We are having major behavioral issues with our 7 y.o. DS who is also composing music for the piano and capable of 2nd - 3rd grade math. He is reading close to a second grade level (not a huge leap considering he is 1st grade).
The school is increasingly pulling him out of the classroom multiple, multiple times a day 6 or 7 times it seems sometimes and dropping him in sensory rooms or special ed classrooms because he is impulsive doesn't want to do his work, and can be aggressive with them. He has started having nightmares since school started and engaging in aggressive play. Both of these since school started. We have struggled with his behavior in the past but I put a comprehensive behavior program in place with him at the start of summer, and by the beginning of this school year, he was a different child.
But just four weeks into the school year, his behavior has rapidly diminished again as he gets one set of behavioral rules at home and something completely different at school. He gets consequences at home for engaging in any kind of beahavior that is unacceptable while he is "spoken" with at school and taken to the sensory room to calm down. They love to do social stories with him, but I can see that these have absolutely no effect on him. If you have read 123 Magic, he is absolutely right that this is a form, at least for my d.s., of talking a situation to death and while I know that they work wonders for many kids, I can see that they don't do much for my child.
I have offered up the program to the school (it's just 123 Magic), but they don't seem capable of implementing it right. One day they do it, one day they don't, the next day someone does it one way and someone else does it differently. I have stayed VERY consistent at home with what we did over the summer and he seems to continue to respond positively to it for me. But the school seems to have labeled him and I can't get them to let that go.
I am so sad for my boy and am really worried about him. I saw AMAZING progress over the summer. The kind that 123 Magic promises for those of you that have read it. But none of that progress shows up at school and I can't get them to understand that the lack of consistency and the use of the sensory room (swings, trampoline, etc) for "calm down" periods sometimes and for rewards at other times is OUTRAGEOUSLY confusing for him.
And no matter what I do, I can't seem to get them to acknowledge that he has these amazing talents, like composing music (he's not Beethoven, but he is in first grade with perfect pitch and is composing music that the teacher has to limit his lengths on because he is so gung ho about it). I will stop now. I meant only to ask for recommendations, but I am so worrried about my kiddo at this point, I don't know which end is up.
So mommas, please give me some recommendations for good psychologists with expertise in BOTH developmental disorders AND giftedness... I am on the verge of just pulling him out and home schooling him. TIA
you should totally homeschool this brilliant, high-maintenance little fellow. he's one of the ones who needs the type of individual attention that the schools can't (and honestly shouldn't have to) give. there's just no way for a one-size-fits-all institution to be able to address needs this great and specific.
he'll love homeschooling and so will you.
try it!
khairete
S.
I want to offer you some hope. I have an autistic/gifted student in my 11th grade AP English class this year. He has an IEP, and I follow it. This student is a bit different from my other students, but he is brilliant. He is a joy to have in class. The other students are now used to his quirks, and they get along well with him. He does well in his other classes, too, but the teachers have to learn how to deal with him. He IS different from the average student. I love having him in my class.
I have two sons who are gifted as well, and my youngest is extremely emotional. A book that helped us when he was younger is called Living with Intensity. I still use it as a reference book when dealing with my children and my students, and it may help you. It tackles topics like being twice gifted, and the struggles that parents of g/t kids go through. You may want to check it out. It's on amazon. Here is a link: http://www.amazon.com/Living-Intensity-Understanding-Sens...
I know I'm late answering this, but I'm also the mom of a 7-year-old son who's "twice exceptional" (gifted but with special needs), so I thought my experience might be relevant.
The very simple answer is that you should sit down with the school and request an IEP for both giftedness and social/sensory processing issues. Be prepared: They will be about 10 million times readier to accommodate the things that are holding him back (the social/sensory stuff) than the things that are pushing him forward (the music, and what sounds like a generally high level of intelligence). This hurts (or it does for me anyway, to the point of almost crying), but it's better if you go in prepared.
And, in this meeting, it's important to be very polite, very articulate, very professional. Wear your interview suit. Tell them right off the bat that your son is capable of preforming at a very high level academically, but there needs to be a clear and consistent plan in place for his social and sensory needs. A line that works well is "Once you've got a plan in place, I will back you up, 100 percent."
If you can swing it financially, it can really help to have a professional advocate in the room with you. Those services do not come cheap, but these meetings are so ungodly overwhelming and intimidating, there really is a need for this.
Really, optimally, the best thing to do would be to have him evaluated by a neurodevelopmental pediatrician and then come to the meeting with an evaluation in hand. However, it can take a long, long time to get this kind of appointment, so I'd recommend having an initial meeting with the school and then a follow-up meeting once you've got a report.
I can't give recommendations with regard to homeschooling since I don't have experience in this area, but I can absolutely see why you'd consider going this route.
It sounds like your son will have a brilliant, extraordinary life in music. Whatever you can do (via homeschooling or the public schools) to keep him going, you can do it.
