not really old enough to manage them. He is probably as confused about these actions coming out of him as those around him.

Think of yourself as your favorite teacher in elementary school. Think about how they would respond to these actions inside the school room. This way you can get out of "I'm the adult and the boss, mind me now" and into

"Hey, what's going on? Can you take a turtle breath so you can calm down? Tell me what's going on".

Kid "XXal djsge orthn nlshgoagn".

Adult

"That sounds like it hurt your feelings"
"It sounds like you need something to drink"
"wow, that must have hurt your feelings"
"What can I do to help"

You are saying I heard what you said, shows empathy for what their feeling, and it offers a way to solve the issue.

Turtle breaths are slow steady even breaths. It's breathing technique our ADHD boy learned in his therapy sessions. Bunny breaths are fast and shallow, they help us to get energetic and excited....

There is a lot to be learned from a good therapist that knows the ADHD brain and how to help them use relaxation skills to calm down.

Take some Love and Logic parenting classes. They often offer them at the public schools. They might offer them at the local health department too. We have taken them from several places. I have had them 3 times and each time I have learned more and more.

I use more natural consequences now, the ones that have something to do with the action.

But again, he has little control over a lot of his impulse actions. He needs a hug and some calm voices to help him learn better skills because he needs to learn and it will take time, years and years.

You know when you work on a goal with someone who has a disability? How you do the same steps over and over and over then finally you see them do part of it on their own? That's how this is. This little guy needs consistency and to have concrete goals that make sense to him.

Things that happen later don't have much meaning to him right now so telling him that he's grounded for a week from a toy has no influence what so ever. He is going to forget about that toy in about 30 minutes. Same with almost every other thing. That's why regular consequences don't make any difference in these guys behaviors.

I would talk with the doctor if the meds don't seem to be working. You don't want a "robot child", but imagine his poor body running on overdrive 24/7! Poor guy!

In my classroom I, of course, deal with this. One thing that helps is simple, one step directions. Maybe two step, but no more than that. When you tell him what he needs to do, have him repeat it back. Most ADHD kids are not purposely trying to ignore directives, but get distracted ( of course!). All kids do, but more so with ADHD.

One thing I would say is do NOT use the medication as a excuse. I have kids say that they are acting a certain way because they forgot their medicine that day. While I KNOW that it makes it MUCH harder, I do try to emphasize to them that THEY are in control of themselves. OF course, I cut them slack (again, I know they have trouble) but I don't want them getting in the habit of a "cop-out".

When he does act out and there is a consequence, be c-a-l-m about it. Even if he is not. This WILL take all of your patience! It will happen a lot. Explain what he did and the consequence. Do not engage in a conversation about it. Do not give a long drawn out explanation for it. Simple, to the point.

Can he be involved in something like Karate? Or swimming? A good friend of mine noticed a big difference in her son's ADHD when he began swimming competitions. Nothing crazy like every day, but a few days a week and some local competitions. The coach was fantastic about working with him as well.

Good luck and please update to let us know how the adjustment goes! And remember - it will take TIME... Nothing gets fixed in an hour like Supernanny makes it look like it does! (although she DOES have some good ideas - I even use some in my classroom!)

Because the move is so new and associated with a traumatic event, IMO, you need to leave ALL of the discipline up to your girlfriend. Just be a positive example and provide lots of love and support. I think it is okay to go over expectations and game plans with your girlfriend when the children are not around. I don't think you should be involved with any reprimanding that goes on.

Also, broaden your thinking. It has been one week of traumatic changes and you say you are at a dead end. You haven't even started down the path yet, sister. If you are truly in this for the long haul, you have years ahead of you to form a relationship with these children. You don't have to jump right into every aspect of parenting. I'm not trying to be snarky, just give another perspective.

Your girlfriend needs to take him to the doctor and discuss the situation and come up with a plan for the ADHD.

In my experience the best "general blanket" advice is to recognize that somethings just need to be done and you need to find a way they can do it with out it being an issue.