P.S. Oh -- one of my favorite recent books: Andrew Solomon's Far from the Tree. The chapter on prodigies (and to a lesser extent the one on autism) should likely be very relevant to you.
Who labled him as gifted? The school? Has he seen a neurodevelopmental pediatrician? Clearly, the school is not providing him a "free and appropriate education". I think you need to see an NP and get a proper IEP for him.
if you haven't read this, check this out: http://www.amazon.com/Living-With-Intensity-Understanding...
I feel for you. My son is now 18, but we have had many of your battles. He is brilliant and gifted, but has ADHD and several other learning disabilities. I don't know the right answer, but it you are willing and able to homeschool him for now and he responds well at home, then that might be a good option. It doesn't mean it has to be forever, but perhaps with a couple of years at home, he will be better able to navigate the classroom. I considered home-schooling my son, but he actually performed better at school than he did at home. Luckily for us, he was in a gifted program and had excellent teachers. In most cases, they were able to make accommodations that worked for him. We also did medication, which I hated to do, but it made a world of difference. But if you have a system that works for you at home, then I would try to avoid the medication. What is so tough, is to protect their self esteem.
I highly recommend Dr. Matthew Housson, 5600 W. Lovers Lane, Ste 300 Dallas, Texas, 75209 ###-###-####. When my son was 7, we decided to have him evaluated and I checked into several recommended psychologists and he was by far the most comprehensive. He came and observed my son in the classroom, met with us several times and did two days of extensive testing before giving a diagnosis. Even though we knew he had to be ADHD, we were unaware of his other learning difficulties. Unfortunately for us, the cost kept us from being able to take full advantage of Dr. Housson's services, but what we were able to do was very helpful. If distance would make it difficult for you, then perhaps he could recommend someone closer to the Allen area.
You need to request an immediate PPT meeting to address his Behavior Plan and IEP. You need to go in with recommendations written and signed by your supporting staff (doctors, outside therapists, etc.) You are allowed to go in with an advocate that can be a lawyer who is familiar with the IEP process and PPT's or another legal advocate or even your child's therapist if they're willing to attend. You could bring anyone you choose for emotional support of your choice.
You are a member of his Planning and Placement Team and that means you have a loud voice in being part of how his Individual Education Plan is created. That doesn't mean that you disallow compromise in case what you want for him doesn't go as planned or hoped, but it means that the school really has to include what you want when it's reasonable and let's be honest... you're the parent.
My son has sensory problems and the school wanted him diagnosed with ADHD. I finally had to tell the school with behavior problems that if they sent him out of the room that he had to be sent to the office for a spanking. That was the only thing that got his attention. He saw being taken out of the room as "FUN" so he would act up just to get out of doing the work he was suppose to do. They know what they can get away with. It also helps that I tell my son- you get in trouble at school you will get in trouble at home by taking away the things he loves most.
Part of the process is teaching them to adapt. Think about it, do you really think you can create one routine and stick with it for the rest of his life? That is unrealistic.
It is good that things get changed up a bit. Sure at first it looks awful but over time he learns, this teacher does this, that teacher does that, mom does something else. Once there are consistent differences he will get used to it because it isn't change in the way that is upsetting.
My son is now 14 and a freshman. It is so cool now because he's got this, he knows what to expect, which is the unexpected, and he knows to say, I need this. He would never have hit this point if we always kept everything the same. Sure, until 4th grade it was kind of hell at the beginning of the year, 5th through 8th, he had his moments. This year he has had tossed at him everything! that used to cause him stress but it didn't, because he knows how to handle change. :)
I think it would do you a world of good to stop focusing on the "giftedness" because it is irrelevant. Nothing they do will change that, it will develop on its own. Focus on what the school is focusing on, his social skills, his ability to adapt, those will not develop unless he is taught because they are not intuitive to his brain structure. He does not need to learn to compose music, he needs to learn how to function in society. The school is teaching that, why aren't you seeing the value?
It just doesn't seem as though this school is the right school for him. Are you able to contact the school district to see if there is a school that has a better system for your sons needs? I know this could be difficult with work schedules and the commute, but you never know, they may offer transportation. Give them a call and see if there is something else that can be done.
Maybe he is bored and acting out since the work is easy for him, just a thought. In any event, it doesn't sound like they know how to deal with the situation.
So sorry to hear that your son is regressing, I hope that I can offer a little help.
After my DD was diagnosed with high functioning autism, I did a lot of research on available services. Here at Plano, there is a program called SAGE (via PTA) with resources for parents with kids that learn differently and/or are gifted, maybe Allen have similar programs, or maybe you fall inside the Plano ISD boundary. You might be able to find some recommendations there. Google plano sage.
Another option I was considering is a life coach that actually follows DD to school and "steer" her in social situations or whatever her challenges are. Sounds like a good idea on paper and I might use one as a last resort. Not too sure about for older kids, though.
I hesitate to give you the developmental pediatrician's name that we used, because I didn't get a good feeling about him so we never went back for a follow up, plus, he is very far from Plano.
I hope you can find a good solution quickly.