So if he is rowdy and rough then there needs to be a form of wrestleing that is okay to do. Or something like a trampoline that is accessable. So, bottom line redirect the "poor" actions into positive ones.

I think it's very hard to do elimination diets for ADHD or anything else. The kid already feels like he's "different" and getting in trouble for things, and then feels that the parents go and take away all his fun stuff like gluten! Of course, we should all be reducing or eliminating red dyes and preservatives and processed foods, but there are plenty of healthy foods that people are eliminating because the body doesn't process them properly. The key to that is actually adding balanced nutrition - there's nothing inherently wrong with those foods, but they are problematic for some people because of missing nutrients.

A lot of problems can result from this lack of nutritional balance in the body - ADHD is just one of them. (For others, think of IBS, food "allergies", some asthma, reactions to gluten and MSG and other items, reflux, and more.)

There is also a tremendous amount of research that has been done over the last 15 years on epigenetics - this is a higher level of genetic functioning. We all know that our genetics are predetermined, with half from each parent. But how those genes in each cell "express" themselves is affected by a lot of things, including lifestyle choices, diseases, aging, and environmental influences including chemicals, pollution, toxins, and so on. Those compounds affect which genes are turned on and off within each cell, which in turn affects the functioning of the cell. When cells don't function properly, we get everything from fully rogue cells (cancer) to something like ADHD when the brain cells and the nerve cells don't connect properly. As frustrating as it is for you and your girlfriend, it's ten times as agonizing for the child (both of them, actually) because they are doing what feels natural and uncontrollable, but which provokes a bad reaction in those around them.

So as you are researching, you might consider looking at a whole system approach. I've been doing this work for years and have been to scores of trainings and conferences and seminars. I work with many people who have helped kids (and adults) with ADD/ADHD, ODD, NVLD, even Aspergers/autism, and other behavioral issues which can be effectively abated with simple nutritional support on the epigenetic level. Don't let the science overwhelm you - the solution can be very very simple.

A teacher friend of mine, despite all her years in working with kids, had trouble with her own son's ADD. She didn't want to medicate him but by the time he turned 16 and was looking at a learner's permit, she felt she had no choice but to look at meds. Then she learned about what I just explained to you - 12 years later, her son has never needed medication and he has his life back. He has excellent focus, his grades went up and he graduated with honors. He still follows this simple regimen, and eats any foods he wants. And he's happy. He's just one of thousands.

If this is something you'd like to pursue, I can send you some additional links and resources.

Good luck - and don't give up hope!

I always love the answers to these questions. ADHD kids are so easy but no one seems to understand them. You have to come up with a consequence that will pop into their minds when they are about to do the behavior again.

How that looks in practice varies with the behavior. It is logic based discipline.

So say we are talking putting a dirty dish in the sink. The punishment is simply, stop what you are doing and put the dish in the sink when it is discovered. Seems like a non punishment but it isn't. After a few times the connection is made that when they set the dish down in the wrong place they actually think, I am just going to be drug back here so I may as well get it down now.

Yes it is that simple but it is also exhausting because it always must be the same cause and consequence and you can't ignore it once because they are very logic based creatures. You skip doing the consequence once they will collect the data, do it again they will correlate the data, by the third time they will know you are too tired after 7 to punish so looking at the clock, oh, after 7, screw the plate I will leave it here.

Life with ADHD is very, very hard, but medication should be making it a lot better. It may be that the dosage or medication isn't quite right anymore. Your girlfriend should be talking to the psychiatrist about how things have been going lately. Also, does he have a behavioral therapist? If not, you two should really pursue finding one. A behavioral therapist can give you strategies for dealing with the crazy parts of the day when the medication isn't active.

If kids aren't in control like when the medication is active, then it's very hard to get them to do much of anything. We do incentives for our son, which has mixed results. If he gets certain tasks done, he earns his video game time. It takes 1,000 reminders.

If you haven't already done so, join CHADD to connect with others dealing with ADHD and subscribe to ADDitude magazine for all of the latest about this condition and how to manage it.